Before you begin the second part of my "Move to that big city you've dreamed of. It will CHANGE your life" series remember that this post contains personal entries from my journal which is why it appears to be gigantic. The personal entries make up for 2000 or so words. You don't HAVE to read them, I won't be offended. For ease of identification the parts that contain these entries are formatted like.


THIS


And if you haven't read part one, I strongly suggest you do so before continuing.


Move to that big city you've dreamed of. It will CHANGE your life

Part Deux - Keep a FUCKING journal.


“I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.”

Hey Diece!! I read your last post and I've started to approach a lot more now. You're right perfect IS boring, I'm having a lot of fun but without realizing it I find I keep making the same mistakes and I know I'm not learning fast enough.

Hey man! It sounds like your dick is finally getting the attention it deserves. I'm happy for you. You mentioned that you're having difficulties with making the same mistakes.

"Yea man, I approach and sometimes close but then I go into the next set and I make the SAME mistake. It's frustrating."

Yesterday I approached this cute Italian girl and things went really well. She gave me her number, I sent her a text and so far there has been NO response. Now, according to your advice I should move on but there's a bit of a conundrum here.

If I approach a hundred girls, I get ten numbers. How can I make that twenty numbers?

I never know if it's MY fault she isn't responding or it's HER. I understand if the girl has no interest and if the girl has no interest then I'd move on but were dealing with women and we never know if the game were running drove her away or if you did everything RIGHT and her interest wasn't high enough. Do you see what I mean?

Hmmm, I sort of see what you mean. You don't know if it's your fault she doesn't like you or if it's hers. Because you don't know, you have a hard time knowing if you're running good game. You could run amazing game but if the girl isn't receptive then it's not your fault. Even though you may think it is. It's a good question.

Yea exactly. I never can tell if my game is good or not and as a result I may think my game was bad when it wasn't. There's also one more thing that I'm struggling with.

Shoot.

You see, back at home if I had a bad day or was pissed off, I could rant to my family and friends and get the anger out using them as medium. But because I've moved, I can't rant to people close to me. I don't want to rant to the new people I've met and I know if I did it would give them the wrong impression. It's already hard enough to make fucking friends in a new city. How do you deal with the inevitable frustrations life throws at you?

Personally like to think I am the Buddha and that nothing effects me because I am the enlightened one...wait did I just write that? Shit I must be dreaming again, if only MDMA made you sleep when you're supposed to.

The questions you're asking are:

  1. How do I know when my game is bad and how do I know when my game is good when you never know the real reason why you're being rejected.

  2. City life can be rough, how do I vent out my frustrations when I have no one to vent to?

Yes, that's what I'm asking.

I think you need to get yourself a JOURNAL or at the very least paper to write on.

A journal?!? Isn't that what girls do Diece?

Well, they do but a lot of important and innovative males kept journals of their lives and feelings. If keeping a journal is too "beta" then please go back to smoking cigarettes and being the "alpha" you are.

Since I've moved on June to Montreal I've written in a journal. I've documented every single interaction with women and determined exactly how I felt, what went wrong and why it went wrong. Let me pull a page from when I christened it.


"June 30, 2014 - Just DO It"

Sometimes you have a should I or shouldn't I moment, these moments are usually occupied with a strong sense of fear. Do I hug, do I talk? The answer quite simply is to do it. It goes back to Mark Manson, be vulnerable.

Today I attempted to put some kino into my interactions. It worked well I had the girl pretty interested. This goes deeper than some girl this applies to life as well. Action breeds action and no action breeds inaction. Action also breeds pain and as we know pain and pleasure are things one should NEVER succumb too. Humans resist change and pain is a mechanism to keep you the same. Pleasure works much the same. The only difference is pleasure traps us into thinking it's what we want when in reality and the long run, it isn't."


FUCK my writing was shit back then. Reading this entry I can really feel how shitty I was at pickup and people in general. I also remember exactly what compelled me to write this. I saw a cute girl and thought of approaching but I simply couldn't. I was DISGUSTED with myself, I sat on a bench and thought this may be a good time to write into the journal that my mom gave me when I was thirteen but I could never feel bothered to use. When I was getting ready to move to Montreal I figured what the hell, I may as well bring it with me, worst case scenario is I use it for kindling when the cold and harsh dick of winter comes.

That journal became much more than binded together paper that you occasionally write on when you feel arsed. It turned into a form of therapy for me. Everyday I wrote and I documented every approach I went through with. I wouldn't JUST write about the approaches I would try to depict what went wrong and where I could improve on and if the approach went well I would try to find out why it went well and what I could of done to make it better. The funny thing is, the technical side of game isn't really something you can improve upon. Everyone can get a women from clothed to naked. Game is more of a mindset and a frame of mind, what you say doesn't matter because that's depicted by your frame of mind. The frame of your mind is the root of your game and just like a tree that's where all of the strength and support is, it's not the leaves, branches, or even the trunk. Frame is the root. When you come from the right frame you will naturally say the correct things and PROVIDING she is attracted to you, you will ATTRACT her.

