Recently someone here posted about how women define "average" in astronomical terms, based on some bullshit a girl said while shit testing him. Most of the responses didn't understand that he was being tested because most of the commenters aren't ok with themselves at all.
Quick Method
Know all those dating apps and sites you use? Know how you like to finely craft introductions designed to make the woman see you in a favorable light?
Don't do that.
Send any one of these messages that say, "I love me and I don't care if you do."
1 - "Boners."
2 - "Super boners."
3 - "I'm going to be playing video games all week but you can come over this weekend and do my laundry."
4 - "Do you ever get those crusties in your asshole and pick them out in the shower?"
5 - "Want to help me practice for my driver's exam? The police said I can finally get my license."
These messages are not meant to get you a woman. The responses you receive (you will get responses) will show you how much better this type of "who really fucking cares right?" attitude matches up against, "Oh god oh god oh god I'd better say the right thing."
And that leads us to today's lesson:
You don't matter that much.
Sorry, but if the fate of the world rested on your shoulders we'd all be fucked. You're reading how-to guides about becoming ok with yourself. So really you don't matter that fucking much.
And that's fine! That's preferable. It takes pressure off your shoulders. You can walk into a bar and tell a girl that you're a martian whose pants will explode at midnight unless an earth girl removes them with her teeth. Guess what? No one will care! Tomorrow CNN will run a headline about ISIS feeding babies to elephants and your pickup line will become just another blip in the endless history of the universe.
- Corollary - Women will try to make you think that you should matter a whole lot. They'll tease you and ask you why you're not a buff macho kingpin or why you don't own 10 businesses and a thousand dogs. The important thing to notice here is:
That's what they say, not what they think.
Most women wouldn't give ten shits about your income or dog breeding knowledge if you are ok enough with yourself to show them a good time. Confidence does not come to you by knowing that you're big stuff and that you're a huge valuable part of society. If it did, hardly anyone would be confident because hardly anyone actually matters that much.
Confidence comes with knowing that you don't matter that much and that other people really don't either, women included. So if it's not that big of a deal, what do you have to lose?
Nothing.
Little people often have big pride.
It helps them not feel little. It's a defense mechanism. Being defensive is itself a small and impotent thing to do.
Pride weighs a lot. It's one of the biggest forms of baggage and some of you have been feeling it in your chest for years without realizing it. It comes in the form of thoughts like, "What am I going to be doing a year from now? Two years from now? If all my dreams aren't coming true, I'm a worthless piece of shit."
Or, "I need the perfect body, most money, and biggest adventures or I'll be a drain on humanity, just another turd in the bucket."
Or, "If I don't bang every hot chick and turn into a fuck stud of epic proportions, I'm just another waste of space."
Guess what?
People who don't care if they get ass...get more ass than you.
People with shitty bodies who don't give a fuck...get more ass than you.
People who have zero ambition and are ok with that...get more ass than you.
If it is truly your ambition in life to become something great, then you will follow that ambition no matter what. You won't dither about it. You won't get confused and wonder if you're doing the right thing. You definitely won't beat yourself up about not doing it.
So if you're an ambitionless ham planet and you absolutely love your life, there's no reason to qualify yourself to women ever.
If you're a healthy cut millionaire and you hate your life, well I can't help you with that. .0001% problems.
So make a list of the shit you love about yourself that women would call "immature" or "irresponsible" and then realize that shit is all in your head. Almost anything you do (short of rape and murder) can be awesome and praiseworthy if you love doing it and you're solid about that to the core.
Women will prod at you all day and shit test, saying, "Well a mature real man is like this," or, "I can only be with a man who blah blah blah." If you aren't ok with yourself, you'll cave to this type of bullshit instantly. If you're fully ok with yourself, you'll laugh it off and continue on being you.
Remember this:
There are no rules for life other than eat, sleep, breathe, and survive. The rest is completely made up. Clothes? Optional. Words? Optional. Bathing? Optional. Dating? Made up. Relationship standards? Fiction. Breeding? Unnecessary.
You could wake up tomorrow and pretend you're an African prince who has to drive backwards to work or else the mafia will come and steal your asshole. And that would make only marginally less sense than people driving to the same workplace every day to get money to pay for a piece of the planet they were born on which can be taken away by a group of people in a big building with giant metal rooms full of green paper.
So you don't matter that much and life is ridiculous. You couldn't possibly make life any more ridiculous than it already is. So don't go around acting like every little action matters.
Accept yourself.
Pride often comes with a side order of a gallon-sized bottle of hard liquor and angst. This is one of my favorite posts of all time. The bit about little people and pride was a nice touch, it's easy to say that the people who shat on you in the past were just little people, but you articulated it in a way that really resonates. This isn't the first time the subject of pride-addled petty assholes was addressed recently, but you really drove it home.
I don't matter and I'm cool with that.
The frame you construct out of this is so fucking rock solid that you begin mattering without affecting or realizing it.
The weeks after I decided to quit the nice guy act in lieu of MGTOW and general idgaf attitude I quickly saw myself mattering more than I did before. The concept, alien at the time, is now fully understood.
I still think I'm just a regular buck ass nigga. It's this frame and attitude that's actually gotten me way further than any other frame or attitude.
While not a "buck ass nigga", I'm still trying to tell myself it's ok to be who I am and that I deserve the best life can throw at me. I hope the best for you on your journey...
I used it more as an expression to emphasize my point.
Objectively, I am a semi-affluent average caucasian male.
Being OK with myself has more to do with sizing my ego into "my size". Obviously if I change my size my ego changes.
Just think about if you wear shitty clothes, people will think your ego is way out of proportion. If you wear a sharp suit and have a fresh cut, people will almost expect your ego to be fucking big.
Not exactly. That attitude still has a bit of a tone of defeat to me.
I don't matter that much and that's a good thing.
I did exactly what you did and tried to resist "you don't matter that much" by saying "almost". Well, after about six months of that I'm still in the same boat as before. You just can't change unless you actually, genuinely change something about yourself.
The point is you'll never truly appreciate the value of "you don't matter that much" until you embrace it wholeheartedly.
