I was chatting with /u/warriorjesus1915 the other day and I thought a portion of our conversation was necessary to share more broadly - and in far greater depths that I discussed it with him. The question arose: Why does the church have such a beta view about Jesus, and how do they miss the mission of disciple-making?

The answer is quite simple: The Church looks at what Jesus said, not what he did.

That is, the church doesn't look at Jesus' life as something to be modeled; they only look at his teachings as something to be obeyed. If we only focus on what Jesus and the apostles taught rather than on what they did, it makes sense that the church would get hung up on things like the beattitudes, fruit of the Spirit, giving, service, etc. and totally miss the larger implications of the mission of Kingdom-building that Jesus was living. Jesus' teachings are excellent, but the life he modeled is the context we're meant to apply those teachings in. If we try to apply his teachings while ignoring the proper context in which they apply, we ultimately negate the value of their application.

It's as Paul says in 1 Cor. 13, "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." In the same way: "If I obey Jesus's commands to love my neighbor, to pray for others, to be a generous person, etc., but I lack the purposes in life that drove Jesus to do all of these things in the first place, I am nothing."

JESUS AS A MODEL

I find this willful ignorance of Jesus' missional lifestyle particularly bizarre because Jesus himself says that the real focus is on his actions. In John 13:15 he says, "I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Most people mistakenly assume that this is only a reference to washing each other's feet - or more broadly: serving each other. But Jesus precedes this with a simple question: "Do you understand what I have done for you? ... You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am." This is what sets the context for the passage, noting that just as he fulfilled these roles in their lives in the way he discipled them, they were to go off and do the same for others.

It's worth noting that the word for "teacher" in this passage is didaskalos - the same word Jesus uses in Matthew 28:19-20 in the great commission: "Make disciples of all nations, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you."

Back to John 13, later on in the passage (v. 34-35) Jesus once again sets his lifestyle toward the disciples as the model: "A new command I give you: love one another; as I have loved you, so must you love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another." The command to love one another already existed in Deuteronomy. There was nothing new about that. The "new" part is that we are to do it "as I have loved you," in Jesus' words. He didn't say, "As I have loved the crowds who listened to me teach" (or else we must all be called to be mass-preachers) - he said to the 12 in private during his last supper, "As I have loved you." How did he love them? By discipling them.

He then spends the rest of chapters 13-17 explaining the ministry of disciple-making that he he had been doing in them and the fruit that he wanted to see them bear. All of this culminates in John 17 when Jesus concludes the meal with a prayer: "As you [Father] have sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world ... My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message" (v. 18-20). This was Jesus' goal the entire time - that his lifestyle would be a model for how we should live toward others, not merely his words.

Yet despite this clear focus on living as Jesus lived, the church prefers to pretend that none of this is in the Bible so that they can think to themselves, "If only I can be generous and kind and humble and patient, then I will have lived like Jesus lived." Certainly Jesus expressed these qualities, but his instruction was that we live the way he lived toward the 12 and not just his general character attributes.

THE APOSTLES AS A MODEL

In 1 Cor. 11:1 Paul lives up to Jesus' words in John 17:18-20 - "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." Paul took Jesus's words to heart, carrying on for others the same things that Jesus did with his 12.

Note how often people want to read Ephesians and Galatians and look at the words of what was said, but completely ignore the context in which those words were said. In 1 Cor. 11:1, for example, Paul is writing a letter to the Corinthians and then says, "By the way, do what I do." That is, Paul was actively following-up with people he had discipled! If Paul says, "Follow my example," and he discipled people and wrote letters to stay in touch with them to continue helping them grow even in his absence (Philippians 2:12), shouldn't part of living out 1 Cor. 11:1 mean that we are also keeping in touch with people that we're helping to grow in Christ?

Paul even uses this concept as the sign of maturity - not that people merely obey his words, but that they live in the model he established. In Philippians 3:15-17 he says, "All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you" - and I want to pause here to clarify the emphasis that Paul is giving to this passage. He's saying that he's about to reveal the rubric for determining spiritual maturity. If you claim to be mature, you have to agree with him on this, and if you don't then you must not be mature. And he even says, "Oh, by the way, if you think I'm wrong, don't worry - God himself will prove to you that I'm right about this."

Continuing the passage: "Only let us live up to what we have already attained; join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you."

That's right. The "secret" to being spiritually mature is not in obeying what the letters say, but in living as the apostles lived. They set their lifestyle as a pattern for everyone to follow in. Their letters of instruction were not merely about the points they were teaching; they were part of the model of how we should be teaching others. That is, it's not enough to obey the commands; rather, as Jesus said in Matthew 28:19-20, we now have a responsibility to pass all of this on through the disciple-making process to others as well. We are not merely to teach God's Word to others; rather, we are to live an example that someone else can say: "I want to be just like u/Red-Curious because I can see that he's trying to be just like Christ."

Can you insert your name in there?

A NECESSARY DISTINCTION

For the record, all of this is crucial in properly understanding the New Testament. Per 1 Cor. 11:3, there are two contexts we can view Jesus' lifestyle in:

  1. How Jesus interacted with God as the Father's follower.

  2. How Jesus interacted with the church as the church's leader.

Everything Jesus did falls within not just one or the other of these two categories, but both of them. In the same way, you as a man have two contexts within which you should understand your actions: (1) How you interact with Jesus, and (2) How you interact with your bride (or if you're single, toward those who might become your bride). We do not distinguish which behaviors fall into which category by saying, "Here are the things I do for my wife, and those are the things I do for Jesus." No, all behaviors are a reflection of both, in some form or another. The distinction is not about balancing these two categories appropriately, but about learning the proper order of following and leadership so that we can be effective followers and leaders just as Christ was both.

