Well fellas, this is not going to be my proudest post, but it will be unflinchingly truthful. This is also going to be pretty fucking long, as I couldn't tell my friends all the embarrassing parts, and feel like I have to lay it off my chest.

Little background before I begin. I just got out of a ball crushing 5 year LTR. I was completely and utterly pussy whipped, and my sweet little girlfriend turned into a domineering, sex withholding, cheater. I got out of that shit show about four months ago.

Since then I didn't have any sex. I was going to dance clubs every other weekend, sometimes make out with girls, get numbers but so far nothing fruitful from that scene. So I try out Tinder and its pretty fun. I do the swipe right all bullshit, and get a few matches on a daily basis. I would think that appearance wise I'm an 8. I'm 6' tall, white and athletic with above average face. Game wise, I'm 3-4. Sometimes girls will approach and pursue me, but my shitty beta game shuts it down pretty fast.

So I match with this girl, Debbi. She is 5 years younger than me. She moved to my City and State literally two weeks ago and looking for "friends". My Tinder text game improved immensely since hanging out here and reading some of the older posts. I'm more aloof, teasing, taking my time to reply back. With this chick, we probably exchanged 4-5 massages before I typed: "Digits". It took her 5 hours to give it to me, but I held to my guns and didn't pester her with stupid "???" or other desperate attempts.

We started texting and she straight up said "when are you going to as me out?" (in hindsight, once I got her number I should have just immediately set up logistics without trying to get to know her via texting). So I said I can't meet up tonight (I could have, but had some previous lame plans and also tried to act less interested. She said she couldn't do it tomorrow. We agreed we'll touch base on the day after tomorrow, the weekend. I kinda kicked myself after that, because I thought she is going to flake 100%. For those two days I kept texts to minimum and then finally on a Friday I set the meeting up. Now, the old me, would ask her what time and where she wants to meet/to do/ what kind of bars she wants to go to and etc. Pretty much accommodate her whims. This time, I plainly texted 8pm at Bar x. That's it. The bar is ten minutes from my house, hehe. It is 30 minutes in a car from where she lives. She than proceeds to tell me she doesn't have a car but will take the bus. I offer to pick her up, but she refuses, and I don't pressure. In the evening, I dress up sharply, take a shower and head to the bar, arriving 10 minutes early to "set it up". I get a shot of whiskey and a nice beer and find a free table near the entrance. She arrives shortly after.

Now, I assumed the worst, I thought maybe her pics are old and she might be this overweight ugly landwhale. But shit, guys, she was beautiful. She was 5'9" natural blonde. Long hair. Face is cute, I would say 7. Her body was an easy 8.5. I mean she was hot. She is a gym rat and lifts weights. Nice tits, skinny, feminine. I was really surprised she was on Tinder, as she can go to any bar or club and get hit on by 10 guys in an hour.

I am really surprised, flattered and happy. We sit there, have a beer and talk. It took her a full hour on the bus to come to this bar, lol. I feel like a bastard, but who cares. She is a self proclaimed "Strong, independent woman" (DANGER WILL ROBINSON), she also briefly said that she was dominant in relationships (another red flag) didn't want me to get her beer. The conversation is pretty shitty and not really flowing. Interesting little tidbit of information is that she has a thing for black guys and her previous boyfriends were black (any brothers that read this, y'all would have fun with this one), most average black guys have much better game than most average white guys, so I assumed she liked being dominated by Alphas. Its and odd thing to be very attracted to someone physically but being a bit turned off/repulsed of their personality. The conversation didn't feel smooth to me. I offer and insist, after she wants to pay for it herself, buying her a nice cocktail (First backslide. Even after reading countless times about not buying shit for women, I just can't fight that urge yet. Plus I have some money, she is brand new in town, unemployed, doesn't have a car, I felt I should get her a drink.) After about an hour, there is a natural end to the conversation. I used the most corny fool proof line of them all: "you want to watch a movie at my place?". Now, I thought she is going to say no, or say we should hang out tomorrow or something but, she immediately said sure. I'm like, fuck yeah, I'm finally getting laid tonight.

