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[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Just relax and chill. If she doesn't accept you for who you are, she isn't the right one anyway. And for most people who aren't douchenozzles, the "right one" exists, or at least, someone who accepts and loves you, even when you struggle emotionally.
Do you think you can keep up being "the rock" your entire life? Is it worth it?
[–]bcserver[S] 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
But what if all women deep down don't like it - even "the one", but maybe they don't realise it themselves? Or wouldn't admit
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I've been married to my husband for 8 years, with him for 10. He's sensitive and emotionally vulnerable and I love him. We're together forever no matter what. He's also disabled and can't work. Breaking the norm, I know, but it's possible.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Holy shit you sound like a saint. Ty.
[–]kblkbl165 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The one. It isn’t some form of unicorn of preset type of gal made specially for you.
A woman becomes the one for you. Just think about yourself. Would you put up with the issues of any random woman in the street? No.
Would you put up with the issues of the woman you love? That’s what people mean here when they say “the one”. Unfortunately you can only discover it by putting yourself out there and giving it a shot.
Maybe your current gf can’t handle it and that’s ok. But more importantly: try to put some work into improving as much as you can so that your issues don’t weigh as much on any partner you may have.
Why are you anxious? Is there any lingering reason or is that just a general feeling? Talk to yourself or check a therapist, they can do wonders.
[–]malvare8 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not true, The right and the good kind of woman will support you in your hard times, they will love you for who you are faults and all. It may take some time to find such a person but they exist, and yeah you have to take a risk by putting your self out there. Trial and error, learn from the mistakes, see all relationships that didn't work out as a way of learning something about what you want in a relationship, or see what you learn about your self. As a woman I can tell you deep down, I don't care for a man who thinks he has to be manly. I just want someone who makes me laugh. My bf has depression, and I have some issues my self, I take pride in the fact he confides in me and I will do anything I can to help him when it hits him hard. I wouldn't waste my time lying to my self, I wish the best for you! Best of luck!
[–]kanagan 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude, when women tell you what they want, listen. Seriously, i find it laughable that trp is literally a bunch of dudes speculating about women’s thinking acting as if we were too dumb to k ow what we want. My ex boyfriend was very emotional and sensitive. He expressed openly his feelings and tbh I liked it. It was also a refreshing contrast since im kinda ‘cold’ myself. We broke up cause of college and distance of all things, nothing do you with his lack or ‘frame’ or whatever.
[–]cyranothe2nd 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
That RP stuff is garbage. My husband has depression as well, and our marriage is so much stronger since he's confided in me and talks with me about it. And I don't feel so powerless either; I feel like I can do things to help him.
If your GF loves you she will stay. If she doesn't, she won't. But it won't be because you overshared. It will be because she isn't the right person or this isn't the right time. Relationships break up all the time. But the way to maintain a relationship isn't to pretend you're a completely different person that you are. You deserve someone who loves you for you.
[–]cyranothe2nd 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Also, also--one piece of advice that the RP kind of maybe is sort of approaching (but not really because they are full of shit): Your gf cannot be your therapist. You need an outside party that you can vent to, that you can get a reality check from, and that you can confide in. This should not be your gf's job. This isn't because women lose interest in men who aren't stoic (that's horseshit); it's because your girlfriend cannot simply emotionally check out, go home or frame your session as a job. Supporting a person with depression is WORK. And you should acknowledge that by making sure that you have outlets that aren't just her.
[–]pillbrothrowaway 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
your girlfriend cannot be your therapist. You need an outside party that you can vent to Our marriage is so much stronger since he's cinfidel in me and talks to me about it
This confuses me. I'm not trying to be an asshole. I really want to understand. This seems contradictory, and I dont know why you wouldn't use a partner to vent. Like obviously there's scenerio where you're needing an expert or something and things are more complicated, but should I not be getting support from my life partner through this? Or through the little things that seem big?
[–]cyranothe2nd 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think it had to be both. RP fills your mind will stuff that can be really hurtful when said to a partner/not framed well. A therapist can help you sort out what's real and what's not. And, in general, a partner shouldn't be your sole support--thats too much to ask of one person. So yes, be close and confide in her. But also have other outlets.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Yesm3can 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is difficult and will make me sound like a damn hypocrite.
