I'm going fucking insane being alone

KakarotSSJ4 · 2019-10-11T23:08:04+00:00

Go out and get a hobby and meet people through that.

hrm0894 · 2019-10-12T00:36:40+00:00

You need to find a hobby and get good enough at it until people come up to YOU and want to be friends with YOU. YOU have to be awesome, but your poor attitude towards yourself is holding YOU back.

Work on yourself and don't worry about the social life/women; even if you're a complete failure, you still have your 30s to look forward to.

You're too young to be stressin over a "failed" social/dating life. Most the motherfuckers you see on IG and FB who are having a blast in their 20s are gonna end up being losers due to the drugs, women, and poor financial decisions holding them back.

Good luck.

Final_Pantasy · 2019-10-11T23:42:17+00:00

I'm a social guy who lives alone and works from home.

It's a blessing, because it forces me to go out of my way to meet people.

PhaedrusHunt · 2019-10-12T01:21:23+00:00

Dude come on you're killing it!

Do you know how many men in their thirties and forties in dead bedroom marriages with snot-nosed little kids and naggy wives would love to be 20 years old fit and making a lot of money in the town where nobody knows them and they can start again?

What you are living is the wet dream of a dude in a midlife crisis.

Spin plates meet friends vet them just like you would your plates

Start your empire man

i-am-the-prize · 2019-10-12T02:29:35+00:00

use meetup app to find people with similar interests, and go and meet them. sports hobbies, food/wine/cooking groups, philosophy groups, professional/trade groups.

join a gym, bjj, other martial art

volunteer

notashittyperson69 · 2019-10-12T09:16:07+00:00

So much upvotes, are most members of TRP suffering from this?

Drakane1 · 2019-10-12T00:46:10+00:00

omfg give the guy proper advice you jackasses

Nergaal · 2019-10-12T06:31:41+00:00

I live in a town of 30,000 people

when you are single that's not a great place to live

BajaGhia · 2019-10-12T02:07:53+00:00

Get a night job thats social, like bartending.

Save the cash and invest in something real. Your 30 year old self will thank you.

RileysRevenge · 2019-10-12T05:21:17+00:00

Switch your priorities immediately: do everything and anything you have to do to move INTO the city, not outside of it or near it. Into it. Even living across a bridge or 15 min drive away from the city can give most people an excuse not to spend time in it- not that it sounds like you have that problem, but still.

Look for a house in the city where you'll have roommates, like 3-4. You'll be forced to talk and as long as your not a total dick, they'll want to hang out with you. Make sure you say in your application "looking for social people who like to go out and have fun".

Like everyone else said- get hobbies. Go to nightclubs. Talk to people. Join Facebook groups in your area. You're going to have to put in some serious work to get over the initial hump, but once you have friends, your social skills will sharpen and you'll make more friends easily. Being social is a muscle, just like anything else. You gotta work it out often. Make your weakness your biggest strength. Become a massive socialite. Trust me: it will only make your life better, and by orders of magnitude. You're young, start now and your whole life will change.

Good luck.

RelativeTeal · 2019-10-12T00:33:44+00:00

Give yourself an existential break. You’re bored and under-stimulated. Not hopeless. Young. Getting a hobby or working on yourself could be a challenging and engaging way to open up the possibilities of your future. Relax and “do work, son”. What about education?

MR_SKINNYPENIS69 · 2019-10-12T01:45:00+00:00

This really shines a light on the other side for me. To me, that sounds like bliss. But I'm 30. I probably would've felt terrible too if I were alone at 20.

I'd say what the others are saying: hobby. You kind of thought of this but then you chose photography, which is a not social hobby lol. Choose a martial art or boxing or exercise class or something.

Mobile_Pepper · 2019-10-12T00:06:12+00:00

transfer schools, go to one where there’s a larger population

FlyingSexistPig · 2019-10-12T01:15:35+00:00

Volunteer through habitat for humanity. Go to church, or find out what people do in your town. (Church doesn't have to be about religion. It can just be about meeting other people that go to church)

fap_apostate · 2019-10-11T23:49:39+00:00

I’m in the same boat man. Hope to move to a city soon enough to start making some more friends once again

I_LOVE_CHIPS · 2019-10-12T02:53:26+00:00

Join a club or hobby league.

I moved to a bigger city a few months ago. Had only a handful of friends when I got here. Solution was to look into adult leagues and join them. Now I have a solid group of friends from work, friends from sports league and a couple old friends from school.

RevolutionaryPea7 · 2019-10-12T09:39:17+00:00

Don't date. You are way too needy and will fuck it up or become a beta bucks. Instead figure out what you like doing. Do you even lift? That should be the number one priority if you don't. Do you have a car? Go somewhere. Climb a mountain. There is so much to do.

