I dont know what to do anymore

KrizzkoStyx · 2019-11-02T11:18:15+00:00

Idk if this is any help, but by reading this I can tell that your problem, ironically, is that you are thinking wayyyyy too hard about it.

I'd say stop reading any dating advice/PUA stuff. Interpersonal relationships come organically... which I know you said seems difficult for you, but I think that's because you're trying to apply some rigid, formulaic approach to meeting people. That's going to lead you to be disappointed every time, because that's just not how it works.

There's no universal formula to meeting people or getting girls, so ignore any scam artist who says they can teach you game. The only trick is to just be chill and self-confident. If you're interested in someone, indicate that to her in a direct and non-creepy way (calm, respectful, etc) instead of trying weird pick-up tricks. If she's not interested, just roll with it and don't let it bother you. A lot of guys let rejections compound, as in if they get rejected multiple times in a row, they think it confirms that they're undesirable. This is not right; every woman is different, there are going to be some women who are into you and some who are not. Every guy experiences this.

As for the unshakeable social anxiety: just pretend to be confident and act that way around people, even if you don't feel it. Fake it til you make it. Eventually you'll realize that confidence is only just a mindset and that you've always had the choice to be confident, which is a realization that will turn your fake confidence into real confidence. That might sound confusing, but just trust me on it.

originaldutchcow · 2019-11-02T19:14:28+00:00

Confidence : the ability to not give a shit about what people think.

Tip : the vast majority of people will be forgotten and they will never think about you either. So why care about what they think off you?

strainer123 · 2019-11-02T20:14:13+00:00

You sound like you're trying too hard, relax and enjoy the ride my friend, even your post sounds desperate and tense.

NamelessJ · 2019-11-08T07:27:30+00:00

Stop smoking weed. Stop getting drunk. Stop reading these pill websites or whatever else you're into. Start studying psychology, particularly around trauma because you probably need to deal with that. Start lifting weights and doing MMA. Stop complaining. Focusing on being kind, but also the real you. Learn good conversation skills. Stop clinging to bitterness like a blanket. Your bitterness is giving you a perverse kind of comfort. Based on what you're saying you're an able bodied functioning person who has enough luxury to be on the internet and enough free time to think about these things, so you're life is much better than you think. People suffer. People you admire and respect suffer. You're going to suffer too, that's life, but there's also joy in life when you don't let your mind be controlled by bitterness and weakness. I've been very socially active in my life and I've found that there's more than enough love out there to go around, but it's the people that don't believe they will find it and cling to bitterness who don't receive it. I think you really need to man up and go make something happen in your life, stop complaining and find some discipline.

hamarr47 · 2019-11-09T23:52:50+00:00

I’m working on dealing with self hate right now. It took me a long time to find out about childhood trauma. I’ve learned to like myself a lot more since working with a trauma specialist and joining support groups like ACA. I think a lot of the bitterness people can get is from learning how to be “the nice guy” or “good boy” to manage or placate parents and then learning you can’t win love like that. Other you act in and hate yourself, or act out and hate the world or women/men, etc.

I didn’t spend much time in the red pill community, but a lot of the negativity is what put me off. There are some positive aspects, though those are not unique to red pill, like self improvement, not getting caught up in one it is. I did also find value in soaking in the idea that women could be shitty. I had idolized my mom to some extent and she was the source of most of my trauma. I try to steer clear of it now just to not soak in that negativity. Though, some of the profiles posted on where are all the good men can be funny to read (just don’t read the comments 😛).

SeriouslyNotADude · 2019-11-05T04:22:21+00:00

Breathe. Just do things that make you happy. It sounds like you are trying WAY too hard. And find a new therapist that understands you better.

Also, please don't do anything that makes you feel rapey. If it feels that way to you, it very likely feels that way to her. At worst you feel creepy and embarrassed, while she feels unsafe, scared, and violated. Also, if it feels like that you may be dangerously close to crossing the line to sexual assault. If it feels wrong, don't do it. :)

thtevie · 2019-11-07T00:21:29+00:00

What to do? Stop reading “self-help” books that are written to exploit your addiction to “self-improvement”. The industry only exists to convince you that you’re going to get better if you just buy their next new source of tips and tricks. In reality, they want to sell you more books because, well, they don’t sell you any more books if you actually, you know, HELP YOURSELF to get better. You want 5 simple steps? Here, here’s 5 steps to becoming a better person:

Read Marcus Aurelius, Meditations. It’s not a self-help book, but it is about being good with yourself.
Go for a walk an hour a day, every day, for a year. No music, no audiobook, but just think.
Write in a journal, not on the internet. Nobody here cares about you. you are the only one who does, so you are the only one who needs to know your thoughts.
Stop smoking dope and drinking alcohol. You’re poisoning yourself and using intoxication to mask your real feelings.
Stop swearing. It’s laziness. Put in the mental effort to think of a real insult. Swearing is simple, so it’s the mark of a simpleton. Be better than that.

jordan_disorder · 2019-11-03T03:05:40+00:00

OP, you aren't overthinking anything. You can see the madness and absurdity of this place because it's real. You've just proved that your conciousness is real and not software in the system. Don't go back to sleep like the rest of them. Focus your will and bend this place to it. Good luck.

MXF_420 · 2019-11-03T05:05:23+00:00

You’re never going to be able to have a meaningful relationship with anyone else until you’re able to have a meaningful relationship with yourself.

Sure, that sounds like a cliche, but it’s a cliche because of the fact it’s an inherent truth. You have to be able to love yourself in order to ever be able to love anyone else. If you can’t treat yourself well, there is 0 chance you will ever be able to do so to someone else, that is just a fact.

Luckily, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you can have a meaningful relationship with yourself, it will be obvious to others and you will be more attractive as a result. Then, the outcome of a particular encounter will not matter one way or another because you’re still you and boom that in and of itself is attractive.

VerminatorX1 · 2019-11-09T16:36:09+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9v99hclktVA

Dramamphrica · 2019-12-27T06:35:41+00:00

For the longest time I had problems making and maintaining friends. I felt as though if I wasn’t the center of attention that I was doing something wrong. Totally missed out on what it is to connect with people. That’s a tough one but selfishness and the inability to accept the fact that I’m not perfect/everything to everyone played a huge role in it all. You CAN get better. But it takes a lot of introspection

Title	I dont know what to do anymore
Author	BeardedAnus2
Upvotes	11
Comments	12
Date	November 2, 2019 7:22 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/dqgyfr/i_dont_know_what_to_do_anymore/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-dont-know-what-to-do-anymore.299527 https://theredarchive.com/post/299527