I only began dating about a year ago after being a social recluse for nearly a decade. Luckily, I’m more attractive than I thought I was so I was able to get a good amount of initial interest from girls. Unfortunately, they lose interest after getting to know me a little better. I’ve asked about a half dozen of them for feedback on what went wrong during our dates, and they all said the same thing, that I’m very nice and easy to talk to but felt “no compatibility”. That’s fine, but knowing what TRP and incels say about what attracts women, I immediately jump to the conclusion that the reason they rejected me was because I was nice, boring, safe, etc.

I’ve hooked up with a few women in the past and all of them confirmed some part of the redpill and blackpill. One was what the manosphere would call a “post-wall” who was in her mid-30s and depressed that nobody had any interest in her anymore. She’d been through a bunch of relationships and she admitted to me that the reason she like them was because they had “nice stuff” ie. they were wealthy. Another turned out to be a cheater who liked me because I’m tall. I found out she was married when I searched for her on Facebook and she was married to some short dude who was balding and had an unappealing face. Another was riding what the manosphere would call the “cock carousel”. She hooked up with me a few times and then immediately found some other guy when I couldn’t see her one weekend. Of course, I felt hurt by this and so I cut it off. I tried to remain friends with her and I opened up about some emotional difficulties I was having and she ghosted me after promising that she wouldn’t.

I hope you can understand that I met some shitty women and I’m still learning to overcome it as these were my first experiences with sex. Unfortunately, I have trouble moving past it and not going to the “AWALT” conclusion. This is further complicated by the fact that I frequently meet women who fit the mold by their behavior. Like last week, one of my coworkers brought up something about us going to a meetup together and when I asked her about it literally ten minutes later on Gchat, she said she’s not interested. I’m worried she is trying to play games with me to pull the #MeToo card so I’ve decided to ignore her from now on. I also last night overheard a conversation between three girls and their dating experiences. I heard one talk about two guys she was seeing, one was kind and seemed to be LTR material and the other was a “fuckboy”. Well, she hooked up with the fuckboy and seems like she ghosted the good guy.

There have been other things too. A couple months ago, I was talking to a girl and I forgot to respond to her text. She got back to me freaking out that she might have said something wrong and I explained that I was busy (this was true). The next day we texted again but I sort of lost interest and it was coming across because she said it. She sent me an unsolicited nude and asked me if that would make her fall in my good graces. There’s been several other times recently where I forgot to respond to a text and girls started messaging me desperately. Like one girl was willing to drive three hours to see me lmao until I told her not to and I eventually lost interest.

The vast majority of my experiences with women have proven some part of what the manosphere says to be true. How am I supposed to stop believing this stuff? Am I just reading it through the interpretive lens I was given? I’ve tried reading it through the “bluepill” lens and it had much weaker explanatory power. Thing is I’m a social scientist at heart so I’m not just pulling this out of my ass, I know people are generally self-interested and often shallow people. I’m fine with that being the case in economics or politics, but I always expected dating to be different. Was I just living in a fantasy? I’m pretty sure I was.