Yung_Ekko · 2019-10-12T09:54:51+00:00

Thankyou for all the advice guys. I'm reading everyone post and I have got to start changing things up.

paul_ernst · 2019-10-12T11:38:36+00:00

I believe the most important thing has been said already: to engage yourself in your environment. No one is going to ask you to come and join their sports club, but if you go up to them, they'll gladly pull you in, teach you a new skill set and you can all go and get a drink at the end of the day.

TRP stresses that lifting is important, which it is, but it's the basic building block which focuses on you. Now you hit the second wall, your relationships to others. The hardest part here is to find balance between your desire for honesty (telling people you feel shit, that you want more friends etc.) and the fear of projecting neediness. The key here is, when meeting someone, to not ask yourself: "how can I make this person comfortable / like me?" but ask yourself "what do I have to do to make myself comfortable right now?" Because if you are comfortable, you can talk about anything without any sense of neediness. When you focus on keeping yourself comfortable (talking slowly and clearly, breathing etc.), you allow people to feel the same. People love people who are honest and comfortable in any situation, a lot more than people who fake being indifferent. We all "want" friends. But to 'crave' and 'need' it, is to be uncomfortable with yourself. Be comfortable first, at all times, and the rest will follow.

FereallyRed · 2019-10-11T23:17:50+00:00

Date?

TimelessNY · 2019-10-12T01:42:24+00:00

How many people have you initiated a conversation with in the last week?

vapel1fe42069 · 2019-10-12T02:11:01+00:00

Join a sports team. I guarantee your town will have quite a few. Ultimate frisbee, lacrosse, hockey, rugby, soccer are the ones that come to mind off the top of my head.

dingleburry_joe · 2019-10-12T02:31:21+00:00

Needed the responses in this thanks trp bros

Yung_Ekko · 2019-10-12T02:36:29+00:00

Read How to Make Friends and Influence People

cluelessguitarist · 2019-10-12T02:41:02+00:00

You need to join something like bjj or a team sport, you need to find yourself a tribe, read donovan books he talks about the importance of camaderie

ImBackBitch926 · 2019-10-12T03:51:29+00:00

I really dont give a shit about guy friends yeah having a couple buddies is good. But what I really want is love. But I know love is shallow to women all they want is someone they find hot, or a guy that has it good with career to help them,or both.

dwarvist · 2019-10-12T05:50:57+00:00

Fighting gym, social sports league, meetup groups.

TRP_mask · 2019-10-12T08:48:19+00:00

It's really not hard to go to a local pub and meet people

DwightWolftail · 2019-10-12T14:50:50+00:00

I think most comments are sufficient on what to do. I will tell you one thing. People do not like people with scarcity mentality, and that is for their own good. So watch your mouth around new people. Don't mention how awesome it is to be talking with someone at last, when you've found someone interesting, don't compliment too much. I have seen this many times. Insecurity is evident most of the time, and you have to keep your cool and have fun genuinely without overreacting. I had this happen to me in highschool and it has happened to many people at your age.

BusyHearing · 2019-10-12T17:51:57+00:00

You may not see it this way, but your job is not well paying enough, and your problems could be fixed with more freedom, aka more money.

Step one is leave your town. You need more social opportunity, so make the like the rest of the young people and head to a coast. Step two is figure out what part of you is holding you back. If you were awesome, people of both genders would gravitate to you and want to be around you— so why aren't you awesome?

Kevchenkoo · 2019-10-14T12:17:23+00:00

If you spend a lot of time in the gym you will eventually run into people. Also work is a pretty good place to meet new friends. I met a lot of people while working in a fashion warehouse in Amsterdam for a big name brand. Met a lot of people through there and even made some close friends! Also starting new hobbies is pretty good for meeting new friends.

scuba182 · 2019-10-29T16:28:42+00:00

Get a motorcycle, ride every weekend, get good, look on social media for group rides. I have never met so many like minded guys and girls as I have out on bikes. Facebook has so many motorcycle groups and meetups. I have so many friends I've met riding motorcycles.

[deleted] · 2019-10-12T00:28:29+00:00

Can't relate sorry man, seems like you need some hobbies or something.

I feel like a lot of men don't have good hobbies these days apart from the gym.

I do photography, graffiti, BMX.

They keep me busy.

Scorsone · 2019-10-12T01:17:49+00:00

Why do people go to mall? To spend cash and buy things, not to meet new people. That’s a side dish, if they even accidentally get it.

Want friends? Try MeetUp dot com.

Sign up for things. Go for cold approaches.

Most important, go read the sidebar.

FleshPanda · 2019-10-12T01:18:49+00:00

Martial arts and guns.

[deleted] · 2019-10-12T02:00:03+00:00

"I am alone, but I am not lonely" - Robert DeNiro, Heat

Get on this level.

