Over on /r/RedPillWomen someone just posted a question about how to be more submissive. I thought this might be useful for any women who may be around, so I figured I'd put my reply up here.

Specifically, I recently made this post addressing 1 Peter 3 from the man's point of view - that it doesn't say we should ignore a woman's looks, and I gave a thorough analysis from the context of the passage of what it really meant. In this comment I break it down piece-by-piece to address how women should read the passage.

I always teach that the best qualities a man should look for in a woman are:

Faithful - That she is diligent with her responsibilities and puts into practice the things she learns, whether from her own self-improvement efforts, things her man tries to share with her, what she learns from life experience, etc. If a woman is not faithful to practicing what she preaches or what she learns, she is not submissive and is only interested in expressing herself rather than respecting others' expressions toward her.

Available - She has to have time to feed into the relationship. In an ideal world, the captain is steering the ship and the first officer makes herself available to him. How backwards would it be if, for example, Spock refused to show up on the bridge when Kirk called, instead expecting Kirk to change his shifts around to suit Spock's needs? If your man is on a mission beyond his pursuit of you - and he's not a good one if he's not - you should be willing to adjust your schedule to meet his needs, not demand that he meet yours. This is a point that many women miss out on, as most women are so self-entitled and flooded with male attention that they're used to the idea that men should bend over backwards to be with them. Healthy relationships are not built this way.

Teachable - Simply put: let your own beliefs be challenged and be willing to admit when you're wrong. Even if you're very confident in your belief, recognize that you might only be 98% confident and not 100% confident and respect the fact that there's still a 2% chance that you're wrong. I'd play the lottery a lot more if I had a 2% chance of winning every time. It's improbable, but still significant. Being teachable doesn't mean you cave all of your beliefs to whatever he teaches. It does mean that you're willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, entertaining his ideas and trying to understand them from his perspective BEFORE you start arguing against his points - and then, if you still disagree, believe and behave as you will. But if you insist on your own way all the time and are never willing to change your views to account for his perspective and a broader view of the world than your own individual view can see, this will be a serious hindrance and make a guy feel like he has no real authority in the relationship and that you don't respect his views or opinions.

Beyond those three core virtues, whether you believe everything it says or not, the Bible does have some good lessons to teach on the subject of submissiveness. While it's talked about in several places, I'll break down just one passage into bite-size sections, and hopefully this meets your request for a "set of points/ rules/ instructions." This is from 1 Peter 3:1-7.

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands

While this passage is only binding on the married, men often won't marry a woman who isn't displaying wife-like qualities before marriage as well, so there's a message here for single women too.

so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives

Most women use the phrase "strong personality" a sugar-coated way of saying they talk too much, much like the saying: "women don't sweat - they glisten." Sweat is sweat. Talking too much is talking too much.

Most often, the reason "strong personality women" talk too much is that they have an agenda and they want to persuade others of that agenda. This passage is suggesting that a better way to persuade a man is through your actions, not your words. Sound familiar? Basic RP concept: Watch what they do, not what they say.

[Bonus Points on doing over saying: Matthew 21:28-32]

when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

That is, the specific behaviors that are going to win a man over to you are purity and reverence. Purity, in this context, does not mean sexual purity - after all, he's talking to wives who absolutely should be having sex with their husbands. He means a purity in the way their lives are clean. If you talk with crass words constantly, or smoke a pack a day, or grind with numerous random dudes on the dance floor - while you're welcome to do these things, instead of communicating "I'm soft and submissive" it communicates "I'm bold and edgy." Bold and edgy might be a way to get a guy interested in you in the first place, as it can set you apart from other women and certain bold, edgy traits can accentuate your SMV - but it's not going to keep him on the hook for very long, and you just might find yourself more likely to hook up over one night stands than attract a viable candidate for a long term relationship.

As for reverence, this is talking about the way you honor others around you. If you try to dominate the conversation or be the center of attention all the time (some of the time is fine), it reeks of self-centeredness and entitlement and often shows little respect for those around you. Rather than stepping over others to dominate the floor, try empowering others. Two key things that can really help show your reverence for others:

  • When you have an opinion you want to share, 2 out of 3 times try stopping yourself, pick someone else in your group of friends, and ask that person: "What's your thought on that subject?" Bonus points if it's someone who doesn't share as much as others in the group.

  • Learn to manage your silence threshold. Everyone has one. It's the length of time a conversation can stay silent before you feel compelled to break the silence with your own talking. For some people it's 2 seconds. If they hear 2 seconds of pause, it feels uncomfortable for them, so they just speak up, feeling like they're keeping the conversation going. But if someone else has a threshold of 5 seconds, that person will rarely ever speak up because the 2-second person keeps interjecting before the 5 second person ever feels there's enough room in the conversation to share her thoughts. This used to be a big problem for me, as my threshold was 1-2 seconds for a long time. I intentionally started counting to 10 before answering questions in group setting in order to become better at listening. Surprisingly, while I thought that my "charismatic conversation skills" were winning people over to me through wit and banter (and it did), I had even better relational results when I started employing this technique, as others in the conversation felt like I respected and revered them rather than as if I was trying to impress them.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.

That's not to say these things are bad - they're wonderful. But if you rest too heavily on these things, it comes off as vanity.

Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

Again, this doesn't mean you should ignore physical beauty. It simply means that if you have no inner-beauty, your physical beauty won't get you very far. You'll be setting yourself up for a string of one night stands, never managing to maintain a guy in a relationship.

Inner-beauty here is defined as a gentle and quiet spirit. The whole "silence threshold" concept is one tactic of developing a quiet spirit. Avoiding coarse, demeaning, or insistent language is a way to develop gentility in how you communicate.

But even beyond talking, a gentle and quiet spirit is communicated best through mannerisms. Are you constantly waving your arms around or nudging people or making faces or rolling your eyes? Or are you respecting others' physical boundaries, maintaining composure through conversation, even when you hear things you don't like, and using softer means of physical contact? For example: if you sense that someone needs a hug, do you shout out: "Aw, come in here. You need a hug!" and then bear hug them, or do you walk quietly over, wrap your arms around and say, "It's okay, I'm here for you"?

For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.

That is, this is a time-tested and proven tradition for female behavior.

They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

In more historically remote cultures, they would have used the term "lord" instead of "captain" - the concept is the same. You ever watch a movie about King Arthur or Game of Thrones? You see this all the time: wives saying, "Yes, my lord" to their husbands. It is an acknowledgment of the authority structure in the home, communicating reverence for his leadership. I don't know many women who would even be willing to say, "Yes, my husband," with a straight face, much less "lord" or even "captain." But this was commonplace years ago - an aspect of historical culture that is lost in a modern feminized world.

More interestingly, though, is the final comment - that you must not only "do what is right," but also: "do not give way to fear." This is where most women slip up and start taking control. Instead of trusting their man to meet their needs, they feel they must take the reigns and get it done themselves. The idea of putting one's entire life on the line in order to "submit" to someone else's plan and trust for their provision is quite daunting. What fears are we talking about?

  • Can he put food on the table and pay the mortgage without you insisting on maintaining your career?

  • Will he ever actually take out the trash if you don't nag him?

  • Will he really treat you well if you choose not to reward yourself?

  • Will he provide for your emotional needs if you don't remind him to?

I'm sure you can think of many more, but I'm out of space. Hopefully this helps some.