I still get confused about the abundance mentality when it comes to relationships. In the early stages of dating it makes complete sense to me that the whole idea of not putting too much pressure or significance that can breed neediness and desperation. It is nice to know that I can look around and see that I have options and select the one I like best - as opposed to the one that just happens to be there.

But the idea that a girlfriend would look at me and go "he calls too often; there are someone better out there for me" makes me a little queasy. Dating is all about embracing the unknown and living in uncertainty but when I get into a relationship with someone I like some reliability. If I know that in the back of her brain she is constantly judging me and that any move of mine could be the last because she can always get another. I just can not imagine how that can lead to emotional relaxation and intimacy. What am I missing here?

The value that exist within the relationship is scarce because it can only exist within that relationship. What is the point in anything if you are so fucking cool that you can drop everything - shared history, experiences and invested time at a moments notice? Sure - if the relationships ends one would probably try a new relationship with a new woman as time passes but I can not see how having that mentality helps the relationship you are currently in. An actual rewarding committed relationship will be scarce because it is pretty tough to have more than one of those at a time.

I have dated girls in the past who were with me out of desperation or loneliness and I never want to go there again. But I also want someone who looks at me and goes "he is totally the best". I guess there are many girls out there which I could end up having a good relationship with. But at the end of the day you have to be willing to make a girl the "one" for you. I do not believe she started out that way (that would imply soulmates) but I think you can make that decision on the basis that you do have greater compatibility and chemistry with her than with some random chick. This abundance mentality mindset seems totally nihilistic. Is it wrong to have love/relationships as a goal and priority?

Cheers