I just can't be attarctive

CyberLama · 2019-02-03T03:08:32+00:00

Thanks for sharing. These feelings are hard to deal with and I'm not gonna act like I totally know where you're coming from, but if you want, here's my two cents:

I hate that you have to be confident and witty and Charming all the time.

The main thing I want to point out is this: you don't have to be confident, witty, and charming all the time. I know a lot of the advice and recommendations websites/people give is "work on your confidence!!" but that's super broad. So try not to force yourself into being totally likable all the time. It's exhausting. What I think the key is is to find the spaces where you can be confident, witty, and charming with less effort. That's where you're confident. That's where you can start to shine. Like, if you're trying to talk to girls by going to clubs every night but absolutely hate being there, then why bother? It's a waste of time trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Figure out where you're most comfortable interacting with all people (not just women) and work from there. You might start to see some changes.

I also think it's important to reflect. I know it may not seem like you're not making any progress, but I can guarantee you that if you've been trying, then there has definitely been progress. It might not be readily apparent right away, but you'll find victories if you think hard enough. They might not be all be big victories, so even things like "I can lift 20 pounds more now than I could last year" (assuming you've gotten into working out) or "I did better in this class than I thought I would because everybody said it was hard" or something goes a long way in developing a more positive perception of yourself.

EmpoweredGirl · 2019-02-03T23:13:16+00:00

How old are you?
Also what things have you tried to improve on to become a perfect man?

raziphel · 2019-02-03T23:39:34+00:00

I'd really suggest you speak to a therapist. These issues can be supremely hard, especially when you're dealing with identity disorders and crippling depression. Please don't self-medicate with drugs, alcohol, porn, or hatred.

Keep this in mind: confidence is a skill and it takes practice to do it right. Everything is a skill. Sure some are naturally better at it than others, but that doesn't matter. Social skills, like charm and flirting, are also skills you can practice. It's also ok to not be good at those things- everyone starts somewhere. This is part of the growth process.

"Perfect" is not a finite state, but a reflection of personal growth. You'll get there. It won't be easy (especially when you've got to fight your own brain), but treat yourself with kindness- you deserve that. Everyone deserves that and you are not an exception.

And no, it's not too late.

Lilly077 · 2019-02-04T14:27:48+00:00

Why don’t you just stop caring about women/attracting them? I know it’s easier said than done, but I’ve never really understood the focus men put on women. I would understand if you were older and looking to settle down, but you’re only 22!

Women aren’t like this towards men, and I think women have a lot easier time due to not focusing on men. Women aren’t looking for perfection, they literally just care less about the opposite sex than men do. There’s a societally phenomena that hurts men by telling them that they’re only valuable if they’re attractive to women. This is garbage, we live in 2019, you define your own value yourself and by your contributions to society. Whether women want to bang you or not doesn’t contribute to your worth as a person!

Just view women as people like yourself and carve out a life that you find personally fulfilling, and other forms of fulfillment (including relationships) will follow.

Lilly077 · 2019-02-07T08:45:26+00:00

Do you have a guy friend who has more experience? Ask him for advice, maybe he has seen you around girls and he knows where you go wrong.

You said you did manage to attract some girls, but nothing came out of it. From what I can tell, it seems like you're not relaxed enough (or at all) when it comes to girls and when you're around girls. I know it's hard to relax when you're facing something you find so important... I guess that's one of the challenges of life.

ifeltbitchy · 2019-02-14T17:44:35+00:00

I just want to say that nobody is confident, witty, and charming all of the time. And this is not a realistic goal for any real relationship.

My husband will still loudly rip one and proclaim, "Ahh I feel so much better!" Let me assure you there is nothing witty or charming about this...yet we've been together for 8 years now.

Acknowledging and accepting someone's flaws is as important if not more important than acknowledging the good things about them.

UneAmi · 2019-02-17T10:08:48+00:00

If you are bipolar and having suicide thoght please go see a doctor immdeiately. You might experience psychosis soon and won't end well. Speaking this from personal experience.

cyberpunkforall · 2019-02-12T22:44:09+00:00

You have to be good-looking all the time. Not confident witty or charming

Title	I just can't be attarctive
Author	defo18
Upvotes	5
Comments	18
Date	February 3, 2019 12:25 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/amkaln/i_just_cant_be_attarctive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-just-cant-be-attarctive.299879 https://theredarchive.com/post/299879