Alright OP, I came from one of those conservative countries where the men are mostly stoic. Because they were groomed and raised to be like that. Men just do not cry, not even at a funeral. Not even when parents died. Not even when life long bestfriend died. You'd hear a lot of 'if 'I were a woman, I'd cry' things being said a lot. So the men do have desire to cry and be weak sometimes, but they keep it in. And they managed to do it after years of being raised by family, then school, then society as a whole like that. In that kind of community and society, it is indeed not so great if you show weakeness, because not even your parents or grandparents will symphathize. At worst even some aunties will join in, in berating you for your weakness.
If you are living in a more modern society where mental health is actually discussed and being taken seriously, most of the people regardless of gender, do not think of anything of seeing a man in his more emotionally vulnerable state. It is even being viewed as something comforting if a man is able to show his real emotion to his partner.
[–]DarkestTimeline24 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
The will to change Is a really good therapy/self help book
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I read that synopsis and it sounds great. Her aim seems to be exactly what men need in today's world. But I can't stand it when ppl say the words "patriarchy".
[–]DarkestTimeline24 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Real learning often means discomfort. Embrace it.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well I'm no stranger to discomfort that's for sure
[–]TheMadWoodcutter 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm going to give it to you straight OP. If you insist on suppressing your emotions in order to try and appear to be some immovable rock, you'll end up dying inside and eventually it will come out anyways. You need to be real with her and with yourself. In all honesty, it's possible you simply cannot be what she needs in a boyfriend right now, or that she simply cannot be what you need in a girlfriend right now. There's nothing wrong with that if it's true, that's just life. But you need to not pretend to be something you're not, that's deceitful and she deserves to know the truth about what's going on so she can make an informed decision about whether or not to remain in the relationship. You owe her that. You don't need to be the strong male, you need to deal with the shit that is causing the anxiety and depression, and that's naturally going to make you a less effective partner. You can't have it both ways, and if you try, you'll only end up making the anxiety and depression worse, and probably lose your girlfriend anyways.
Deal with your shit OP. Let your girlfriend decide if she has it in her to stick by you in the meantime, and do not judge her if she decides that she does not.
[–]BlastedScallywags 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would suggest perhaps writing out, very carefully, how you are feeling as though you are writing it for her. Write about the worries that you have not just with your mental health but your ability to discuss those issues openly and not bottle them up inside. Write it carefully, take your time. You don't even have to give it to her to read, but even just writing it out as though you were might help you get the confidence to talk about these issues and worries. Your feelings are absolutely valid, and it's a core part of the trust that comes with healthy relationships that you should feel able to discuss those with her and vice versa.
[–]kusshha 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
a caring person regardless if male or female, will be there emotionally for their partner. try to forget trp advice. i love when a partner came to me for advice cause it makes me believe they value what i say and they trust me to be vulnerable with me. youve been with her for 6 months, she has probably seen a lot of you and she doesnt need you to be a rock 24/7. show some emotion. tell her what is bugging you. its likely she will try to help you to become a better version of yourself. and if she isnt able to be there for you, maybe she is not emotionally ready for that kind of relationship. but maybe she is. dont let it stress you out. you are allowed to have weak moments and issues. you dont have to bottle it up and deal with it alone while faking a smile. it does not make you any less of a man to talk about it.
[–]britdd 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Its a very natural human behaviour to feel and express emotional or vulnerabilities. Its not healthy to bottle up feelings, nor use a SO as a mental health therapist so there is a line there somewhere.
If she's worthy, she will stand by you through good times and bad. If not, she's not worth it. Its that simple. Relationships with anyone should not be complicated.
[–]CryonicFusion 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Find a hobby. If you spend a few hours a day doing that fun hobby, then you will feel better. I don't think you need to "maintain frame". You can be yourself and still be a leader.
Red pill is crap!
[–]Gibson8899 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You didn’t read the red pill right.
You need to be a rock as you know who you are and you own your vulnerability.
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[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]bcserver[S] 5 points6 points7 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kblkbl165 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]malvare8 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kanagan 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cyranothe2nd 11 points12 points13 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]cyranothe2nd 7 points8 points9 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]pillbrothrowaway 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]cyranothe2nd 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Yesm3can 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DarkestTimeline24 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]DarkestTimeline24 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheMadWoodcutter 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BlastedScallywags 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kusshha 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]britdd 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CryonicFusion 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Gibson8899 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link