What to do....

MoonshineGuy859 · 2019-12-02T15:19:07+00:00

The woman I've been with for ten years, like any woman, has emotional issues. When we met, we were both married and she worked for me. We both ended up divorced. She has kids by the ex. He was a narcissist and we went through six years of drama that involved family courts, CPS, police and even FBI. She ended up with custody of the kids, he ended up in jail. Then he overdosed, killing himself about three years ago.

When he died, we were all living in another state. She and I had previously had a lot of drama in our relationship, which I ascribed to the rocky circumstances. But after he died, rather than things getting better, they got worse. I found out she had a history of childhood abuse. I had known she had a rough childhood, but nothing like what came out.

Several months of drama ensued. The formerly loving girl who gave me great sex and adored me suddenly disrespected me.

I had hung in through a LOT of rough waters. I'd even gotten arrested and hit with a Federal grand jury indictment (which I beat). I hung with her through hell and high waters and one day when she thought she was going to have to report to jail because the state we were in wouldn't conduct her house arrest, she said after she got out of jail she was leaving me.

I learned a lot in that moment. First off, no woman can love you and be as loyal to you as you can to her. I'm sure there are exceptions, but the exception proves the rule, it doesn't counter it.

I fixed THAT situation too. Then when her childhood abuse came out, the situation devolved badly.

So where you are now is where I was then. Not only was SHE not respecting me, the kids weren't either. She would, for example, make stinging remarks around company. The kids were just having crappy attitudes. Nothing overly blatant.

At this point I am over 40 years old. I've been a federal agent. I've been in the military. I have travelled around the world. I helped all four of them get out of an impossible situation with remarkably little damage. I've always been quite "alpha" in my frame.

At this point I decided I was done. I was outside working on the farm and they were inside sitting on the couch watching tv. I got to thinking about the whole situation and I got furious.

I came in and walked over to the television and jerked out the power cord. I told them, "I have something to say. And here is what y'all are going to do. You're going to sit there and you're going to keep your f*#(@* mouths shut and you're going to listen and if anyone says a word before I am finished, you can pack your shi* and get out."

I then, with great gusto, reminded them how much I'd gone through for them. I also reminded them how easy their lives were. I promised them I'd be there for them in the future. But under no circumstances would I tolerate being treated with anything but respect.

At the end I told them that anyone who didn't like it was more than welcome to go live somewhere else. This is my farm, my land, my homes (there's two on the property) and I would be more than happy to have the place back to myself.

That wasn't the end of it, of course. I had to hold my frame. She shi*-tested me and sometimes still does, but in a playful way.

So here is my advice to you:

1) The first change has to happen in you. First, remember how God meant for us to live in this broken world. God is first. Then, as authority is concerned, your authority comes next and your wife is subservient to you.

2) If she doesn't respect you, it is probably because you have become someone who isn't deserving of respect. How is your physical health? Are you physically strong? Emotionally strong? If you aren't working out and picking up heavy stuff, now is the time to start. You can build strength and lose weight fast. If you have any extra weight, go no or low-carb. Eat meat and lots of it. It will address any physical and health problems you have. AVOID sugar and flour. No white foods. Meat, veggies, fruits and cheese.

3) Start being somewhat unpredictable. For example, one night I initiated intimacy with her. She declined. And that's fine, I don't wanna force my wife to have sex. However, a woman shouldn't ever turn down her husband's advances unless she is sick or injured. Keep in mind, I wasn't angry with her and she usually has a high sex drive, but I was laying there full of energy and suddenly decided I wanted to drive to town and walk around WalMart.

So hopped outta bed and said, "I'm gonna go for a walk in town." We live a couple miles out in the country and that was not something I ever really did late at night. She was quizzical. "Is everything alright?" - "Yea babe, I'll be back in a bit." When I returned, she was asleep. She awoke and loved on me and we fell asleep and the next day she was all over me.

There's a lot to be learned in #3.

Stop taking disrespect. Now you didn't explain what sort of things you have going on, but I recommend the next time she disrespects you in front of anyone, turn on your heel and walk out. As your confidence grows, retort.

My wife and I were in line at a grocery store a while back and she hit me with a verbal jab. With no hesitation whatsoever, I turned to the (rather cute) cashier and said, "Sooo.. I probably have an open "wife" position coming up soon... maybe you'd like to put your resume in?"

The cashier blushed, but she engaged with me. "Oh? What's the pay?" - "The pay is terrible, but GREAT benefits!" and so on. My wife shut up because she didn't know what to say. "Oh my gosh, Bill!" or something like that. I dunno, I was ignoring her at this point.

The most important two things you can take away is this - 1) Become a man that is deserving of respect and who won't tolerate disrespect. Work out. Be a leader. I don't know what you do for a living, but I recently began leading a bible study in apologetics. When my wife and I met, she worked for me and I was a mid-level corporate manager. People feared me, treated me with respect and addressed me as "Sir". She needed to see that and when I led the bible study and people were looking up to me, she was obviously happy with that. Turned on. Women find men with power appealing.

2) Be prepared to lose everything. Everything. At no point in a man's life should he be under the delusion that anything in his life is his except God's grace. I once read a quote by a Chinese fella who said, "A man should be prepared to lose everything in his life three times."