To succeed, you must be willing to fail again and again. To be willing to fail again and again, give less fucks.
Delta point awarded.
Post sidebarred.
This hits home. Hard.
All my life, I've wanted to become some sort of new epitome of mankind. Boatloads of money, the hottest women, kick-ass career, you name it. I wanted it all.
There is nothing wrong with that, but there certainly is something wrong with the incentive I've been waking up for: I didn't want to reach those goals to become a better version of myself, to grow as a person, but, and you've absolutely hit the nail on the head, to receive validation from others. I've been having dreams in which I win the lottery and all the social acceptance that ships with it. I now realize how sick that is.
Your post has shown me that I really have a long way to go. Not because my ego is too small, but because it's too damn big. Thank you.
This reminds me of the perspective change I had about "shy" people.
The common perception is shy people have small egos, but it's really the opposite. Shy people are so concerned with their "image" they present to others, that they act "shy" because of a fear of judgement. It's sad really, because shy people are literally policing themselves on what they can or can't do, based on a made up perception of what others are thinking.
this hits home. I was always like this, but I've gotten over myself somewhat recently through constantly forcing myself into social interactions, no matter how much I didn't want to do it. It even bled over into my productivity because I was such a perfectionist, I never wanted to hand the project in leading to a lot of late projects (or sometimes I would start late on a hard project if I thought I would suck at it so I could give myself the psychological excuse that it was the lateness and not my lack of ability for handing in a sub-par project). Fortunately, B-school beat this out of me. Lose the ego/rose colored glasses and build yourself up from reality is a main TRP message.
Dude, I'm going through the gamet of trying to get into B-school. I feel like I won't get in anywhere, but I'm going to keep trying. I really dislike our academic system.
Yeah man I was afflicted with that mindset. Because of the lack of validation I received as a kid and my lonelines, I thought I either had to be a superhero (where talking DBZ and/or the Avatar), be a famous inventor and/or be super jacked. Funny enough these things are so ingrained into my psyche, when ever things go wrong for me, my mind defaults into that state and I gotta fight it.
Life gets easy when you stop taking everything so personal and serious.
Any good links on how to take life less seriously? I want to take it less serious but as weird as it sounds I'm having a hard time doing this.. HOW DO I CARE LESS
Realize that no one really gives a shit about you and what you do with your life (excluding family and close friends).
You could walk down the street tomorrow wearing a bright pink jumpsuit; and while people some might stare or laugh for a moment, an hour later you're a forgotten part of their day.
You don't need to leave your room.
Remain sitting at your table and listen.
Don't even listen, simply wait.
Don't even wait.
Be quite still and solitary.
The world will freely offer itself to you.
To be unmasked, it has no choice.
It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.
--Franz Kafka
You will die and one day nobody will remember anything about you.
Also, theres a quote that goes along the line of "They say you die twice. Once when you actually die and the second time when your name is mentioned for the last time".
Read up on the Buddhist concept of the ego illusion: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2010/06/ego-myth-of-the-self-dzogchen-ponlop-rinpoche/
I found this article to be useful. David Wong is a comedian and writer BTW.
Surround yourself with other people who don't take life seriously, that shit rubs off on you
I have fun in everything I do every encounter I have etc. Its too much wasted time to care what anyone else thinks and too much time wasted when you take everything serious.
I am very calm and laidback. Find humour in everyghing, ymmv, and you will slowly see things less seriously. Imo.
Listen to old Opie and Anthony shows.
You may already be doing better with this, but here's what helped me:
Remind yourself that we have a relatively short time here on this plain of existence, and that nobody gets out alive! Nobody.
It really does man, it really does.
I'd like to see a post further explaining that philosophy.
I day dream. A lot. And it's all the same. I have money either through the lottery our some unknown family member who leaves me tons of money. I dream of the cars I'll have. How I'll drive the down the street with the roof back. Shades on. People looking at me. Envious. Women Fawning over me. I dream of the cool as fuck pad I'll have. I'd invite people over for no reason other than to show off.
I spend hours a day with these thoughts. There are disgusting and eat away at me mentally as I feel the only way I'll be worth anything is if they come through. I'm trying my best to rid myself of this parasite though.
Instead, reflect on what you have, where you've been, and if you're doing it right -- how bright the future must be if you continue this upward trend.
I recommend meditation as a way to kill your ego. You can read up on the Buddhist concept of the illusion of ego here: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2010/06/ego-myth-of-the-self-dzogchen-ponlop-rinpoche/
"He who gives the least fucks gets the most fucks"
Lol MGTOW and monks must be rolling in pussy then.
They mostly still give a lot of fucks.
No they aren't because they still care.
There is a stark contrast between not being a part of the game because it's terrible and not giving a fuck that the game exists. There are MGTOW and monks that are rolling in pussy, simply because they literally don't care.
You are not supposed to begin improving yourself because it will make you more popular with women. You are not supposed to do it because you'll become smarter, faster, and stronger. Hell you are not even supposed to do it because it makes you happy.
This may seem like a contradiction to a RP mindset. However, I said supposed to. The only thing that you are supposed to do is eat, drink, and sleep.
By accepting yourself as someone who doesn't matter, and accepting that everything else doesn't matter, you become free. No longer do you feel,
"I need to get stronger",
"I need to get smarter",
"I need to improve my game",
"I need to make more money".
You just do it.
We may live with shitty laws and a shitty culture, but why the fuck does that matter? You create the world you live in. /rant
Buddhist monks who have killed their ego actually have loads of female admirers, but they just don't care because getting laid isnt their aim.
And now we get to see who's truly internalized TRP, who's still learning and which forum warriors are fronting hard.
See what this guy just wrote is the core of TRP, which is to cease defining your self by other people's metrics. There is a rule here, TRP is just knowledge and it is up to each of us individually to determine what to do with it. That means TRP is non-judgmental, it's amoral and doesn't care what each man's own goal is, as long as they have a goal.
