XRP, I have a dilemma.

JaggedYellowPill · 2017-05-31T00:08:13+00:00

The question I have not yet been able to answer in my research is this: If women aren't capable of unconditional love, are biologically predisposed to always search for something better, or constantly manipulate and shit test you, what's the use of trying to have a relationship or hook up with women at all?

If you're trying to answer that question, then it means you have already decided:

Women aren't capable of unconditional love
Women are biologically predisposed to always search for something better
Women constantly manipulate and shit test you.

I would encourage you to revisit each of those assertions.

Edit:

I was crunched for time when I wrote the above, but I wanted to elaborate.

Number 1: "Unconditional Love" is, in my opinion, an unrealistic expectation. In the real world, everyone loves with strings attached. Would you really expect your partner to stick by you if you got addicted to illegal drugs and killed an innocent person? Would you expect them to love you just as much if you cheated on them with their sibling for five years? Would you expect them to still be there if you got fired from a string of jobs for stealing and then stopped looking for work, expecting them to support you?

Even someone DID still love someone else in those situations I described above, you would have to lack all self-respect to stay in a situation where the other person was clearly a loser, liar, violent, etc. even if you did still have feelings for them. Like the old song says, "Sometimes love just ain't enough."

But just because unconditional love is unrealistic doesn't mean two people can't love each other through thick and thin. The good just has to outweigh the bad.

Number 2: Humans, male and female, don't stop finding other people attractive just because they pair off. Men still check out other women, women still check out other men. But most people never act on their attractions, so I think the notion that most people "search for something better" is false. But, as with #1, if you aren't being a good partner or if the two of you just grow apart over the years, there's always a risk your partner may choose not to be with you anymore. Heartbreak is the risk you face when you fall in love. If you're not comfortable with that risk, well, you can opt out of relationships. But don't point the finger at women for being "biologically predisposed to always search for something better."

Number 3: Yes, some people, male and female, are manipulative jerks. Ending up in a relationship with one sucks. Learn the red flags and avoid dating people who are jerks. And don't be a jerk yourself, because who would want to date a jerk?

palacesofparagraphs · 2017-06-01T04:36:25+00:00

Unlike other commenters, I do believe there's such a thing as unconditional love, but I think it's very rare and not even necessarily healthy (my mom's unconditional love for my brother is good for him, but has really done a number on her). What does exist is honest, open, healthy love, and that is what you should strive for. You are not unreasonable for wanting a relationship where you can be fully open with your partner. That's what you should want, and what you deserve.

If women aren't capable of unconditional love, are biologically predisposed to always search for something better, or constantly manipulate and shit test you, what's the use of trying to have a relationship or hook up with women at all?

RedPill's greatest weakness is that the entire philosophy is based on the idea that women are both radically different from and inferior to men. Neither of these things is true. Women are just people like everyone else. Just like "All men [x]" is not true no matter what you put for x, "All women [x]" is also not true. Some women will manipulate you. Some will try to screw you over. But the same is true of some men. You pick your friends based on their personalities. Just because not everyone in the world is a good friend doesn't mean no one is. Romantic partners are the same. Sometimes people aren't compatible. Some people are just shitty partners. But the fact that you've had several bad relationships is an indication either than you're making questionable choices or that you've just had some really rotten luck, not that "all women are like that."

I'm not going to pretend I'm old and wise, because I'm only two years older than you are, but yeah, I think some of it is probably maturity. It's not that you have to wait until after the "wild years" (if you don't behave the way all other men your age do, then it's safe to assume not all women behave the same way), it's that relationships take practice. We don't see a lot of models of healthy relationships to emulate, so we kind of have to figure it out on our own, and that takes time and a lot of fucking up. But try not to get discouraged. Healthy relationships do exist, and you will find yours.

And honestly, stay away from TRP. The overlap between women who are healthy partners and women who like misogynists is very small.

shakyshamrock · 2017-05-31T23:14:02+00:00

Wanting unconditional love is usually a way of saying relationships should be easy. At age 22 there you may have no idea how to love, or how to care for a woman without trying to control her (i.e. demand she respond to your caring in a certain way). Relationships will not be "easy" at any age.

If you think of unconditionally loving yourself it would mean bettering yourself and growing in your ability to love no matter the hardship. It may not feel worth your time, but even that would not mean spending your time in some contrary way (i.e. trp) instead. In between there is the entire wide range of dating for friendship because you genuinely want to learn the ways women are human that you are currently missing or just choosing to read lots of books instead. (See r/menslibrary to get out of some of the trp literature).

And honestly a bunch of pro-men redditors have created really compelling communities promoting pro-love and pro-women ways of dealing with things for men. If dating sucks for a while you may as well hang out here instead.

thekeytovictory · 2017-06-07T01:07:39+00:00

Hey there, 29 year old woman here. The experience you described of women "pulling away when you open up" and seeming like they love you when you when you act like you don't care, sounds like "the rubber band effect" ...which is ironically a term used to explain the way men pull away from a female partner when she gets too close, but snap back if she pulls away in return. It's actually an emotional dynamic that happens on both sides.

