So pua is bullshit, "love will find you" is bullshit, and "be yourself" is bullshit. What do I do, or do I go fuck myself for "being entitled"?

BigAngryDinosaur · 2019-02-18T02:32:51+00:00

First it sounds like you spend a lot of time on the internet reading different opinions about what’s best for you, what “works” or not, and probably have developed a heavy dialogue in your head about gender. Right? Do you go around in the day using language in your head that you read about, and it just comes automatically? Good sign you need to back away from the online spaces, especially if you’re unhappy.

You’re unhappy, that’s why people get drawn into this world of pickup arts, relationship tactics, gender war, and so on. Happy people or at least generally okay people don’t give this shit a second glance.

So I’m going to do what any good therapist would do upon first meeting, and ask you some personal questions.

First, why are you unhappy? What’s hurting? No wrong answer here, unless it’s not honest. It’s fine if you don’t even know, that counts as an honest answer.

These online places give a lot of very specific guidelines for living your life assuming everyone is the same. Generalizing is at the heart of TRP and PUA. But are you the same as everyone else? Has anyone else lived in your shoes? Why are some people able to do these things easily and have good lives and never need to use TRP or such rules? Some broad advice is pretty good about self improvement, but when you start saying there are specific rules for ALL people, you’re not fixing your problem, you’re displacing it with ritual. This is why cults and religion hooks people, it gives them some new language and internal dialogue to occupy them, give them purpose and make order out of the chaos in their head.

But people who actually want an improved life and to be more happy, they need personal attention. Sometimes you can do it yourself with enough introspection and time, sometimes you need a hand.

Next question, if you were talking to a wizard who could fix the current things wrong in your life or give you what you think you need to feel better, no cost, no tricks, what would that look like?

What is it you want? Again honesty is how you get progress.

Now then, with the things you want the most, what now? Are these things fixing what hurts? If you give yourself the outside things you need, will the pain stop?

This is important because there are almost no cases in reality of being miserable and having it cured from someone or something else. The exceptions being things like if someone you care about is sick and that’s what’s making you unhappy and they get better, as an example. But I have a feeling that’s not the kind of pain that’s making you gnash your teeth at the world.

Websites and forums and snake oil salesmen promise they can make you happy but it’s always a dangling carrot to exploit your pain, to recruit you, make you a salesperson for their own brand.

If you want that pain to stop it’s time to let go of rhetoric, debate, society, rules and ideals, and just start talking to yourself. Ask the right questions and start dismantling the answers. You don’t have to do it alone, but you do have to be honest with yourself and anyone who wants to help you.

CaptinSuspenders · 2019-02-18T02:16:29+00:00

Keep dating, keep meeting new people, learn real stuff about life and people. Learn how to show you're interested without demonstrating neediness. Learn how to really connect with people. Just be a person. Enrich yourself every day. Live life for your higher self.

raziphel · 2019-02-18T19:21:03+00:00

What do you do? You learn, improve, and grow as a person.

Social skills are skills. Confidence is a skill. These improve with practice and effort.
Trust that everyone is doing the best they can with what they've got to work with. this includes you, and women, and everyone else. If you view women negatively, it will affect how you act toward them. They'll notice and they'll avoid you.
Cultivate positivity, respect, and earnest trust. Look out for the best interests of others and yourself.
Look for more complete answers. Learn to unpack otherwise simplistic answers, and do not settle for the shallow or superficial.
Build yourself up. Be yourself, but make yourself better. Have more to offer potential partners. No, this doesn't mean just "look good" or "be rich" because we're not settling for superficial answers. Develop character, and be someone others want around. Besides - do you want a superficial partner? I doubt it.
Learn how to present yourself in the best light. Internet dating isn't likely it.
Understand body language and non-verbal communication. Use that to observe, but also to communicate yourself. Understand what red flags are and avoid them. "Not presenting negative traits" will get you far on it's own because so many other guys cannot see or understand those things. It's a laughably low standard, but well... it's true.
Develop self-awareness. Know what you're communicating non-verbally.
Read up about emotional abuse tactics. Read up about the bad experiences women have had. Avoid those behaviors. Avoid anyone who demonstrates those behaviors.
Understand how society influences us (you, me, men, women). Don't settle for appeal to nature/biology answers. Learn how to work against the negative influences of society, such as systemic misogyny and racism. Use that and all the above to build a strong ethical foundation for yourself.
You'll make mistakes. Everyone does. Take responsibility for it and learn from them as best you can.
Network. The more people you meet, the more opportunities you'll have. Go do stuff with other people. Get out of the house, and not just to flirt or hook up with people.
Accept that you will fail at times, and that this is just part of life. Remember, you don't have to "win 'em all" you only have to succeed with a small handful of people in your life. 1, 2, 10, 20, whatever. Learn to do so gracefully.
Learn to frame your mindset properly and refine your perspective. Let's consider the link above and expand it. Into what? How about "not succeeding is not the same as failing." Things go south sometimes. The only way we fail is when we give up, or when we do not learn from those experiences. Similarly, just because a relationship ends doesn't mean you failed.
Understand what it means to work together with others to succeed toward a common goal. Find women who want to work with you.
Trust that you can do it. You're a noob right now and that's ok. Just keep growing as a person. You'll get there.
Deal with your own mental health issues.
Learn to communicate emotionally in a constructive and healthy manner.

despisedlove2 · 2019-02-18T08:42:19+00:00

Why do you center your life around "love" or women? Isn't there a man in there you need to make stronger and more successful?

[deleted] · 2019-02-18T12:03:01+00:00

Two books - “Open Her” by Karen Brody and “Models” by Mark Manson. Both excellent, progressive dating guides for men that actually give much better info than red pill and PUA.

hwillis · 2019-02-18T02:58:56+00:00

"love will find you" is bullshit, and "be yourself" is bullshit

Is it? 95%+ of the population gets married at least once. Practically every straight person gets married. Relax, focus on yourself, go outside, talk to people, and it is overwhelmingly likely you'll meet someone.

Naan-E · 2019-02-18T02:02:38+00:00

Stop calling stuff bullshit and try to find your own method.

Hawanja · 2019-02-18T06:57:06+00:00

"Be Yourself" is not bullshit. What it doesn't do, is somehow magically allow you to bang every woman you choose. In real life there is no Konami code that allows you to do this. But if you're honest, and don't try to be something you're not - as in, "Be Yourself," when you do find someone you connect with, and she likes you for what you are and not some horseshit illusion you made up, then it'll be far more fullfilling and last longer.

Title	So pua is bullshit, "love will find you" is bullshit, and "be yourself" is bullshit. What do I do, or do I go fuck myself for "being entitled"?
Author	CalebHamm
Upvotes	20
Comments	28
Date	February 18, 2019 1:44 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/arrrcq/so_pua_is_bullshit_love_will_find_you_is_bullshit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/so-pua-is-bullshit-love-will-find-you-is-bullshit.299867 https://theredarchive.com/post/299867