I’m a cisgendered woman in my early twenties. I grew up in a fairly sexist household, and I took on implicit sexist views and beliefs from a young age. I also was raised without structure, I always got conflicting views about the world from my parents (e.g. my dad would say one thing one day, and then the complete opposite thing the next day).

Finding MGTOW was like crack to me because it both gave me a structure in which to view and explain the world, and it satisfied my already present fears about my sex.

There has been some good that’s come out of me being on MGTOW. If I’m angry at someone I make sure to calm down and make sure I’m not “hamstering.” It’s made me hyper-aware of myself in a way that can be beneficial.

But, and of course there’s a but, it’s done far more bad than good. I don’t want to date anyone ever because I feel like I’m going to cheat on them or ruin them, and what if I’m only dating that person for shirty extrinsic reasons that I’m too oblivious (with me being a woman) to realize? I feel like my personality is just fake, stolen from men who I find interesting as a type of virtue signal. Even though I’m very left leaning, I think I implicitly hate feminist now. And I feel like I have to always be super rational and reject all of my emotions and desires, because they’re just frivolous and don’t matter. I always feel like I’m compensating and anytime I do something that appears weak, irrational, or scummy, I suddenly feel this doom that reeks of biological determinism.

How do I get out? I need a mental cleanse