I'll be 23 3 months and it feels like nothing has changed and I really don't feel good about turning 23. It's like I was just graduating high school yesterday and I realized I wasted four years of high school and four years of college trying and failing to become some Hotshot. I wanted everything I couldn't get when I was in elementary and middle school. I made it to a university and I know if we thought that all my problems finally changed in that I can finally be a player but I see how immature and misguided that was the part of me still feels like I want to be on that journey to become a player. I want to make up for all my horrible awkward and cringy times with women.

I still go out here and there but I mostly spend most of my days inside drawing. I don't even go out every weekend like I used to in a lot of my friends don't contact me anymore and life is looking more Bleak than hopeful.

Combine all of that with red pill or blue pill or anything regarding dating or gender norms has really left me bummed out.

I think about this stuff non-stop all day everyday even while I'm on break at work right now.

I don't know what to do anymore and I'm slipping back into Suicidal Tendencies. People say I have all the time in the world but do I really?