You've gotta become self-amused first, be your own best company. You get comfortable alone, and really enjoy yourself, people will then pick up on this and be interested to know, "who is this self-abundant guy and what's his story?".

mmpgh · 2019-10-12T02:32:35+00:00

Depends on your type. Guns are a good way to find a hobby that can grow with training and meeting like-minded people. Some of those people might be weird though.

Cycling is another one, hugely individual and takes a lot of discipline to get to a point where you can be the fast guy people wanna ride with. There might be a big cycling scene in a small town. There is some elitist mentality going on there though. Mountain bikers tend to be more chill and inviting.

[deleted] · 2019-10-12T02:34:26+00:00

Watch this

https://youtu.be/Wvo2bH2f_q8

notashittyperson69 · 2019-10-12T07:00:03+00:00

Fuck your brothers wife if that helps.

bape1 · 2019-10-12T00:07:35+00:00

In the same boat dude. Moved for a new college and I don’t know anybody here. Hard to make a connection with people

dingleburry_joe · 2019-10-12T02:30:09+00:00

Hey man I'm In the exact same boat. I feel you. I have no friends. Just keep following your plan, lift join bjj, go to meetup. Get involved in a men's group

Merica911 · 2019-10-12T03:32:23+00:00

Train. Apply. Move. Live.

jackandjill22 · 2019-10-12T03:57:39+00:00

Lord.

Inyox · 2019-10-12T03:59:35+00:00

It happened to me, I didn’t socialize for about 3 years until I wanted to meet people, so I joined charity work, church groups and things that align with my values, now I have a really nice group of friends that I chose. So just find things that fit your values and be open to friendships.

WolfofAllStreetz · 2019-10-12T04:27:20+00:00

I blame social media for this problem.

jzekyll4 · 2019-10-12T04:29:22+00:00

Do you deal drugs?

dirsa1122 · 2019-10-12T07:21:26+00:00

Haven't had friends for more than 10 years. 29 years old now. Can't say that I want to change anything.

People here just pull me down with their fucking complaining, about family, not having enough money, medicine, politics etc. I don't plan on ever having a family, wife, kids etc. so I have nothing to talk to them about.

Friends are useless. Unless you can find some rich and worthwhile people you can gain something from, I can't.

spread_awareness · 2019-10-12T07:39:17+00:00

Tinder? Daygame ? Maybe also try dancing classes (salsa Bachata etc..).

st-johnson · 2019-10-12T07:53:19+00:00

Pray for friends, join a church

mustache_ride_ · 2019-10-12T08:20:55+00:00

You're not going to like my advice but talk to yourself, it will help you feel better. Talk to yourself like a coach would, or a friend, don't yell or belittle yourself. It's a tool in your survival toolkit until you find a social scene to integrate to.

donkeydodo · 2019-10-12T08:35:42+00:00

Just gonna slide in the idea of psychedelics here, read the kybalion and learn about Hermetism; you actually have a big shot of doing what you want without any boundaries, and that's a dream for most people. If you want to have a social life, I'd suggest partying (la-di-da), though find more underground venues rather than clubs - from my experience, you can get exactly what you search for from that

SteroidsLowerIQ · 2019-10-12T09:00:43+00:00

Just lift weights and hold frame bro.

jm51 · 2019-10-12T09:01:06+00:00

If you had friends right now, how many hours a week would you spend socialising with them?

That's how many hours a week you should be out and about talking to people.

There are guys who could move to your area and know lots of people in a short time. Be one of those guys. Big cities have lonely guys who never learned to go sarging. 30k people or 3m people, they're still people.

catsdontsmile · 2019-10-12T09:51:44+00:00

Just watch a stream or lift or play a game or read or work. The only problem here is how needy you're being.

Musicgoon · 2019-10-12T09:52:04+00:00

I feel your pain. I moved into this small town 2 years ago. I went to the gym then went home to play video games. That's it. It was miserable. The two plates I had were miserable. One was a drunk and a hoe. The other was depressed.

Here's the thing: chat up everyone. And if you want to hang out. Just ask. It's simple and difficult at the same time. Or get online. Try online dating, or go do something you enjoy solo and chat people up when you're there.

Don't get reclusive and weird. Work on bettering yourself and people will want to join you.

ducaati · 2019-10-12T10:03:42+00:00

Get a Harley and ride it. Someone will strike up a conversation with you.

dutchgguy · 2019-10-12T11:28:09+00:00

As someone living in a same sized city about the same distance away from the main city, I understand your troubles. These cities we live in are perfect for adults. When you are young it can be troublesome.

porkmissiles · 2019-10-12T13:48:03+00:00

Hey man. Sorry you're going through this. I know what it's like to live in a small place. Can you make a move to a bigger city? Maybe it's worth sacrificing some career opportunities for social opportunities with a move to a better locale?

