If you want to be confident you'll have to mount up and prepare to fail

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October 13, 2019

Sit in your bedroom for two months, stare at yourself in the mirror, and say aloud, "I am very good looking, people like me." At the end of those two months, you'll have sunken eyes, and be more skinny fat than when you started.

Confidence is developed because of actions (body language, testing scores, etc), not because of words. A true belief in yourself is developed due to internal and external validations that occur again and again. There are one offs who, since birth, have had irrational confidence in themselves. More so, this irrational confidence really brings these people the ability to lift themselves up by their boot straps, and know that they will eventually prosper at the something they're after. These irrationally confident people still know of the hard road ahead of them. The only difference between them and your average Joe is that they have decided they will never give up. That they will get what they're after, no matter the cost.

Here is the shitty truth; in order to become confident about something, you must prove to yourself that you are great at that thing. However, if you want to become great at that thing, you must do it over and over again. And, if not the first day, before long, you will fail. No one likes failure. Many failures can hurt your ego and your self-esteem. Years and years or even months and months of this punishment can really put people in a bad way. And, here we reach the tipping point for most. They will begin rationalizing whether or not it is worth it, and decide whether or not they should abandon their goal. The comfortable will almost always abandon their goal because, why bother... they don't really need to do that, they have X, Y, and Z anyway?

This is why you will easily develop confidence in the things that you are most passionate about. But, if you're not naturally passionate about it, you must sell your soul in order to prosper and gain an unwavering confidence. Whatever it is must own you for a least a period of time. It must consume you and make your knuckles white. Or, you must box yourself in and force yourself to become passionate about it. You must remove the comfort, in order to create a desire.

However, there are some things you can do to make yourself more confident in starting after something at all. At it's root, confidence is really a convergence of life experiences. Confidence for all those things you have sold your soul to, and the confidence developed from your passions, all begin to compound to create a smoother journey for those things you lack confidence in. In this way, your ego takes over, and helps you to power through situations you're less confident about. "I can talk to her without being nervous, I am the guy who came from nothing, look what I made myself into." Or, "I can talk in front of all these people, I was able to overcome X, Y, and Z. What I went through was hard, and look at what I can do."

However, what is still missing is the succession of this task, and succession over and over again. You must have a track record in the particular task in order to feel an unwavering confidence. You must truly believe, and prove it to yourself. Whatever it is you want to be confident about, you must practice it until you're blue in the face. You must understand that pain is a normal part of this journey, and so is failure. But, when you reach a state of confidence, nothing feels better, or makes you feel more alive.

Practice what you want to become.

Post Information
Title If you want to be confident you'll have to mount up and prepare to fail
Author Capital_Recognition
Upvotes 697
Comments 38
Date 13 October 2019 12:51 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/290167
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/dha6oz/if_you_want_to_be_confident_youll_have_to_mount/
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liftthe red pill

[–]Wingflier59 points60 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is such a profound message, and completely true. I've never liked or valued myself very much. I was raised in an abusive household with a narcissistic mother who traumatized me both emotionally, psychologically, and physically (she used to make me stay home from school because I had black eyes and she didn't want to be reported to the police).

This obviously fucked me up on many different levels and made my future relationships with women unhealthy, dysfunctional, and impossible. I've spent most of my life feeling isolated, alone, and full of self-loathing. I can easily see how a different person who had gone down my same path might become some kind of mass shooter.

But I realized at some point that the only way to challenge all the negative programming I was brainwashed with was to challenge it in the real world. Like you said, no amount of positive affirmations is ever going to fix anything. I can sit in my room and sing my praises until I'm blue in the face but it doesn't make a damn bit of progress towards facing my fears or building self-confidence.

I realized that the only way to truly change my inner monologue and to finally find some self-acceptance was to do the one thing that terrifies me the most: Approaching beautiful women.

I am the most awkward fuck at the world at it (not surprising given what I've been through). It's the most difficult thing I've ever done by far, and I'm rejected constantly, but I simply see no other way to find the self-acceptance and self-respect I've so desperately craved my entire life.

For me, it's not even about getting phone numbers or getting laid. All of the perks of facing my fears are just a bonus. It's about undoing the negative programming that has crippled me and made my hate myself my entire life. It's about finding legitimate reasons to value and appreciate myself as a person.

