Your mind seeks comfort. It will trick you into complacency whenever possible. You can rationalize excuses for not chasing what you want, but ultimately your reality is incongruous with your desires. This dissonance will build and inevitably manifest through depression, anxiety, and hopelessness.
Once you're here, it can become very difficult to escape. It can seem like the only way you'll ever become happy is if you have all the things you've ever wanted (multiple plates, attention and validation from girls and friends, etc.) The more hopeless you become, the further you feel you are from ever realistically reaching these goals. Taking a large leap like approaching a random girl or even going on a date from a hopeless state like this can cause gut-wrenching anxiety that makes it feel like you'll never be successful as a man.
The way out of this hole is incredibly simple. You have to fucking climb. It can be an inch at a time, but as long as you're making consistent progress, you can find solace in the fact that you will, by sheer will and inevitability, become a successful man.
There's no better way to suck the joy out of life than to convince yourself that you'll "finally be happy" when you've achieved X. Gaining 30lb of muscle will improve your life immeasurably, sure. Fucking a 9 will be gratifying, yes. But these accomplishments won't make you happy. When you've achieved them, all you'll think about is how they didn't live up to your expectations. This mindset will make you chronically dissatisfied. It will only push you further back into hopelessness. I know because I've been there.
To enjoy life is to enjoy the process. Gratitude changes everything. This may sound like self-help BS, but it's true. When I think back to my most content state, it wasn't mid-orgasm in some random chick. Some of my happiest days have been spent entirely in my own company, eating, lifting, and doing whatever suits me. Be grateful for the fact that you're able-bodied, young, and male. Be grateful for the fact that you have the opportunity to improve yourself physically, mentally, and socially. Be grateful for the fact that you can bring value and laughter into other people's lives. Shit really ain't that serious, dude.
Lift, meditate, and read. Play an instrument. Go for a walk. Pet a cat. In the long term, these are the things that make life worth living – not the attention of some vain 19 year old girl who spends her day on instagram. Chasing her validation will lead you absolutely nowhere. Sure, the prospect of sex can be exciting. But don't ever confuse that excitement with the promise of happiness.
The truth is, no girl can make you happy. If you're already happy, she can add to your life, sure. But if you feel truly hopeless, a girl's validation can only provide fleeting hope – a hope that will fade when she inevitably loses attraction for the weak, needy version of you.
I'm not gonna profess to be an expert on any of this shit. I'm very early on in this journey myself (I'm only 19 ffs). But I just recently began to pull myself out of a hopeless depression much like what I described, and I thought that someone could benefit from hearing this.
Stay strong boys, and keep climbing.
Be glad you figured this out early, it took me to get to my 30s to figure this out.
I’m not a huge college football fan or football fan but I’ve been consistently impressed by Nick Saban. His ability to “trust the process” even when nobody else will never ceases to amaze me.
Things can often seem like a grind and like nothing is happening. But as long as you keep grinding and working hard towards the goals that you’ve set, the process will work for you. I’ve going that the best way for me is to smell the roses as often as possible. While what you’re going through might seem like hell, it’s going to make you stronger but only if you embrace the suck and view the good in every situation.
Bad timing for this comment heh.
care to share some Saban quotes?
I think you're on the right track with this one. I heard the rock on one of his talks say his most important qualities responsible for his success are being grateful, and being hungry. I try to drill that mantra into my mind every day. Grateful but hungry.
We cannot be happy if we are too comfortable. We are pulled into comfort by our minds, and we have to learn when we are headed this direction. We avoid struggle and pain and change and monotonous things that dont bring instant gratification. But in truth, we are our happiest when we overcome struggle and develop resiliency and self reliance. When we face a demon and conquer it. When we risk our comfort for something more. Our perspective changes and we realize our self imposed limits.
Journey on bro, thanks for this solid post.
This is true.
I’m in a depressed... somewhat state right now.
I look back at the times I was happy and literally on top of the world. It was when I was dating. I had a lot of success. Not only in dating but in life. I had lost lots of weight, built muscle, was growing my social circle and had my phone blowing up with texts. Got 2 job interviews. Life was going well and I connected it all to dating.
That wasn’t it.