We go to my place, I get two beers from the fridge we sit on my couch watching some music videos and talking. This is the second time where I felt there wasn't really a spark, mentally. It felt really awkward and unnatural. I didn't do any kino whatsoever although I know the drill. After 10 minutes I go for the kiss and its on. We make out a bit. I stop kissing her first, pull away and continue the conversation. After a few minutes, kissing and a small make out session. So I do my favorite little gesture. I pick her up and carry her to my bed, throwing her on my mattress. Girls love that shit, and especially taller girls. I can show them how strong I am and its like a tiny pre-sex kino. We make out, and slowly remove our clothes. Shiiit, she is hot. Her tits are perfect, her ass is petite and firm, her stomach is flat. I felt so cool then, because here I am getting a taste of what the future holds, this girl is younger than my bitch ex, prettier, with a much nicer body. Its going to be A-OK, Improvy, I think to myself.

As I'm about to take her underwear off, she is like "I can't have sex, i'm on my last day of period". I laugh inside, as I know that this is a classic, almost cliche shit test. First, who would go on a Tinder date and to a guys house if they don't want to bang. Secondly, after peeking at her puss, she is freshly shaven. She had the landing strip pube style. So obviously she knew she will be showing that thing around tonight. However, I do not peruse or beg or plead for sex. I know a lot of guys here would instantly recognize that as a silly shit test and would probably get laid that night, but I'm still not there. I am still morbidly afraid of being accused as a rapist or some shit like that. We fool around, she gives me a short one min blowjob, without completion. I should have pressed for her to blow me till I cum, but still not there in the dominant department. I should have fingered her some, but didn't.

Ok, this is pretty much where it goes to shit and the downward spiral begins, huh, so brace yourself for cringe.

So its like 11pm, we lay in my bed. I am horny as shit, she said no sex, so that's it. I was tossing her, pinned her down and told her what I want to do to her. She said, "when we have sex you can do to me whatever you want", with a smirk and a smile and a knowing realization that only a hot young women knows how to. I am starting to explore her body, but not in the good way, I am just so horny and so surprised how fast and successful this Tinder date went that I want to admire her body. I also haven't seen a naked women in the flesh for almost half a year. So imagine me, blue balls, super horny slowly caressing her body, smelling her, playfully pushing and pulling her, touching her feet, giving her a tender massage, touch her hair and kiss her face and ears. Instead of the ravaging sex she expected and demanded, I switch into a feminine caress mode full of wonder and faggot. I puke a little when I type this but the truth will set me free. Afterwards, we proceed to go to sleep. I cuddle her hard and clingy the entire night, with sweet foot play and other gayness.

I am a true believer that we are driven by our chemical biology, and know that after being with my ex for so long, and then separating and not experience intimacy for months, my body is depraved of Oxytocin, the bonding hormone. That night, we cuddled so hard and with vengeance, that by the morning, I was high with butterfly love feelings.

I had to wake up pretty early, around 6am cuz I was working that day, and also had to drive her back home. So I start poking her sides with my morning boner. She than says, "I can't wait, lets have sex." Haha, so all of a sudden your pussy is not on period, surprise... I am super excited and get a condom. I was hung over, it was 6 am, I didn't sleep the night before and this one well. I have this thing with condoms, where its really really hard for me to cum with them. I tried different brands, all the ultra thin horse shit, but it doesn't make a difference. It dulls the sensation to me by 85%, and its worse than jacking off. All my ltrs were on birth control so we were doing it raw within months, and I never got used to condoms. Long story short, I couldn't cum. 10 minutes in, the dread of that realization crept on me, I'm not going to cum. She is going to be disappointed, think I'm impotent, think she doesn't turn me on, think she is not attractive enough, blah blah. So not my proudest of moments, but I kinda fake an orgasm, I go through the motions and then pull out and put the condom in the trash can. We fool around a little longer, I finger her some, and then I say, fuck it, lets go another time. Once again, doggy style, missionary but no cumming. Once again, faking it. This is the first and last time I fake it as it serves no purpose whatsoever. I feel like a complete and utter loser. Instead of ravaging her for hours yesterday (after passing her shit test), I ended up having a dull, boring, technical, and SHORT (20 mins for both sessions total) pathetic excuse for intercourse. That's it, I take her home, give her an awkward hug and leave her place. At this point I knew there wasn't any chemistry, but hoped against the odds.