In the end, I came to a sobering realization: This problem can never be "solved" in the mind. One can not think through it or analyze it like a math equation until you finally come a the conclusion that finally makes you feel better. The beta mentality thinks, analyzes, and prepares for every situation, the alpha mentality simply acts on impulse or intuition and trusts his own instincts to guide him through the storm.

The problem with so many young men in my generation is that they want to analyze and "solve" every problem in their head, without realizing that overthinking everything *is* the problem in the first place. We must train ourselves to act and trust our instincts, otherwise the patterns will never be broken.

[–]feministdunce13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

Confidence is what you are physically capable of. And that doesn't always mean throwing a 200lb dumbbell across a gym. Opening your mouth on the spot in front of attractive girls is hard. But if you take physical steps, aka talking to your mirror, then talking to strangers, then talking to girl strangers lol, you become confident. You can't really fake confidence, you can fake 'promise'. Like walking really cocky like you have something huge going for you even though you don't.

[–]pinouchon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Confidence is what you are physically capable of

No. Confidence is having belief (justified or not) in yourself

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K18215 points216 points  (4 children) | Copy

Sad thing is, a ton of guys will read this and get a dopamine boost.

Then they will go out and not do anything.

For myself, mastery has taken trying, failing, learning and trying again. Confidence can also take the form of 'I know I haven't mastered this yet, and I'll have a lot of learning ahead, but I'm confident I WILL master it'.

“Neo, sooner or later you’re going to realize, just as I did, that there’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.” ― Morpheus

A lot of guys will stay stuck in the confidence they KNOW RedPill/game theory, but few will actually experience the confidence of having applied it with success.

Not a bad post, imo. A little touch of platitude. It will be lost on most guys here, though.

[–]Capital_Recognition[S] 19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, platitudes for sure, this is just my twist on it. But, nothing can be said to make those people change or get out and start implementing. For those that feel lost, though, this will help them through the dark. Those who are actually practicing.

All those you speak of that aren't, they have to go away from here for a while with the intent that they'll jump in the snake pit. I was here back when there were 100k subscribers in 2015. I left for a few years and didn't go on Reddit once in that time. I got thrashed, but what I have learned and experienced has changed me into the something I wanted to become. I actually put all of it to use and was able to change. I am still growing everyday, but for me, pushing off from the dock was absolutely necessary to get to the level I am at now. It's not like TRP is going anywhere, it'll probably just be on TRP Red when you come back.

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K180 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree. Eventually you've read more than enough, and just need to go out and start doing. If anything, once you get a good handle on most of the basics there isn't a need to come back every day.

Glad you were able to get where you wanted to be.

[–]FACILITATOR444 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe they will do nothing in the short term, but perhaps the idea will stick (at least unconsciously) and one day in the future they will find themselves in a better position than they were before.

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K185 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, that's the hope. That the fear of staying the same becomes greater than the fear of taking action.

For myself, though, the more I go out into the field and have success with women (as well as failures) I feel I can tell that 90% of this sub aren't really doing anything of relevance to the whole point of Red Pill.

Really, most of the important game and theory has already been posted somewhere. What I see more and more of, is guys just posting 'self-help' stuff and claiming Red Pill is really about self improvement.

Nah, it was and always has been about sexual strategy.

[–]holyrasta23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ok i was just thinking about this. "A true belief in yourself is developed due to internal and external validations that occur again and again. " .

[–]MasterShake7779 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

So many people get this mixed up. You don't build confidence to approach, you approach to build confidence. The ACTION must come first. Each time you yield to inaction instead of action, you reject yourself a little bit more.

[–]SteroidsFreak5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well said. I used to tell myself, "act before you think" since we're conditioned to "think before we act," that reversed thinking took me far.

[–]HeadNshoulders778 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes this is why really good looking people have “confidence” because they have been constantly externally validated. That’s where confidence comes from.

[–]SteroidsFreak2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That doesn't nor should it be an excuse why not to build confidence. If that's your go to, then you're just finding excuses not to take ACTION. A good looking man doesn't equal great personality. Seen lots of good lookin men at the club who lift, shredded etc. Just waiting on the sidelines to get approached, standing still while everyones having fun. Do they get approached? Almost never. You being the fun guy is what will make women approach you as women want to be validated

[–]bringer_of_glory14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

"There are one offs who, since birth, have had irrational confidence in themselves"

Real confidence is liking and loving yourself. Its the knowledge that: I am enough, I am lovable, people accept me for who I am, the world is a save place. The luckiest people on earth are the ones, who get this mirrored by their parents, from since they are born. Because they have this fewpoint, they mostly make positive experiences. Most parents don't really like themselfes, this they project on their children. Most parents give their children the feeling, that they only have value, if they behave in a certain way and do certain things. So the child thinks: I am bad (not loveable) how I am, I have to please the authority figure in order to feel save. Not only this, but the authority figure has the power, to make me feel in a certain way about myself.

