Boyfriend cancelled date to play videogames

meattornado52 · 2019-11-09T16:26:19+00:00

Male perspective, but take it for what it's worth (I've learned a lot lurking around here). If you're a couple, and a potentially serious one, learning to be alone together is going to have to happen eventually, particularly when you start cohabitating, so why not get some practice now? Without context, there's possibly more to it than just the game. Does this friend live far away or have other obligations that keep them from getting together or talking other times? Gaming for some people is a social event like going to a bowling alley or getting together and jamming. I understand your frustration, but this may be worth considering.

GodsGunman · 2019-11-09T16:24:47+00:00

Male advice: It's his hobby. If he's continually putting priority of his hobby over you that's a problem, but as long as he keeps it reasonable I see no problem. You're not always going to come first as the priority in his life, this is no different from if you replaced "video games" with "sports team".

Shots2TheCrotch · 2019-11-09T22:00:10+00:00

Would you really want someone so dependent upon you that all he wants to do is be with you? No, that would be oppressive. You want a man who loves spending time with you, but also has his own interests. Seems like you’re really lucky that his interests are playing video games, when a lot of guys like to go hang out at the bars or strip clubs or lots of other things that cost a lot of money. Enjoy your time to yourself, and enjoy your time with him. You sound like a very caring, compassionate person. Talk with him and support him and he’ll want to do the same.

BlueBubbleGame · 2019-11-10T05:28:32+00:00

I’m a wife and a gamer, so I see both sides. I play an online role playing game, so if I make plans to meet someone online, it’s really important that I show up. So I see your boyfriend’s point.

Having said that, your relationship is important to. It’s just that your specific date wasn’t as important. I bet that if y’all had a specific thing to do like go to a wedding, or to see a play, he would have chosen to spend time with you.

Here’s what I recommend: do your own thing. I personally think it’s a bad idea to go over there and hang out while he plays. You are sending the signal that you have nothing better to do but be ignored. At this stage, you want him to miss you and yearn to spend time with you. By hanging out while he ignores you, you are making things too comfortable and cozy. Save that kind of thing for after you’re married.

That was sweet of you to ask to play the game with him. My husband and I play together and it’s a way for us to spend time together and bond. If you want to play a game, you should play mine! I play Final fantasy 14, which is an online role playing game. Trust me, once you start, the last thing you’ll be doing is worrying about your boyfriend not wanting to spend time with you. LOL DM me if you decide to play and I’ll give you my details so that we can play together.

TheLemming · 2019-11-09T18:47:01+00:00

I think he's being very reasonable... It might be time for you to look at why this simple level of rejection is so hurtful to you. We all have our sore spots!

Greenveins · 2019-11-09T18:07:58+00:00

Does he prefer to be completely by himself when gaming? Everyone deserves to have their own space, but it's also nice just to be near your partner under the same roof, even if both parties are preoccupied with something. Is it possible for you to Bring over a pizza or cook something yummy and you two have a quick bite to eat together? I do this quite often and will lounge on the couch with my laptop while he plays on the PS4. Works out amazing because we both have headsets on and aren't Bothering Each other lol.

Only Seeing someone 2x a week is hard, I personally think both parties need to set a weekly date and stick to it. Having a hobby is one thing, but blowing off someone to play a game is a bit harsh. I understand he double booked but you're not some friend, you're his partner. Relationships need to grow.

On the other hand, he shouldn't be forced to choose. If nothing I suggested works (such as making a set date or having dinner at his place on a game night) then I would back off and let him come to you when he's ready to try a little bit harder. The distance can be good, and it'll give you a break from having to ask "so when can I see you? Today? Tomorrow? This weekend?" All the time.

oooKenshiooo · 2019-11-09T17:42:55+00:00

Male perspective

Hobbies can be tricky.

