Hey everyone! This is my second post on here, I am really grateful for the feedback I've gotten on my first one, but unfortunately, I can't seem to get over the issues I'd outlined previously. (obviously, I'm using an alt to protect the privacy of those involved).

So, anyway, as stated in the title, a woman I am currently seeing is into being submissive in bed. Like, really into it, I guess you could classify it as something really on the kinky side (I'm talking choking, being slapped, being ordered, being called degrading words like 'slut', etc.)

It's important for me to satisfy my partner, but it's a big source of inner conflict for me, considering my redpill past. I mean, if I were talking to a redpiller, they'd say that here, my relationship is proof of how women really want to be subjugated and used by a man, that this is what gets them off and is the real fantasy that drives relationships.

I've googled, like, dozens of articles from feminist authors who speak about how it's important to be in tune with your own desire for women, and I really support that message, but the red pill has just left me traumatized, in a way, because I just can't find a way to fit this into my understanding of how relationships between men and women work.

I've come a long way in understanding how intimacy, understanding, and trust are really key to relationships on both sides, and for a long time I've tried to work off of myself when I conceptualize what the other person may want in a relationship, it helps me empathize with women's feelings. I mean, if a sense of trust and genuine connection is important to me, and I see people around me all saying it's important to them, then it's probably something that holds a lot of weight, right?

Well, meeting a woman like this is bizarre. It's quite terrifying, actually. I mean, she's really turned on by everything that the red pill sets out to achieve as a goal (BUT, of course, within the context of a consensual and understanding and safe relationship), and it leaves me feeling powerless.

I know I can act out her fantasies and we have a satisfying sex life, but I am always left confused afterward. It makes me feel massively insecure: I can adopt a dominating role, but I've never been turned on by it, and even during my redpill days I never liked the idea of domination, and the way the men there talk about pleasure in domination always puzzled me. But, it seems like something they really desire, and in my relationship with a woman, these fantasies are being realized.

I think it makes me feel very insecure: just as I think I can somewhat understand and empathize with women in all aspects of my life, it feels like a rug is being pulled from under me. I know it's not my place to really question others' fantasies, and I'm not trying to kink-shame anyone or try to make it an assault on their sexuality, but it's really tiring. I mean, a woman I'm with experiences pleasure from settings in bed that are nigh on incomprehensible to me, and I feel like now I lose the grip on understanding her conception of relationships as a whole. What makes her like a guy, say, a guy like me? What if, say, it turns out that my personality (which is very caring by nature) turns out to be a turn-off? I know that the red pill is dangerous and toxic, but rationally it's really hard to just completely dismiss their blabber about how women are naturally submissive when this whole situation intuitively seems to support this view (though, again, I reject it wholeheartedly: this is precisely why this situation is so confusing).

I'm sorry if this text is rant-y, but this is something I wanted to get off my chest since I find myself in a very confused and insecure place right now.