ThisIs_RomanticPaul_ · 2019-10-12T14:08:41+00:00

My suggestion would be to find your passion/hobby that you are interested in find a group that shares the same interest as you. You can either meet them through online first or head to places where they usually congregrate.

Also, build on your social skills. Start slowly then work your way through by conversing more than "small talk". Cheers

cracksniffer666 · 2019-10-12T14:17:47+00:00

Get me a job and I'll be your friend and get you laid when we go out.

30k people, there are some attractive women in there somewhere, probably as lonely as you. Hit me up man if you're in US.

heyditzdre · 2019-10-12T14:45:36+00:00

I would love to have as much free time as you to pursue hobbies and interests. A huge social circle just becomes work after a while.

liquorbaron · 2019-10-12T14:54:42+00:00

I am in pain having no friends for the last few years.

Maybe you should figure out why you're in pain for having no friends. Not having many or any friends shouldn't be something that brings you pain.

Sounds more like you have too much free time on your hands outside of work in which your mind is becoming overactive. Having free time is a blessing. Go figure out and most importantly do something you want to do. You don't need friends to become adventurous. Be independent.

Manny1400 · 2019-10-12T15:05:11+00:00

Small towns/cities suck for social life. You will have to branch out to the city that is 1 hour away (not a big deal)

Find yourself a pool party. If you are religious, get involved with the church. Start doing some online dating.

red_matrix · 2019-10-12T16:14:35+00:00

My advice: hit the gym regularly (obvious right?), eat healthy and learn to cook well. Level up your skills if you can, weekend classes, etc. As for money - save up, max out your 401k, etc. Travel somewhere overseas once a year (5-10 days, I know it’s short but it’s doable): Thailand, Europe, Vietnam, etc - we need a break from the grind, traveling alone can be fun and cheap when done right, do it! Finally, when you got enough skills it’s time to level up your career and move to a better city with more people and job opportunities, make sure your company pays for your move. Good luck!

ReddPilled · 2019-10-12T17:42:40+00:00

Let's be friends bro. I am in South Africa. Going through same. In college at the moment.

MattyAnon · 2019-10-12T20:01:16+00:00

Here you go OP: https://www.trp.red/p/mattyanon/1035

RedPillAlphaBigCock · 2019-10-13T01:46:52+00:00

join a hobby

kjjamal510 · 2019-10-14T23:42:42+00:00

Play pick up basketball at a local gym or YMCA, you’ll make a lot of friends.

Boston_Batman · 2019-10-16T09:14:22+00:00

Join a reputable CrossFit gym.

Estrogenoxygen · 2019-11-03T05:14:11+00:00

Move to the bigger city at 20 you should just try getting out of your comfort zone

faustian_talos · 2019-11-11T13:44:59+00:00

Being completely alone doesnt have to do any thing with extrovert/introvert perspective. Who doesnt get that is dumb as fuck. Humans are social animals, programmed to be in a tribe. In order to be healthy you need to have people around you.

BradyBrosef33 · 2019-10-12T00:29:12+00:00

hey man, I'm kinda just waiting for the day I die prematurely, hit by a bus or something? I usually drive like a fucking jackass, only when the roads are quiet and no one else is around so I can by chance have my car accidentally spin out and tumble with me in it, breaking my fucking neck.

Thing is im at a shitty point right now and 6 months ago I didnt feel this way at all. 6 months from now im probably gonna feel way better than I do right now.

It will pass, take as many opportunities as you can, even the smallest things can make a big change for you day to day

0mnipath · 2019-10-12T00:47:59+00:00

Sounds like you need a mission. The rest will follow.

redpilllogin · 2019-10-12T04:31:20+00:00

Check out Meetup.com and look for events in your area for things that interest you. Check out Eventbrite.com and look at what events are going on. Take a class, BJJ is great, try a boxing/fitness class, yoga. Say hi to people, introduce yourself. Tell people you just moved to the area and don't know anyone and ask if they can show you around. Do this with guys , and mixed groups. Girls might think you're creepy for having no friends (if you're talking to them because you want to fuck it's different, but don't try to befriend them). Once you have 2-3 people, take time to hang out with them, invite them to the events you go to, introduce them to other people. Next thing you know you'll have several groups of people to hang out with any given day. It won't happen all in one day but you have to put in the work.

chazthundergut · 2019-10-12T00:33:40+00:00

Go make some friends bro

ihatecensorship777 · 2019-10-12T02:21:14+00:00

Wear nice clothes and watches and hit on beautiful girls

Title	I'm going fucking insane being alone
Author	Yung_Ekko
Upvotes	191
Comments	156
Date	October 11, 2019 11:06 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/dgmtpp/im_going_fucking_insane_being_alone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/im-going-fucking-insane-being-alone.289845 https://theredarchive.com/post/289845