How to approach sexaul relationships as red pilled christian entering my 20s?

rocknrollchuck · 2018-03-03T22:04:51+00:00

The problem is I don't see how its possible for me start dating without having sex or if I should have sex.

Well, it really depends on whether you want to honor God or not.

I know how important it is to not have sex before your married but I dont see the point.

Every single girl who is even remotely attractive has had sex possible multiple times, christian or not. We all know this.

No, there are girls out there who want to honor God as well, and are saving their virginity for marriage. The devil wants you to think it's pointless. And many virgin girls are attractive. You just haven't come across any yet.

So, should I give up looking for a girl who is still a virgin? Should I widen my search to girls who are christian with sexual experience? This seems to be the only option in our society.

If it's important to you (and look at the stories on here, MRP and AskMRP - it is important), then you should not compromise your values. It is NOT the only option in our society, the virgins are just hard to find because they don't go around advertising it, whereas the non-virgins have no problem discussing their sexuality.

And this leads me to thinking, how can I compete sexually with women who have had multiple partners when I have had zero?

You can't.

We know women like men with high n-counts and virgin men as weak and beta.

There are many points where Red Pill and Christian Red Pill differ. This is one of them. Non-Christian women like men with high n-counts. True Christian women who want to honor God see a man preserving his virginity for marriage as a sign of strength and character.

Whats the point of trying to stay celibate when women have given themselves up so easily and I'm sitting there like a chump clingling to my chastity belt even though I could lose my virginity whenever I want? How am I supposed to start a relationship with a christian women with multiple partners and I have had zero. How is that right? How is our relationship supposed to be strong and good by God's standards. Even if I forgive for having multiple partners theres no way to know if she's even sorry, which we know already she's probably not.

You're looking at this from a secular point of view. What would God want you to do? If you settle for a "Christian" woman who has had a lot of sexual experiences, you won't be happy. You won't feel like you've honored God. And you'll always wonder whether she'll remain faithful, whether you're good enough sexually for her, and whether you could have gotten better.

Should I just say screw it and up my own n-count to compete? I really don't want to do that but I could very easily. I won't lie, it would be very enjoyable, but it would not be as fullfilling as finding a girl who has made the same commitment as me.

That's up to you of course. But God will not honor it, and sin always has consequences.

And I guess I should admit, I'm not exactly sexually pure since I was addicted to porn until I was about 19. (been porn free for over a year).

Congratulations on breaking free from porn! That's really tough to do, especially these days. But you ARE still a virgin technically.

And is it selfish to want that? I've seen pua guys and redpill guys say 'who do you think you are expecting a girl not to sleep with anyone until shes married?' 'You think you deserve a virgin?'

It is not selfish, it is God-honoring. That statement is a secular Red Pill point of view, not a Christian one.

Look, I can tell you this: if you wait, and ask God to bring you the right woman at the right time, HE WILL. God always blesses those who obey - ALWAYS. I know it's tough to wait. But there are virgin women out there, and God has the right one picked out for you. It's up to you whether you wait for His blessing, or take a shortcut and "find what you want" instead of waiting. I can tell you this from experience though: when you wait on God, it's not easy. But it's always worth the wait. God will make your relationship with a virgin woman amazing if you choose to trust Him. But the timing is up to Him, so you have to be willing to wait until He is ready.

*Edit: formatting

ThoughtCaptive · 2018-03-04T04:31:26+00:00

I commend you, my young brother in Christ, for being porn free for a year. Secular MGTOW is hyper sexualized. There is now exception or rather it's as simple as this: your sex drive is to be satisfied only by your wife. If you are not married, then pray as I am (my wife is divorcing me) to ask God for help with calming your sex drive and put to sleep.

You must remain steadfast with your feet firmly planted in the Rock of Christ Jesus. Your relationship with Him needs to be at the point where you are willing to sacrifice your relationships with friends and even family if you have to in order to carry on obeying God according to HIS ALREADY WRITTEN NEVER CHANGING WORD of the Holy Bible. It doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks; what does matter is what Jesus has said and thinks.

Zeldafan1023 · 2018-03-04T05:51:07+00:00

Reading your post, I can almost see you holding a blue pill, bringing it closer and closer to your mouth, looking for a good enough reason to swallow it. You're flirting with trouble, and this is a test for you.