"Perfect is boring"

I found out a lot about myself through my journal. I specifically remember going on a date with this girl I met not even three days after I arrived in Montreal on June 28, 2014. Her name was Bailey and she seemed REALLY into me, plus she was hot.

Imagine, a guy that never got any attention from women, kissed them or had a girlfriend in his life got the interest of an 8. Despite having very little game I still read about game copious amounts and I was smart enough to remember the IOI's a girl gives. Bailey broadcasted every single one even the "fuck me" eyes. I got her number and told her let's grab a drink in a day or two. I remember texting her and she didn't respond for a couple hours and I was thinking I lost her. I'm checking my phone right now and I sent

"I have some stuff to do, let's meet a little earlier."

As you can see there was nothing wrong with my text but I couldn't help but assume that I fucked it up. That gives you a perspective of how experienced I was with women…Yea, a baby had more experience than I did. At least they get to suck on tits. Enough though, on with the date!

I met Bailey on the street corner and we walked to the bar. Spent around thirty minutes at the bar and we left to this desert place across the street. I was being really flirtatious and she seemed into me. Once we got to the dessert place her attitude completely changed. Her hormones went from raging like a teenage boy to vacant like a sixty year old women's vagina, she ended the date.

"I'm tired, I'm going home."

And she was gone.

Now I don't want to say I was heart broken, but I was and I couldn't see anything wrong with how I handled the date. I played it PERFECTLY, hahaahahaha.

Devastated, I pouted back to my hostel and slumped into bed. The next day I never left my room. I slept wishing I was dead. After forty hours of moping I decided to at least write about the date and try to make sense of it. I thought that's more productive than moping and wishing I could vanish from the planet.

I grabbed my trusty journal from my suitcase and opened up the page...


July 1, 2014 - Why?

"Why? Is my only question. Why do people become attracted to me only to lose their attraction just as fast it was created. I feel my entire life rides upon what others think of me. Which makes sense. My mom and brothers are exactly the same. I don't fee as shitty as I am but when you have no other outlet writing seems to help soothe the pain.

Nothing in my life has been easy doesn't matter what it is. I have always had to work my ass off for everything. I still don't understand where I became so reliant on other people for my own happiness. You would think being alone most of my life I would of learned how to be happy by myself. I really haven't.

To go way back I suppose this need for validation came from my mom. I could never impress so I always tried to. I would say I have a lot of hate for my mom. Sounds terrible and it really is. I never felt like I had a connection with her so I associate a lot of my women problems on her.

I'd like to say I like women for what they are, when in reality I don't. Maybe that's it. I have trouble liking them because I don't trust them and I have a hard time communicating with them. Deep down I try to impress them. Which explains why I feel so bad when I get rejected. I feel like this is the end to my letter but it really isn't. Something deep inside me is causing this.

Even in highschool and elementary I had to deal with rejections from friends and girls. I have always been competing for attention. If I received attention I felt good, if I didn't I felt miserable. In highschool I mostly associated myself as the class clown often sacrificing myself for others. They don't reciprocate though and in the end I feel left out as well as lonely. I often thought to myself about going to jail so I can receive the attention I so desperately need.

Why can't I receive the attention from myself and provide my own self attention? I never thought about it that way if I could somehow provide attention coming from my own self I wouldn't need attention from others. I feel like a fucking circus act. Acting to please other people. Instead of weighing your self worth on other people you weigh your self worth on whether you are achieving what you want.

I think I can trace the need to be accepted back to a few instances.

Grade two I didn't have ANY problems with people…granted I wasn't at an age where I recognized this. When I first met my neighbours Sammy and Holly I put a rock down my pants, pulled them down and the rock fell out. I thought it was funny and I they followed suit. I didn't look for reactions…I sort of just did it. Same thing with Alannah and Miranda in grade two, I just did it what I wanted. Same thing with Sierra people got jealous and started to make fun of me. Oddly enough I used to bully when I was very young. I made a kid cry and I don't remember the motive either. I never listened right from the get go. Earliest example is when I did to my bus driver. My first time ever riding the bus and also my first time in grade one I was told "DON'T GO UNDER THE SEATS." Guess what I did? Yea.…

(I could only find the first page of that entry, which was a shame because I know I talked about a lot of shit that day.)


Slowly I worked out my issues and at the end of the entry I was thanking Bailey for the rejection.

If someone stole my journal and looked through it they would probably think I am some form of serial killer or a basket case. I talk a lot of shit, call me a toilet.

