I am 20 years old. I discovered the Red Pill when I was 18. Fresh out of high school. I stopped reading when I was about 19 years of age. Pretty recently actually. It's been nearly 2 years since I stopped going in those communities and I will be turning 21 soon.

I discovered it by chance. Found a Reddit thread that linked to the sub and started reading it.

It was weird, to say the least. I was what Red Pillers would call "an alpha trapped in a beta's body". I was 6 ' 1, white, good looking and I had prior relationship experience. I went to prom, I had sex, I had girlfriends, and I had experience.

Discovering TRP was like this... vacuum of shittiness. I started feeling like I was inadequete. I felt like my looks weren't enough, my personality too "beta", and that I was a loser who couldn't accept the truth. I started believing that I could get more girls if I "gamed" them and that I could test them via "shit tests" and things like that. In other words, I started to believe that emotional abuse was a viable strategy for getting and retaining relationships.

I felt like I needed to take control of the relationships I was in. Even if they made my partners unhappy.

I started treating every day interactions like they were some sort of ploy to get me to reduce my defenses or make me "beta" and submissive. When I used to talk to girls, I thought of them solely in terms of "How can I fuck this girl and what can I do to fuck this girl?". I did have that mentality before in high school, even prior to discovering the Red Pill, but reading TRP only validated some of my more toxic thoughts and made me believe that the only way I could be happy would be to fuck girls, and fuck as many of them I can, regardless of how I fuck them.

Now here is the part where I almost raped a girl. This was in my second semester of college. I started seeing this girl casually, lets call her Ashley. Ashley came from a pretty conservative home. She had a pretty poor past (an abusive mother) and a stepfather who raped her when she was 12. The POS is in prison, thankfully. She was understandably cautious about relationships with guys. I saw her for a week or so and I think we genuinely hit it off pretty well. I did post about this in TRP (I deleted my account after that incident but I can try to find out) and they told me that it doesn't matter about her past and you should fuck her, be ALPHA, and other dumb ass shit. She opened up to me about 2 weeks into our relationship. She told me about her abuse, showed me her scars, things that are generally reserved for people you really trust. She really thought that I genuinely cared for her and wanted to be in a relationship with her. She was wrong.

I cared about one thing with her. Getting into her pants and nothing more.

So about three weeks into our relationship, she comes over to my place, we start watching a movie together (Titanic for those wondering) and I decided to escalate things. I kissed her a little and started moving my hands up her body and tried taking off her clothes. She was okay with the kissing but was very uncomfortable with me trying to take her clothes off and touching her. I remember telling her something along the lines of, "You need to be able to trust people. I wont hurt you. I want to have sex with you and you need to get over your abuse". Something horrible.

Thankfully, Ashley did not just sit there and take it. She tried taking my hands off her and I just kept trying to kiss her and escalate our relationship. She loudly told me to fuck off and pushed me off of her and left. At the time I was fucking confused. I remember thinking "WOw, what a bitch!", she wont even let her boyfriend fuck her" and other things like that. I remember writing about this in TRP in a comment and some users advised me that I should have just continued and if she was attracted to me, she would have had sex. I did tell them about her past abuse but since it happened at 13, she should have "gotten over it". They said that maybe my advances triggered some unsavory memories and that's why she stopped. At that point, I started thinking about how shitty they were.

Not once did they consider how she felt. I was repeatedly the focus of the thing. "That sucks bro! Be more ALPHA!" and other stupid nonsense crap. I really feel like if I was a decent person, Ashley and I would have been a great couple. We hit it off very well and she was genuinely one of the best people I knew. She dedicated so much of her time helping out at rape or domestic abuse shelters and was generally an all around great person. Our relationship vanished after that incident. I texted her after and told her sorry and that we should work things out and she told me not to contact her or she would file a police report. As stupid as I was, I would not risk my life for a girl and well, I stopped. We stopped seeing each other permanently and I believe she ended up transferring to another college after the semester ended.

I began reflecting on how I treated people back then. I didn't just view women as fucktoys, I viewed everyone as this sort of subhuman who was trying to destroy my life and make me unhappy. I ignored my friends just to try and "chase pussy". I got more distant with my wonderful mother and my father and I spent less time together. I have a younger sister as well. She's 3 years younger and fuck, I started viewing her like this inferior person. The mentality was like a fucking black hole. Out of everyone in this world, I love her the most and I basically dehumanized her.

I stated looking more seriously at my prior relationships too. I have had similar experiences like I had with Ashley but they were very "gray", for lack of better words. While the women never said no or actively resisted, I did put them in a position where they would feel obligated to have sex with me and often guilt tripped them into things they didn't want to do.

It's definitely a disgusting experience. The funny thing is, If I was just honest about my intentions, I would have gotten more girls than what I did following TRP. I think I was already a crappy person before TRP but TRP validated my toxic thoughts and just reinforced them. Even before TRP, I found thrill in going after girls who played "hard to get" and wanted something serious before sex. I found fucking pleasure in practically manipulated them. It was absolutely revolting.

I wasnt the greatest person before TRP but TRP just took my terrible thoughts, reinforced them, and encouraged me to actively act out my toxic impulses. I was entitled and TRP just made my entitlement grow into this toxic void of emptiness.

I did get out of this mentality, or at least I'd like to think so. I'm honest about my intentions at all times and always make sure to get active enthusiastic consent. I just wanted to say its possible to get out of this mentality but it requires self awareness. You need to realize what you are doing is wrong and then work on improving this. Find good role model, like perhaps your parents, and strive to be like them. I think a lot of communities nowadays say that you should be "confident" or "charming" and that's great advice but I think the best advice you should follow isn't to be some type of sex god, but just be normal. Have a hobby, do something that sets you apart from people, and the rest comes naturally.

Another thing I'd like to admit. The Red Pill appeals a lot to guys who have entitlement complexes. I think people nowadays are becoming very entitled. They feel like they should be entitled to money, sex, compliments, favors, and more. I was pretty entitled myself. I grew up with wealthy parents, a great house, I went to an expensive private high school, I was attractive I got into a very good University, and my life was just privilege upon privilege and yet I still felt entitled. TRP was basically a way for me to validate my entitlement and do something about it. A lot of guys nowadays feel entitled to love or sex and that is not okay. No one is entitled to anything except for basic human rights.