LTR casualty of TRP. I found out yesterday. Still in the relationship. Need advice.

TheMadWoodcutter · 2019-04-13T01:36:41+00:00

This is not repairable. You need to ditch him now, it's really not worth your time. He's shown no indication that he has any inkling about how toxic and abusive his behaviour is and you cannot make him change if he doesn't want to.

If you stay he'll continue to manipulate and abuse you and eventually your mindset will break down and you'll truly become a pure victim.

Stay strong. Don't let the darkness in. Value yourself.

Coollogin · 2019-04-13T12:19:21+00:00

How to save my relationship from this

Do not save this relationship.

I have become completely anxious and emotionally depleted for enduring this for a sustained and substantial amount of time. I sought professional help still blaming myself.

Why would you want to remain in a relationship that hurts you?

Just on a whim, I discovered his profile and multiple posts and comments glorifying his selfish and abusive behavior. I read about my own abuse.

And with that, in my opinion, he has forfeited the privilege of ever being with you.

raziphel · 2019-04-13T19:33:49+00:00

You're not a conspiracy theorist.

You're allowed to have standards, especially regarding respect. Having standards and insisting upon respect does not make you egotistical or crazy, so do not paint yourself with a destructive brush. You can certainly question if your standards are reasonable and fair, but don't use that to instill self-doubt.

You are dealing with a manipulative abuser. One who profits from harming you.

You cannot change him.

Don't play their games. Don't tolerate the bullshit. You deserve kindness and trust, just like everyone else, and if someone cannot do that for you, don't keep them in your life.

I sincerely suggest that you research the tactics of emotional abusers and narcissists, so that you can recognize and name the red flags when you see them. Never tolerate that kind of behavior, and do not make excuses for it. Do not fall for the crocodile tears, either. It's yet another layer of the rotten onion that is abuse. He will attempt to avoid the accountability of his actions and he will blame you.

Don't play that game.

Save your love and energy for someone who respects you, who actually adds value to your life.

Consider what kind of respect, trust, forgiveness, and love that you want to see from others, and remember to give those things to yourself, too. You deserve that.

WeWereOkay · 2019-04-13T05:14:47+00:00

Get the fuck out of there. This is not salvageable.

[deleted] · 2019-04-13T03:19:04+00:00

You need to get out, NOW. You’ve already showed him that he has the power to manipulate you, and that he has succeeded for quite some time. There is no coming back from what he’s done, he will have to right his wrongs without you. You need to value the scrap of dignity you have left and leave him.

Yesm3can · 2019-04-13T13:07:19+00:00

You cannot save him. I repeat, you cannot save him..

You cannot change him either.

All of the guys here to eventually left TRP done so by their own exploration. Sure some said that it started with them getting together with a girl that does not fit in TRP AWALT but you've been together with this person for a while and he is still actively manipulating you and even proudly presenting it to his audience?

There is no hope. Nothing to be save here. Maybe in ten, twenty years, he'd grow up, maybe not. But nothing to do right now except for leaving.

SelfUnmadeMan · 2019-04-13T02:56:47+00:00

If you are uncomfortable in the relationship, leave. It is unlikely he will change.

Exis007 · 2019-04-13T20:56:21+00:00

I want to empower you with a fact that I think will make leaving him easier. There are ideologies in the world wherein tautology reigns supreme. The Red Pill is true because its true. It's built such that there are no cases where you can prove it wrong. That's not because its an infallible monolith of capital 'T' truth, but because it is a snake eating its own tail.

You'll never provide a test case wherein you can look at him and say, "Look, this philosophy is bullshit because if [x] is true, then [y] can't be true". The philosophy doesn't work like that. You can't penetrate it with logic because it doesn't respond to those kind of arguments. The reason you're unhappy will never be because his behavior is abusive and dehumanizing, constantly setting you on edge. There are already ready-made answers baked into the philosophy to explain why you left him. It will never be his fault, his mistake; it will always be your biological weakness because All Women Are Like That.

The only way out of it, as far as I can tell, is a self-realization. External logic or contrary evidence is pretty worthless in this situation. They make claims about logic and principles and these long, complicated thesis statements about biology and science, but that's not the root of it. The root at the center is how they feel. It feels true, and you can't argue with that. All facts get bent to fit the theory, and the contradictions are internally consistent with the feeling which is all they need to be.

All you can do is salt the earth and get out of his life.

mischiffmaker · 2019-04-13T13:16:06+00:00

I was in a toxic relationship with an abusive ex in the pre-redpill (ok, pre-internet) days. The slow build of anxiety, the constant manipulation and degrading language and then behavior...After 4 years together, it took a year of therapy to realize I wasn't the crazy one, and another couple of years to divest myself of the relationship altogether. Even then, he still tried to reel me back in a few years later.

Do not go down that road. The ones who can effectively operate as 'red pillers' are often narcissistic and unempathetic. They don't care about your pain, only about their own gratification.

Thank goodness you discovered this relatively quickly. And if you need another look at the mindset, go visit r/raisedbynarcissists. Check out the sidebar, since there are many helpful links on how to recognize, manage and leave this type of relationship, and to related subs.

Good luck to you!

[deleted] · 2019-04-13T10:27:58+00:00

This means deep down you know you should leave him but you dont want to act on it. Leave him immediately and im sure you will feel relieved. Do as what he deserves as you think.

rockstarashes · 2019-04-13T13:28:16+00:00

I am so so sorry. The betrayal and pain you must be feeling after finding this out about your long-term partner must be so awful. My heart is really aching for you. Echoing everyone else here--get out. Unfortunately, there is simply no where to go from here but out. It will not get better. Men who practice TRP are too entrenched to have any rational kind of conversation with you about it.

You deserve and will find so much better. You deserve someone who values you, someone who is working to build a genuine connection with you, someone who who sees you as their teammate. TRP is the antithesis of these things. They don't see women as dynamic, individuals, who might act as their partner. They see women as the adversary who needs to be tricked and manipulated to be tamed. In their minds, all women are the same, all driven by irrationality and superficiality. They believe relationships where both people are equal, fulfilled, and share a true emotional connection are a lie and that in order to be in a "successful" relationship, a certain level of manipulation and abuse is required. This is not the man you want to spent the rest of of your life with and it sounds like your gut knew it even before you found out about TRP. Listen to that little voice talking to you. It is smart!

People who practice TRP are very lonely, lost, insecure individuals who have chosen to put their energy toward spreading toxicity in the world instead of something positive and productive. Please know that his is all about him and his fucked up world view. This has nothing to do with you and you have done nothing wrong. Instead of cherishing you, this wonderful person who has come into his life, just wanting to share a connection with him, he has treated you like trash. He has manipulated and abused you. There is no saving this.

birdiesss · 2019-04-13T17:34:31+00:00

Oh, I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to happen!!! There are victims everywhere and they aren't as lucky as you to know why they feel crazy. Please, get out ASAP and share your story so that others know they aren't alone.

Title	LTR casualty of TRP. I found out yesterday. Still in the relationship. Need advice.
Author	brunettespartan
Upvotes	16
Comments	12
Date	April 13, 2019 12:02 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/bckn8p/ltr_casualty_of_trp_i_found_out_yesterday_still/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/ltr-casualty-of-trp-i-found-out-yesterday-still-in.299796 https://theredarchive.com/post/299796