Catch 22. Chicken or the egg type of situation with virgin men.

illfuckwiththat · 2019-07-16T18:29:58+00:00

Here’s the thing, if you’re pursuing a hookup, people (of any gender) usually aren’t going to be too patient.

But if you are working on establishing a relationship with someone, they’re much more likely to exercise patience and work with you on a variety of things.

Like if you don’t have experience in a field, no one’s going to hire you as a contractor. But if you get hired by a company that wants to keep you around long-term, they’re going to put in the effort to train and guide you.

Try dating with zero expectation of sex, where you’re simply wanting to get to know someone better and develop an emotional connection. Some women will want to move to sex quickly, but the right one for you will appreciate building something non-physical first and then you two can explore your sexuality together in a supportive setting.

difficultconcept · 2019-07-16T18:39:40+00:00

Our society become so sexualized to the point where men think they have no value simply because they never had sex.

Honestly I was also in the same situation, after two years of TRP I became addicted to prostitutes because I couldn't get sex anywhere else. Believe me, being a virgin is at least one hundred times better than being a prostitute addict. I think I'm permanently damaged and will never be able to have a relationship with a women that doesn't include money. I'm lucky I got away without STDs but I lost my soul and a lot of money in the process.

I can't really give you some advice except staying away from my route. There are many more important things in this world beside sex. Find a hobby, make friends, take care of your parents and siblings, donate to non-profit organizations or volunteer. If you remain virgin it's not the end of the world. Girls who are disrespecting you because of your lack of experience are not worth your time.

Exis007 · 2019-07-16T19:04:40+00:00

Have you ever seen The West Wing?

There's a scene with a pollster that goes a little something like this. She's trying to explain why the president shouldn't back an amendment banning flag burning. She makes the point that, if asked, 82% of people support banning flag burning. Those are great numbers and one would assume it means the president should support the bill. The problem comes when you ask them how MUCH they care. Ask them that, and it becomes kind of a 'meh' issue. It turns out no one cares that much about it, and the few who do are in strong opposition. You won't pick up any yardage because no one really gives a toss and you might lose position with some major supporters.

The problem with asking people whether they'd want to sleep with a virgin is that the hypothetical exists without context. All I know about that supposed person is a neutral-to-negative. So whatever baggage someone has, whatever they have in their head, becomes how they answer that question. Maybe they've had a really awful experience with someone who had to be taught everything and wasn't receptive to learning. Maybe they assume that the imaginary virgin is awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe they assume he's religious. Maybe they assume it would have to be a serious relationship because the person is really saving themselves. Who knows what kind of assumptions people are painting over the question?

But if you ask the right question, you get a different picture. Ask people whether they would have still slept with their significant other IF they were a virgin, and you'll get ten thousand 'yes' answers. There's a world of difference between would you bang a bald dude and would you bang Jason Statham. You can't ask whether someone wants a hypothetical virgin, you have to ask whether being a virgin would otherwise DQ someone they were already attracted to and wanted to go to bed with. And I'm going to be honest...I have found very, very few 'no' responses to that one. Deciding someone is attractive, feeling that attraction, getting to know them, getting physical with them, and deciding to at least consider sex is usually coming well in advance of the reveal that someone is sexually inexperienced. If you're already there, you're probably not going to turn around and head home based on that fact alone. You're already interested; you've already invested. At that point, you just do what you wanted to do in the first place.

When you're into someone, everything about them is pretty great. You like them, thus you like the things ABOUT them. Attraction to someone is one hell of a drug and it makes people round up neutrals to positives and sometimes even ignore things that might be less-than-desirable.

I am sorry about the woman you met at 21. That's a really discouraging experience. She sounds like a less-than-stellar human. It also sounds like she was in it for some casual sex and wasn't necessarily there for you as a person, which would be an additional challenge. Or, hey, maybe she's just a jerk. I've been sexually rejected and I've rejected men, but on either side of the equation there's no need to be an asshole. But you can't control for assholes out in the wild because that happens to everyone. One person's shitty reaction is more of a statement about her baggage and her broken places than it is a referendum on what "women" think.