Like you say it was tackling my demons head on and conquering them. Then tackling new demons and conquering them.
I was conquering demons left and right.
What you write is true.
Some dudes will hate on this for being 'self help' stuff, but there is truth in here.
You have to cultivate some gratitude. Being outcome dependent on goals far in the distance can create dissonance.
'I'll be happy when xxx'...is telling yourself you aren't happy now. It can lead to victim mentality and all sorts of shit.
I find I have to cultivate gratitude daily. I take a look around and see what I've accomplished. I'm happy for what is here, not some far off future date.
Also, invest in the process not the outcome. I'm always in a process. That's what makes me feel most like a man. I am constantly grinding out processes to make shit happen.
A huge cure for depression, I believe, is cultivating an ability to live in and appreciate the present.
Glad you pulled yourself out, man.
This same kinda line, was in The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck.
Just saw this on the seduction subreddit.
yeah i thought it applied well here
Reminder that no amount of women will satisfy. Lift for yourself, not some skag that's been violated 10 times already.
Proverbs 5:3-6: "For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell. Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them."
Even Solomon knew women (generally speaking) are just a bunch of hoes who walk aimlessly through life, giving little to no though about her steps.
A new biblical red pill. Thanks for sharing it. I love finding/seeing red pills in the Bible. I don’t know why, maybe it just feels like the sacred knowledge found in TRP has been around since at least the beginning of the written word.
Ain’t nothing new about these hoes.
I’d gladly read a post acquainting to old biblical red truths. Would make for interesting discussion.
Check out Ecclesiastes 7:28, if you haven't already:
A lot of truth here. I still like my materialistic things. I still like spinning plates. But I, too, did not realize I was truly happy until my 30's. During a business trip I thought a lot about what I had accomplished, what I had earned, and that I was happy. I missed home, the environment that I had built.
It wasn't just moving up the corporate ladder, or the new piece of gym equipment in my basement. It was that total fucking package, I had accomplished soo much because I had goals and kept my head on straight.
What if you've tried so many times? Almost every week I tell myself something is going to change and I try and always fail. I want to keep hope but looking back all I've really had has been failures. It's been like that for like 5 years and I'm now starting to feel stuck.
If you've had lots of failures it means you're experienced in some field, aren't you? Use that if there's a way to implement those failure.
If you've been trying for a long time and nothing has drastically changed then change your approach. Look for different doors to enter, stop bashing into the wall because we're all different and you can't walk someone else's path.
Fail. Fail again. Fail harder. Fail better. Its a war of attrition.
I struggle with being productive constantly. There's a deep part of me that wants to do nothing but smoke weed all day and jerk off. Shamefully, some weekends that part of me still wins. Used to be that was every weekend. The first month that part won just three out of four weekends was a success. It didn't feel like a success. I didn't accomplish anything I wanted to that month. Nevertheless, that was where I was at and so it was the first step in the right direction. Success.
Wherever you are at, be honest with yourself about the small, incremental change that would constitute success for you. Forget about getting ripped right now if you haven't even stepped into a gym. Just going is success. Forget about banging a hottie right now if you haven't approached yet. Getting rejected is success.
Its a war of attrition you've got to wage against your own weak, pussy, beta self. Five years is just the opening. This war will last decades. Your whole life in fact.
By virtue of the fact that we are reading each other's comments on the internet, we can assume that we all grew up in prosperous, comfortable civilization. Because peace, comfort, & security are all we've ever known, we default to thinking that's normal. It isn't. Look at nature. Really look at it. All the violence, starvation, infection, and death. All the struggle. That is normal. Embrace the normalcy of struggle.
Every failure you encounter is another opportunity for you to improve and perfect your craft... an opportunity in disguise. Thank yourself for failing because you're farther ahead of the person who didn't try at all, and learn from it.
Great post dude. Sometimes I feel this major gap between where I am at and where I want to get to and it feels very demoralizing and hopeless but it's important to realize that the only way to get there is to take one small step at a time and appreciate the steps along the way because the destination is dependent on the journey.
Glad you figured it out at this age. Read some books written by Navy Seals, ultramarathon athletes or something requiring extreme will. What you realize is that these guys really really suffer on the outside, but when you are done reading it, there is a deep satisfaction within you over the growth process and pushing your limit.
