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[–][deleted] 25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Hey man, first I want to say I'm sorry to hear what happened, people can be very cruel. For me, on of the scariest things about dating is the fact that you're basically putting yourself out there and being vulnerable, which can be really hard. Some people are terrible and take advantage of that.
But it's also important to keep in mind that not everyone is like that. People are widely different and just because this woman treated you like shit, doesn't mean all woman are like that.
If you want to get your shit turned around I recommend 2 things that you can start immediately:
Stop reading incels/mgtow. Seriously this is number 1. The media we expose ourselves to warps how we see the world and trains our brain to think in specific ways (this is why advertising is a multi-trillion dollar industry). The more you read incel/MGTOW shit, the more your world will look that way
Cut back on drinking/weed: this stuff should be for fun, not for self-medicating. If you really think you need something, you're better off going to a doctor and getting a prescription, than randomly firing with alcohol (literal poison) and weed (no quality control and quasi-psychedelic mind warping). As Bob Marley said, "weed is about enjoying life, life isn't about enjoying weed".
And lastly man it's okay to but angry and pissed off and hurt and upset. That's a totally natural reaction to what happened to you. But what makes a man a man isn't his ability to feel these things, but rather his ability to react to them. You don't need to be all chipper and act like it didn't happen; it's good to feel upset and angry and you should take as long as you need. But if you let that anger turn into long-term bitterness your life is going to become a lot harder.
You can get out. Do you have anyone irl to talk to about this kind of stuff?
[–] points points points 54 years ago | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
You are fortunate that you have a friend who is willing to listen to you when you want to be open. I would keep them in your circle; even if you rarely (if ever) talk about this stuff to them it is important to have people around you that care.
I think the most important thing to remember is that if you're serious about getting back on the right track (which I think you are, based on the nature of your post and your response to me so far), you're probably going to want to change a lot of different things.
I don't intend to tell you how to live your life but it's also important to recognize that most fast food is literally poison. Processed meat especially is recognized as a class 1 carcinogen by the WHO. That puts it in the same category as a cigarette. I'm not a nutritionist but if you eat shit food constantly, you will feel like shit. Cutting back should be a priority for you and it will give you something to work towards (learning how to cook good food) that isn't centered on women and sexuality.
Porn is, imo, a risky game. I watch porn like all other guys but it's like I said in the last post, the stuff we watch changes the way we view the world. If a 30s youtube ad is enough to get you thinking "Mazda!" at random times during the day, what does hours of pornography do to your perspective on sex? Even "real" porn is not real and nobody fucks like that, an average porn shoot can take hours and many performers end up getting rashes, having to stop mid shoot to fix makeup, take lots of drugs to stay hard etc. This is what a porn shoot looks like for real NSFW obvs. They're almost as far away from a meaningful sexual encounter as you can get.
At a different level though, when you watch porn you're essentially engaging in a watered-down version of voyeurism. You may identify that its fake, but your brain (the part that gets you hard) doesn't; as far as your subconscious is concerned you're watching 2 people have sex and getting off to that. I'm not a psychologist either but constantly placing yourself in a subordinate position like that, unless that is your fetish, is probably not doing you any favors. I'm not saying "don't watch porn", but rather cut back perhaps? I found my sweet spot is once every 1-2 weeks.
And lastly, I read your post history. I see you are posting in r/christianity. I'm not sure how much of a believer you are but I find that when I feel like shit, reading the Bible really helps. Christ especially is an inspiring character and I don't think he would be too happy to see some of the other comments you have in your history. Like I said, it's not how we feel, it's how we express and handle those feelings that makes us men.
Also, I'm just going to open the floor to this, if you want to shoot me a dm to talk more I can
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[–]HillaB6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have a feeling this is how the majority of redpillers begin. What your ex did was shitty, but not all women do shitty things. You have to understand NOT AWAL. Just as not all men are the same. Some guys are shitty, some aren't. Just because one guy is shitty doesn't automatically mean all men are.
The weight thing... have you seen a doctor? I don't know how long it's been but 150lbs is a big weight gain and something worth speaking to a health professional about.
[–]raziphel6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That sounds rough, but you really should talk to someone about that depression. That's a lot of weight to put on someone else, especially someone you dated for six months. It's not healthy.
The problem with redpill, incel, and the like is that they're self-fulfilling prophecies. You gotta break out of it.
