tl;dr Finding it really difficult to believe that women are capable of loving and respecting men except in an opportunistic manner which sates their hypergamy and solipsism. Struggling to forgive my generation for being actively taught not to love men, to hold them to obscene standards and persecute them for everything.

I realise this sounds like I'm selling TRP but I'm not, I am obviously wondering whether to spit it out, somewhere near the end of the anger and bargaining phase entering the despair phase.

Apparently once upon a time back in the days of the patriarchy, women loved men near-unconditionally. Of course they were also oppressed and financially dependent on their husbands, so it's perfectly possible that they never really loved them the way the rose-tinted glasses would say.

Now, women have been ;liberated politically and financially, taught to consider their own needs and interests as well, which is great. But in that process, popular feminism as understood by the mainstream layperson has become[parasitic like a hate group. For some reason it was decided that not just patriarchy, but men as a whole being responsible for the enigmatic patriarchal norms, had to be held accountable and in contempt. Not only in contempt, but accountable for the transgressions of their fathers and forefathers. A culture of paranoia arose where women were taught all men were potential rapists, potential abusers, and potential misogynists. It was acceptable to criticise men as having mommy issues, to the point that an entire social science founded its principles to understanding relationships on such assumptions. Later on, they were taught that it was OK to want sex and want it with sexy men, yet it was still unacceptable for men to be shallow. They were taught that women have the right to pursue their sexuality to whatever lengths they wish without judgment, yet it was still unacceptable for men to be virgins. Etc. Over time the expectations continued to rise until a man had to be everything attractive about masculinity while serving the feminine imperative, never falling prey to the stigma of 'toxic masculinity'. This was truly a double edged sword, where a man could be chastised for not expressing himself enough, yet when he finally opened up he was labeled as being 'clingy' or 'manipulative' or even abusive. He might be sent to therapy to help him deal with his 'issues', or forced to attend couples counselling where she tells the therapist how he's not fulfilling her needs. This would be a long post if I listed all the usual MRA complaints such as the Duluth Model, VAWA, Title IX, affirmative action, the wage gap, paternity laws, medical care etc. but you get the picture.

I believe this has now created generations of women who are generally apathetic towards men and in contempt of men who do not do their bidding. Contemporary society does not foster conditions where women and men love equally. Women are raised to pursue their own careers, develop their self esteem, have confidence in their gender and sexuality whether or not they express it, and most of all that they are equals to men in every way, so should 'never settle'. But in practice, never settling leads to demanding the impossible from men. This is combined with women's basic ancient conditioning towards benevolent sexism, expecting men to protect and provide, to be 'real men', and hypergamy which I've elaborated on below but most of you will know about.

By contrast, men have not been freed from their gender role. The burden of performance that hypergamy and male disposability have created rests forever on his shoulders. If a man fails to 'man up' and sacrifice himself, his time and energy for women and children, he is lesser. If a man places his needs first, he is selfish. If a man places other's needs first but then can't take care of his own, he's irresponsible. If he has the wrong body, he's failed. If he has the wrong job, he's failed and is a loser; this despite affrimative action and a biased education system which often neglects him, unless he has some form of special needs (is that even PC to say anymore...). If he pursues the wrong hobbies or interests, he's failed. If he presents the wrong behaviours and mannerisms, he's failed. Even women call men being emotional in a way they don't like 'pussies' and disrespect them. A man wearing a dress is judged. Homophobia is dying out but for a long time 'gay' was used as an insult. Paradoxically a man being too 'masculine' is also slandered as some archaic caricature of bygone chauvinist days. And finally, as Slate Star Codex's 'Radicslising thr Romancelesd' showed us, a man can be strawmanned and demonised as the predatory deceitful Nice Guy (tm) just seeking to geytanother notch count for simply expressing the human desire to be loved, wanted and feel needed.

A man can always be labeled by the Matrix, branded, it is socially acceptable to publicly shame and humiliate him for his going his own way until he is broken and once again serves the feminine imperative. Imo the current conditions of fem-centrism are to create 'better Betas' or Beta Fucks, men hot enough to date/marry and superficially 'confident' enough to be a turn-on, but bluepilled enough to only live in ways which women and fem-centric society approves of, nor confident enough to challenge her covert authority. Men who are worth investing in but will need her more than she needs him, and can easily be cheated on or dumped/divorced for a better higher SMV model of manhood as and when she sees fit.

My readings of Rational Male etc. try to explain how hypergamy basically makes women incapable of loving men unconditionally. Readings of Mark Manson etc. also explain how women's hypergamy is basically narcissistic in nature; they desire to be supremely desired by a high status, attractive man willing to commit. To feel like a queen. Now to be fair to women here, this is merely an instinct, a survival adaptation and an effective one too. High status, desired men expressing singular desire for her are more likely to be genuine in their promises to commit, as well as put their money where their mouth is re: protection/provisioning. It's akso a neand of ensuring optimal health for her offspring. , and by extension that future genetic bloodline of the human race. So in this sense it's perfectly rational for women to be hypergamous. Still, the desire dynamic of hypergamy, and our current social conditioning seem to create a defensive, hostile self absorption with regards to intergender dynamics in the average woman.

I worry about this. I see how quickly dissatisfied women in and out of my peer group with how they're being treated. When they're treated differently, it's sexist. When they're treated equally, there's something missing. I see how easy it is for women to replace men after breaking up with them, like they never existed. I see how easy it is for them to publicly slander an ex, start a smear campaign and manipulate the outgroup preference of men/in-group preference of women. This with someone they were revering just weeks before. I see how quick women are to attack men who don't serve the interests of the current aspect of the mating strategy; whiney neckbeards in the friendzone during youth, players unwilling to grow up and settle down in their later years. I venture onto the PPD sub on my alt, and time and time again I see the sheer apathy TBP has towards redpillers no matter what the issue.

I am struggling to break out of a depression at present, because I have lost interest in pursuing the social expectation to spend the next 20-40 years of my life working my ass off in a job I don't even like or understand why I got in, just to please women and societyand generally serve fem-centric interests. That if I work hard enough I mnight be worthy of the respect and attentions of women, and might be deserving of love, after being near invisible in even the platonic sense for so many years. I am sick of having to qualify for basic human respect and affection. I keep being told that I am not entitled to these things and women don't owe me them. Fair enough, yet a man who denied a woman affection or respect would be attacked as an asshole. Not only that, but women receive these things pretty much on a daily basis-although not so saturated with attention and validation like hot women, even unattractive ones are not denied basic human decency the way that disposable betas and omegas are.

To end this section of the rant, I must explain how I envision the expectation of love in relationships at present. Rollo suggests women can never truly appreciate a man's sacrifices; I frar he is mostly right. A man is expected, obliged and expected to feel privileged to love, care for and protect a woman. Testosterone obliges him to do this as does bluepill conditioning. It is his test of character. Women are not. Women are taught that their love, time and energy is theirs to give, and withhold, as and they feel like. If they never do so, that is their prerogative-perhaps payback for centuries of women's oppression. When they validate a man or love him, that is his privilege. It is not something he is entitled to. Should he ever begin to feel this way, he's becoming abusive and must be disposed of imminently without sympathy.

I am trying to forgive women for all of this total lack of empathy, because it's borne of 2 things essentially; a) brainwashing by the vicious combination of militant 'strong independent' feminism and residual patriarchal expectations, and b) being slaves to their hypergamy. I must admit and you can tell from my history, it is difficult, hence why I'm posting here.