I think I might be genderqueer and bicurious. I gave thought to maybe trying crossdressing and hooking up with a sexy guy on Craigslist while dressed as a woman. However when you express a sexual, "dirty" side to yourself, men seem to take this as permission to be rapey and to re-enact what they see in porn.

I was talking to a guy who was well-endowed. And I told him that I've never been with a man before. I want my first time to be just a blowjob and I want to go at my own pace. Because he was rather large. But I said something "nasty" (about wanting him to cum on my face, hair and clothes) and apparently he thought this meant I'd be ok with what he said next. He said that he wanted to grab me by the skirt and fuck me up the ass full force even after I beg him to stop. And then cum inside me.

And I'm just going "No, No, No" Amy Winehouse style (from her Rehab song) in my head. He wants to hurt me and wants to have very risky unprotected sex. Yea.. no. Not sexy at all.

I told him that I'd want my first time to be gentle. And with a condom if I do decide on trying anal. Because I don't want STDs. I cited my concerns with him and never heard from him again. lol. Or maybe he could just be busy. Haha.

Seeing shit like this scares the shit out of me and turns me off the idea of being with a man.

What the actual fuck? Can't a guy just be happy that you want to please them sexually?

I get the sense that men feel that LGBTQ people have even less rights than biological women as well (not to play Oppression Olympics. Biological women are allowed to feel afraid and violated too. But it does feel like they see us as less human).

My best friend who was bisexual (female), who is the only person I came out to, also recently discovered Jesus after she discovered Donald Trump in 2015-2016 (lol) and she says she's no longer bisexual. And is telling me that I need to accept Jesus in my heart and pray the gay away. lol. I've been raised Catholic. Been an atheist since 13. Have no interest in that shit. My friend used to be a hardcore SJW liberal. We used to get into huge arguments since I'm far from a SJW.

My family and male friends don't know (except for one gay friend but him and I don't talk anymore because he's an asshole). My sister is a SJW liberal. But she has said that she thinks bisexual/bi-curious people are "just confused". I can only imagine what she thinks about trans or genderqueers.

These creepy rapist men make things worse for the rest of us guys who aren't rapists. I don't know if it's just porn or what.

The Black Pill is that people are scum period. Apparently men can do no wrong and women are the devil. No, we're just not used to seeing women having the equal opportunity to be assholes now. If men are so great, why do I feel so afraid of being with a man now then? lol.