So...that's my answer. Ask a no-context question like "Do you enjoy sleeping with a virgin" and the question begs for the 'no'. Ask a different question about whether they care if guy they are totally crushing is a virgin and the answers shift to wholly positive. People care, you're just not asking how MUCH they care. You're not taking into account the fact that the tiniest bit of attraction basically negates the negative.

I_like_the_word_MUFF · 2019-07-16T19:42:03+00:00

Honestly... You're way too uptight.

Guys first time they cum fast (sometimes) but it's like 5 minutes and you can go again. Find time to do something for five minutes with your woman until reset.
If you've cleared all the bases but PIV, youre basically there... There's nothing between fingering a woman and putting your dick in that same hole you just had your hand in. If you haven't, then play ball. Tell your dates you move slow and do as many dates as you need to get there.
Don't introduce yourself as a virgin. That's not your fucking identity, it's a state you're currently in but not forever. Wait a little to know your partner before revealing that... At least a couple of dates in.
Relax... Unless you're only picking up hookups who barely know you, most women might enjoy the virgin route. Personally, my first time sucked and the idea of making that super special for somebody I liked would be fun...
Unless your doctor diagnosed you with some ED, you didn't have erectile dysfunction you had performance anxiety. PA comes from all sides including just not being attracted to your partner because they're an asshole. I hope you truly don't believe men are devoid of a need for connection when fucking... men are human and often require conditions to be right to get hard and at minimum don't need everything to go absolutely wrong. On top of that PA is anxiety and that doesn't just disappear in a second...you actually need to relax.

Want a place to start? Find a girl who'd be willing to masturbate with you in the same room, no sex, just watch each other... For you, it'll give you a birds eye view into women's anatomy and orgasm. For them, if not a virgin, it'll be absolutely fun and they'll probably want to get on you and ride you if they're super horny after. All ya gotta do is wait 5 minutes for your 21 year old refraction time to pass and you should get hard again. And having a girl ride you is probably the best way to have your first, she'll does all the work except get hard, that's your job.

If you can't get hard with a naked woman in the room....go see a doctor.

Edit: also, you should know this. Men in their 30s-70s still can't get hard with random women even when they know sex is definitely happening. My experience with swinger men, men who are married and both are having sex with other people, their first several encounters may involve some kind of PA. Guess what? Nobody cares... There's always oral, fingering and lots of other ways to play and usually that foreplay gets them relaxed enough to finally get hard. Doubt me? Ask r/swingers

SHAKIRAISHOT · 2019-07-16T20:48:16+00:00

where do i even begin?!?

you dont need to be taught how to do it, it really isnt that complicated...

you just said you can attract women. thats all you need. there is literally no reason to mention your virginity. you are thinking about it because you are insecure about it. so stop it.

" I really don't see any other woman around my age finding being a virgin cute anymore. " who gives a fuck? it doesnt matter dude. you are overthinking literally everything here.

saying our generation is more sexual than previous generations i would agree with but its also a gross generalization. has it ever occured to you that there are attractive women your age or even 25yo women that are also virgins? its true

become more attractive and it wont matter to women that you are virgin.

" I guess what I'm asking you is what would you say to a virgin man he wants to start dating? "

stop overthinking all of this. stop thinking about it altogether. you should probably get off the internet altogether. never visit reddit again. never visit anything pill-related every again. visiting these forums and being on the internet at aLL is only going to encourage overthinking all of this shit and staying in your head. leave it all behind.

Autistic_Reeeeeeeeee · 2019-07-17T01:12:05+00:00

Don't tell them. Why would you tell a female you are a virgin?

If she thinks you are shit at sex for your first time then so be it. Just chuck on a rubber and try not to be premature.

Switch positions a few times then dick her down in her favourite one.

If she wants to skip the foreplay then skip it. If she doesn't then don't.

At 22 your dick should be rock hard the moment you see an attractive female.

Don't wait around for some female who will be patient with you.

The simple answer is you should probably not tell people or the women you want to sleep with that you are a virgin. If a female asks you just say you will have to find out.

Why are you telling people something they can use against you? This world is far less forgiving than that.

Don't drink alcohol for liquid confidence. Some men can't get it up when they drink.