There are no limits with what I write about. I talk shit about people close to me, I talk shit about society, I talk shit about myself and best of all there's no fear of being judged. If I fucking hate someone's guts I can re-iterate those feelings in my journal with no fears. Which is pretty fucking AWESOME

When you talk about someone in your journal your brain actually registers that you talked to them in person. You avoid burning the bridge which would inevitably have no supports left if you spoke your mind and let that person know how you felt.

Over time I found that writing in my journal was an excellent way to prevent myself from bottling feelings up. By nature I'm a bit of a sensitive guy and as we know sensitivity is a bad trait to have when it comes to attracting women. However, if I let the sensitivity build up and don't release it I become a complete mess and resort to suicidal thoughts and those vitamins on my dresser begin to seem like the answer to all of my problems.

The amount of shit you learn about yourself when you write is fucking REMARKABLE you learn so much about your behaviors and patterns it's lightning; shocking. You not only learn about yourself you also learn where those behaviors come from.

But Diece, isn't that what therapy is for? Why should I keep a journal when I can go to a therapist and get professional help.

You're right and in theory having professional help SHOULD be the way to go to fix your problems but I've gone that route and the results were NOT worth the hundred dollars an hour and worst of all my therapist was a whale 0.2/10 would NOT bang. She re-iterated shit I already learned about myself.

Here is what I've learned from JUST writing in my journal and doing self reflection. Best of all this self knowledge costs absolutely nothing but I do accept donations.


"July 20, 2014 - I Have Issues"

For me I used to have an issue being nervous and anxious in front of other people. I suppose everyone has this to a degree but for me it was amplified. I was pissed off one day and wanted to learn WHERE my fucking anxiety came from.

I figured most problems come from childhood so I decided to look at the roots of the tree not the leaves or the branches or even the trunk. The roots are where everything originated from. My roots are a little something like this.

My mom is very neurotic individual she carries a lot of anxiety and acts really anti social. I was taught at a very young age to not act out not voice my opinions for fear that my mom would get ANGRY and I mean LIVID with me for doing so. Don't act out, fit into my social norms I have created for you Diece. Don't upset people bend your will to others people and never EVER do someone because YOU want to. No, no, no become a doormat that everyone steps on then I will proud of you. Become just like me, someone that has no control in their lives, blames everyone else, lazy, unmotivated and worst of all not responsible for their own life. Let other people be responsible for your life.

Monkey see, monkey do. So I followed not aware of the depths of the waters I have decided to tread, it may as well been Marinas Trench.

As I got older I swam deeper and deeper until all I could see around me was darkness. I was seventeen and EXTREMELY frustrated with my life and the thought of suicide would drift in and out of my mind. I remember cutting vegetables and I picked up the stainless steel knife with my reflection staring back at me and thought.

"I could end this pain right now, it could ALL be over."

Then I went back to cutting the vegetables and forced the thought out of my mind only to have it drift back in a day or week later.

This went on for a year or so and eventually I had enough. But like a computer I had been programmed to constantly sabotage myself. The programming was deep and in order to live the life I TRULY wanted and DESERVED I needed to rewrite the program. Which if anyone here has done programming knows it's not easy but I wouldn't know because I couldn't program pong if my life depended on it. Which is why it doesn't, buutttt that's another story.

This programming has been installed by my mom. Be careful who you let influence you, you might just end up with what they have; which in my moms case was…nothing.


Wow Diece, you really learned ALL of this through a measly journal?

Yea, I have and there's even more I've learned but this post has enough of my dirty laundry.

When you move to a big city you're going to RELY on your social skills. I already went over this in the first post (1/5) but a lot of the time you're going to run into situations that may not favor you.

Remember that Italian girl that never responded to your text?

Yeah Diece, I do. I still am bummed out that she never responded. How can I deal with this feeling of rejection and inadequacy?

You're probably thinking, was my text to boring? Does she hate me? Why can't she respond to me....

YESSS!!! That's exactly it.

Right now you're manifesting these insecurities by texting her again, calling her for the hundredth time or doing whatever you feel is necessary when you're sense of pride is being attacked. Believe me, we've all been there.

We have three possible outcome to this situation.

What are those?

Well,

She could be a really bad texter and she is taking FOREVER to respond.

OR

You could call her, text her and risk COMPLETELY turning her off.

OR

You could write in your journal or even a piece of paper (I've used receipts before) and pour your heart out. No one is going to read this shit so it doesn't matter how soft or weak you may sound get that shit out of your system or it's going to manifest it's self in areas you don't want it to.


February 11, 2015 - That cute Italian

Two days ago I met this really cute Italian girl. She seemed really interested in meeting up and even gave me her number. I didn't even have to ask.

