How do you guys deal with hypergamy?

WonderfulDorothyOfOz · 2019-11-09T17:00:51+00:00

One of the issues with Red Pill (again, another argument against) is that it treats and teaches you to think that women are these unthinking uncontrollable beings who are completely controlled by their animal hamster brain. If you truly believe that, you're not going to see anything else, no matter how much information is thrown at you that contradicts it.

There is science that proves it's a thing and there's science that argues against it and that it might be less biological and more of a traditional behaviour expectation passed down through the generations. Either way, nothing is 100% certain. There's studies that have been done about recent changes in behaviour because women now work and are less inclined to need to find a mate because she can now support herself. We look for certainties to help our ego feel comfortable, but they make us blind to other things.

It's better to stop stressing about all this back and forth shit. Realize that nothing is 100% certain and that you, shocker, might just end up super happy with someone who loves you until you both die. Sign a prenup if you're worried, but you're stopping yourself from being happy by stressing about all this. Both men and women can fuck up relationships, but both are also capable of keeping one together. Go to therapy, figure your shit out, remember that control of anything is an illusion, go out and meet lots of people, sleep around, and go back for the one that makes your heart happy and that matches your morals and goals.

I_like_the_word_MUFF · 2019-11-09T17:20:00+00:00

Have you engaged the r/polyamory and r/nonmonogamy communities on Reddit about how they see "hypergamy"?

I mean, they're out there sharing their partners with others and I rarely see the angst riddled posts of "red pill" ideology in action on there.

You'd think they'd be seeing your issue over and over. I mean, honestly, why don't they? Why are they not crushed under the same truth you are seeing?

Maybe because emotionally self aware people don't make "demons" up to explain quite simple human interaction issues.

loveopenly · 2019-11-09T16:13:19+00:00

The same way I deal with being bald. I don't make a big deal about it. Hypergamy is just an idea. If you make it a big deal you just put obstacles in your way. Life is too short to worry about things you can't control.

Nibbalover5200 · 2019-11-09T16:23:23+00:00

Hypergamy in a sense exists in both ways. Simply this isn’t a female only issue but a human one in general. We typically will always gravitate to people with high status cuz biologically status=survival. Like you said that will throw themselves at 10/10 guy but wouldn’t you want to do the same to a 10/10 girl. My advice would be to build you own version of status. Workout and buy nice clothes to look better. Pursue hobbies and dreams to develop an identity. Be the best version of yourself.

TheMadWoodcutter · 2019-11-09T16:42:54+00:00

Hypergamy, as trp attempts to sell it, is complete bullshit. All humans are attracted, on some level, to attractive people. Whether or not we pursue them is a factor of life situation and character, among other things. Women are no different than men in this. To suggest otherwise is delusional.

weedowoo · 2019-11-09T16:09:59+00:00

Be the best you can be, dont worry too much about it.

hamarr47 · 2019-11-10T00:08:58+00:00

I think moving away from the AWALT mindset would be a start. Shawn T Smith wrote a book called “The Tactical Guide To Women” that goes into a bit of detail on traits to look for in women. The title is kind of dumb, but it’s pretty good. It’s mostly about looking for traits of to look for like maturity in dealing with problems, avoiding bpd/npd traits, making sure your core values align, etc. he does talk about the risk of divorce but does believe that it’s worth the risk and that there are great women out there. I’m kind of surprised he goes on the Red Pill podcasts since he seems to have a lot of core differences in views about women.

Others have said the red pill seems to push this idea that women will always follow some programming of hypergamy. As if they have no ability for self reflection or self control. And on the other hand all guys are logical, which is not true. Many guys will also often cheat or leave their wife for a hot young women they want to bang.

I just have too many women I know to agree all women are like that. My mom left my dad because he was very abusive. He wasn’t hitting her yet, but he was always angry and yelling and punching holes in the wall and that sort of thing. She left him and didn’t “divorce rape” him. He was an officer at the time and she could have taken him to the cleaners. She had the opportunity again when he retired from the Air Force and then again from the medical field. She was entitled to take half of that military retirement due to the length of time they were married, and she had struck out the enlisted years living in the shittiest places. But she never did, my mom had a lot of issues of her own that I am still trying to work on in myself, but she did have a lot of admirable traits and I always appreciated that she tried to raise us on her own except for the minimum child support that was allowed at the time.

I know that’s just one anecdote, but it’s enough to counter a lot of the red pill ideas. I know other women that behave completely counter to the hypergamy idea. I have also know shitty women, like my step mom, who are gold diggers and I wouldn’t want to be with them. If you sit in the negativity of the red pill, I don’t think you can really look out for those positive traits. As much as red pill guys talk about going for the alpha, it seems like red pillers are drawn to those negative traits and then blame all women. Much the same the women that focus on status or whatever and ignore the warning signs hate men. In particular “nice guys” can be drawn to bpd and vice versa.

bagoonga · 2019-11-09T16:45:25+00:00

Not everyone picks based on status. The world has like 8 billion people in it. Do you seriously think you know why billions of people pick their spouses?