Jesus' actions were founded on what he saw his Father doing (John 5:19). That is, it is as if Jesus was saying, "I am following the Father. You need to know how to follow someone, so I'm going to show you how to do that by the way I follow God." He didn't go off-script or make up his own plans for his life. He knew what his Father's agenda was and he showed us how to live out a master's agenda by living out His Master's agenda.

In this sense, we should look at the ways Jesus followed God in order to describe how we should follow him. This is often overlooked, as we only ever want to look at the ways Jesus interacted with people here on earth. We say, "Here is how Jesus treated his bride, so that's how we should follow Jesus." But this ignores the distinction above and gets everything backwards. We ignore the position Jesus had as a follower and only ever focus on his position as a leader over the church.

It then makes even more sense why the church has misunderstood how to follow Jesus. Why? Because they only look at Jesus as a leader over the church and not as a follower to God. When we fail to see the way Jesus modeled following for us, and how that affects our leadership, we lose the context for the life that Jesus lived, and his mission of disciple-making is forgotten - because that mission was the hallmark of his status as a follower. God gave him a mission and he followed the mission God gave him. Neglect Jesus as a follower and we neglect the mission behind his teachings.

WHY SHOULD THIS MATTER?

As I said above, we should live in such a way that someone can say of us: "I want to be just like u/Red-Curious because I can see that he's trying to be just like Christ." If you can't insert your name in that sentence, you are not following Christ rightly. And if you are not modeling being a good bride to Christ, how can your wife learn to be a good bride to you? Or how can the girl you're interested in know what you expect from your future bride?

It has been said many times that women are designed by God to be followers. They are clay that their men will mold, whether they realize it or not, just as we are all clay that God molds, whether we realize it or not. If you want your bride to be good to you, the answer is not to be good to her - it is to be good to Christ. You want to show her how a follower should treat their leader.

Some people will mistakenly plop "servant leadership" concepts in here. They argue, "If you want your wife to serve you, you must show her how to do so by serving her first." There's nothing wrong with serving your wife this way, but it does not teach her the lesson these people think it will. It teaches her that a husband should serve his wife, or a leader should serve her followers. So, if she looks at the Christ/Church relationship, she will live spiritually as if God exists to serve her needs. How does such a theology play out in real life?

  • I know countless women who believe God is meant to keep them emotionally satisfied. When they are emotionally dissatisfied in their relationship with God, they become apathetic toward their faith, or otherwise abandon it entirely. Why? Because they have a backwards view of how leaders and followers are supposed to interact.

  • Other women will say they're looking for God's provision, but are really expecting God to maintain their consumeristic lifestyle that exceeds what they're willing to put in the work to earn, and then whine and complain to their small groups about how they can't make their next credit card payment. Why? Because they assume the leader exists to serve their purposes, not the other way around.

I'm sure you get the idea at this point. It's okay to serve your wife in appropriate contexts. But that service must come from a position of sharing out of your strength and not out of obligation. 1 Cor. 11:3 is clear enough: Jesus followed the example the Father laid out for him, and men are to follow Jesus' example and lifestyle, just as women are to follow their man's example and lifestyle. The example the wife is to follow is not in how her husband treats her, but in how he interacts with and for God.

FOR EMPHASIS

To be absolutely clear: many men may lead their wives by treating them a certain way, thinking that they're training them on how to interact with themselves. But what they're really doing, if we follow the 1 Cor. 11:3 flow of leadership, is teaching our wives how to interact with others, not with ourselves. We're saying, "I as your leader and acting this way toward you," and she receives, "So when I am leading others, that's how I should act toward them." The concept of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" may apply in a peer-peer context, but in a leader-follower context the message is received very differently.

If you want to teach your wife how to interact properly with you, don't focus on the context of your interactions with her; focus on the context of your interactions with Christ. As she watches you follow Christ, that will show her how to follow you. If we confuse these two contexts, we fail to see the pragmatic mission-orientation of Jesus's daily life (his frame), and we will also preclude our wives from having a model to look toward on how to be a follower (within our frame).

CONCLUSION

  1. Yet another way that pastors prove their beta mind-set is that they only look to what Jesus said, forgetting also to contemplate what he did and why he did it.

  2. Jesus was not only a teacher and leader; he was also a follower - and the way he followed God is the way we should follow him.

  3. We should not confuse the way Jesus treated the church for the way we should follow him; rather, the way he interacts with his bride is the way we should interact with our bride - and we must take a Scripturally complete view of this and not isolate the passages that the church likes to focus on.

  4. We should not lead our wives by focusing on how we relate with them; rather, we should lead them by showing them how we follow Christ.

  5. The way Jesus followed God was by adopting his Kingdom-building mission and living out the specific ways God wanted him to contribute to that mission. The way we follow Jesus is identical: adopting his Kingdom-building mission and living out the specific ways Jesus wanted him to contribute to that mission. The way our wives should follow is us identical: adopting our Kingdom-building mission and living out the specific ways their husbands want them to contribute to that mission.

APPLICATION: I'm sure you can think of a dozen, but the simplest one I want you to start with for now is that you begin leading your wife by showing her how you follow. Find 1 new way this week to contribute to God's mission of Kingdom-building - and do it in a way where your wife is able to observe the way you followed God in that area, either because she saw you do it (like introducing yourself to someone new at church and inviting them to a small group you're leading), or because you told her about it afterward (like sharing the Gospel with a co-worker and telling her the story when you get home).