Hello everyone. I've been lurking for a good long while and I've finally decided to post at u/Red-Curious's request.

Let me tell you how the blue pill betrayed me when it counted most. The main setting is my young adult years (currently 26), newly married. For background, I had the distinct fortune of being from a solid, stable Christian home with parents who made good decisions with their life and with me. Now that I'm an adult, I realize my experience was rare. But no amount of good early fortune prevents a man from making mistakes and learning useless advice.

I almost died laughing when I read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" in the sidebar as a joke. That one hits close. I mentioned my Sunday School upbringing earlier. As a kid, I developed a negative view of masculinity: strength is brutish, directness is unrefined, stoicism is dishonesty, meekness is the virtue of weakness. My father was a former survivalist and firefighter turned programmer, so these ideas were largely instilled by female--and feminine male--teachers whom I respected. (That's a lesson about the influence of others on one's children.) I took these feminized ideas into my teens, staying highly intellectual and looking down upon physical activity. This lead naturally into hyper-romanticizing the world.

I didn't even know the term 'white knight' existed back then, and I still called myself that. That's how intensely we're talking, here. I read all those books like IKDG and become obsessed over pedestaling and white knighting for female classmates as some kind of spiritual discipline. After a few years of incessant beta-orbiting and friend-zoning I got wise that something wasn't working, so I ditched the whole thing and enjoyed my college years just focused on my life/responsibilities and investing in friendships with dudes. Still very blue-pilled, but at least done being /r/niceguys and /r/iamverysmart incarnate.

As RP-me now understands, focusing on my life/responsibilities was effective at attracting women, though I didn't realize that at the time. Halfway through college I decided on a girl and we later got engaged. Naturally, this is where the blue pill betrayed me hardest. It taught me several insidious falsehoods that severely hurt our life.

First, it taught me to look for a wife who needs help--someone with a host of issues she needs saving from. I had this so deeply instilled that I even prayed for it. I latched onto my fiancee because her plethora of emotional problems from her past dictated that I rescue her feelings. This meant excusing behavior and coddling feelings. This proved to be highly destructive. I had no idea how to handle emotional whirlwinds, and we often ended up fighting more bitterly than I had ever even seen anyone fight in real life. My home life was nothing like this and it was totally beyond me. The frequent turmoil sapped us heavily.

Second, it taught me that beauty was essentially vanity. Simply put, I never improved myself, remaining 5'11" and 140 lbs, minimal fitness. Likewise, I let my wife gain a lot of weight as I coddled her feelings and always let her do treat-therapy after we fought (which, again, was often). Yet I was taught that wanting physical beauty was vanity and oppression, so I did nothing. A husband is supposed to lie to himself and his wife about her size, right? The loss of attraction destroyed our sex life.

Third, it taught me to relinquish responsibility. My wife handled altogether too much of the finances, home maintenance, life decisions, social engagements, church commitments, et al. I simply gave it over to her because of "roles" or "equality" or something. (Honestly, it was just to leave more time for gaming.) I certainly couldn't make hard and serious decisions she disagreed with, or else I was acting like one of "those" men who believed too seriously in a husband's authority. We were frequently not on the same page and often in debt, with nothing saved. The vague terms of our life made it directionless.

About three years in, weary of conflict, frustrated by yet another failed budget, and praying for some direction, I remember--of all things--looking up "do women spend more than men" on Google. A couple results down, there was a result for the TRP subreddit. I don't know what Saul/Paul's experience of having scales fall away from his eyes was exactly like, but it sure felt relatable. I devoured the content of the sub. I wasn't keen on the amoral self-centered and promiscuous nature of the whole thing, but my father had taught me never to ignore good truth from bad sources. About a year after fumbling about trying to figure out how to apply that, I discovered MRP, and a couple years later, I'm here finding CRP.

It's been a life-changer, to say the least. Three years of my OYS, lift, frame, etc., etc., has totally altered our life. We're happy, our fights are few and short, we've got two kids, no debt, saved money, and finally on track with mission. I have a great girl. She responded after a time, shaped up, and got into her role once I stopped feeding her vices with my weakness.

In retrospect, it's incredible how much misery we went through because of church ladies stroking each others' feelings and raising SEPs (a perfect term, btw) with no understanding of the trouble they are causing for boys--and thereby, for girls. I'm delighted that CRP exists. I've been alone in this for three years now, working through it and seeing success, thinking about how what's good and true in TRP/MRP could be redeemed and wondering if I'm crazy for thinking it. It's not a concept easily introduced in polite church company, even with men.