A few days later I took her out to the movies, picked her up, wined and dined her, paid for everything (once again, against my better judgement and TRP readings, she was unemployed and I wanted to show her good time) and completely blew away any shred of AF she might have left in her proceeding comfortably put me into beta bux land. After that, we texted a bit back and forth, my text game was shit, started to flatter her how hot she was, my replies numerous, fast to answer while she took her time. The only silver lining was, towards the end I bluntly demanded a dirty pic, and she complied. I had oneitis, my body flush with Oxytocin. Finally after I wanted to take her to a diner, but insisted that before we should go to her place (hint hint) she politely notified me that we can meet at the diner, but will have to skip her place as she thinks there's not any physical chemistry, but i'm a great guy and she would love to be friends. Lol. Old me would cling to that and try and push and plead. Slightly wiser me, sent a single "good bye and good luck" text and refused the Orbiter position that was offered. I anticipate this girl is going to have around a dozen male helpers and servants within the year, coming to a new city and not knowing anyone. I am not going to be one of those guys.

I think my passive and shitty first night sex experience + freely handing those BUX + diminishing game due to onset of oneitis killed it. I'm definitely still beta, but been on this route for a few brief months, It will get better and I'm fully committed.

I'm in an interesting predicament, where I can get bunch of easy low quality sex (with 3-5's) but can't be bothered, repulsed by it or don't think that the juice is worth the squeeze. Girls that I do find attractive, I immediately transition into "get a girlfriend" mode and develop oneitis, thus the sour scent of desperation reeks of me and I lose them.If this chick was a plain jane, a homely 5 or 6, I would likely act differently and be more dominant both in bed and how we communicate.

I think the takeaway is that failing is part of the learning process and is natural. I know I will only repeat 50% of my mistakes next time, and 33% next time and so on.

Condoms: I just don't know what to do about this issue. I got some lambskin condoms and will see how I like those. I don't masturbate much so its not a desensitized dick issue. On the one hand, if a girl is DTF without rubber on a first date i'm going to assume she is a mega slut and is probably carrying some diseases. On the other hand, if I am the one asking if we can go raw, I'm afraid of being perceived as a sleazebag myself. To be clear, I'm not as scared about diseases as by the prospects of getting a girl knocked up and she refusing to abort. Be honest, TRP, how often would you say you use condoms with ONS? Do you ask to go raw, does she asks for it? How are the dynamics like? I mean, at this stage, even if the girl seems legit and swears she is on birth control I'm afraid getting tangled in a 20 years long BUX hell as the price of unloading my sack in some hoe. Am I being to careful and irrational?

Sex God Method: I am halfway through the book and its pretty decent. I am now fully convinced that 90% of women like male dominant sex, and going to work on that portion. It's just hard for me to talk dirty without having a grin on my face.

Some future plates: Invited another girl (solid 7) from my social circle to "watch a movie" at my place next week, we'll see how that goes. Another girl is planning to fly from a different state and stay with me, once she heard I was single again. So basically flying all this way to jump on my dick for a few days. This one is a chubby 5 at best, but we had sex years ago. Definitely DTF and will give me an opportunity to practice my sex chops. Will keep up with Tinder and my dance club escapades (there was a DTF women yesterday that was all over me, but I decided to not hit that as she was older, and so eager and desperate it was a huge turn off). I just still think a lot of times, the emotional drama and false expectations of those broads is not worth dumping a load of cum into someone that you are not even fully attracted to.

Observation: TRP is definitely real and worthwhile to peruse. The text game alone has become much better. Applying the theory in the moment to moment in the real life is very hard and will require much more mindful repetition and practice. Onetis is very real. The hotter the chick the lamer your game.

TLDR: Looks are not everything. My shit game screwed a perfectly good plate material. Most guys here with game would totally convert this bitch to a plate at the very least if not for an LTR. The road is long but worthwhile.