Ultimately it is up to each of us, as individual men, to determine what we want out of life, make a plan for attaining it and then executing that plan. I have my own goals, I have my own plan and I'm executing it. My goals may not be someone else's goals and my plan may not be there plan. The important part is that I no longer seek validation from external sources, I no longer use another man's metrics as my baseline. My definitions of good and bad, acceptable and unacceptable are no longer from other people but rather based entirely on my own goals. I have turned inward and become extremely self centered and in doing this I have discovered love of self and acquired irrational self confidence. The essence of masculinity is to act for one self out of ones own desire to act.
What the OP has described is the source of irrational self confidence. The source of solid frame that can't possible be moved. Nothing external to me can alter my frame, nothing external to me can alter my self confidence. Whenever a girl asks my where all my confidence comes from (and they always do), my answer is the same "because I'm me". To the ones who ask me "who are you" my answer, said with the biggest shit eating grin, is "God". Never fails to blow minds everywhere I go. Whenever anyone asks me why I do something, it's "because I want to", and no further reason is given. I live my life for myself and nobody else.
This post is TRP gold and all those who have self actualized will understand it 100%. Those still learning will question it, and those fronting will demonstrate seething hatred towards it.
I'll sum it up with a single comparison. A man who dedicates his life to mastering underwater basket weaving or playing video games is more masculine then a man who's forced to climb a mountain every day and lift large objects.
How did you get to that consciousness? It requires constant vigilance day in day out does it not (it is for me)? I seem to get lost in thought and often times its for validation.
But that is what I strive for every damn day.
Wait.. this is actually working. Who knew that being honest and asking directly for something works!?
Haha jesus, what I wouldn't give to see a thread full of conversations going just like this. Guy: "Something outlandish and DGAF-y" girl: "When can I take my clothes off?"
For ex-keyboard jockeys like me who take shit too way seriously, this is some damn good advice, sir.
I dunno man - that "accept yourself" mindset seems like an easy path to complacency. Am I missing something in this post that I'm just not grokking?
I struggled with this myself for a long time. It is paradoxical.
You have to accept your present self. You have to accept your lot in life. Being the fucking top at all points in time is an american spoon fed lie. It doesn't happen. You have to tell yourself it is okay. It will be okay.
If you are weak it is okay, because if you will it you can become stronger.
If you are ignorant it is okay, because if you will it, you can become wise.
If you are poor it is okay, because if you will it, you can become wealthy.
If you are failing it is okay, because if you will it, you can succeed.
Find comfort in understanding what you are and where you are at, and find solace knowing that if you will something to change you can change it. Become at ease with yourself and your weaknesses. Improve upon them if it is desirable to you. But always remember it is okay to not be at the top. You don't have to be at the top. But know that if you want to you can, just maybe not in your current state.
Even the people at the top are just drops in the bucket. The mummies in Egypt, the pharoes and queens, I do not give a fuck about them. They are drops in the bucket. They were the top. To me they are nothing. No one is ever the best at all points in time. Ego loss is really considering this. You are everything and nothing at the same time depending on the scope and perspective from which you view it, everyone is like this even if they do not know it yet.
This comment definitely hit me hard. Thanks for this. If you will it and work hard towards it, it may happen! Know thyself!
I don't know. Sometmes I have to see how bad things have gotten before I fix it. If I pretend it's okay, nothing will get better. Maybe that's just my way of dealing with problems or maybe I'm misunderstanding this post.
What OP is saying is to define and defend your own happiness. The underlying message here is very similar to keeping frame.
For example, if a woman says "I only date men who drive luxury cars" and you could care less about those kinds of cars, why should you care? Laugh and go about your way of living instead of feeling inadequate.
And if a girl says she doesn't date fat slobs and you're a fat slob, you should do the same?
This sounds like fat acceptance.
I understand what you said in your context, and I agree that that is the way to go about it. But i don't think it should be applied as universally as OP does.
If you are a fat slob and are truly happy with that, then stick with it. If you are aware of the health risks and lack of sex that will come with it and honestly don't care, why do you need to change? Everyone finds their own happiness. Self improvement is not the path to happiness for everyone. Some people just want to skid by in life and chill. And that's fine.
Alert for newbies: This is not the same as just saying "fuck all this work, im just gonna eat mcdonalds and play video games till I die of a heart attack at 45 because fuck women!" We would all like to just chill, eat fatty food, play vidya, and fuck women. Unfortunately, those things don't really go together. If you want to be a fat slob because that is what you want, have fun. If you want to be a fat slob because you want to be successful but think it's too hard, grow up and get lifting.
It's a shame you even had to say it, but well said.
Fat acceptance tries to get everyone to accept fat people for being fat. It has little-to-nothing to do with fat people accepting themselves for being fat.
Therein lies the problem, and it's closely tied to the root of this post: feminists and SJWs would rather change and control the mindset of society -- in order for fat people to finally *feed on validation -- instead of promoting the "nobody cares" mindset outlined here.
I don't see "accepting yourself" being in line with complacency. I see Complacency as you accepting what others think of you and doing nothing about it. That would be in the grand scheme of things giving in to any type of -ism.
I believe that redpill isn't about changing "you" to be more presentable to women. That is seduction. Redpill is about altering how you perceive reality. Before RP, most of us had a warped sense of what it means to be a man. And RP has helped people see truth. That truth makes us sexually appealing to women.
RP changed how I see the world but it didn't change me. I'm always going to be me.
It both is and is not.
To improve you have to admit where you are. To accept as fact the measure of the distance between where you are and where you wish to be. "Progress" is the name of the narrow zone between despair and complacency.
Thinking the same thing. I might actually try that african prince thing tomorrow.
You must note your goals. But Rome was not built in a day. You're on your way, and you're doing the best you can, and that's the fastest you're going to get to there. If you're not doing your best, get your ass moving and do it.
If you're really hustling, then you can be proud of that despite not being at your goal. Just never stop hustling.
He's saying realise what you like about yourself and what you want to accomplish. Ignore anyone else's judgement and be it. Epitome of alpha.
Exactly. Just sounds like he's spouting some feel good hippy shit. That the status quo is good enough.
