So, I'm not sure whether this is a problem common among the exredpill community (or even if this was discussed before, I couldn't find it). A needed clarification: I am a cis, gynephilic male (duh, I guess?). Also, any gendered terms throughout the text are used to refer to cis people for the sake of simplicity.

As I've put it in the title, detoxing after TRP has left me clueless about what it is about men that's attractive to women. When you're within the TRP ideology, you have a clear framework within which you interpret women's sexuality: it may be wrong, but, at least conceptually, it gives you at least a pretense of understanding, some confidence when you're romantically involved with women.

Now, to be clear, I must say that after the detox I tried to reexamine very hard everything that I thought to be true about both women's psychology and how society views and treats them. I've come to consider myself a staunch ally of intersectional feminism, and, taking a new look at how male and female relationships work in our society, I've become quite hostile to the idea of being in a relationship with a man, as a woman. I've tried to really understand and empathize with women in how they're treated and to take their perspective on relationships, but all the baggage from my redpill times really leaves a bleak outlook on men as a whole: not only is TRP a horribly toxic and abusive ideology, I think that the roots it has and the reasons *why* so many men are susceptible to this ideology grow from a patriarchal mindset that is quite common among all men, who are not necessarily even redpilled -- my colleagues, friends and close male friends I have. Men are, as I've experienced it, really prone to aggressive, manipulative, rapey and otherwise toxic behavior in relationships -- much more so than women. I don't believe it's something you can deny, either based on domestic violence statistics or just how much more prevalent the actual *ideology* of abusive relationships is on the internet among male-oriented and women-oriented communities.

Having this in mind, I found myself confused as to what women like about men at all. Obviously, the misogynistic explanation that they want or like to be treated that way is off the table. I tried to conceptualize it through a lens of analogy, i.e. there's nothing different in experience of attraction and desire between a typical man like me and a woman who likes men -- just that there are different bodies involved. But this contradicts both reported experiences from either group (insofar as I've been able to explore the topic), as well as the experiences of trans people who transition and find that different hormones alter their subjective experience of sexuality and allow them to explore it differently.

I've never been able to find a good way to internalize and empathize with a woman's experience of androphilic sexuality. I tried to read a book that's been fairly well-reviewed, "Three Women" by Lisa Taddeo. It's been a very emotionally draining experience for me. The experience of women's attraction to men remained completely alien to me. I can't help but associate men with aggressive, culturally pervasive views of toxic expressions of masculinity (assertive, dominant, aggressive, etc), and even more square that with the preferences some women seem to have for having a more dominant partner, sexually (judging, again, by the aforementioned book and some women's erotica).

There's a big conflict in me with regards to how to deal with the realities of human sexuality without falling into patriarchal and/or redpill tropes that are prevalent within our culture in general. It is draining, in a way, because not being able to empathize with women with regards to relationships hurts my relationships with them in many ways: I both cannot empathize with my friends with regards to their relationships with their boyfriends, and I cannot empathize with my romantic partners. I literally don't understand what it is that they like about me. You could say it's "a good sense of humor", or another general description -- but the problem is that these reasons are perfectly understandable, I do prefer being in a relationship with a person who has a good sense of humor as well -- but I'm not attracted to men with a good sense of humor! Just as well, if that's all there were to it, we'd see such people express more of a pansexual attitude to romantic relationships, which is not the case.

Which is all a really big cause of insecurity for me, both in general relationships with women and romantic relationships especially. I cannot fully *trust* a romantic partner who I cannot understand completely. It's a big issue for me and one that creates a lot of problems for me emotionally. I even broke up with the last, well, not *girlfriend* per se, but a person I've been close to and sexually involved with, for these reasons, among others. It's been a contributing factor, at least.
Anyway, the point of this post is: has anyone else faced similar problems after they left the red pill? Are there any good sources (women's experiences, preferably) that could help me find some resolution to the issue I seek?

Thanks for reading this long post.