Reading blackpilled scientific studies have ruined my life

treadbolt5 · 2019-02-07T20:18:27+00:00

hey bud, i donno if this will help but here is an option. make female friends and then put them on your mind as “not-to-be-dated”. once you feel comfortable about being around them, open a tinder account and talk to girls as you would your female friends, but with the intention of goin out on a date with them.

itll make things easier.

i understnad your anxiety over looks and all, but the best way to get in to the dating pool is to stop thinking too much. be as open as possible with others

raziphel · 2019-02-07T22:40:52+00:00

Mental health is a real motherfucker. Insecurity, anxiety, depression, etc can all be weighty, weighty bastards.

Remember that blackpill and other related places are not rational, they're rationalized. They're specifically cherry-picking data to fit their toxic worldviews, not informing their worldviews with data. This creates dangerous cycle of self-destruction, especially for the vulnerable... which is the point. Those groups function like cults.

You're not a fragile bitch. Stop that right now.

First off, throw all of what you think you know out and start over. Lay a few basic ideological standards and don't look back.

Don't beat yourself up. The world is hard enough without that. Don't listen to the intrusive thoughts.
Don't shit on other people. Putting others down to make yourself feel better is short-lived, destructive, and ultimately ineffective.
Do not settle for superficial answers. If something sounds unkind, it's probably not what you want.
Look for answers outside your own perspective.
Recognize that someone's perspective of the truth is not the same as the truth itself. This doesn't mean we can never know the truth, it means that we have to work harder to overcome our biases.
Looks aren't everything. Period. End Sentence. Humans are more complicated than that. You're more complicated than that. The people you want in your life (not just women) should be more complicated than that.
Incels and blackpills are looking for someone to hate to make themselves feel better. It's a standard Sour Grapes negativity sort of thing, and all too common. They choose to hate women and more successful men instead of taking responsibility. Don't do that, and don't do that to yourself. You deserve better than that.
Choose positivity instead of negativity. You deserve kindness, from yourself as much as from anyone else. Everyone does. I'm not going to blow sunshine up your ass, but seriously... it's a way better approach. No, this does not make you weak or lesser. It does not mean you have to tolerate intolerant assholes either.
Recognize that mental health issues utterly suck but also normal. It's not a sign of weakness - it is what it is. It's just a thing.
Your emotions are valid but they don't get to drive. You drive. This is a big topic and we'll have to come back to it.
So you're awkward. Ok. That's normal, and your physical looks have nothing to do with it. You're awkward because you're dealing with hard mental health issues and you're inexperienced. That's absolutely normal. It does not make you lesser.
Everyone ruins things sometimes. I'm mostly normal and I've done my share of fucking up too (I've got ADD, depression, anxiety, and my share of health issues). It happens.
Practice constructive criticism. Everyone makes mistakes, and mature, conscientious actors learn from those mistakes, adapt, and grow past them.
Social skills are skills. They improve with practice. Nothing is different.
Confidence is a meta-skill that also improves with practice.
Practice means failing a lot.
Understand the power of perspective. For example, don't "fake it til you make it." Instead, recognize that you're not super good at this particular thing, then learn from others and mirror the behavior of more successful people until you've improved. That might seem trivial, but trust me, it isn't.
Once you develop a better sense of self-perspective, you can start observing yourself from the perspective of women. No, don't rely on superficial or shallow standards (like physical attraction, wealth, status, etc), but understand how red flags and thin-slicing works. No matter how smooth or sexy or rich you are, if you're sending off "disrespect" vibes, women are going to see those and move away. This is especially true for women who've experienced abuse (which is most women).
If a given perspective, stereotype, or idea seems unkind toward a given group (especially women and minorities) it's likely not only wrong, but destructive. If you hold onto that idea, it will affect how you treat members of that group, they will see you do this and likely recognize it for what it is, and they won't want to be around you.
Trust that everyone's doing the best they can with what they've got to work with at the time, including you. Also, trust that you can and will improve, meaning "your best" will get better.
Find a therapist and work that shit out. Mental health is chemical as much as behavioral, and there's no shame in consulting professionals while working under the hood. You deserve that stability.
Women deal with depression and anxiety too, especially these days because significant parts of life just fucking suck right now. Find the ones who understand.
Learn to emotionally communicate with yourself in a healthy and constructive manner. Communicate that way with others.
A significant chunk of success in life is not doing self-defeating things. Kick those habits to the curb. Yeah I know it's hard.