You should accept your limitations, but I will not accept a lack of effort. Am I good enough as a hamplanet that's happy with his curves? Hell no. I have the ability to be so much better than that, and I will/am. Is it acceptable to shower once a month? Hell no. I could pretend I am an African prince with a desirable bunghole, but I'm better than that.
It's impossible to be the best, but it's easy to not suck.
There is a difference between what he's spewing and ignoring worthless opinions. He's basically preaching complacency.
But it's all relative. What's good enough for you isn't good enough for someone else, etc.
You need to define your own goals and path, then fight for those whatever that takes. If the obese guy wants to be the StarCraft 2 world champion... that is his goal and how he can value himself. I bet he'd beat you at StarCraft 2, right? And you don't give a fuck, because your goals are different than his.
Everyone here always says be the 'best you, you can be'. What is missed is that 'you' are not the same as everyone else and your level and idea of 'best' is your own to forge.
He IS putting out effort... it's just not effort in the same goals you'd place value on. To each his own.
So we shouldn't even stride to meet the goals that TRP outlines for a high SMV man? Good finances, physique, game, etc.?
What you're implying that it is acceptable to just ignore all of that and pick up the videogame that gives you the most (short term) pleasure. Because that is exactly what the obese guy is doing.
Brb skipping the gym to play fifa.
What good does a high SMV man bring? Good finances brings a faster car, a bigger house, more gadgets and tech, finer vacations - and for what? To get a temporary endorphin-boost until you quickly reach the baseline again? Does a faster car (that is still only allowed to drive at a max of 70 mph) really give more pleasure? Does an iPhone 6 Plus bring more pleasure than a cheaper Android? Does fucking another new woman who does not matter at all really bring lasting pleasure?
What does big muscles bring you? Some satisfaction when you look in the mirror, until you reach the baseline again and is exactly as happy with yourself, and your new +2kg of muscles, as you was with yourself 2 months ago? Maybe it brings you a new vapid woman who gives you 20 minutes of pleasure until that too is gone and you are back at baseline happiness again?
Having good game? So you can tell yourself that those 10 hours spent cold-approaching and chasing a woman leading to a 2 hour-date with a woman you don't even enjoy the company of just to have 20 minutes of sex, is really worth it in the end?
Everything is relative. Do you honestly believe you will be happier going on vacation to Hawaii compared to Thailand? Drinking designer-drinks over cheap rum? Having a BMW compared to a Peugeot? Having 4 bedrooms compared to 1? How does any of that shit matter?
Fapping, MGTOW, playing computer, chilling, working a mediocre job and staying slightly in shape is just as worthwhile as pursuing a STEM-career, working 70 hours, learning game, cold-approaching, dating, sacrificing health and time in the gym. I've done both. In the end, your happiness will reach the baseline no matter what you do, so the best thing is to do is to just learn to enjoy yourself and be happy in my opinion. Does it actually matter what you think back on that last hour when lying on your death bed? You won't even know it by the next hour anyway.
I don't think that this defeatist attitude helps anyone though.
How?
That's the hard part. For some happiness really is self-improvement, while for others self-improvement is only a facade of happiness. Probably depends on your nature and nurture. Blue pill, red pill, seduction, bodybuilding, capitalism, gangs, HAES... every groupthink that us humans do is just our way of seeking meaning and filling the void to fit in somewhere. Once that void have left you, what are you left with? Validation does not bring lasting happiness, so the best way to do so might be to do as OP says and accept that none of us matters, and everything will be okay, no matter the choice we make. If you don't matter, the people giving you validation do not matter either. No matter who and where you are, everything is relative to your current self. If you reach the bottom, you will still experience the fluctuating highs and lows just as if you reached the top. The big difference is that other people will give you validation once you reach some sort of top, and validation from others truly does not bring any value to yourself. Only validation from within can bring value, since you are are the only person that matters to yourself. And that can probably be archived from just following what you think is the right way to life.
That depends, do you want the life that being a high SMV male brings? What if you have a true passion for chess? You know it's not really going to bring in the money(maybe it does? idk) or the bitches but you dedicate your life to being the best chess player there is. If you reach that goal, does it really matter if you have good finances, physique, or game? No. You said what you wanted out of life and you got it. If it makes you happy and gives a sense of fulfillment, what's so wrong about it?
Let's say that I'm a horny teenager and my only passion is pussy. Should I still follow OP's advice and disregard SMV improvement?
Especially since OP says that new 2kg of muscle won't mean shit because ISIS will be feeding babies on CNN tomorrow.
OP is saying that all forms if happiness are equal and all forms fade to zero. Yes, chase that pussy, but the happiness gained would be no different than any alternative activity.
Only if they don't align with your personal goals.
If he's aspiring to be a professional SC2 player, then yes. He's working towards his own goals and vision. Obviously, he needs to accept any shortcomings that may ause him to have.
It's up to you what's important to you.
Edit: also, there is very little short term pleasure in becoming professional at a video game, especially one as complex and competitive as SC2.
My point is do what you want. Even here in your sarcastic comment you're asking me what to do, why? If YOU want a good physique and YOU want solid finances, do it.
If that's what he wants, it's what he wants. If he doesn't WANT to look better, there's no way he's going to commit to going to the gym and eating clean. If he doesn't WANT to save money, there's no way he's going to sacrifice to save. This is unrealistic and too 'one-size-fits-all'.
If and when his goals change, he should fight just as hard for these new goals as he did his previous ones. It's not your or our job to force-feed our own ideals down this obese guys' throat. It won't work anyway. If and when he wants to change, he will... and we will be here to help him. Until then, nothing we say will make a difference.
You see, the reason I am asking you is because I am trying to gain an understanding.
The reason I am asking is because if you truly mean "do what you want" then I have taken nothing new from this post. I have been doing what I want. I WANT to get a bunch of plates so I am going to continue working on my SMV.
But what is the takeaway here? Be an obese loser who plays SC2, or be an awesome 20% man, it's up to you? Doesn't everyone here already know this? What's OP's point??
The reason you aren't taking anything away is because you are refusing to see past your own values.
See those adjectives used? You're placing your own bias and values on this instead of being objective.