I am a Christian woman who met my husband when he was a virgin and my n-count was 7. I became a Christian a few years after we met, and I tell you, it is possible (and sure) that a Christian woman who is not a virgin truly repents from having sex with anyone who was not her husband. I never viewed him as weak or beta for being a virgin, I was in fact, jealous that he was purer than me, and I wanted so badly to have never made the mistakes of meaningless sex that I did before I met him. How beautiful that he saved himself for our love, and I truly wish I could say the same. I feel unworthy. Even with repentance, there are scars. But my point is, yes there is real repentance in real Christian women who had multiple partners. I wouldn't discount them in your search, but it's definitely preferable to find a virgin, and they are out there. As several people have already advised, put all your trust in God and be patient.

iLoveBrianWilson · 2018-03-03T22:00:13+00:00

Premarital sex as an atrocious sin is a myth propagated by the church as a way to retain control through guilt. Look into the original translation of ‘sexual immortality’ as Paul discusses it in the NT.

That’s not to say sex is casual or can be bought. It is still an intensely affectionate and expression within a relationship. I advise that you shouldn’t have sex until you are in a committed relationship, but marriage is arbitrary.

A last piece of analysis on the topic - if we look at the OT, women are treated as property, and marriage is often only for economic purposes. It was advised to stone a woman if she was not a virgin upon marriage. But we know that in contemporary society that these laws are not useful any longer. My point is that we must view it with a societal lense and make a rational decision. At the end of the day, the law of the land is Love. If you care for a women and are pursuing a steady relationship, don’t let the absence of marriage breed guilt inside of you if you decide to have sex.

cornthians12345 · 2018-03-04T16:17:20+00:00

Several random thoughts: 1) If you want something special, you gotta be willing to go the extra mile. It's a general principle that applys here as well: You need to search harder for a woman than everyone else, but (!) you are also going to get more than everybody else. So i guess it's actually just. Or to look at it from an economics perspective: You might be looking at more "on boarding costs" but you have have a much lower divorce risk and likely a higher marriage quality. That is obviously a "worldly perspective" but i figured it would help you, because what god wants you (not) to do is pretty clear. 2) "remotely attractive": Learn to see the beauty potential of a woman. From my experience many (esp. secular) girls have already optimized themselfs as much as they can. Very good makeup, best hairstyle, a clothing style that fits their body type etc. Women that have not been on the hunt for men have not done that yet, so they might not be as pretty at first glance (or to put it differently: The "hot" girls might look different if you get that make up and their fancy clothes off.) 3) Use online dating. This allows you to scan many women for the attributes your are looking for in little time. Maybe there even is a website especially for christians in your country. 4) Search for offline venues with faithful girls. Maybe a church nearby, maybe a holiday / vacation travel thing or some kind of a mission / evangelisation trip, just to name a few. If you identify such a group the friends you make there will introduce you to more people / venues / places that share the same vision. 5) With 20 your SMV is bound to climb up within the next years. However, don't waste time either. 6) At least where I'm from a there are a lot more faithful girls than faithful man. So the math should be on your side. 7) With the RP knowledge on you side you have a substantial advantage compared to other man looking for faithful virgins.

OsmiumZulu · 2018-03-04T07:15:58+00:00

To obey God rather then (red pilled) men ...

It’s easy to give up and think we’re on a secret path to fulfillment. But the whole pattern of red pill behavior is evil. Here’s the pattern:

Guy worships girl
Girl proves to be mortal and hurts BP tool
Guy still wants to “get laid” but is mad girl won’t have character
Guy plans to change who he is to get girls he never liked so he can have sex
Guy ends up unhappy and less himself

Most RP guys are just BP men who changed their ways. They still “need” sex so they’re still BP. They’re just smarter about it and realize women have needs and patterns too, and play the system back.

God’s way is different:

Obey God
Obey God
Ask God what he wants me to know, pray for his will whatever that is
Let go
Obey God and enjoy life not needing a woman; really, the holy spirit is enough

g_e_m_anscombe · 2018-03-04T02:08:05+00:00

I don’t know where you’re looking that you can only find non-virgin Christian women, but you must be looking in the wrong places. Most of the girls in my college fellowship were virgins, as were a good portion of the unmarried women in my church.