This is essentially the opposite feeling to any pleasure addiction. Pleasure or comfort causes depression in the long run because you are sending the subconscious message to yourself that you are not happy and you need outside pleasure to numb the pain. It's dependency on some drug or the other. That depression you feel, it's your soul longing for the evolution it isn't able to get. You are no longer at ease with yourself.
Conversely, when you are willing to take discomfort, you send the message that you are happy within and can face the discomfort within due to inner strength. This eventually gives you deep satisfaction at the end when you see how much you've progressed. You are at ease with yourself even without pleasures.
The root source of inner happiness is actually inner strength. Pleasure can give you a dope rush for a while, but it can't substitute the happiness that comes from inner strength. Actually you can't call it a happiness, it's more like a state where you don't need happiness or a pleasure drip. You become happy by conquering your need to be happy. Who knew that strength was a form of happiness in itself?
Pleasure is not happiness. Good point!
Saved. Very nice post my friend.
Pain is guaranteed. Suffering is optional. Adversity is demanded of us regardless. Best bet is to choose what to suffer thru.
E X A C T L Y. Preaching brother.I used to think that this "gratitude" thing is up to mindless seminars, life-coaches and so forth. I was dead wrong. Nearly half-a-year ago something has clicked and I began implementing this simple principle. Shit has changed for sure. I've started to enjoy and appreciate little things, like being able to walk anywhere, to do anything, to eat anything, to take care of yourself in any way possible and so forth; this rules so much. Meanwhile you'll be able to look inside of every human being and understand their core; it's kinda like the Matrix. And this is both cute and disgusting. People are asleep (and so am I tbh, time has not come yet) and they couldn't care less because.. you know, those Apple Watch Series 5 won't buy themselves eh.Long story short - RedPill, MGTOW and Gratitude combined is the way to go. Unplug as soon as possible, stop simping and be grateful for everything in your life.
The funny thing is I'd read about gratitude so many times before and instantly written it off in my head as self-help BS. It's one of those things that I feel like people can't realize until they've been through some sort of pain. Gratitude is peace.
Most new redpillers thing redpill is about sexual stratergy etc.Infact it is about improving yourself,women are just along for the ride she should not be your goal.
Do stuff that improves your life,or rather focus on improving yourself.
TRP is, and will always be about sexual strategy. The best sexual strategy just happens to be improving yourself as a man.
Redpill is Sexual Strategy by improving yourself, actually Sexual Strategy is TRP main focus
Not necessarily. The RedPill is more of a way to open men's eyes to the reality of contemporary gender dynamics, and to arm them with the proper knowledge and tools to be successful in life as a man whether or not that includes pursuing sexual activity with women.
It's more than just sexual strategy. But, I imagine, most probably come here for women.
Good read, i needed this now. I am currently and have been for about 2-3 months not necessarily in a depressed but rather in an anger state. Reason being i have been putting in a lot of work on myself and my future for the past 2 years and still have gotten nowhere, i'm still a broke student on his senior year. I am fully aware that comparing yourself to others is a bad idea, and that you are basically shooting yourself in the foot, but sometimes the thoughts just come to mind of how almost everyone around me is putting in a lot less work in and some are just plain out less capable, yet they have their lives together simply because their families are better off and can afford them to live a decent life.
If it wasn't for lifting and the fact that i do enjoy what i'm studying i am honestly afraid where i would be mentally in life. So thanks for the message, i guess the grind never stops. I read a quote somewhere "I'ts not about the destination its about the journey", would like to fully adopt this mindset.
We're all dealt different cards. IMO, those of us who've been through some pain are at an advantage. If it weren't for my experiences, I probably never would've had the realizations that I did. Glad this could help.
Something I saw quoted just recently in here
Saved! Thank you for these words.
Just classical reminders you need to grind it out for what you want and to enjoy life. This kind of message may not be new, but a constant needed reminder for when times get tough! Thank you for this
This is the truth on which the billion dollar therapeutic and medical industry hangs on.
I don’t believe in anti-depressants. Never took them myself, so I might as well be wrong. The people who’ve taken them have all told me they feel miserable and empty.
