How to not hold a grudge at Church? Sometimes I wish I was asexual so I could avoid both issues like these and lust. TL:DR at bottom

SIC_redditcruiser · 2018-10-14T23:01:10+00:00

Good job keeping up lifting (the gym helps A LOT w/emotion al turmoil), deleting her number, initiating a date with another girl, and being humble enough to admit you problem by seeking wisdom here.

That said, I would encourage you to go find more dates (and maybe more time in the gym as a temporary therapy). And you don't need to wait to find a date from a girl that goes to church. There's a good chance that a girl passing you by in grocery store could be a Christian.

There is a prayer and repentance aspect to your heart issues that needs to be addressed too. I know is it in the Psalms we see David pouring his heart out before the Lord when he was in emotional turmoil. I think he's a good example for how we should act when we are in emotional distress. As a man we relate to God different than women do. Most of how we relate to God is more logic-based rather than emotion-based, but I have found that I feel close to God in emotional turmoil when I am setting aside more time for him in prayer and listening to worship music and spending time in his word. God wants us to come to him with our distress and problems, so set aside time to bring them to him.

Edit: forgot something It also sounds like you have some deep-rooted insecurities about who you are. I can't remember the post but u/rocknrollchuck had some really good verses on how much God loves us and how we should view ourselves. Hopefully he can respond with some of those verses. Memorize those verses and every time you have a negative thought about yourself repeat two or three of those verses. Every time you see yourself in the mirror tell yourself a positive affirmation. Every time you wake up and go to bed repeat your affirmations and those verses. This will help change your view of yourself and give you a positive mindset. If you tell yourself something enough you will eventually believe it. This is a good psychology trick to help make changes in your life.

Deep_Strength · 2018-10-15T05:09:02+00:00

So although I already planned to move on, the fact I have been constantly rejected by women, I wanted for once to Ghost because it was my decision and not because I felt like I was obligated to.

So you wanted to do something to hurt this women, and you're now butthurt because it happened to you back instead?

Come on now.

So, I see this previous girl every Sunday and become filled with a sense of anger that she just lost interest all of a sudden, although I admit, I was planning on leaving to leave a hard-to-get impression. Throughout our friendship, I felt like she was greater in every aspect, richer than me, smarter than me, had more friends than me. I felt like this was the only thing I had over her and now that I lost that, I feel less than a man. These are the thoughts I want to get rid of. I just know it's easier for a woman to get a man rather than the other way around I guess this was out of spite for superiority?

Stop valuing things that the world values and root yourself in Christ.

Your relationship with God and your mission for God are vastly more important than these things. These things all fade away and you won't remember them even a couple months from now, but the things you can do for God matter for eternity.

So what's my plan?

I deleted her number from my phone. If she texts back I won't reply. But knowing I did the last text just makes me angry that I was emasculated. Honestly, every text I get, I hope its her asking me how I am. Just so I can feel like it was on my accord. That I was doing this because of her actions, not because of my own. But I know this will become an unhealthy obsession if I don't stop.

Move on. What's so special about this girl anyway? Why are you caring about her so much?

If she's not the one you are choosing to marry, she literally should have no effect on your life from now until eternity. Why hang around or talk much to a girl that you aren't going to marry?

Care about God's mission for you, your family and friends, ministering and leading at Church.

RunawayGrain · 2018-10-15T15:44:46+00:00

So what's my plan?

First off, you're already hitting the gym, so that's good. Second off, don't say anything negative about her, and if you have to interact with her keep it polite and brief. Realize that she's also having to explain the breakup to her peers at your church, and you want to keep it at a 'It wasn't working out' level, vs her getting defensive and doing her best to throw you under the bus to preserve her reputation.

Now your best option for this is to start dating other girls, lift, and work out the anger issues. Dating other girls gives you social proof, lifting helps with health and physical appearance, and prayer/meditation to help with the anger.

Now, you're angry about being emasculated because some girl dumped you, or you sent the last text? Let me explain that one for you. You are looking to someone else as proof of your self worth. You are the prize, kid.

Think about it like this: 1 Corinthians 7 says it's better to remain unmarried, but if you really want to have sex or start a family marriage is OK. Given that, and our the current political climate, marriage is a lot riskier investment for you than her, so she should be proving to you that she's worth the risk. Why get angry about it when it's her loss?

Title	How to not hold a grudge at Church? Sometimes I wish I was asexual so I could avoid both issues like these and lust. TL:DR at bottom
Author	Crunchy_Biscuit
Upvotes	8
Comments	16
Date	October 14, 2018 8:33 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/9o63pe/how_to_not_hold_a_grudge_at_church_sometimes_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/how-to-not-hold-a-grudge-at-church-sometimes-i.301678 https://theredarchive.com/post/301678