If the 'obese' guy loses weight to appease people like you, is he really becoming 'better'? Is this an objective argument to make? I mean, it sure would make you happier and you wouldn't call him names... but is he really better? Depends on your values, and my point is your values and his values may be different.
Then you already understand the point of the post, but you seem to be unable to accept that anyone else can have different values in their life. You assign you own values to them like an ignorant man... it just doesn't match up.
you're right, its not redpill at all. it is the HAES mentality for men. if he posted this on tumblr, it would be the top post of the day with 100,000 notes
You seemed to have gotten a bunch of people's panties all bunched up on here, so consider it a job well done. Accepting yourself is a balance. I accept that I have flaws. I also accept that I am able to work on those flaws and improve them. Acceptance need not herald complacency, it just means there's no need to get stressed out and anxious over stupid shit. Solid post.
This post alone was worth joining this sub. I just love you guys. Thank you
There's a lot more where this type of good shit came from my man. Sit down, there's much to read up on.
The world as you know it is a projection of your own mind. Ever had a dream that seemed so real that you didn't know whether it was real or not? Yeah, that's an example of your brain's capabilities when it comes to creating a vivid world.
That means that you are the center of the world. You are the main protagonist and all others are extras. As the world is a product of your sheer existence it is up to you to change it. You have to take actions in order to get further in life. Waiting for other's approval is only going to outbrake you. Don't give other people too much importance since you live in a world of abundance; people come and go.
Don't let them hinder you from improving yourself. Seek for you own approval. Don't let other people take you for granted. Improve and make them seek for your approval.
Do you actually believe this? Because I'm pretty sure that that's some sort of psychological disorder. I forgot the name of it though.
Solipsism is what you're looking for. He's not wrong though, perception is essentially a giant illusion. Just because there are real things doesn't mean that you perceive reality.
You can only perceive that which your faulty mortal body is capable of generating with chemicals and electricity.
Thinking about this makes me want to lay down and die. If nothing is real then nothing matters, if nothing matters, then what's the point?
There is no point and nothing matters, and you will die and be forgotten without making a lasting impact on anything, and those who will remember you once you're gone will soon be gone themselves and eventually our species will decay into a pile of mush, but don't spend too much time in that mindset or you'll end up killing yourself.
Remember, those around you are just survivors, not people who are always right. So join us in the illusion and have some fun while you can, I guess.
Yeah, this is the reason I don't really think OP's post belongs here. I wish it would be more about not caring about rejection and boosting confidence as opposed to "nothing you do matters because isis will be feeding babies on CNN tomorrow, and even that doesn't matter."
Like he said, there is no point. There is no end game as decided by the game. You, the player, decide what is important.
While I understand that is depressing to most, to others it is liberating. You are truly free to live a life of your choosing.
You cannot control the circumstances of your life, or the results of your decisions, but you can absolutely control your mental state and your choices.
You cannot affect what ISIS does unless you fly over there and try and stop them. Since you won't, you would be best served by turning off your TV and ignoring it.
Here I quote the Serenity Prayer
On another thread earlier this week, we discussed Marcus Aurelius' views on death; that because death is an inevitable natural process, it is foolish to be afraid of it. This is the essence of stoicism and The Red Pill: that there are certain truths in life which are seemingly hard to swallow, but you have no say in the matter; they are true, whether or not you want them to be. Given this, it is better to use these truths to your advantage than to complain about them or live in willful ignorance of them.
The reality is that we are all going to die and eventually nobody who's alive in the universe will care about what we did. This is true for everyone in history -- because for even those who are still studied and "cared about" today (like Marcus Aurelius), all of humanity will cease to exist eventually.
Let your wish be true. Confidence is being assured in and appreciating your own abilities and qualities. People can't shoot you down because just like you, they don't matter. You shouldn't care about rejection because just like you, the person rejecting you is just as small of a footnote in history as you are.
I notice some people get depressed or sad when hearing nihilistic principles. I personally nihilism and stoicism work together really well and are important parts of TRP.
The key to utilizing nihilism in your favor is just like anything else: accepting that which you cannot change.
Think of the 5 stages of grief:
Anytime I catch myself feeling anything in 1-4 I have to stop and ask myself if it's something I can change. If not, I need to work on moving towards acceptance.
Can I change the fact that I'm going to die? No. Accept it and realize that if I have limited quantity, I can change the quality.
Can I change reality? No. What about my perception of reality? Possibly, depending on my knowledge, so gather knowledge that is conducive to changing my perception (like TRP).
I have personally grown to love statements that are nihilistic:
"You are going to die." - Chuck Palahniuk
"Life is meaningless. Everything that has meaning only has meaning because you gave it meaning".
Although I know little about nihilism, this is a non negative post I found right now looking for more info: http://www.nihil.org/nihilism/frequently-asked-questions-about-nihilism
The principles seem largely related to TRP. Maybe you'll enjoy it.
He's right though. You might say "yeah but the things are what they are and they're real". Think about our eyes: we only see light with wavelengths of 200 - 700 nanometers. That is fucking nothing if you consider that it stretches from almost zero all the way into infinity. All around you there's so much going on and all we see of it is what our brains manages to distill out of it. Your life is a series of pulses in your brain. Your life is not inherently different from that of a blowfish. It just seems more real to us because we have consciousness but even some animals have that.
So what makes a dream not real?
Haha that was pretty funny! +1.
When I used to do online dating, I had some standard messages that worked pretty well. When she says where do you live? I would answer "I live in a cardboard box down by the stadium. If you're lucky I'll invite you over for dinner after we go dumpster diving."
When it comes time for me to ask for her number I would say "Send me your number. I promise I'll only call you 17 times a day at first."
Those disarm them and they then think you're "cool" because you're not taking the whole thing so seriously like 90% of guys do (the "say the right thing" crowd).
This shit right here 13/10
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Did you hand out questionnaires and conduct an unbiased survey?
Always good to give the old ego a malenky trim every now and again
Not giving a shit and accepting yourself are not the same thing.
I've tried to convey this in comments a few times, nice to have a single source to point to in the future, I'm thinking side-bar material.