Criticalthinking346 · 2019-07-16T18:31:29+00:00

Simple, stop caring about what others think. Realize that the ones that matter won’t care, and the ones that care don’t matter. You’re putting way to much into a label. I’ve had plenty of non-virgins that still sucked at sex. Having or not having sex isn’t indicative of worth. So relax and let BS labels go. Eventually you will find an understanding lover.

dannyluxNstuff · 2019-07-16T20:53:15+00:00

I think you're overthinking this. I've had sex pretty consistently since I'm 15 and now I'm 36 and been married for several years at this point as well. I still get off pretty quickly but it's not that big deal if you make sure your partner gets off first (fingers, mouth).

kitbitlovesyou · 2019-07-17T01:52:28+00:00

Might be the odd opinion, but some women might find a lack of experience on the mans part incredibly sexy, and therefore may want to enlighten him to new experiences, some women might really get off on the fact that you're doing that with her first.

I dunno, I like alternative perspective. I know in my own past with younger males as the elder female, I find their astonishment in new pleasure, pleasureful myself.

mischiffmaker · 2019-07-17T10:41:57+00:00

If it makes you feel any better my dad was a virgin when he married my mom. He was 36 (it was a time when that was not unusual). He'd spent his 20's helping his dad raise his younger brothers after their mom had died.

My mom told me this after he'd passed. She said it took them three days after the wedding to finally accomplish the deed. After that, well, nine pregnancies over the years, six living children raised and grown, and he was still in love with my mom when he passed. Even though he had Alzheimer's, he always knew he loved her.

So, there it is. Don't let other people's ideas control your life. There are plenty of girls who are also virgins well into their twenties, even in this day and age. Find someone you like as a person, who has a kind nature. The sex part will just follow on its own.

There are plenty of materials for you to figure out the real way people have sex, just stay away from the pron, 'cause you know that stuff is all for the cameras and has very little to do with actual intimacy.

Good luck to you!

ontheavenue123 · 2019-07-17T04:09:42+00:00

I’m curious as to why these women need to know you’re a virgin. It’s really none of their business. I feel like you should just be able to meet a woman (which you said you can do) and escalate it to something sexual and she never needs to know you’re a virgin. I can’t imagine asking someone I’m hooking up with if they are a virgin or anything about their sexual history beyond questions pertaining to sexual health. So I don’t feel like you need to be concerned about being a virgin... cause again you’re the only one who would know.

Worried wine will reject you if they find out you’re sexually inexperienced? Just don’t tell them you’re sexually inexperienced. Am I missing something? I feel like this question is like “how do I keep from self sabotaging myself when I release info that isn’t useful.” Just stop releasing that info.

FixinThePlanet · 2019-07-17T04:13:11+00:00

I dated someone who was a virgin at 35 and I was willing to work with him through that. It helped that I was 30 myself, a little more experienced, and a raging feminist. And he was a really lovely person whom I genuinely liked.

Sex can come later. The important thing is to find a woman who is feminist enough not to subscribe to stupid ideas of virginity and then make a connection with her on a personal level so you guys know you're actually into each other. It's not easy or simple but the key is quality and not quantity. Age helps, too.

goblinboglin · 2019-07-17T17:17:51+00:00

Get fucking viagra if you are insecure about not getting hard.

50mg of viagra 30-60 min before sex will work wonders.

janeCMD · 2019-07-18T20:28:04+00:00

Man, i feel qualified to help you since i suffer same problem - get anxiety when going to have first sex with woman and dick doesnt get hard. First time it happened to me in my 20, had a girlfriend and this was the end of relationship. Its not that she was not patient, but took it the bad way, like she is not attractive for me. I didnt say i was virgin. Then i had trauma for like 1 year, when i said no to so so many girls (oh yea, they approached me like all the time when i least wanted it). Then after 2 years or so, i found girlfriend which later became my wife. It happened with her also, but i already expected it.. and explained her, i have this problem. First few times it was bit problematic, but it was ok since then, never got erection problem, i am almost 40yo now.

Later during marriage, our sex life was on decline and so i decided go to escort... guess what :)... was with 2 escorts in 1 month, with one it eventually got sorta hard, another one - nothing at all. After this i realized one time things are just not for me and came to peace with myself. I even got into extramarital affair where it got to sex and guess what :). But even though its very frustrating for women, if you explain, even experienced girls will give you chance to prove yourself, unless its understood mutually as 1nite stand. Believe me or not, i still keep contact with this one lets call female friend. I dont know if we manage to have sex once, but she is fine even without.

