"Do you want children or not?" My answer...depends.

nessabhensley · 2019-10-31T13:52:49+00:00

I think you are being responsible. If you have a child, you need to be able to pay for it.

melitele3 · 2019-10-31T15:59:43+00:00

Many people believe that kids care about materialistic world. I was a kid who grew up in a very poor family in a post-communist country. My parents and my sibling lived in a one room in a shared house. We all slept on couch until I was 9 and I was given gifts only once a year during Christmas. My biggest pocket money I ever got was maybe 1 dollar per week. Yet I remember I had extremely happy childhood. I played outside nonstop, explored woods, built with snow, made friends with kids from other villages, went hunting with my dad, harvested crops and I never once thought I am poor. Kids do not care about toys if parents don’t raise them to crave and worship them. If you are a creative and energetic parent, you can create wonders with your children spending no money at all. My mom would cut out shapes in potatoes and paint them and we used them as stamps. We used to paint and colour eggshells. These were our attractions. I would never say I lacked anything. Disneyland, toys and all that crap …. They really don’t matter in the end. I don’t remember many of the toys I had. It is the society, lazy parents, tv, internet and other kids that engrave these ‘needs’ into our brains.

Today in world there are millions of children that live in poor families - are they doomed to be unfulfilled and unhappy? Depression and mental health problems are usually connected to middle class and higher-class people.

I think the argument ‘I want to give better experience to my kids’ is not truthful. The truth is that it is the parents who don’t want to give their comfort up or these material joys up. They have a dream family picture in their head and if they can’t afford trips and shopping sprees, they won’t consider having kids.

Now to be clear - I don’t think it is wrong. Everyone has their own expectations and demands. I just think it is better not to say that they are doing it for the kids. It is them who want the trips, clothes, shopping, experiences and attractions. They should just say that they value those more than having kids and that would be truthful.

I don’t think it is selfish to have or not to have a kid. Although kids can definitely teach you selflessness.

littlepearlisland · 2019-10-31T16:17:29+00:00

I thought I wanted maybe two kids. But when I married my husband he has two lovely daughters already. After a year I was ready for more, and now we are thinking about number five. We could never have this many if he weren’t able to support us all, though. I think you are being smart. We should only bring in kids when we know we can reasonably expect to be able to care for them properly.

kaylazomg · 2019-10-31T21:39:53+00:00

Children are soooooooo high maintenance which is where the term “it takes a village to raise a kid” comes from. Back when people would help each other out with entertaining and teaching the kids things. One person simply can’t do it all because one person has their own life. They can’t spend all their time on their child and plus burnout is a real thing... jobs, family, etc. so I completely understand wanting a secure family before you raise a child.. it’s a HUGE responsibility and NO ONE talks about the difficulties of raising children only the lovely moments. You’re smart for thinking of your future child instead of having a child alone with little help like my sister, she was so desperate for a child thinking the child would fill her empty heart of warmth and love, so she had one with an alcoholic bi polar abusive manipulative insecure man child. Now she’s a single mother and won’t shut up about her ex. But we CHOSE the people we want in our lives and she chose to have a baby before she was financially secure and she chose to have a baby with an unreliable man and now she is homeless living with mom and stepdad and has little energy and time to give to her child that she so desperately wanted. She works 50 hours a week and burnout form a shitty job will leave you empty and no energy to spend giving your child playtime or teaching them. So ya I think you’ve got your cap screwed on right

Throwaway230306 · 2019-10-31T17:04:25+00:00

I think that's a sensible approach to approach modern parenting (within reason--there's probably no perfect time to have kids if you really want them, so don't wait too long).

That said, people have always considered the economic, tangible impact of kids. I wouldn't say it's purely selfish. In the not too distant past, children were expected to work or contribute to a household at a pretty early age, offsetting the expense of raising them. For the rich, kids were a way to pass down inheritance, property, make marriage alliances, etc.

I don't doubt that parents have always been bummed out by the expense of raising kids who could neither work or enrich a family via marriage. (Think of the plot of Pride and Prejudice--five daughters, all without money, making them hard to marry off and impossible to put to work because they were a bit too upper class for jobs. What a nightmare for their parents.)

Kids today in developed countries are not expected to contribute anything material to the family, so it's not irrational for potential parents to weigh the pros and cons of having them in the first place.

Aruno · 2019-10-31T17:31:27+00:00

Having children is always a sacrifice of your time, money and life style.