You know, I see a lot of people here saying something to the contrary about this. But I wholeheartedly agree with you. Not because it sounded good, but it has been based on my own experience. When I do not think I matter that much, I become calm. There's nothing for me to be, nothing to do. The feeling that everything's going to be ok appears and I become a rock. A relaxed calm rock that is unswayed by the chaos around me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=923jxZY2NPI
Carl Sagan said it best. We don't matter.
But I struggle to see how this fits in TRP's pillar of self improvement.
One thing it does help though is approaching women and pick up. It's one of those mental cues that can help flush approach anxiety and boost confidence.
But honestly, if you take this in any other context, I don't see it being helpful at all. I mean, the only reason I go to the gym is to improve myself. Make myself more attractive and stronger, and sometimes I enjoy going. But today I really don't really feel like going because I'm tired. And what's the point of improving if nothing i do matters relative to the world? Yeah, I think I'm going to quit going to the gym now.
Your goals matter. But they only matter to you.
Would anybody care to explain how this works?
When i enter the entirely aloof IDGAF state where i say whatever i want for my own amusement, this can be seen in two ways:
or 2. i've got irrational self confidence, and therefore a massive ego.
Which is it?
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The idea is to stop thinking that any number of anything ever defines your greatness. The next step is to realize that greatness is still a derivate of what people think of you so ditch that too.
As Mark Manson said. Be more invested in your opinion of yourself than in the opinion others have of you.
Being too invested is dangerous though.
I am a perfectionist and scrutinise everything like there's no tomorrow, I can see the good and the bad in that but most of the time it's negative. It's not like I take action to improve things anyway, I'm still a super duper skinny unemployed guy - though a positive is that I've come so far over the past year or two in terms of my social life and how I act around people (frame?) so there's something.
Give meditation a shot, it can help you to relax more.
That'll lead you to delusions of grandeur and the like, which is rather dangerous. TRP is about seeing things as they truely are, without passing judgement.
Went to save and realized I already did. I think this post is very important.
This shit is one of the best things I've read in a long time. You went harder than Kanye talking about Kanye.
How the fuck did I miss this? Wonderful man!
This article hits home. Good article.
I think Linkin park said it best: In the end it DOESNT really matter.
Amazing post. Perfectly illustrates the difference between 'positive' and 'feel-good'.
Anyway yeah OP is spot on! It's easy to accept yourself if others do that for you. 'Everyone likes me, I must be awesome person!' said the biggest pretender ever.
For us guys still in the learning it's sometimes hard to balance being natural with having all that RP stuff in mind. And I'm not talking just girls. Let's say: posture. How the fuck are you supposed to keep a perfect posture with a relaxed feel to it, if you spent your teen days as a fucking hunchback and now you have to consciously mind every muscle. It's hard and it comes with time, slowly.
But that is the ultimate goal. Totally collected, cool and positive attitude. Internalized.
Deadlifts. Focus on pulling your shoulder blades together at the top of the lift as you drive your hips forward to complete the top part of the lift. Don't confuse this with shrugging at the traps. Imagine you have to put a pencil in between your shoulder blades and that you have to hold that pencil from falling down.
Thanks bro, but I'm a bit afraid of deadlifts. See I'm 6'8 and my lower back is not entirely shaped as it should be. I need to consult a doctor before I take those up.
On the other hand I do other lifts for my back, just those that don't put that much pressure on my lower back. I already begin to feel the progress (not volume, just easier posturing and less back pain).
definitely consult your doctor. But you'd be surprised. Deadlifts are very good for your back when done properly, not all that much pressure on your back when done right. Your back resists the weight but does not move it much (most your power comes from your hips/legs). In fact, deadlifts are frequently used in rehabilitation. There is no other lift which causes your whole body to have to coordinate to that level, not even squats.
Is there a significant difference between using two one-handed barbells and using the two-handed one?
Yes, it activates different muscle groups and the shared muscle groups are activated in different proportions. (I assume you're talking dumbbells versus barbell?)
Barbell would be superior, but dumbbell is a hell of a lot better than nothing and better than machines too
Yeah, sorry about that, my lifting English terminology is still a bit off (not native).
Guess I'll invest in a barbell and a bench. Thanks for this!
This was a hilarious and informative read.
The real test, is being able to realize that the OP is going out of his way to shit talk you. Pointing this out will prove that you're just fine on your own. OP does have some points, but that alone will not get you women instantly.
Just read this, the discrepancies in the responses are pretty amazing. I don't think someone is "beta" if the points mentioned in the OP don't help them...a lot of the wisdom in the OP can only be properly absorbed by certain personality types...and that's fine.
The OP really helps me. To me it means nothing really matters, but I can create meaning if I so choose. In other words, I'm in complete control of my universe. When things go bad, remind yourself that it's irrelevant. If you've accompolished something, feel good about it, but recognize that nothing external is going to bring you lasting happiness.
I'm alive, and that's amazing in itself.
Your post is on point OP. Thanks.
The best post here in months. I will be re reading this a few times today. Thanks for this.
This is solid advice and it's been around for a long time. I'm glad to see you post it here on TRP. As the PUA community would say "Go fuck 10 other chicks", or as mainstream media would say How not to give a Fuck.
However I wanted to add: Accept yourself and work toward becoming the best you possible. Don't be a complacent slacker.
One of the best posts on Reddit. EVER
Funny, I had the exact same epiphany a few days back when I got sick of the reason I had most of my dreams. And they were the exact same dreams given here. Hot chicks, cool job and an adventure of a life.
What sucked about the dreams was that it was all for validation. Once I realised that however, I found those dreams never came back. Thank God I'm on the exit from the shallow pool.
Nice post. Thanks for the reinforcement.
I thought this post was ridiculous and sissy because the title had to have "(even when women don't)". It's like having to slam onto your own face that you don't care when in truth is you actually do.
Other than that. This post's almost every sentence is just ruthless and pure gold.
Outcome independence is an important key to success in life.
If your feelings aren't hurt when you get rejected by 8s and 9s, you're more likely to keep trying and land one eventually.