I texted her:

"Hey Hannah, It's Diece it was nice to meet you yesterday"

No Response

This doesn't make sense, why would a girl give me her number and then fail to respond to my texts. What did I do wrong here? Was my text to straightforward? Was it too boring...Fuck. I feel so bad right now, I can't keep any girls in my life. I think I should text her again.

Then again, I don't think that's a good idea. She's probably really busy fucking other guys or doing whatever girls do. Even if she doesn't respond I don't think I did anything wrong it's probably just her.

I know right now I feel like this Hannah girl is really important but this feeling will fade. I know texting or calling is not the smart thing to do and I just need to wait. If nothing happens then it's probably for a reason and I need to accept that and move on.


WOW Diece, when I first starting writing that I REALLY wanted to text her again because I was convinced my text never went through. Turns out I seem to have a bit of an issue with keeping girls in my life and I felt like I was losing ANOTHER girl from something I've done. When in reality I did nothing wrong.

It's been three weeks now and Hannah still hasn't texted me back. I've met another girl at the grocery store named Stacy and shes better than Hannah and responds to texts. Were meeting up tonight. Should I get some white or red wine for my place?

Red wine man, bitches love that shit. I don't think anyone's gotten laid by saying

"I've got some fancy white wine back at my place. We should go."

SEE what writing in a journal does for you?

You would never of realized this if you didn't talk about how you felt on paper. It' one thing to think in your head but it's a COMPLETELY different thing to translate those thoughts into the physical word. Think of an archaeologist who knows a specific area contains dinosaur bones but he isn't completely sure where they are so he stakes off the area into quadrants and digs around to uncover them. Slowly he uncovers what was once buried by dirt and decay.

Replace dinosaur bones with your thoughts and feelings and the land in which the bones are buried in is your brain. To uncover those thoughts you need to search for them and dust them off. The only way to do so is to get them out of your head and onto paper or whatever medium you decide to write with. You'd be surprised at what you may uncover, it may not be dusty ass bones, it could be gold.

I'll admit, I was skeptical at first because keeping a journal seems so feminine but you're right. You CAN learn a lot about yourself through keeping one. I'm definitely going to write more often.

Okay, red wine it is.

That's the stuff!! Fuck her good, I'm proud of you.

Thanks and yea I will.

Remember though, I want you to write by hand, yes it takes time and yes if your penmanship is atrocious you probably can't read what you wrote BUT when you write by hand your emotions come out through not only your words, but also your penmanship. Right now you probably think I'm crazy, and I am. But only in the bedroom.

When I read passages in my journal I look back at the penmanship and notice how it changed depending on the emotion I am experiencing. On the days where my entry was talking about my mom and the shitty relationship I have with her my writing got significantly smaller and dainty. The words were almost microscopic, you needed a magnifying glass to read them. When you write on paper you are able to express your emotions not only in words, sentences and paragraphs but also through your penmanship whereas when you write the way I am right now you don't have the full emotional experience because emotions aren't being fully released and expressed.

As you write more, you will start to notice that you become more articulate. Your wit will become sharper, you'll learn how to tell a story, funny and humorous word associations and what details aren't important. Your conversation skills become sharper and best of all, with each journal entry you feel more and more like the smooth motherfuckers you see on T.V and in the movies.

What's your bank account?

Why Diece?

Because I know you're not going to go out and buy a journal after reading the end of this post. That's why I will buy one for you.

Okay, it's xxxx-xxxx-xxxx-xxxx.

There, I bought you a journal you BETTER fucking use it or I'm going to…

Let's not get into what will happen, I'm sure you'll use it.

Great! Now you have a journal that you can vomit your emotions into.

But Diece, what do I write about? What if I don't have anything to write about today?

This is an interesting question and I'm glad you brought it up. At first I was going to say if you don't have anything to write about then don't worry about it but then I thought to myself. If you don't have anything to write about in a TWENTY FOUR FUCKING HOUR DAY you probably should stop being a lazy and boring piece of shit. Seriously.

I'm thinking back to all of the days I never wrote in my journal and those were the days were I did fuck all. I didn't try to improve myself and become a better man. I just sat idle with my thumb up my ass and for the girls reading this with a vibrator up your box.

If you don't have anything to write about then you aren't living life to it's FULLEST potential. You should ALWAYS have something to write about.

A journal like anything else is a tool. It can be used wisely or it can be used as kindling to heat your house. A journal won't make you drown in a sea of pussy, unless of course you're name happens to be Hank Moody and if it is then tell Karen that she is a great fuck and that I left my Rolex on her night table. A journal will allow you to look at things happening in your life and the emotions you experience in a different light. You will be able to see the light when ALL you can see around you is darkness.

This post took around twenty hours to complete, I would really appreciate feedback so part three can be better then the last. The post feels incredibly long, is it too long? I don't feel theirs a lot of filler.