To make this easy to digest I am leaving out a lot of detail and share a couple lessons I learned. I am open to further input, I am far from having this all figured out. If you don't know me, check out my OYS posts here and here.

THE SETUP

I have to travel for work between 4-6 times per year for usually 4-5 days. My flight, uber, hotel or airbnb, and most of my dining is all chalked up in our companies marketing budget. They are usually in fun places like New Orleans, Vegas, London, Copenhagen, Austin, Nashville, etc. I've tried multiple times to get the wife to come, but only got her to come to one in Vegas 4 years ago. It was fun for me, but she doesn't like to fly and staying in the hotel room when we weren't together and has been reluctant to do it again, citing babysitting and school schedules.

This time would prove challenging too. We originally had not planned on going to this one, but decided at the last minute (only 3 weeks out) to go. It fell on Spring Break for the kids too. I wasn't sure if this was going to bode well for me or not. On one hand, that meant our 18yo daughter can watch the kids or they can go to their friends houses that all owe us huge for all the times their kids are with us. On the other hand, my wife likes to make a big deal out of time off from school and she could just be pissed for having to miss out on the unannounced plans she's hamstered up.

Lesson learned: The bad part was that I was the one hamstering. I wanted to make it happen this time and was in her head too much.

THE DELIVERY

I tried to play it off like it wasn't a big deal, but caved in my frame when she got pissed. I should have expected it, she is always upset when something unexpected comes up and instead of leading, I acted like I was also annoyed at the short notice and blamed the shift onto my coworker that booked out booth at the show. Truth was that I was also on the phone trying to book the same booth before they told me they'd already spoke to him an hour earlier. I came around to give her my stance that I wanted her there this time (I say it almost every time), point out how the kids have spring break, she'd been saying she needed a vacation for a few weeks. I had pretty much accepted defeat, but kept my butt hurt to myself. Told her to not answer me, just think about it, shrugged, stfu, went to the gym.

Lesson learned: I messed this up, should have owned it 100% and came with intent, purpose, confidence, and excitement. Instead I think I came off as indifferent, unsure, and possibly sheepish.

COMMITMENT

Lesson Learned: I was in her frame and caring too much about making her happy. I realized this and it became a turning point.m my state to Miami were extremely limited at this point. When I come home she asks about it again, but isn't mad this time. Asks if I booked my flight to which I tell her I did. She replied with what I thought was a S-test saying "oh, so you don't want me to go then, why not?". Unaware of what was coming next I simply said, "no, flights were really limited so I had to book immediately or they go up in price". I'm a salesman, so I decide to use a slight pause, repeat attempt to close the deal with confidence and toss in some fear of lost opportunity. Since she is a very anxious flyer, I say "That reminds me, if you want to come, I have to book it tonight to get the seat next to me". She then explains in greater detail that she discussed this with her two best friends and our daughter, they both said she should go with me and will watch the kids. I booked them right away, paid for assigned seats, then picked out the hotel we'd be staying at and made sure it was a resort on the beach with an ocean view room.

THE TRIP, FIRST NIGHT

Things went pretty well for the most part. I lead, said we will go here and do this and didn't make her have to press me much to make decisions. I did break frame a couple times. First night, she forgot she took Xanax on the plane and had a rather large bloody mary and neither of us expected her to get drunk off of it when meeting my coworker and our friend that we both hang with at these events. After the ball was rolling she got to be a bit loud, but they thought it was great as they don't mind getting drunk. I looked embarrassed in front of these guys but didn't get butt hurt or make a big deal of it. I called an uber and called it a night with her early before we became really embarrassed. With some water she sobered up some and sex was great.

Lesson Learned: It's been so many years since getting drunk was a thing for us I forgot she's hard to manage. Xanax and any liquor is bad idea!

FIRST DAY DOWN THERE

We had the entire day to do anything. She'd complained for years about how bored she was in Vegas, so I attempted to keep her busy to no avail. While she slept off the hangover till about noon I made productive use of my time to setup the booth, met clients and vendors who flew in early, and did video calls to the kids. She caught up with me on the beach and we just chilled for a couple hours before hitting the pool then going out to dinner. Day 1 of the show, she stayed on the resort and made the beach and a hammock home. I thought this was a recipe for disaster so I suggested all sorts of things to do, but she later posted on FB that she was having the best day ever doing absolutely nothing.

Lesson Learned: I was in her frame and caring too much about making her happy. I realized this and it became a turning point.

DAY 1 AFTER HOURS RECEPTION

There would be two of these and she tried to come to the first one. She looked great, wearing a high slit dress but the wind picked up A LOT. The event was outside, so we started in the hotel bar, I introduced her to a couple important contacts, then left her there as I went out side for a bit. I brought back some food and we left. Didn't worry about her waiting or getting bored this time, from behind the glass, she watched me talking to both men and women, engaging one person after another. She liked watching me work my craft. Later, we took some clients out for dinner and drinks and we all had a great time. She tried some new things in bed, it was great, she was proud of herself, oh, and I she let me take pics and video for the first time since we had a polaroid in 1997.

Lesson learned: They love to see you do what your good at.

DAY 2 SECOND AFTER HOURS RECEPTION

Second reception we disagreed on what do to. I wanted us to go for 30 minutes and leave, she wanted me to go for the whole thing and meet up after. As we were starting to get some friction, the kind that can ruin a night, I had a moment of clarity. I was trying to please work and her. She smartly didn't want to get in the way. I reset. I could do anything I wanted and I know it. Was I chasing her happiness? A little bit! What did I want to do? Enjoy Miami with her. So I said "No, here's what we are doing, we are going to enjoy the evening together and I am just going to skipping the reception, it's my choice, that's what I want to do". I told her I was going to meet up with my coworker to tell him and be ready in an hour to go to dinner and for some shopping.

Lesson learned: Leave no doubts about motivation. She didn't want me to rearrange my stuff for her, what she really wants is to trust that I know what I am doing.

WITNESSING

As is my way these days, I ask people to talk about their favorite topic, themselves. People won't be able to resist it and within moments, the subject of suffering, loneliness, pain, loss, or faith comes up and I'm very quit to turn the conversation to Jesus. This ranged from uber drivers to one of my clients husbands.

My witness is intact as well in her eyes too. She knows this is the case when in our hometown, but not so much away from home. There are a lot of chances to get drunk, jump into sin, or simply behave different when in another city, but she could see that I am the same man. On this trip especially, I paid attention and saw her body language became more affectionate and her attitude became more submissive, agreeable, and pleasant when my frame was tested and passed.

Lesson learned: She's always watching me. Too often these subs are focused on the negative aspects of AWALT, but conversely she likes to be reminded that I am the prize by seeing it first hand.

CONCLUSION

My wife is not a unicorn, but she is on my team. She is my fan when I am doing well. She responds very well to my leadership, especially when it's delivered well. She will immediately act up if I am not acting right, but besides that we had a great time. Despite listing what might look like quite a few breaks in frame, this was an extremely positive trip. We both had a lot of fun, my colleagues, coworker, and clients all really enjoyed her that got to meet her. She was talking to friends on the phone later and bragging up the whole thing including the witnessing encounters. If the opportunity arises, we will do it again but probably come down two or three days early or late instead of just one.