You can do this. We believe in you.

rrroqitsci · 2019-02-07T20:18:02+00:00

I always point this out because it helped me: https://theartofcharm.com/?s=Toolbox

Look for episode 656, and others flagged as “toolbox”.

holyvirginslut · 2019-02-07T22:41:30+00:00

Hey there! If you would like to have casual conversation with a girl just hmu! :)

mein-shekel · 2019-02-08T01:06:43+00:00

One thing I've learned is that it's less about being amazing and more about not being a total fuck. You have clean fingernails? Check. Smell not bad? Check. You polite? Check. Can you occasionally make people laugh? Check. Do you have even the slightest thing about you that makes you unique? Check.

Concerning that last one: looking like a Chad but being suprisingly awkward for your looks actually counts. Even if it's not charming, there are people who will find it charming. If you saw a hottie who was awkward, wouldn't you still want to smash?

Also remember that people are egocentric. Even if they DO judge you or disqualify you from their dating pool, they won't hate you as a person or anything. The stakes are much lower than how they feel. The vast majority of women will still treat you like a human being as long as you do the same to them. Not every moment of anyone's day is spent viewing others through a sexual or social status oriented lens. You don't know what other peoples sexual or emotional needs are, and often neither do they. In terms of personality and looks as well, you may be the key the fits with another humans lock, regardless of how you feel about yourself.

Also, people don't necessarily have control over how you make them feel. Be kind, occasionally witty, and generally adhere to the Golden rule and people will like you. Make everyone "like" you, and you've already cast a wider net than people who are hyperfocusing on nailing specific babes. Be open to letting the women do some of the lifting in terms of progressing the relationship.

If nothing else, the fact that you even exist means you're the latest member of a billion-year-long-line of people who won the evolution/reproduction game... Dating all the way back to the first amoeba to crawl out of the chemical soup at the bottom of the ocean. Dating all the way back to the first living creatures to climb on to land and say "fuck this water shit it's warm up here". You are a winner, and also probably taller than me. So fuck you and good luck :-)

ArcticFoxBunny · 2019-02-08T04:27:56+00:00

Sometimes it is very seductive to believe you have certainty and answers to everything, even if all the answers are horrible.

Regarding studies, there’s the phrase “There’s lies, damned lies, and statistics.”

The truth is often less extreme than either the extreme black pill or a very positive viewpoint. It is often in the middle, and often the things you are paranoid about are just not really true, all that much.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

They say neuroticism is the inability to accept any ambiguity. That is the seduction of black pill; it tells you that it knows for a fact that everything is absolutely garbage and so are you. It gives up all responsibility, and gives you all the answers.

The truth is there will always be things you can’t know for certain. Most likely you have a mix of strengths and weaknesses, like everyone. And that life can be worth living if you accept that you can’t control everything. Black pill is just a fearful place for immature people who can’t accept that there are risks and uncertainties in life.

I understand what it’s like to read some BS that your brain convinces you is real even if it’s not. If you want to talk about it feel free to PM me.

Jalakee · 2019-02-08T14:47:49+00:00

I had to look up "blackpill" but it sounds to me like one big circle-jerk/confirmation bias rationalization for being a loser in life.

Not calling you a loser, you can make that judgment, but I cannot stand otherwise able-bodied people who just accept that they are 'destined' to fail in life because they are afraid of failing even more. I get that everyone is dealt a different hand, but there are people who have been dealt a WAY worse hand than you and still decide to put their boots on every day and kick ass.

Lots of good advice here already, but I'd suggest removing these negative influences from your life immediately and listening/reading things that will kick you ass into gear. Start with Jocko Podcast. Some of the guys he has on there will make you drop your self-pity routine in a hurry.

TL;DR: you have no excuses.

knicca · 2019-02-08T02:28:53+00:00

You can be attractive and unsuccesful in dating at the same time. If you can sit there and call yourself a fragile bitch, it shows you have a lot of work to do.

Since you are exredpill and call yourself a bitch I would assume its fair to say you have issues with your masculinity. Realize that pretty much anything can be attractive in the right light or framing.

I am by no means a casanova but I am succesful in dating in that I can get a date whenever I feel the desire and have confidence that I am a desirable partner and that regardless of outcome I will be fine. I am not high-testosterone, I am someone who has a lot of anxiety and is pretty nerdy, but I own it.

It really boils down to being comfortable in your own skin, you probably show your inner-turmoil on your sleeve, which is not to say that you dont have attractive or desirable qualities, but that you are not in the right space to be dating or looking for a relationship.

It is cliche advice, but cliche for a reason: you need to work on yourself and your mental health. Dating should not take priority over mental health.

Title	Reading blackpilled scientific studies have ruined my life
Author	RevolutionaryBox5
Upvotes	15
Comments	16
Date	February 7, 2019 8:06 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/ao7x5m/reading_blackpilled_scientific_studies_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/reading-blackpilled-scientific-studies-have-ruined.299874 https://theredarchive.com/post/299874