As long as he is still ready to drop stuff at emergencies and finds time to spend with you, there should be no problem. Double booking is bad though, he needs to manage your expectations better

Example. I play role play games with a group of friends every other Tuesday. Setting up dates is hard because there are 6 people involved, so skipping one date may mean a whole month without playing for all the parties involved.

This considered, I am especially adamant about not canceling these occasions.

Now my LTR had some drama with her ex who gave her shit for getting engaged with me, whilst I was on my way to meeting my friends. She called me on the phone and wanted me to cancel my night to come and comfort her, or at least pick her up an dtake her with me.

I told her no to both, because her drama with her ex is not mine and she should be able to handle that herself. Now if she broke a leg or was involved in some other kind of emergency I would be right there

Your job is getting in touch with your emotions and learning to decipher what warrants asking him to make a sacrifice and what doesn't. If you allow him his space and also are clearly communicating your well reflected needs, you will be fine .

CloudDunker · 2019-11-09T17:46:30+00:00

I’d say express how you feel the next time you see him. Don’t judge him for what he did. Just express you emotions. Ideally he will try try to comfort you and find a middleground between you and his videogames.

peacocktoast · 2019-11-10T02:30:20+00:00

I don't know, sometimes I feel this sub is a little too forgiving of men. For example, we might advise you against cancelling on your man, and therefore not fulfilling his needs, to do your own thing. You only see each other a few days out of the week, after all.

Well, this relationship is supposed to provide for you, too. If he can't put aside gaming a few times per week to give you a little bit of emotional attention, I think that's a bad sign for an LTR.

szsunshine · 2019-11-10T02:53:38+00:00

I'm not a gamer, but I am an introvert. I am married, but when H was only my boyfriend, I would still need my space (H traveled a lot for work when we were dating / married so I had a large amount of free time in the beginning of our relationship). I would look forward to "me" time when I could be alone, didn't have to accommodate BF (now H), didn't feel obligated to "snuggle" while I watched tv, didn't have to choose a program "that we both can enjoy." As much as I enjoyed and treasured our time together, I need to recharge by being by myself. IMO it doesn't matter if the hobby is gaming, reading, watching tv, working out.....it's the zoning and being alone that is important to recharge.

Your boyfriend had a day that he was not supposed to see you, and he was there for you when you needed him. You got an "extra" day with him already. And in six months this is the first / only time that he "double booked" and needed to rearrange a date. If he did this a lot it would be a huge red flag and I would tell you not to put up with it, but I don't think this one time is so bad.

Mamita91 · 2019-11-10T20:37:49+00:00

I have an update, thabk you so much everyone for your insights. I chilled at his yesterday (he asked me to come over as he wasnt feeling well so I made him soup). . I read my book and fell asleep early. Today we woke up late and went to the cinema, we planned to spend the day together. After the cinema he said he wasnt sure whether he wanted to come back to mine, or go home and play with his friends. I want to learn to be better, because he could tell by my face that I was upset, as we planned thisj day to be together.. So he's here at mine now, but now I feel like it's because he could tell I was upset.. I don't want to have to compete with a game, I want him to see me because he wants to, but also we haven't spent much time together this week which is why I got upset.. Advice please..

Melohdy · 2019-11-09T21:03:16+00:00

I was addicted to shooting games, yelling and swearing. Then I saw what it was doing to me and my family and quit. Now my alone time is on Reddit, but it's not as much time and isn't nearly so intense. BTW, I am 55 now.

NewMexicoChemistry · 2019-11-10T03:33:57+00:00

Did he plan his man date or the you date first? This isn’t a commitment to video games, it’s a commitment to a person who happens to be playing video games with him.

If he promised you first, but video games with Brobud are more appealing, he has no interest in you long term and no integrity for that matter.

Does he spend half as much time on video games as at the gym, or bettering himself - entrepreneurship, education, ambitious action etc?

Hobbies are important. What is the outcome of the hobby? Does it make you a better person? What is the product of the time spent on the hobby?