My children bring me motivation and joy that I would of never known without them.

If you do it. It is a full time commitment. It takes away your idea of your life and replaces with something more than you can see.

Trisaratop36 · 2019-10-31T15:01:42+00:00

Yeah I always feel like I’m being perceived as selfish OR like I’m the one judging other families when I say I don’t want any MORE kids. I have 2. If we had an endless supply of money I would have like 5 kids. I LOVE kids! But I love being able to DO STUFF with them. I personally would be miserable if I had a bunch of kids but couldn’t afford to actually GO places with them. I know plenty of people with the same amount of income and more children than us. They’re happy, and that’s great for them. I just know it’s not for me. Being a family of 4 (for us!) is perfect. We can still go out to eat, see a movie, buy plane tickets, go to Disney World, buy school supplies and have a nice Christmas. If I had another one we would have to buy a new family car, bigger house, etc. and eating out/ going places would be a lot more costly. To some people, that stuff doesn’t matter; to some it does. Doesn’t make either one of them right or wrong or selfish. It’s just a matter of perspective and personal preference.

RedPillMissionary · 2019-10-31T15:43:59+00:00

“Society thinks its selfish” who is this society? The conservatives in the midwest? Hollywood, tv, the music industry and the universities seem to promote the Sex and the City lifestyle for women.

QueenRowana · 2019-10-31T14:33:13+00:00

I understand this completely. I am sortof similar thinking i guess.

I am 90% sure i want only one child. I do want to be a mother but i was very happy as an only child. My parents are middle class and I understand fully that I was fortunate. Had I had multiple siblings my childhood could have been significantly less fun financially speaking. After that one child I intend to get myself sterilized or get my tubes tied or have my husband get the snip or whatever it takes to ensure we don't get any surprises. Barring any crazy circumstances I expect to be and remain middle class or maybe a fraction under that. I think i could succesfully raise one kid on an average combined salary in that bracket, but not two or more without it becoming stressfull.

Only reason i would ever deviate from this is if i marry an absurdly wealthy man or somehow become absurdly wealthy myself and if we could be sure that we could give multiple children the childhood they deserve financially speaking.

I see no logic in those families with five children living below the poverty line who could be financially secure if they had had only one child. Like, just dont have children. In my country birth control is pretty much free and even in countries where it isn't it is a lot cheaper to get BC or get the snip once than to have to raise a child for 18 years or more.

texantechsan · 2019-10-31T23:18:46+00:00

This is my philosophy to a T.

PreciousMuffn · 2019-10-31T23:16:51+00:00

For me it’s depended on my partner and ensuring he would make a good partner and father rather than dropping everything on me. I also enjoy my freedoms and don’t want having a child to alter our current lifestyle. Having a kid is also generic Russian Roulette. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not being sure or just not wanting to have children.

I’ve never had a biological urge to reproduce anyway, much to my mother’s dismay, and I’ve gotten tired of hearing about how selfish I am over the years. She’s stopped mostly because it doesn’t appear I can actually conceive anyway, but even if I could I don’t know if I’d want to for much longer. I’m about to be 36 and have no desire to chase toddlers in my 40’s. I have a beautiful stepdaughter who’s about to be 11 and I adore her. I love having her in my life and would consider fostering in the future too. Not everyone is meant to reproduce and that’s ok!

valleycupcake · 2019-11-01T03:42:52+00:00

That just seems too individualistic to me. Children are a blessing, even though they are very hard work. And children and financial struggle both develop character much better than the DINK lifestyle. As long as food, clothing, shelter, sleep, and education can be provided, along with love, then it’s not irresponsible to have children IMO.

Almcoding · 2019-11-01T11:30:33+00:00

With age people tend to value family more than anything else because they saw so many materialistic things and friendships go and come but the family is the most likely to stay and help if you are in need. Yes it's selfish but beeing selfish without harming others is a good thing.

AgentJ691 · 2019-10-31T20:19:18+00:00

For me, I don’t want biological children. Absolutely no desire to pass my genetics. But adoption? Absolutely! I think you gave a reasonable answer ☺️

Title	"Do you want children or not?" My answer...depends.
Author	catsuramen
Upvotes	116
Comments	31
Date	October 31, 2019 1:45 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/dpnqt7/do_you_want_children_or_not_my_answerdepends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/do-you-want-children-or-not-my-answerdepends.293457 https://theredarchive.com/post/293457