Last Friday I was with this bi-chick who had been offered several threesomes this month but denied and flaked them all due to a lack of energy and overall blues. Her diet is on point, she doesn’t drink a lot, has a proper sleep schedule - the whole nine yards. The anti-depressants fucked with her head.
I swapped her pills for my chewing gum. Flushed them down later.
Having a purpose, lifting, and a decent diet goes a long way. “Anti-depressants make you feel like a hazed whore on her period.”
Her words.
I'll keep this in mind haha
Fuck man! I really wanted to hear this. I'm going through a tough time. I will probably cry myself to bed tonight. Thank you so much. I genuinely feel lighter after reading this.
If you keep focusing on climbing you'll never be satisfied. There's always more, you'll always be chasing, and never get there. Until you die, still having more to do, having more to be accomplished. You may achieve some of your dreams, but there will always be more to gain in front of you. The only way to true happiness is to be happy with your lot.
Being content with the climb is key. I've decided that climbing, even if I only get a little better, is infinitely better than the existential dread of staying in the hole.
Agreed. Content with the climb, and also content where you are. You can't have one without the other. Meaning if you just stay stagnant, and are happy, you are a buffoon. But if you think the key to happiness is to keep climbing, you will never be satisfied. It is a careful balance, on a delicate scale, that is life.
Reading this made me happy. I'm going to the gym. Hope the best for everyone here.
Glad this could help! hit an ohp pr today
WHAT if you are 29 and still want pussy
This is really good man, this is like spot on.. and I'm happy you wrote this
This shit should be the foundation. Every thing else is useless without this
What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.
Read it when I needed it most.
This is the ultimate truth, comfort and complacency kills you from inside slowly and you wont notice it until its late. Its like death from thousand paper cuts, you feel depressed, hopeless and miserable. This very feeling will haunt you every time you are alone even when you are doing daily shit like eating food, taking a dump, in the shower or before sleep. Most people in this condition will resort to any activity that will elevate this scary feeling momentarily with cheap pleasure or dopamine inducing things like smoking, drinking, being watching TV shows, stalking girls online and the most common one masturbating to porn all day long. Even if you are in this downward spiral that doesn't mean you can't escape from it, escaping will require considerable efforts from your side like OP said climb inch at a time, work one day at a time and a word of CAUTION in this moment while progressing do your work with a leap of faith that i just need to work without the "Desire of getting result quickly" else you will fail within a week and revert back to your old life style, your current brain is hard wired to instant gratification and cheap dopamine, change will happen in these brain circuits with time as you progress with your new habits your old circuit will get weak over time. I highly recommend this book "You are not your brain by Jeffrey M. Schwartz MD and Rebecca Gladding MD". Ping me if you have any doubt.
didnt i read this on seduction ? lol
This is pure facts. I see far to many other guys in my age group fall victim to this shit.
This is great. I’ve been there as well. Climb inch by inch and you can get out of any seemingly never ending hopeless state. Thanks for sharing.
Good post Reminds me of those pictures of a girl at the top then Cesar at the bottom going 'she is temporary but the glory of Rome is forever'
Great post. I also learned some time ago that the dissonance caused by the gap between what you truly desire and what you have causes this inner state of being unsettled. That’s why I’m heading back to Uni at the age of 32 to pursue a career aligned with what I love most in life.
For now on I’m gonna keep repeating to my self “keep climbing” (x10).
And I’m 17 I appreciate the post brother.
My fight with my own depression is somewhat like this. Still suffer but lifting, working, and taking risks have all been giving me more hope and confidence in myself again. Once you come to terms with the red pill one can come to some sort of peace
How do you bring value into other people's lives?
Do cool shit, share said cool shit with others.
Get some camping gear, invite somebody out camping. Learn how to make a good recipe and invite someone over. Learn how to fly, take your friends flying. Be pleasant to be around, have your life in order.
Just being an enjoyable, pleasant person to be around is enough.
Have a personality. Give people life. Make them feel.
No, i don't believe you or anyone else who says this doesn't peak their radar.
Can there be at least one subreddit on this site where pussies and childern dont just whine about how they are depressed?...go to depression subreddit for this shit
this post is meant to help people stop whining about depression, fix their lives, and embrace the red pill