The key here is to just get ok with who you are and move from there. Do not hide it and wait for miracle, just say you are this type if it gets to sex. That way she doesnt even need to know you are virgin... And almost everybody get finished quicky when being with sbdy new. If she is not willing to understand, she is likely bitch anyway and not worthy of you...

Wish you good luck with this :)

Itr0llhoe · 2019-07-18T23:11:27+00:00

It's not that big of a deal. It's all in your head. I was considered a "pimp" and a "ladies man" in high school and no one actually knew I was a virgin until 18.

You're writing these fucking long essays. That kind of mentality is a turn off to girls. You're a worrier and an analyzer and that nervousness will come out in person. Just be yourself and chill out. Don't seek to lose your virginity, seek to improve your personality and take risks and try new situations.

Sitting around thinking about your virginity and losing it or not will only make you more nervous around women. The solution isn't online. It's in the real world. The more time you spend online, the more your real world life will suffer.

Edit: on re-read, stop mentalizing and theorizing things that come naturally. All these abbreviations and terms sound like you're turning having sex into an RPG rulebook. Fucking get off your computer. Ride a bike, learn to dance, get a tan, something. I have been happy with my sex life and experiences because I never sought them out. I probably didn't put 1/100th of the thought into girls and sex that you have, and that is a good thing.

snarkyredhead · 2019-07-22T13:14:18+00:00

There are already a lot of good responses here but I felt like adding my own experience here. I dated a guy for a long time who didn’t have sex until he was 22. When I met him and started dating him he had had one relationship before me and wasn’t a virgin anymore but he told me about his experience. He was a “late bloomer” and wasn’t interested in meaningless hookups so he stayed a virgin until his early 20s. He read a book I now recommend to EVERYONE called “the multiorgasmic man” which helped him with stamina even before he ever had PIV sex. He was an excellent lover despite being relatively “inexperienced”.

Like others have said, stop trying so hard. Focus on bettering yourself and building your confidence.

t0_0l · 2019-07-22T17:58:35+00:00

I think you should see a prostitute and/or sex worker so you can gain some experience, so your first time with someone you love and enjoy spending time with isn’t awkward and is pleasurable on her end. There’s no shame in losing your “virginity” to a sex worker, it’s just a label that people place far too much meaning on.

bunker_man · 2019-08-03T10:44:12+00:00

Girls can be virgins too. And some actually prefer that. If they are one themself it can provide room to learn together.

x-trp-x · 2019-07-17T01:26:25+00:00

You don't have to tell them you're a virgin.

I think your best bet is to watch some videos online to get the basics. Find a sweet ugly girl who will be patient that you're comfortable with and just take it real slow. Focus on your own pleasure, not making her happy (at least at first).

roguish_rogue · 2019-07-19T01:36:12+00:00

Approach it with a little more vulnerability and be a bit more genuine and you will get girls who will be more patient, for now dont try to be smooth/cool.

If you have a big dick attitude when seducing a girl you better be able to back it up, she will be expecting good dick and zero wierdness. I have gotten away with whiskey dick a few times(and had PiV sex in the morning) because I am really good with my tongue and fingers but that takes practice too. Tho you can learn the basics of eating pussy from guides(and you should), its not that complicated, google 'alphabet trick oral' that will get you started lol, just take your time and keep a steady rhytm aspecially when she is about to cum and you will do fine, if you enjoy it she probably will too, just enjoy her and the situation and be in the moment and your dick will probably work fine after awhile of having your head between her legs and a hand on her tits.

Also nothing wrong with visiting a prostitute, especially if its legal where you live, definately stay away from trafficked women and streetwalkers, if you find the right pro and are genuine and upfront you will have a good experience and learn something.

Title	Catch 22. Chicken or the egg type of situation with virgin men.
Author	defo18
Upvotes	24
Comments	36
Date	July 16, 2019 6:12 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/ce0r95/catch_22_chicken_or_the_egg_type_of_situation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/catch-22-chicken-or-the-egg-type-of-situation-with.299691 https://theredarchive.com/post/299691