I had several people tell me it was the best wedding speech they'd ever heard, and one person from RPC in my family who suggested I share it here, so here goes. This was for my brother's wedding. I outlined it in about 10 minutes the morning of the wedding and mostly wung it (i.e. followed about 60% of my outline, made up the rest). Note that virtually nobody at the wedding (afaik) is red pilled, so I had to walk a fine line. While the headers were not part of the speech, I'll include them anyway, for easy reference and reading. I'll also note a few of the times the crowd reacted to give some context, as tone of voice was almost as crucial in delivering this speech successfully as the words themselves.

FACING YOUR FEARS

Hello everyone. I'm glad to be here to celebrate with my brother and his new wife. Jordan and I go way back. In fact, I've known him all his life. [Laughter] In all that time, I remember at least one defining moment for him: the time he had to, in his word, "face my feewas" [emulating his childhood pronunciation] [Laughter].

We used to vacation at Niagara Falls frequently and there was a haunted house that terrified him. For years he would refuse to go in, staying outside with our mom while the rest of us had fun. Then one year, realizing he was old enough, he decided it was time to face his "feewas." He went through that haunted house and something changed in him.

Since then, I've seen him face a number of other fears - his fear of getting sick; his fear of spiders; clearly his fear of asking out a beautiful girl. [Aww's] Just this past summer he got over his fear of snakes. There was a 7-footer he spotted hanging out right next to the pool at our dad's house, so we went out and killed it together. Oh wait ... that was my 6 year old son. Jordan was hiding behind [Bride's name], screaming every time the thing snapped and hissed at me. Don't worry, Jordan, we'll work on that one. [Laughter]

As many fears as you have conquered so far, there are many more yet to come: the fear of your marriage failing; the fear of having kids and how that will change everything; the fear of not being able to pay the bills. Knowing you, you'll likely be afraid to tell your bride no. [No crowd reaction] For that matter, on occasion you'll be afraid of what it means to bear the responsibility in the times you know it's right to tell her yes. [Laughter] But you must continue overcoming these fears.

1 John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." So, how do you continue conquering fear?

Some people suggest it's through courage and bravery. Certainly these two attributes can help, but let me propose two alternatives that might be easier to get started with.

AMUSED MASTERY

The first comes from something my wife's grandmother told me on my wedding day. I asked her if she had any advice for a newlywed. She smiled and said, "Learn to laugh it off." Laugh what off? I asked her. "Everything."

It reminds me of a movie my wife and I watched recently. Each year we try to go through the Harry Potter series during winter - and this is the first year we've made it past the third movie. In that third movie there's a point where Harry is in class learning how to deal with a Boggart - a creature that manifests as the worst fear of whoever is looking at it. They learn a spell to deal with it: wave their wand, picture something absurd, and shout: Riddikulus! [Several crowd members joined with me in saying it]

One person was afraid of spiders. The boggart turns into a giant one. Riddikulus! There are skates on every leg and it can barely stand. Another is afraid of their teacher, Professor Snape. Riddikulus! - and the teacher is wearing his grandmother's clothes.

You see, when you have the right perspective - an eternal perspective, the way God sees the world - you can look at all the trite little things that would otherwise trigger your nerves and just laugh them off - whether it's an argument with your wife, stress at work, or naughty children. They'll be, in a word: riddikulus.

MISSION

Even more important than humor and perspective - and perhaps the single greatest piece of marriage advice I have ever learned - is the value of living on a mission. You see, Harry Potter was able to conquer his fears throughout the series not just by making them seem riddikulus, but because he was doing something important for the world that was bigger than himself. The same can be said of virtually every great protagonist on an epic journey - and of most great biblical figures as well. Great and godly men are committed to something that matters, and no amount of fear will stand in their way. [Amens]

Now, anyone sitting here who knows me would be shocked if I didn't bring this up, but let me suggest a mission for you and your bride: make disciples. [Laughter from several]

I'm actually going to give you an easy way to remember the role of this mission in your life, and that's the acronym GOD. Every time you hear or speak the word "GOD" I want you to remember the three great things that God wants for you:

  • Love G: God - the greatest command

  • Love O: Others - the second greatest command

  • Make D: Disciples - the great commission

These are the "Three Greats" in the Bible. It's impossible to do any one of these three without also doing the other two - and a failure at one is a failure of all three.

I want you to start by applying this in your own home. Make God the foundation for your leadership within the home. Love your wife as Christ loved the church - not only that he sacrificed for her, but that he used the Scriptures to teach, train, rebuke, and correct her, as we see in 2 Timothy 3:16. To that end, I ask you to disciple your wife. Lead her and train her to be the helper to you that God designed her to be on the mission he has prepared in advance for you. [This paragraph provoked the most comment afterward.]

And then - beyond merely applying these in your own home, I want you also to take them into the whole world, loving God by the way you love others and make disciples of all nations.

You see, if you want a healthy marriage, you have to be doing what God designed for your marriage in the first place. Malachi 2:15 says, "And why did the Lord God make them one, with a portion of his Spirit in their union?" That's a great question, isn't it? And I'm glad the verse answers the question, giving us the definition of marriage: "to produce godly offspring." While you should be doing it too, that verse doesn't mean just to have a lot of sex. [Laughter]

Adam and Eve filled the earth in number. Some people estimate that at the time of the flood there were hundreds of billions - or even trillions - of people on the planet. But God wiped them all away, making clear that he didn't want just any offspring to fill the earth. He wanted godly offspring. And Ephesians 5 tells us that the physical marriages we have on earth are meant as a parallel to help us understand our spiritual marriage to Christ. That is, more than mere physical offspring - though I do hope for many more nephews and nieces from the two of you - God designed your marriage for the purpose of producing spiritual offspring. Will you accept that purpose with your bride alongside you, helping you get the job done?

That's how you're going to conquer fear: by having a mission in life more important than your fears, and the perspective of life in light of your mission that you can laugh off whatever troubles and anxieties may come your way.

ADDRESS TO THE BRIDE [I'd only met her a couple times]

[Bride], I'm glad you're joining our family. Following my brother's lead won't be an easy task. I hope you're up for the challenge - even when he inevitably makes some stupid decisions that you don't agree with. [Laughter]

I've spent a lot of time talking about Jordan's fears and how to conquer them, but I haven't the slightest idea whether or not fear is one of your struggles. Maybe it's not. I really don't know. But even if you're not afraid right now, to quote one of Jordan's favorite movies: [Yoda voice] "You will be." [Laughter]

THE TOAST

So, let's all toast together - to conquering our "feewas" ... to doing God's work of making disciples of all nations ... to maintaining an eternal perspective in light of our present troubles ... and to the bride and groom, who will have to embody all of these things, just as we should all do as well. To Jordan and [Bride]!