Hello! Long time listener, first time caller . I set up this account for anonymity . I am a female reaching out to you guys for support.

My spouse/husband/partner was a redpiller , which I discovered on my own. After confrontation, fights, my crying, etc, he claims to not be a user any longer.

As much as I want to believe and trust, i can’t. Sitting here in tears on a rough morning.. battling my own demons.. I want to ask, how does one trust an exredpiller when their previous philosophy is based on manipulation? It’s been rough inside.

It has been a difficult process for me internally and very disruptive toward my mental health. I am trying to move forward from this disruption toward a better relationship. I feel small. Used. Depressed. Lonely. Stuck in a hole of my own thoughts. For that time I was used as an ‘it’. It’s a lot of hurt.

I’ve done a lot of reading an am appalled by the red pill mentality. It is sad. Disgraceful. It does not align with where I want to be in life, nor what I imagine a partner, a man, would be.

Every step forward in my relationship makes me feel paranoid. Thoughts pervade me...Is this moving forward due to manipulation? What are his motives?

How does give oneself fully in a relationship that was skewed. It feels like I was cheated on. This whole thing was used against me. To use and manipulate me. And it doesn’t go away. It torments me on bad days and keeps me paranoid on good days.

Bringing it up to him constantly isn’t good for us either.

As you can tell I’m pretty scattered. I don’t have one question or a subject topic. I just want to talk. Get support. Here it from you guys.