This is true. Your wife, your kid, your freedom can all be taken from you in a heartbeat. Some part of you must acknowledge and accept that.

I love my wife. I'd die for her. But if she left me today, I'd go finish one project and start another. I also know if she left today, if I wanted I could have another hotter, younger chick a week later.

Good luck. Now go to the gym.

MoonshineGuy859 · 2019-12-02T19:23:16+00:00

Something I should add and/or modify.

A man should put God at the top. Next comes himself and his mission. Then his wife. Then his kids.

A man without a mission is not a man. If you don't have a mission, get one.

redwall92 · 2019-12-02T19:41:01+00:00

I have been reading red pill info for a couple of years now.

and

I have asked her to stop over and over again.

Whatever, dude.

Read the sidebar.

Rifleshoot · 2019-12-02T20:05:15+00:00

Post your stats.

coachdad8 · 2019-12-02T14:53:05+00:00

Great question! That's what we are here for. Solution right here:Save Your Marriage

https://www.docdroid.net/05viVhA/rpc-full-compendium.pdf

MoonshineGuy859 · 2019-12-02T15:37:09+00:00

There are a few other things I started to add. But this being a Christian forum I held back. I thought about it and I shouldn't have.

I often wrestle my wife. She will say something smart-alecky and I'll toss her on the bed and give her sherberts. Or try to stick my tongue in her ear. A woman needs to be physically dominated and that is one way of doing it in a fun, non-violent way.

Sex. You have to leave her quivering. My wife recently went to her sisters. When she returned, our intimacy was so .. intense.. she cried after climax. That doesn't happen often, but I make sure I always leave her a quivering mess.

Blunt, yes. Not something I'd say in church. But necessary. As a friend of mine says, a wife who is thoroughly "rodgered" is a complacent, happy wife.

I've spanked my wife. Not in a rapey, violent way. Okay, well yeah once she did something so egregious I actually did toss her over my knee and lay into her. I was ready for her to walk off after that, but the opposite occurred.

I'm not advocating violence. I'm simply stating what I've done and what reality is.

Perhaps find an opportunity to tickle your wife.. hold her down on the bed and lick her face or try to stick your tongue in her nose. While you have her held down at some point, whack her on the ass a few times and tell her, "That's for being disobedient." Keep it light and fun. It will still press her hindbrain buttons.

I tell my wife I'm going to do it. She will say something obviously meant to be bitchy and I'll get quiet, start at her coldly and say, "And for that, I'm going to hold you down and stick my tongue in your left nostril." Then I do it. Or try.

At one point your wife was attracted to you and you were attracted to her. Perhaps you started off blue-pill and she thought that was what she wanted. Women want a strong man. A physically dominant man. A strong, dominant man can protect her and keep her from getting raped by an invading hoarde. That's the way her brain is wired. Learn it. Use it.

Robotchan66 · 2019-12-02T18:13:25+00:00

Read “Kingdom Man” by pastor Tony Evans

MoonshineGuy859 · 2019-12-02T23:51:16+00:00

If you tolerate disrespect, you will be disrespected. Girls are habitual line-steppers, that keep pushing the envelope until you fold. It's in their nature to be like that, and maybe there's some kind of evo-psych to explain it. Something to do with filtering out beta habits. But it's annoying and this is why the concept of frame is so important.

For some reason, i see that girls love being yelled at and kept in check. Maybe it's something to do with daddy issues and dominance. But whatever the case, don't be afraid to be firm and show boundaries.

hopeunseen · 2019-12-09T19:04:19+00:00

You should add your stats (height, weight, lifts, finances, faith etc) so that we can give more pertinent responses! I feel for you, but it's impossible to give accurate advice without knowing the details. For instance, if you were 350lbs, then you being a fat schmuck would probably be the main cause of this problem. Whereas if you have a body like Atlas, then the issue will be elsewhere.

NewManCZ · 2019-12-18T06:00:48+00:00

I'm not sure if Dan Mohler is RP cleared but if we are to love our wifes as Christ loves the Church/us, that's what it's about. He has many testimonies of marriages being restored and changed by understanding what love is and why are we here :-) People told me that his Becoming Love sermon was at the beginning of change in many cases.

Cody_Silver · 2019-12-02T14:57:36+00:00

The next time she does it, hand her divorce papers you already have drawn up. My grown kids told me they just wished I had divorced their mother sooner. The kids will be OK.

I equate this to a battered woman. There are only 2 reasons for getting a divorce is adultry and being unevenly yoked. There is no exemption for abuse. Yet, everyone would tell a battered woman to get a divorce or even getting verbally abused. Switch the roles, female verbally abusing a male, and it is a big deal for the man to divorce.

If the rest of the biblical rules were in society today, there would be other ways to handle this like going to the elders, etc. In today’s evironment, divorce is your only option other than being an absentee dad. I took a traveling job for 5 years before my divorce in order to try to stay married for the kids. I got divorced raped, but it was worth every penny. It probably saved 10 years of my life.

Title	What to do....
Author	mrsamuraiguy1
Upvotes	7
Comments	39
Date	December 2, 2019 1:42 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/e4z99i/what_to_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/what-to-do.301024 https://theredarchive.com/post/301024