I used to be a gamer in my teens and early 20’s, and unless you make it a career/YouTube channel, it’s a waste of hobby (I mean your life) time. Golf, hiking, arts and crafts, woodworking, eating bacon, cake decorating, cars etc etc are all more meaningful hobbies.

I lurk here, and while I have read a fair bit of information on RedPill stuff, I’m still learning. So, is he an Alpha or a Beta?

atticxsalt · 2019-11-09T19:54:19+00:00

[deleted]

schielegirl · 2019-11-10T03:38:08+00:00

Next!!!!

ragnarockette · 2019-11-09T18:53:29+00:00

I wouldn’t date or marry a guy who played video games, but that’s just me.

atticxsalt · 2019-11-10T01:45:31+00:00

A lot of these responses are terrible frankly.

It sounds like your bf is immature. I feel like playing video games should have been the least wisest thing for him to do in this situation. It strikes as a red flag to me that comforting you in the best way he knew how should have been his priority esepcially since he offered to stay the night.

Clearly his video games are more important to him than anything else. I'm not saying your bf is a bad dude, but I would not feel comfortable being with someone who has a gaming addiction. It's just as bad as having any addiction in that it takes over one's life and leaves their loved ones in the dust.

I'm sorry for the break-in. That is a traumatic situation to deal with. Do you have any female friends you feel comfortable in confiding in and getting their perspective? I think this is a really important thing to do.

Zegiknie · 2019-11-09T18:31:42+00:00

He double booked, the activity with his friend is not yours to judge unless it affecta you.

He's comfortable enough to tell you honestly, that's not bad! He likes gaming, that's not bad in an of itself either (unless it's addiction). Why do you take issue?

He saw you extra because of the incident, so it makes sense he would cancel you and not the friend.

This is small fries. You clearly are important to him (he came over to help!). If he is too tired to see you, that means he expects little pampering from you or wants to perform/impress. Fatigue is weakness, it's easier for women to show around relatively new loves than men.

CaptRameus · 2019-11-10T00:30:24+00:00

Talk to him about it and start doing something you could be busy with too!

2019-11-10T07:33:52+00:00

I haven’t read all the responses but it’s not like he’s cancelling on you and making no plans to see you again. He’s asking to reschedule until tomorrow.

Do you have plans tomorrow?

If you didn’t have plans with him tonight, would you be doing something else?

If the answer is yes to either question, call him out for not being respectful of your time. If the answer is yes, be cool.

Yes, he’d rather play a video game tonight than hang out with you (tonight) and that’s an ego bruise but there are going to be things you both want to do more than hang out ordinary style sometimes.

If he cancelled something special, different story too.

atticxsalt · 2019-11-14T05:58:23+00:00

I couldn't do it. I know myself enough to know that it will hurt my feelings if he missed our one date that week to play video games, even if I said it's okay.

Sometimes guys can be a little clueless about those sort of things, so don't take it personally. You also want him to trust you at your word, so if you're lying about it being okay when its not, then letting him know that he can't trust you to communicate your feelings and needs to him and avoid situations that would produce resentment. It sounds like you could really use his company after that break-in and would really like to connect with him.

I'd personally tell my SO that I would still feel hurt and say I'd like to see him (and why) even if that means we grab takeout and only get to talk in the car and I do my own thing while he plays video games. Or personally I would ask to join because I like video games. Seems like he promised the boys to game that night so I wouldn't want him to let down his friends either. It's just nice to feel their presence and stop the feelings of disconnect, for the wellbeing of your relationship really.

Fridgemagnetman · 2019-11-10T00:05:12+00:00

Maybe he's freaked out by the break in and doesn't want to visit your place

Title	Boyfriend cancelled date to play videogames
Author	Mamita91
Upvotes	62
Comments	69
Date	November 9, 2019 4:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/dtxro5/boyfriend_cancelled_date_to_play_videogames/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/boyfriend-cancelled-date-to-play-videogames.294594 https://theredarchive.com/post/294594