This is pretty basic stuff, but just sharing some of my observations and experiences and looking for feedback.

My wife and I used to fight a lot. This has naturally reduced, as I've begun to better Own My Ship^(tm) and become more attractive (or at least reduced being unattractive).

Fights usually revolved around how I had... failed to do something I was supposed to, did something I wasn't supposed to, did the thing wrong, etc, etc. In the past I would DEER. This would look like:

-defend myself (justify my action or inaction with logical exposition)
-deflect blame back on my wife (well, I may have done the dishes poorly but that's because I didn't have time to do them properly because you don't do XYZ well enough)

-"agree" (this was done passive aggressively, to end the fight and justify holding on to bitterness against her)

This morning my wife texted me how she was upset that I didn't do the 3 things she wanted me to do while she was away hanging out with family for 5 days.

In the past I would've ….

pointed out that she got to go have fun for 5 days, so why should I have to work.

pointed out that I'd never agreed to complete said tasks.

pointed out that I had been doing XYZ other important tasks.

pointed out where she had failed to complete tasks I had instructed her to finish recently, etc. etc.

This would've resulted in a blow-up, yelling fight. I would've most certainly won with my strong reasoning skills and excellent logical points. Commence bitter sexual drought, passive-aggressive behaviour spiral.

I spent my 5 days doing a mix of fun things, and work related things that aligned with my goals for my home, business and family.

I replied "Yeah, I didn't do those, I had other priorities", she called those priorities selfish, I just said "true". I would've been so scared to simply own my choices in the past, but it's so freeing to do so.

Her texts then moved on to logistical questions and I don't think this will come up again.

Of course, I think when I have really arrived... my wife won't feel the need to try and assign me a task list because she'll be too busy trying to meet my expectations.

But... I think I'm seeing progress?

My big question... should I have even texted her back?