School reinforces this effect - good grades, good boy. This creates a hierarchy mentality of competition and winners/loosers in the class. Most classes have a very bad team spirit, without much room for bonding, feeling accepted and having the time to develope freely without fear.

Overly confident people overcompensate their lack of self-worth. A lot of very successful people got there, because they felt like they have to prove their value to the world. All tyrannic people have a huge lack of self-worth. You can work on your confidence through achieving things, but you will never get rid of the lack of self-worth without working on the root problem.

Thats why so many men fear not to please their partner, friends, supervisors. Thats why people consume so much dump shit - from media to material stuff. Thats why advertisement works how it workts and why capitalism is still alive. Thats why people distract themselfs all the time or get addicted. Thats even why so many woman whore around.

The lack of self-worth is also the energy, that keeps the governments and capitalism alive. So they will never really try to resolve this issue.

[–]MAGAmancy5553 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This deserves more upvotes.

Some very very profound truths there and probably explains why a lot of us come to this sub.

[–]Flintblood6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Funny, cause I know several friends and relatives who act the alpha part and started life irrationally confident but over time and failure are lonely and a little bitter at the world. A big part of this is age and socioeconomic status (they are blue collar baby boomers). They act alpha yet they don’t seem to get results when they ‘talk at’ and wolf whistle at women.

They don’t accept that change and adaptation is necessary; they don’t know how to communicate with women despite acting irrationally confident. They put on a big show, but at their core they are a little pissy and sour on the world. They complain a lot to anyone unfortunate enough to be on the phone with them or in private earshot about multiculturalism and anything having to do with modern culture. Definitely toxic to be around.

How do we explain those types? There really isn’t an oversimplified alpha/nerd beta dichotomy anymore. There are however, alpha and beta mindsets.

[–]MakoShark9316 points17 points  (3 children) | Copy

Thanks. I've recently taken up the hobby of rapping and I've been told that I suck over and over. The thing about it is that I know I'm great, and every time I get ripped into by others -- they are teaching me a lesson, whether its intentional on their part or not. I have been getting ROASTED. But, its like...I'm seeing something on a subconscious level everytime I freestyle battle someone. What my opposition raps almost applies to negative thoughts I've had about myself in the past -- absolutely uncanny. By being mean to me, as I embrace the pain -- it gives me a tougher skin -- its almost like I am being given pointers. I've got a long way to go on the freestyle tip but I know that I'm a good writer -- this is all practice for when I transition from just spitting off the dome and start spitting from the page!

[–]The_Noble_Lie4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Have any recordings on the web? Soundcloud, etc?

[–]MakoShark934 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Coming soon! My buddy just booked some studio time and he's allowing me to feature on some of his tracks. I had recorded a song before and put it on SoundCloud a while ago, but the lyrics I had wrote at the time were inauthentic to myself and weren't recorded professionally.

I'm ready now, though.

[–]spencg3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This post could not have come at a better time for me. Just this last week I experienced failures in two of the areas I’m really working hard to grow in. I was getting a bit down on myself but this post just helps me to reframe the situation and realize I’m just going through the natural process of growing myself and getting better. Thanks for a super helpful post

[–]RedKepler5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know you said don't chant words to yourself in the mirror.

But I've had success with the phrase "compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who someone else is today".

Of course, exceptions, but I know that definitely helps when starting a new activity or your begin to doubt yourself. Especially when whatever the task is IS physically limiting or if a choice arises which can demand such a phrase, and you can only either half arse it or give it your genuine all.

The latter gets you places.

I completely agree with your post, it is an awful lot about how you present yourself and motivate yourself, in situations we're both comfortable in and alien to.