I also don’t think you should require a virgin. If God forgives her, who are you to not forgive her? However, serious repentance must be displayed to show that she has undergone a true change through the power of the Holy Spirit. There are many holy men and women who made mistakes in their youth, but who repented and became saints. I would say the same to Christian women looking for virgin men.

Look for a woman who is faithful and will make you a saint. Don’t worry so much about n-counts and the sex side of things. If you find a good woman and stay attractive, that will work itself out.

g_e_m_anscombe · 2018-03-05T23:38:19+00:00

What if that's not what God wants for you?

Obviously you can’t go against the will of God. But it’s like the story of the man on the roof of his flooded house refusing two boats and a helicopter because “God will save me.” When he meets God and asks “why didn’t you save me?” God replies “I sent you two boats and a helicopter!” It’s easy to reimagine the story with prospective wives.

To me, the bottom line is that your position of "If you want a virgin for a wife, but refuse to consider women with n-counts then you're being judgmental and un-Christlike" seems very similar to "If your preference is middle-eastern women, and you refuse to date a white woman, then you're racist." Both are equally untrue.

This captures the heart of our disagreement well, actually. If you said “I’m middle eastern and I want to preserve my culture, so I won’t marry white women,” I wouldn’t view that as inherently racist. If you said “I have a slight preference for middle eastern men, but I would consider dating someone of another race,” then it’s not racist. But if you said “I view middle eastern men as more attractive and refuse to date any other races,” I would consider that racist. Having a preference and refusing to date someone outside that preference are very different things.

[deleted] · 2018-03-16T09:44:08+00:00

Why even go through the mental gymnastics at all? I mean, I know you have trouble using your prefrontal cortex and critical thought isn’t your thing, but holy hell this would be so much easier if you didn’t have to marry misogyny with your archaic little sky fairy. To us more “enlightened” folk, y’all are a truly a special group of embarrassingly stupid human beings. The sad part is that 98% of you won’t ever realize it because you’re all so bitterly ignorant. If there was a “god” (are you sure you were indoctrinated into believing the right one, by the way? Is Allah going to forgive you?) much less a “Christian god” (pro tip: there’s not, omnipotent sky fairies don’t exist — shocking revelation, I know), there would be a special place in hell for you morons. Now go on, have a little giggle and remind yourself that I’m really just the one who’s misinformed and doesn’t know the truth. Amen.

tranadex · 2018-03-16T10:03:03+00:00

Congratulations on breaking your porn addiction! Great work! I think you’re over thinking things, people are just people, be yourself and start dating normally, if sex comes up, explain what your thoughts on the matter are, whatever they may be, then see how the other person feels, if they don’t align with your own you can probably still both respect each others points of view. In terms of their sexual history, it’s a bit like thinking about St. Paul, his history was pretty different to how he turned out in the end, sure he did persecute a lot of Christians but in the end he did a lot to solidify the early church, and really change his ways. I don’t think it’s fair to expect other people to be perfect, you and I definitely aren’t perfect but God still loves us! As you said you used to watch a lot of porn but you trust that that’s in the past and don’t expect it to be brought against you, which is totally fair and probably a good approach for you to take to others! Plus it’s not really down to us to judge others, we’re kind of told explicitly not to do that. Try and take an approach of love, and if you’re worried about someone pray for them with love in your heart. I’ll say a little pray for you and hope you keep well, we’re close in age so I know that the whole sex thing can be super confusing and stressful and trust me, I still haven’t gotten it figured out!!

seiyonoryuu · 2018-03-16T19:18:16+00:00

Didn't Jesus say to avoid women if you could and marry if you had to?

You could always just stay celibate until you find a virgin or just go to the gates pure(ish)

Title	How to approach sexaul relationships as red pilled christian entering my 20s?
Author	11-Eleven-11
Upvotes	11
Comments	73
Date	March 3, 2018 8:45 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/81suu0/how_to_approach_sexaul_relationships_as_red/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/how-to-approach-sexaul-relationships-as-red-pilled.302012 https://theredarchive.com/post/302012