If you aren't scared of going broke, you're more likely to take business risks that lead to entrepreneurial success.
If you aren't afraid of pain, you won't be deterred from the kind of hard training that leads to extreme physical gains.
You have to let go. That's the key.
The ultimate sexy masculine man is one who has let go....and accepted himself.
Be IN the world, not OF it. YOU create your experience. YOU choose what to BE, and BE that. BE the guy who works out and takes care of his body, BE the guy who follows his heart and attends to his business...HIS business, not others business. BE the guy that handles his shit and keeps his affairs in order (pays his bills on time, remain clean and healthy, honest, trustworthy, respected, helpful etc. etc.). BE the guy who, in BEING awesome, makes others feel accepted, loved, cherished, strong etc. In this way of BEING, you will automatically know when others are NOT being this way (Blue Pill) and simply have pity on them and choose to keep them in your life or not. (There is no need to convince them, they must come to their own awakening.)
In order to BE who we actually are, we must "let go" of all the bullshit that's been poured into us since we were born into this realm of existence. We must "un-attach" our identity/ego-ic self from what we perceive it to be. We are not our minds. We are part of the Power watching the mind operate on a physical plane and thus manifest results through activating our human bodies in the form of "action". So instead of listening to your mind, control it and instead of reacting out of emotion...USE your thoughtful mind to manifest a reality that is YOU...YOUR reality.
"Letting go" is a process of elimination in learning what is real and not real...who YOU are and who YOU are not. You can learn it unintentionally through experience and take YEARS to realize it and perhaps not until you are on your death bed will it become apparent... or you can adopt a few simple beliefs and rules to live by that will speed up the process as you EXPERIENCE the results of "letting go". These experiences will cause the awakening and realization that YOU are not your mind. By practicing it, you will thus prove it to yourself.
Yep, agree.
It's a matter of simply 'doing' and 'being' what you want.
Gonna have to disagree with you there, if you're stating that as a general rule. If you mean "there is someone, somewhere in the world," who has a shitty body and no ambition but still gets ass, you're probably right.
No he mean someone who has a shitty boddy but does not feel insecure about it
I know plenty of people like that, and trust me, if they're getting any ass it's of equal quality.
I don't know what exactly you define as a "shitty body", but I don't lift, am skinny, can do pull ups if asked, have mediocre cardio.
And I plated an 8/10.
Women will rationalize anything if the attraction and game is strong enough, this includes why you aren't adonis.
Being skinny isn't "shitty," I know skinny guys who can pull. When I say shitty, I mean blatantly overweight. No matter how you rationalize the effectiveness of good game, physical fitness is obviously still an aspect of SMV that factors into attraction heavily.
which doesn't mean he gets more ass, he's probably more of a clown anyway. horrible advice to tell a bunch of learning blue pillers to accept yourself as a fat, minimum wage loser.
horrible, horrible advice.. you can accept yourself without turning into a HAES advocate or turning blue pill again.
the red pill means seeing the world the way it is, accepting yourself as a loser like this guy is proclaiming will do about as much as a fart in a sandstorm in the journey to your goals.
Bad post for this sub
I feel like it's mixed. Probably a good reminder for seasoned members as a way of saying "fuck what others think. Do you and do it right." But it could easily be interpreted by new members as meaning "accept your loser self." I think it was a good reminder that I should'nt forget what matters to me just to be a "high SMV male." But yeah it could have negative effects.
There it is, you hit the nail on describing why this is a bad post.
I only see it as a positive if you maintain this mindset whilst in social situations with women which will probably boost your confidence.
What if you have zero interest in women? What if you have unconventional goals like body modification or an ascetic lifestyle?
Frame is healthy for the mind.
But what if I prefer to build my frame around what I have become as opposed to some default "nothing matters" mindset?
I get you man. Do you really think anyone on trp is actually this way though?
Then I applaud you for it. Whatever gets you towards your goals is positive. Whatever helps you is positive.
You can build your frame around anything you want, even if it's completely delusional (aka alpha frame master Tom Cruise).
The people that are confident and dedicated enough to pursue unconventional goals (including entrepreneurship) do not have the time nor the inkling to post on TRP.
This is a transitory place. A middle ground.
I have a friend just like this. Zero fucks. True neckbeard. About fifty pounds overweight. Pulls like no tomorrow. He has absolutely no drive to do anything but play video games, eat, drink and occasionaly have sex. It infuriates me because I've busted my ass at everything I do, kill myself in the gym and still have a high strikeout rate.
I'm right fuckin there with ya - more fatties than strikeouts though. People here like em big. Is your overweight friend a giant manchild as well?
He is, but he doesn't pull whales. He pulls quality. It's confusing as all hell. His girlfriend is a 5, but I'm certain it's the "fuck up, settle down" tactic at work. I've seen him pull two and three at a time. He really is a fucking artist.
Oh I meant me with the fatties heh - they're more of a problem than strikeouts. Similar end results for me either way.
Yeah he's one of those people I cut ties with because of his toxic behavior. He would find the most random petty ways to stir up shit, and because I didn't find TRP at the time I never exactly held frame. Fuck, I might've been there just to make him look better around women because let's face it, overweight or not he wasn't exactly a looker. I feel so used. The similarities between our friends is kinda scary though. Current settled GF is a 5, royal fuckup in the past? I'm afraid to ask for more details than that lol
You're not in Florida are you?
Nope, Missouri. Funny how there's copies of the same dirtbag everywhere though
That's why I said as a general rule, it's bullshit, but I'm sure there are examples of the opposite being true. It's the difference between "most of the time, this happens" and "once in a blue moon, this happens."
lmao please tell me you're sarcastic...If not, I think I'm about to adopt your friends lifestyle.
Mind blown.
This resonates well with /u/GayLubeOil recent post about doing ridiculous shit for no reason except to push limits and buttons.
The content of the post itself is fine, but I'm feeling triggered by the phrase "accept yourself". Not only could that be used by somebody to justify complacency, but that phrase is also constantly used by fat tumblerinas on the road towards joining the healthy at any size fat acceptance movement when asked about their bulging guts.
