Life is good. 35 years old. Successful career. Hot wife. Beautiful children. Well regarded in my church community. Lead bible studies, men's outings, etc. Yet my mind so often focuses on just one thing: having a sexual tryst with another woman. Thankfully, no specific woman at my church or work...yet.
I know this reflects a spiritual immaturity on my part. I ask the LORD over and over to take this away from me. "Let me find my pleasure and satisfaction in the wife of my youth Oh Lord!" Yet the desire persists like a worm in the brain. It's a struggle I think I will battle with to the grave.
My wife has a high libido. We have a great sex life. I read the stories of guys in dead bedrooms and I count my blessings. Yet I want more. It's an obsession. I can't find anyone in my church who can relate to me in this area. Had an incident where the wife caught me chatting with some other women a couple years ago. We went through pastoral counseling and she has forgiven me. I have stopped the behavior. The Pastor who guided us was helpful but I don't think he has faced the temptation to the degree I do, so doesn't completely understand my struggle.
I feel that I wasn't designed to be monogamous. Yet, my creator has decreed that I must be! How do I fill this void!?! It worries me that the Spirit hasn't! Have I been deluding myself about being saved? I truly feel I've been born again except in this one area where the old dead flesh still rots. How do I cut the rot out?
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