How to not be a bitch: 2019 edition

As I was lifting a ten thousand pound dumbbell high above my head while two sultry blondes licked at my nutsack, I noticed the guy next to me was a bitch! Here he was, at the gym, which is an inherently not bitchy place even if sometimes some retardedly hot piece and her friend start babbling. And, yet, this man was a bitch all the same. He cowered at the sight of masculine men, and women, well, they may as well have been Medusa for how much he avoided looking at them. This couldn't do at all!

My dear boy, I said to him. I am going to help. I am the Ghost of Getting Ass, and I have taken pity on you! Come! We must debitchify you!

The man seemed uncertain as to whether or not he should get onto the motorcycle, so, to aid him, I punched him in the face.

What did you do that for, the man said.

I wagged an alpha finger at him.

Don't be uncertain! Uncertainty is the move of women and bitch men. Asses your options, and then do what springs to mind immediately.

The man struggled to get a proper foothold on the bike, and he immediately crashed into a light post.

Don't you know how to ride a bike?

The man shook his head pathetically. I gave him my hand and put him back on the bike, teaching him how.

Learn Skills and do exciting things! Women are attracted to skill and being good at something exciting and dangerous gets women wetter than ten thousand roses ever could. Women are extremely boring, and you are the exciting instrument that they secretly want to blow.

The man and I rode our motorcycles to some dive bar and began to drink with the other men. The man, now surrounded by pure uncut masculinity, began to loosen up.

She has titties as big as satellite dishes! One man said. And the bar laughed. I turned to the man again.

Become immersed in masculinity. Once you are surrounded by something you become more comfortable. Like diving into a pool. Once the waters of masculinity become a Haven for you, your adventures with women will become easier.

The man and I left the bar. Time to score some ass!

I saw some Latina bitch with a fine ass walking by and went over and alphaed her until her panties got wet, of course. The man stood behind me, looking at women. He was strutting his chest out and holding his head high.

I stopped talking to the Latina.

What the fuck are you doing, faggot?

I'm being alpha, the man replied, I read a post about alpha body language and i-

I punched his flabby jaw.

Stop it.

You can act as alpha as you want, but beautiful women need to be approached. They have incredibly low self-esteem and are insecure. They could not handle it if you rejected them. And so they don't apporach. They are a lot like most of you, a bitch, afraid of even the slightest bit of bumps in the road.

The man finnaly grew a big set of balls, and went up and talked to a woman.

H-hi...

Dear God what is he doing, but then I remembered patience. Not so long ago I was a beta faggot who wouldn't know what to do with a pussy if it was gift wrapped and sent to my door.

I-i thought you were cute and I wanted to say hi.

I have a boyfriend, the bitch replies.

Oh, I'm sorry, ok bye.

The man walks away.

I grab him by the arm. Hey, that was pretty shite but at least now you know one thing.

Rejection is better than regret.

The night is over, and the man goes to his 9-5. I follow along, floating beside him like the alpha Spectre that I am. He slacks off at his job, and constantly shoots glances at Karen, the funky bitch with the back tattoo in HR. As he goes to the urinal for his procrastination piss, I give him a solid jab to the ear.

Hey retard.

Money is more important than women. Start paying more attention to your bank account and less towards whores.

The man is done and drives home, listening to some classic rock garbage that every department store plays to brainwash you into buying heaters.

Are you going to the gym now, you haven't gone today, I say to him.

He shakes his head.

I, uh, went yesterday and besides I think I'm gonna switch to calisthenics, it's a more-

I spit in his eye

The gym is your church, and if you are a good Christian man you don't just go on Sundays. You go to every pot luck, every meeting, and keep your body strong.

After lifting weights, the man begins to play videogames with his online friends. After about an hour I relieve myself on his XBONE or whatever the fuck.

Hey what the hell man, he shouts. Dont piss on my stuff!

I piss on his shoes now.

Listen faggot!

Video games aren't a skill and if you play it for longer than an hour you are atrophying away. Their is a world full of fresh pussy waiting to be dined upon, and we, the last alphas in this bluepill dystopia, must endeavor to dine on it.

The man now sits mindlessly on his phone.

Don't you have any hobbies, I ask.

The man says yes, but upon closer inspection it appears his hobby is smoking weed and jacking off.

I look over to his closet.

Boxing gloves, a parachute, dancing shoes, a fencing sword or whatever the fuck it's called.

I then realize his problem.

Find hobbies and stick to them. Nothing ever comes easy at first, but you risk becoming a boring and retarded loser if you don't do anything.

The man is now finally looking good and approaches a woman the right way for the first time.

I don't usally do this she says

I don't believe he responds suavely.

I'd tell you how to approach a woman the right way, but their are over 100 posts about it. Here's what you should remember.

Take risks with women, as my uncle Vasily says, faint heart never fucked fair lady.

Finally, the man is back at his room with a woman. As he fucks, I hover over him giving him the thumbs up ocassionly. Felt like highschool running trains again.

A final rule.

Betas fuck like in movies. If ur alpha u go for the kidneys with every pump, grabbing a handful of neck while you do so.

The man nuts all over the girls face.

He turns to me.

But Visible, I feel so empty. Did I do all this work for this momentary satisfaction.

No. Go look in the mirror.

And their, he sees himself, a healthy, strong, masculine man, who is happy with his life.

And finally he understands.

The Redpill isn't about women, it's about you. And making you a better version if yourself. Women are a secondary thing. You, are what is important. And as you improve, you shall become happier.

And with that, I fly off to teach some new beta how to be alpha.