I'd think there's a better way to phrase this general idea.
Don't mastermind a pyramid and bitch when its not symmetrical.
Please don't text this to a girl you actually like lol...
It will not work
why on earth....... would you.... nevermind, im outta here :D
Please don't listen to this. Everyone here, whatever you do, take a shower every day or night.
I understand the context is coming from the basic necessities to survive model. I think bathing is necessary to survive as well.
This is the best post I've seen on TRP in the last year.
I needed to hear this. Thanks.
This was just what I needed, I know I should get rid of my ego and that I'm not important, but I couldn't really convince myself to it, this post helps a lot, although probably not enough to change me completely.
But just curious, what green papers are you talking about?
This is one of those posts where the comments quality is really good. Dig deep.
That was pretty hard hitting. It seems so obvious yet we struggle so much and care so much about what others think of our lives.
Personally, this is something I have yet to internalize. I need to feel with every cell of my brain that nothing I do matters and one day I'll be dead and forgotten and that is the ultimate freedom you can get.
Even they will be forgotten. Even the greatest men will be forgotten. Even if you could single-handledly hoist the whole world up unto your shoulders, you will eventually be forgotten.
Remember the lightness of your existence.
Those who don't get it should read up on the Buddhist concepts of the illusion of ego ( http://www.elephantjournal.com/2010/06/ego-myth-of-the-self-dzogchen-ponlop-rinpoche/ ) and impermanence ( http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impermanence )
I think a good example is the Simpsons episode where he joins a cult with his family and they try to break his spirit to make him a useful cult member. The leaders of the group tell everyone to form a circle around him and to insult homer. Instead of getting upset, he agrees with all insults ( You're fat and ugly - I guess I could lose a bit of weigh), which results in the group giving up on attacking him because he really doesn't care. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Joy_of_Sect
Non-mobile: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Joy_of_Sect
That's why I'm here, I don't judge you. PM /u/xl0 if I'm causing any trouble. WUT?
This is a stress reliever for me. Knowing that you are not that integral to the well being of this world takes of the pressure. Everything becomes optional.
For someone who is struggling with finishing or accomplishing something because of the fear of failure and perfectionism this would mean that it's a choice to finish it, but this person doesn't have to do it. There are plenty of other people who finish/accomplish the same thing and contribute to this society instead of that person.
This is a post I needed to read, thank you so much.
Beautiful. I will try to tell myself this every morning from now on.
"You could wake up tomorrow and pretend you're an African prince who has to drive backwards to work or else the mafia will come and steal your asshole."
I had a friend who had this exact scenario
Great post. Keep improving and striving though, even if you are ok with yourself.
This is literally the exact same argument as the fat acceptance movement. Fat people should ‘accept themselves’ as they are. Don’t try and lose weight, that would just be using someone else’s definition of healthy. If the real you accepts yourself, then nothing else matters!
Compare that with core Red Pill ideals. We live in a dangerous, competitive world. The world operates on amoral principles. We’re in a zero sum game fighting over limited resources, and the powerful succeed at the expense of the weak. There’s a big game of life being played, and whether or not you try to opt out, you’re in it too. Further, we are biologically programmed to be social animals. The reward and punishment circuits in our brain are literally designed to give us pleasure and pain regarding how we do in social situations. These are evolutionarily beneficial traits precisely because they motivate us to push ourselves harder. These feelings motivate us too literally get better. It’s good that they do, else some of our ancestors wouldn’t have been so much more successful than those people who were not our ancestors. It’s readily obvious that ‘self acceptance’ wasn’t selected for!
If you want to follow Buddhism and discard all of your earthly attachments, join a monastery or live alone in the woods like a proper ascetic. My point is that we are all naturally affected by the way other people perceive us. You can’t opt out of that shit like a termite can’t opt out of following lines drawn in bic pens (the ink is similar to the termite’s natural path marking pheromone). Reproducing, and as a result getting laid, is the crowning achievement of any organism. We are self-replicating machines, and this is our highest calling. We have been optimized for this task over millions of years of evolution. You can’t just magically undo that fact about reality, you can merely lie to yourself.
If you feel shitty because you got rejected a hundred times, you probably should feel shitty. You kind of suck (at getting accepted). My point is completely validated by the existence and success of TRP. Over 100,000 of us have been motivated by our own failures to come here and improve ourselves. We have seen thousands of success stories. Do you think any of those people got there without first rejecting their present selves? Fuck no. The first step is always admitting you have problems that need to be fixed. This step in of itself is at odds with ‘accept yourself’. If you are truly content with yourself, then you will have no desire to change any part of yourself. If you want to get in better shape, make more money, and learn tighter social skills, you have already ‘rejected’ those parts of yourself as they currently exist! As you should! That shit is holding you back.
TL;DR: TRP is about optimizing individual sexual strategy given the terms and conditions that we are born into. This is accomplished through self improvement. Self improvement inherently contains an element of rejecting negative aspects of yourself.
You can't reject yourself until you accept yourself. You can't reject what you don't know.
I think you misinterpreted the intent of OP's post. TLDR: basically don't sweat the small stuff.
OP isn't saying accept yourself as the way you are. He's just saying, building confidence requires you to overcome the notion of there being a spotlight on you 24/7, when in fact people and the world could care less.
This is fucking stupid. "just be a weird, ambitionless, loser who says random things and the bitches will love you"
Fluff belongs in /r/seduction
This post is not good for this subreddit. You're saying it's okay to be a fat, minimum wage loser because you don't actually matter and girls dont care about that stuff when in fact, AWALT and they are superficial and they do care about that stuff.
This is blue pill mentality 100%
You missed the point. The point is you have to find the balance between, improving yourself and being content and at peace with who you currently are.
I think you're sort of right. Although I do believe that women don't have any sort of physical or psychological attraction to money after having read the first chapter of models. And to think you need money to attract women is also a blue pill mentality.
topkek. Well written, funny.. and true. This is good shit. I'll try to give less of a shit about arbitrary things. Reverse to work from time to time.
I love the satirical tone this is written in. Bravo good sir, bravo. BTW I am actually an African prince.