There’s nothing to cope with because it’s imaginary. It might make sense to you, but things can be bullshit and make sense.

mjornir · 2019-11-09T21:59:46+00:00

Easiest way to deal with it is to see that it occurs just as much in males too. Look at Hollywood actors, for example, and how many 20-somethings they marry and then divorce for the next young model. The constant desire to swap partners for a “newer and better” one is a personality trait, not a characteristic of women.

As an extension of that logic, if we know men that are this way, and we know there aren’t, you can conclude that there are women this way and women who are not as well. In other words, not every woman is like that.

coffeetablestain · 2019-11-09T16:11:02+00:00

Because you’re only going to be worrying about any of this shit in casual college dating where you’re all fickle and dumb and on reality TV.

snowdrone · 2019-11-09T17:19:18+00:00

This kind of generalizing isn't helpful. Wouldn't you like to sleep with a famous model or actress? There's a kernel of truth in some RP stuff but it's blown out of proportion and distorted. (Kind of like any other polarizing ideology).

In dating I've found that women really appreciate a normal conversation, where the guy doesn't have his head filled with insecurities, generalizations and frustration. If you look at the world in a self-defeating way it becomes self-fulfilling. Good women for you exist.

pretty-boy- · 2019-11-12T01:56:09+00:00

the fact of hypergamy

lmaooo

internet_username_97 · 2019-11-09T16:28:15+00:00

Well I try to improve my life as much as I can and seek out good people to spend time with. There’s no denying that men and women have different priorities in mate selection. People are allowed to choose parters however they like, whining about it is pointless.

If you’d rather have women select men differently, think about how it ought to work and try to find communities who might agree. There are churches, there’s regions where people are more traditionally family oriented, there’s all sorts of hobbies that draw different sorts of people.

slitwristlarry · 2019-11-13T23:38:21+00:00

Hypergamy exists to an extent, but it isn’t a brain worm that short circuits free will. Most women will aim for as best they can get until they get married and then their drive to look goes down a lot. Just because something is attractive to you doesn’t mean you’re going to act to get it. Most women do not cheat, just like most men do not cheat. I can use myself as an example.

I personally have a thing for Asian girls, I am undeniably attracted to them. I also have a very serious relationship that’s headed towards marriage. A few months ago an Asian girl who was just my type was flirting with me heavily, it was the easiest thing in the entire world to shut her down and avoid her in the future. Just because something stuck my fancy it doesn’t negate all the love, respect, good memories and plans for the future I have with my girlfriend. No one could hold a candle to her because she isn’t just a set of stats to be replaced with another object with better stats, she’s a person and also my best friend. In this context no amount of hot Asian girls is going to make me sacrifice my integrity or our relationship. Does that make sense ?

HighAfBullfrog · 2019-11-14T10:30:11+00:00

You can control your instincts, but most people won't because it requires a lot of willpower.

Dramamphrica · 2019-12-27T06:13:25+00:00

No, having money does not make a man more physically attractive. How can that be Possible? It doesn’t seem to be the norm for young beautiful women to marry gross old rich dudes. When do you ever see real examples of that outside of Hollywood movies? You’re just trolling

mgtowwotgm · 2019-12-30T05:16:00+00:00

NAWALT. When I am in a relationship with someone I only have eyes for them. Even if I meet someone who is better in every way it isn't as simple as that. A relationship is something you build on everyday it isn't just the sum of your partners positive traits. It is our happy memories together, it is trust, it's the ways in which we are actively learning about and learning from each other. Also I'm not the best person in the world so I don't feel comfortable pursuing the best person in the world - I want someone somewhat on my level. I am not attracted to unrealistic things not even in theory. I want to share my life with people who can keep up with me and I can keep up with them harmoniously this is true for friendships too - I don't just branch swing to the highest status friends I can find - I choose to be happy and understand that I get out of people what I put in.
Of course I wouldn't stay in something that isn't working but I am not pulling myself out of the moment to constantly try to upgrade. That's insane.

mgtowwotgm · 2019-12-30T05:29:20+00:00

Women are generally interested in money because of needing to be provided for especially while pregnant and raising young. This is the most important thing for them, not looks, biologically speaking. When I chose to get married the man I picked was not rich at all however he had killer work ethic, was passionate about his work, and was incredibly generous in sharing what he had with me. Those qualities are all pertaining to money but I made my choice more carefully than just 'he has X amount in the bank' and instead looked at his behaviour around money and that is what I found attractive. I also found many other things about him attractive. For example, I find him very physically attractive. He is very stable minded and calm and kind-hearted. I would not go for someone purely because they have X amount in the bank. Very few women have such a simplistic and short-term strategy to dating, mating, and life. People in 2019 are generally more complicated than these "facts" you're holding onto.

mgtowwotgm · 2019-12-30T05:54:41+00:00

Random example but; I know the movie Titanic has fictional main characters but she wasn't hypergamous.

Title	How do you guys deal with hypergamy?
Author	Browserrandom
Upvotes	4
Comments	45
Date	November 9, 2019 4:02 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/dtxsc8/how_do_you_guys_deal_with_hypergamy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-do-you-guys-deal-with-hypergamy.299514 https://theredarchive.com/post/299514