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'm so sorry for what happened to you. What an awful, mind-warping experience.
It's important to understand that we all experience heartbreak. Men and women. And like another poster said, it's healthy to experience your emotions, get angry, get upset, feel empathy for yourself. But gradually most people recover and are able to move on, and continue to trust members of the opposite sex. For some reason, a lot of men who find their way to sites like redpill and MGTOW don't seem to have the resilience to come back from these things. (same for a lot of women who end up on radical feminist sites). The reasons I'm sure are very complex, but they can be addressed in therapy.
However, you've descended down a black hole. It's very likely you're clinically depressed, and it's tough to think straight or get the energy or the will to pull yourself out when you're like this. First step is to get evaluated for depression and get treatment.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's awful. I can understand why you would be vulnerable to a site like TRP after an experience like that. You sound like you might be a particularly sensitive guy with some real vulnerabilities. I can understand the seduction of a movement that explains what happened to you is somehow part of the natural order, and tries to harden you against women as a way to guard against future pain. The problem is you never get told about the enormous costs associated with their cynical, paranoid world view. You won't attract an emotionally healthy partner, or have an emotionally healthy, or satisfying, relationship once you become calloused and crass. Not to mention what such a dark view toward half the human race would do to your world view in general. It's no wonder that MGTOWs sometimes end up dropping out of society at large.
[–]thekeytovictory3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
29 year old woman here. You're only 22 and you guys only dated for 6 months. That's very young and such a short period of time to basically give up on living your life over it.
I also noticed that you said you saw each other for 6 months and then she asked you to be her boyfriend and bought you a card and took you to dinner and a hotel. You gotta start taking initiative for yourself, man. Not just in regards to dating but in all aspects of life. Start taking care of yourself by eating better and doing activities that you enjoy. The more you start to love and care for yourself, the more attractive you will become to others.
And it sucks that it was so short-lived but when it ends quickly like that, it just means it's not meant to be and there's no point in spending years wasting time with the wrong person. You're wasting your own time dwelling on it when you could be enjoying your life and meeting new people. It will get better. You just gotta let go of the ghost of this old relationship. 2 years is already too long to let this rob you of your hope and future.
I saw that another commenter mentioned you are also posting in Christian subs. I agree that seeking God's help is a good way to help you heal from the pain of loss. I especially recommend searching for Tim Keller's "Counterfeit Gods" lecture on YouTube and listening to it. Excerpt: “We think that idols are bad things, but that is almost never the case. The greater the good, the more likely we are to expect that it can satisfy our deepest needs and hopes." ...It really helped me to recover from a painful breakup of a serious long-term relationship because it made me realize that I was making the love of another person into an "idol" that I expected to bring purpose and meaning to my life.
Simply put, humans are imperfect and if you put those expectations on them, they will always let you down and leave you empty. Only when you find your self worth apart from another person can you truly be happy with another person and have the healthy and satisfying types of relationships you really want.
[–]juanappleseed2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It will pass friend
[–]RedPillDetox4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Becoming MGTOW only contributes to your misery. No one is happy believing that everybody, particulary women, are collective pieces of shit who are out there to get you. While MGTOW on the surface seem like a good group to join to because it explains your pain and tells you how to deal with it, it is actually tremendously toxic because it is the very same thing that legitimizes your insecurity and hate by telling you just how shitty women and society are. If you want to stop feeling miserable you need to ditch the very thing that is fueling your insecurties which are MGTOW beliefs of hate towards women. You literally just dated one girl that happent to be an ass. Or maybe she was just a good girl who fucked up big time (after all, we don't know the reasons that led to the break up). Eitherway, it doesn't matter. While there are people in happy relationships MGTOWs have no excuse to fear all women.
[–]Rainai1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You are 22 years old now and are already in this kind of situation. If you continue with this path, you will only get worse year after year. More isolated, fatter, more bitter, mentally deteriorated.
I know this will not convince you, but what happened to you, happened also to other men...and to women even. And what do most of them do? Licking their wounds but then bounce back. You have been not only licking that wound, but adding salt to it and rubbing it in.
My parents told me that pain is to be experienced with clarity of mind, to be fought and then conquered.
You have been running away all these time. Trying to numb it, hoping that it will magically go away. It does not work like that. You haven't conquered that pain, and that is also why you will never get over your ex GF.
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[–][deleted] 25 points26 points27 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]HillaB6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]raziphel6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Rainai1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link