No healthy person wants to date someone who is clingy or desperate and most people (both men and women) recoil from *excessive" affection because it comes across as insecure and puts a pressure on the partner to fill a void of self-worth that they can't possibly do. However, many people also struggle with insecurities of their own and when their partner suddenly pulls away or shuts down, they may feel that pang of insecurity themselves and instinctively seek validation.

These traits are a natural human tendency, not women exclusively. The Red Pill ideology seeks to exploit this human flaw and use it to create an emotional power dynamic against women. (And I'm sure there are also women out there who exploit this emotional power dynamic against men). There is some truth that in some ways it works in a short-term unsustainable kind of way, but that doesn't sound like the kind of relationship you want. Since you're young, you're still navigating relationship dynamics and so are your young potential partners, so cut yourself and them some slack!

In the past, I have struggled with being the needier one, scaring off potential partners with too much affection and time together too soon, or worse, put myself in a position to be exploited by selfish partners. The antidote of this human psychological flaw that I have learned for myself is to seek a healthy balance of being supportive of your partner and respecting their time and independence (and affectionate with your partner, but respecting your own time and independence).

I'm now in the healthiest relationship of my life, talking with my bf about marriage. We are all (men and women) going to dry up and be old someday and most people want someone who will stay with them and love them through that. I can assure you that women want life-long committed love just as much as men.

TL;DR: Seek a healthy balance of openness and independence. Not in an attempt to manipulate your partner into behaving a certain way, but in order to build security in yourself and trust in the relationship :)

CranialActivity · 2017-05-31T14:42:02+00:00

Holding Frame is not really a good way to go, but it's understandable that people may have been pushed away by your being too open. It can seem like a person is bringing a lot of baggage of they are too open too early. Early on people generally just want to enjoy their time with their partner. If you bring up deep stuff, that can be intimidating. I think it's more important to be friendly and supportive. If you can demonstrate that you are willing to hear their deep shit, they will definitely be willing to hear yours.

cindel · 2017-06-05T11:54:34+00:00

Do I have to be uncaring to keep my partner around?

This is just an anecdote and I hope it's ok to post here, but my boyfriend is sweet, kind and loving and we've been together for 8 years.

He tells me daily that he loves me, and I tell him. We fall asleep most nights holding hands, or at least with our feet touching.

We've never played games with each other or withheld our feelings.

I do wonder if you're a bit young, but there's many different types out there even among women your age, I think you will find someone who cherishes you, as you do them but not if you become embittered or want to play games.

Rainai · 2017-05-31T05:55:12+00:00

I grew up in a rather conservative land and even there, there is no such things as unconditional love. It was more of a 'let's keep up appearance so that we won't lose face and dishonor thy family' thing. (Albeit from both sides.) This usually ended up with the story of abused and long-suffering wives, or husbands.

I don't think you want to or even can or should love someone unconditionally, because it has tendency to breed resentment when she does not return the gestures. And when you start to resent her for unable to love you back as much as you want it, that is where your unconditional love also ended.

Do women shit tests and always look for better option? You know the answer to this. Some women do, some women don't. Just like some men also do this...but they called the shit-test 'pre-screening for compatibilities' and 'upgrading' for looking for better option. And it is indeed exhausting to be the partner of these kind of people.

If I may ask, how do you act among other men? Are you the leader type? Or the follower type? Are you meek and say nothing if another man cuts you in a queue or in traffic even if you have the chance to say something? In short, how is your real world interaction with other men?

Le_PlaYeuR · 2017-06-06T14:48:48+00:00

lol dude women can love unconditionnally i tell you; you are just not mature enough. a famous psychiatrist in montreal told : Only a well masculinised man can be romantic toward a woman. So you should find yourself first before trying to find a potential partner

ashaw7 · 2017-06-19T00:56:13+00:00

So what I see here is your paradox, that you need to project success and strength to attract a mate, but then want to be vulnerable, sharing weakness and insecurity without having her walk away. I would say it depends on the woman you attract, and how. I would also say that after a certain courtship period, women have an invesment in their partner and are willing to be supportive despite imperfections.

Just consider how much you might be willing to tolerate in a partner, its probably somewhere around there. You will still have a responsibility to try, and to be reliable and supportive. If you do nothing but tell her all your problems then expect her to watch you just fail and give up, don't expect it to go far.

FixinThePlanet · 2017-05-31T02:35:08+00:00

People don't really love unconditionally

Title	XRP, I have a dilemma.
Author	Howlum
Upvotes	4
Comments	26
Date	May 30, 2017 8:15 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/6e9vr6/xrp_i_have_a_dilemma/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/xrp-i-have-a-dilemma.300255 https://theredarchive.com/post/300255