Understanding The Outliers?

OsmiumZulu · 2018-07-05T00:14:48+00:00

What brought you to the RP end of the internet in the first place? From the sounds of it, your wife is content with the status quo but you felt something missing (a fairly normative experience) and wanted more frequent (and likely higher quality) sex.

How hot is your wife in terms of SMV? I get that complete impartiality is impossible, but take a swing. My experience has been that women who are more attractive tend do exhibit more of the typical AWALT behaviors because they perceive (rightly or wrongly) that their opportunities are abundant and thus have higher expectations sexually. There is a vast difference in the degree of branch swinging opportunity experienced by an average looking girl and a stereotypical hot chick.

Think about the difference in how these women were treated as they came into sexual maturity. The average one was likely had an awkward shy phase where she sought positive male attention and was grateful for compliments and praise. The hot chick was likely flooded with constant male attention, compliments, and praise, ranging from cute to outright creepy. She learned quickly that her body and appearances afforded her an easy life full of favors and luxury if she just went along. Now imagine both women are Christians and (by some miracle) remained virgins until their wedding day. Imagine both women married fairly typical beta guys. Which of these women is more likely to branch swing or exhibit hypergamous behavior? I think the answer is obvious.

The fact of the matter is both woman in this case would have married for the beta traits (provision, stability, comfort) and would resent their husbands for "rocking the boat" by becoming more alpha. I'm guessing this is what happened with your wife.

Along with this, how ambitious is general is your wife? There is a type of woman who, for lack of a better term, just isn't motivated enough to engage in hypergamous activity and seeks out a comfortable beta guy who checks enough of her boxes that she is content. I know a woman who is, frankly, a fairly lazy and pathetic person. She's nice. She's a believer. She doesn't pretend to be anything other than what she is. Her husband is about as beta as it can be and she selected him exactly because he was comfortable, safe, and didn't expect much from her. If he suddenly started going Red Pill Rambo on her, she would see it as a threat to the very reasons she married him in the first place. Suddenly, her life would require more effort and would be less comfortable. She didn't sign up for that and she would fight him tooth and nail, even though she would have a higher status more successful husband in the long run otherwise.

we opened up a can of fury in relation to our wives.

Care to expand on this; how did your wife's 'fury' get unleashed exactly?

Does the Christian faith really change their need for the way they live out their hypergamy?Does the Christian faith really change their need for the way they live out their hypergamy?

Yes and no. What Christianity does is raise the costs associated with acting on hypergamous desires. This applies, in a sense, to men as well. Men, by nature, are given toward polygamy. Left to our own devices, most men would sleep with as many women as they could afford to. Secular men try and do this via hookup culture. If a Christian man sought to fulfill this desire he would have a steep cost to bear in the form of church discipline, excommunication, shunning, internal shame, fear of hellfire, etc. So, on average, while men across the board experience these desires, Christian men have a vested interest in NOT acting on these impulses. Thus we see Christian men over the course of history have come up with ways to suppressing this drive in both legitimate and illegitimate ways (suppressing sexual thoughts, monastic vows, secretive use of pornography, self-mutilation, etc). The tactics involved are manifold and some are more effective at "retraining the mind" to not desire multiple sexual partners than others. I've met many men who have retrained their desires to varying degrees, yet have never met a man who has abolished the desires completely.

On the whole we should not be surprised then that fewer Christian men than secular men exhibit polygamous type behavior. The same idea applies to Christian women and we should expect fewer of them to exhibit hypergamous behavior. That does not, however, mean they don't have the desire to act on their nature, but have just done a better job repressing it.

RedPillWays · 2018-07-05T00:27:17+00:00

I have found that Red Pill Theory doesn’t seem to translate well when trying to understand my wife and how she is supposed to be AWALT.

Bud, quit hitting the gym and lose your job. You'll quickly see how AWALT. I can speak from past experience. If you aren't striving, she is denying. I was married to my wife for 7 years who I met at a missionary bible college. Very staunch conservative school. I had doubts about my faith and at times struggled to find work without a college education. Bottom line: I wasn't on my game. I wasn't someone at the time who was a competent leader she could stand behind. Lacking in money/faith/red pill awareness. All these led her to be very dissatisfied and rightly so. So I can assuredly tell you AWALT when the conditions are right.

Red-Curious · 2018-07-10T20:08:09+00:00

1/2

I have incredible experience with a woman like this: my own wife. At least, so I thought. My first askMRP post was about this issue exactly. Some of the advice I got was: "Some women are hopeless; divorce her and move on." Others said, "You're clueless. She's just like all the other girls, you just haven't figured out how to tap into that side of her yet." Over a year later, it turns out the latter crowd was right.

As much as you might think you're married to one of the "good girls," I'm sure I was 100x more convinced than you think you are that my wife was an outlier. You talk about your wife having never identified herself as a sexual person - my wife specifically and intentionally identified herself as an anti-sexual person. She thought sex was dirty and gross and only existed to reproduce and keep men from watching porn. She refrained things like, "My parents only ever taught me two things about sex: it's bad and it hurts a lot" and that ingrained in her psyche.