[–]MUhholen5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Great post, I have followed TRP since being 18, im 20 now, and going since that from an obese insecure fatfuck(had no confidence in my own skin) with having 0 social skills related to talking to women or how to act with them to being one confident motherfucker in his own skin thanks to gym and practicing principles of TRP.
I was done being an incel and took fate into my own hands. Since I had no prior experiences with women, I started learning from scratch, so learning the truth about women I feel like came more naturally as I didn't have much to relate to.
Ever since constantly improving myself fitness wise and career wise(studying computer science) I kept going out of my comfort zone and testing my limits with girls. Yes the first year or two I still felt I was very bluepill inside(but I acknowledged it and kept trying to change it throught practice), I constantly acted needy,I didn't have balls, I got rejected alot, and I was still in anger phase, but I kept approaching and knew that one day I will master it since I want to. But after constantly doing approaches everything just got easier and easier, once my approach count was near 100, I couldn't give a single fuck anymore how good that girl looked, I just approached and kept my presence, I didn't think much of "oh shit, what should I say" and just let it flow out naturally whatever I had in my mind.

I was afraid of kissing, but when I got that first kiss out of the way, kissing became natural and happened much much more, the same goes with sex, until you get that first time encounter, no matter how shit or good it was, the confidence it gave me is honestly such a powerful feeling, knowing that you actually can do it keeps motivating me to practice what I want to become. The amount of fuck ups and mistakes I have gone through, yes were painful, but I learned from them.

"You must understand that pain is a normal part of this journey, and so is failure. But, when you reach a state of confidence, nothing feels better, or makes you feel more alive. " - I couldn't have said it any better and Im exactly in the same phase of realizing that confidence, and it feels amazing.

Thank you TRP for changing my life forever.

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K181 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just happened to catch your reply as I skimmed.

This is a great one, man. If you were really an incel and obese but turned it around as much as you have, you'd do well contributing some main posts. Someone needs to show the incel black pill crowd that change is possible.

[–]jonknewnothing2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This post is very timely for me and highly relevant. I'm at that point of constantly questioning myself if there's a point in doing the work. I guess I haven't failed enough yet. Thank you sir.

[–]DirectedSoul2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man I wanted to badly cry after reading such a motivating / real post , I thank you from bottom of my heart brother , may god bless you !!!

[–]Stay_Hooahdrated2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I love the this adage: Confidence is a Consequence.

The consequence of consistent wins. Once you know you’ll be successful it ingratiates into your being thoroughly. The same goes for consistent losing.

[–]lepies_pegao2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly the post I came looking for. Yesterday was a really tought day for me, I felt really out of sync. I felt no harmony between my thoughts and my acts. I spent some time thinking about what caused this and came to the conclusion that I was really anxious, but I need to figure out what was the real cause.

It becomes a toxic cycle, negative thoughts, unable to perform tasks, anxiety because I'm not completing the task at hand, feeling inadequate, etc.... All this takes a toll at my confidence.

I'm really grateful I found this place long time ago, idk where I would be now if it weren't for you guys.

[–]noblevandal022 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I hope more people here recognize the substance behind this post.

[–]lbrownlbandit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Prepare to fail but always have something to fall back on. Friends, family, relationships something. Otherwise when you fail you will be looking for something to calm you and drugs and alcohol are an easy out.

Have a strong foundation before you set out to fail. Otherwise, it's a risk.

[–]cx-s1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This post makes a lot of sense to me right now. I have been scheduling dates left and right to become more comfortable with it. i have actually went from maybe no conversational skills in a date to actually being able to hold conversations, flirt etc. But while i do have the occasional lays and overall can feel that i am making progress. i do find it very difficult to keep track of that progress in a more methodical way.

let me explain, in lifting for example; tracking is much easier. well you track weights, repetitions, forms etc. But in dates, there are actually so many variables and dynamics that comes in to play from flirting, kino, sexualization, escalation, pulling etc.. but i am having trouble:

  1. Identifying sticking points
  2. How to work on these various sticking points; one at a time ? work on many simultaneously?
  3. How to track them

[–]feministdunce0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I have something crazy I do in public athletically with my shirt off. Can't say what it is here because someone could identify me based on my posts but yeah, when you do something physical and demanding on the spot in front of city people, nothing else can embarass you.

[–]SteroidsFreak1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm a fat ass and take my shirt off. Whatever works

[–]uptimex0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Is there any minimum N count?

[–]Howdoiusesync0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

After you realize they're all the same and you've dated or hung out with this girl before then you're fine.

[–]uptimex0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Wow, that must be huge. Especially in a big city.

[–]Bluedog5x50 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What happens if you fail to rock bottom and keep failing

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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