I grew up in rural Massachusetts. Ever since I was a little kid I never was like all of the other boys. I used to act way more feminine and submissive and I would get bullied for it at times. Even my own dad showed me why being too feminine wasn't a good thing. So because of that I tended to repress my feelings a lot as a kid around him and others. I remember when I was in school I used to be a bit envious of the the girls in the class. How they got to act and wear, look, and how they were treated.

I went through the majority of my childhood thinking this. I came to the conclusion that all of the boys wanted to be girls, and it was normal for boys to feel this way, and that I lost the genetic lottery. I'd bury myself in video games in order to not think about it. I guess that's what you'd call escapism.

So naturally a gamer like myself would go to the internet once they had access to it, which was around the age of 10. At first it was for simple stuff like cheat codes for games. Eventually I came across communities on the internet. Now many of the friends that I met had anti lgbt views so I came to the conclusion that being lgbt was social suicide and that I shouldn't do that if I wanted to get ahead in life. I went through a bunch of them until I ended up on 4chan at around 15 years old. At first it was to just talk about video games, but as I grew more accustomed to the site I started to visit the other boards. /pol/ was one of them. There I started to read information that was something that I wasn't suppose to believe. The schools I went to were liberal, and I always felt that I wasn't treated very well there. (I really wasn't but that was more or less my own fault.)

I started to believe some of the stuff I read on there. One piece of information that really stood out to me was that women always had it better than men did. I was always told the opposite when I was in school and It just never made sense to me. (It does now) "How could women have it better if I was always getting treated like crap all of the time?" I thought. What I've realized is, I wasn't being treated like crap, I was being treated like a guy, and I didn't like being treated as a guy.

Anyway to make a long story short, I hung around /v/ (/v/ is infested with the alt right) and /pol/ long enough to start believing in the other lies they peddled.

Now a few years after I had discovered 4chan, I knew that I wanted a girlfriend REALLY badly. It was the one thing I couldn't stop thinking about. I NEEDED it. I thought that my inner desire to be a girl was just because I couldn't get a girlfriend. That had to be it. That's what everybody on /pol/ was saying so it had to be true. I was still in high school at the time and my "nice guy" tactics there went about as well as you'd think. It wasn't just high school that I did it. It was also on the internet.

Eventually I realized what I was doing wasn't working. There had to been some other way. So I went to the only place where I knew I could find the information I'd need, and that was the internet. That was when I came across the red pill on here. I started light. I read some threads and it confirmed everything that I had suppositions of already. I believed all of it. They even recommend me "No more mr nice guy" Which I read.

I thought I had it all figured out. I picked up some new online games and started playing them by the time I graduated high school and was on my way to college. I met some new friends, and after about a year I had my first real girlfriend by luck. It didn't work out at all. I was the one who ended it. For some reason I couldn't help but get anxious and afraid every time I thought about our future and being the man of the house. I just couldn't do that or see myself doing that for some reason. For some reason I tried to get another girlfriend, and that didn't work out at all. I just didn't want to put myself out there at all.

A about a few months ago after trump got elected, I realized I was transgender after I had really educated myself on the subject. I haven't started to transition yet but I'm hoping to be able to do it soon. I've come to the conclusion that everything the Alt Right made me believe was wrong and I feel ashamed of myself for believing it.

Anyway that's my story. Writing this is like therapy for me. If you did, thank you for taking the time to read this.