She did not have the party years, did not ride the c-carousel, I'm the only guy she ever dated, ever kissed, and ever held hands with (except her dad). Growing up, when she had sexual desires she stifled and repressed them as evil and refused to think of men in a sexual way. She wouldn't watch movies and think, "He's hot." If any hint of nudity came on, she'd walk away.

That's where I was coming from when I started my journey. As /u/OsmiumZulu points out, some of these women marry men because they want a soft, easy, comfortable life. My wife still brings up every now and then that she's disappointed I didn't become a doctor like I went to school for when we were dating ... I'm only an attorney. She's also made comments that she was never sexually attracted to me, even when we were dating - that she was just told by "the church" to "find the most spiritually mature man you can and marry him," so that's what she did. She also admitted to lying to me about lots of things about herself, including her sexual desires, in order to get me to marry her.

All of that being said, I have still made uncanny strides toward sexual fulfillment. There are some boundaries she hasn't crossed yet, like giving a blowjob. But I can see us moving in that direction. There are other boundaries that I thought she'd never get into that suddenly she's going crazy over.

For example, a few weeks ago she had her first vaginal orgasm and was excited about trying something new. Sex was always silent before, but just last week I literally had her screaming my name so I'd let her have her orgasm. She actually came up with the idea just under a year ago to tie rope to the bedframes, or in another case to bring food into the bedroom.

All of these things that she's now doing are things that two years ago I would have said: "Impossible. My wife will never do that no matter how alpha I become." They're also things that she verbally said she would never do because "anything other than missionary or girl on top is carnal and evil."

No, I didn't give her a theology lesson on sex. She didn't go to a sex therapist or marriage counselor. She didn't talk to any girl friends about it. She didn't hear a sermon on the topic. She didn't read any books about sex, and heaven forbid she ever google "sex" or read a blog post about it.

Things changed because I led her into that change with my actions, not my words. It happened because of all of the content I have put up on the sidebar here.

Tag: /u/rocknrollchuck

Deep_Strength · 2018-07-05T19:01:26+00:00

"AWALT" does not mean a woman/wife is going to run off with the next alpha bad boy in line. There are many factors that play into this:

Strength of conviction to religion matters.
Assortive mating - generally men and women pair up with similar SMV to each other.
Self perception of a woman/wife matters. If she thinks she's an ugly duckling she may marry and be content with a man who is "less SMV" than herself. If she has a extreme hyper self inflated view of herself then no one will satisfy her except a man with Bill Gate's money, George Clooney's fame and charisma, and so on. This is where you tend to see 'alpha widows' if a woman has been with many men way above her SMV.
If she's a virgin, as long as you're "alpha" enough (e.g. a strong leader and protector and provider) then it's likely she won't have eyes for anyone else due to pair bonding.
Exposure to culture matters. The more "feminized" a culture gets like in the West, the more divorces there typically is. Most societies that have more traditional values such as the asian countries still have pretty low divorce rates often due to family honor and values, but feminism is slowly infecting them too.
Exposure to lots of people matter. In places with highly dense populations like large cities such as New York City, Los Angeles, etc you are exposed way more to people who are exceptionally attractive. It's much easier to be discontent if you see many more attractive people around and you're not with one of them.
Education on things like "happiness" not being the be-all end-all of a marriage also is important.
It's worth noting that 'provision' aspect of AFBB is more important in 3rd and 2nd world countries than in a place like the US or other western cultures where a woman can get any job she wants OR she can get welfare if she has a kid and has no husband.

AWALT is the fact that all women have some form of hypergamous temptation. However, in reality there is a fairly complex interplay that determines how a woman responds to the temptation of her hypergamy regarding her decisions.

chavikux · 2018-08-24T07:10:57+00:00

I wouldn't describe myself as a traditionally nice guy. However, i do have a tendency for focusing of a silvery gal. If she makes the gold and throws fire into your heart: one could surmise that she's well-worth exploring. And that what I'm doing: simply incorporating such a beautific chick, because she incited a storm. Helen of Troy kind of girl when I'd prefer her to be more like the feminine-lead from the Princess Bride. We need ahigh tomboy types who are militant [or tension-ready] and challenge the status quo. Adonai supernaturally embellish the chick's memory: so that the Godly-intending persons are by the forefront. Thereby, I've had a positive emotional imprint on her and Al etches it onto her spiritual-mind, as of befitting the Kingdom. I can't declare that one's own self-perception dominates cerebrally: as her favorite of customers but at least I'll have been among the most Biblically-centric of them. Trick mid visually-hungry [marriage-minded] red-pill blokes: the overall aggregation of the gentler crop found within the carrot's niche peaks whence mining the less popular choices. Bigger chains carry the same cache albeit only outliers will maintain enough romantic traction; also evaluate turnover rate!

Title	Understanding The Outliers?
Author	Rojo-Gringo
Upvotes	8
Comments	19
Date	July 4, 2018 11:20 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/8w5wl8/understanding_the_outliers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/understanding-the-outliers.301867 https://theredarchive.com/post/301867