The last post on leadership (by ruizbujc) centered around styles. That is, if you're trying to lead someone through lecturing and they're not responding, switch to life-sharing or delegating and see if that changes the result. I've had great success employing those methods in my own life. Specifically, my wife learns best by life-sharing. So, when she was freaking out about something and I tried to talk her through the logical solution, she just got all huffy at me. I stopped myself, shared a story about a time when I had implemented the logical solution in a similar situation to what she was in - and all of a sudden she's all gushing and happy and felt like she really understood what I was trying to say. It was weird, like waving a magic wand. But this post will focus more on the process of leadership.

HOW JESUS DID IT

I've examined the Scriptures repeatedly to try to discern how Jesus started a movement and led his followers into becoming the apostles as we know them - flunkies who managed to turn the world upside-down. Here's the general trend:

  • Tell them what: Jesus usually started by preaching. He laid out a road map and said, "Here's what I expect of my followers." He gave clear boundaries and enforced them. He said things like, "Anyone who doesn't cannot be my disciple" or "By this: , all men will know you are my disciples."

  • Show them how: The next thing he did was to live by example. He put into practice what he preached. Others saw his life and wanted to follow in his footsteps.

  • Let them try: When they were ready, Jesus would give his followers opportunities to make a difference. He called Peter out to walk on the water in front of him. He asked the disciples to feed the 5,000. He let them try to cast out demons and heal people. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. He always gave feedback.

  • Send them out: After developing some competency, Jesus sent them off to practice on their own - outside of his presence. At first he sends out the 12, then shortly after he sends the 72. And he tells them that their being "sent out" would soon become a permanent endeavor. But he always gave feedback when they returned, answering their questions and continuing to train them.

  • Pass it on: His ultimate lesson to them was not merely one for their own benefit, but to help all the others who would be affected by their influence as well. In this way, Jesus would be like a grandfather to those that the 12 reached, and a great-grandfather to the people that the next generation reached, and so on. This is the core of generational ministry and what Jesus means by discipleship.

HOW I APPLIED IT

Now, I've done this twice in my own life. Consider:

  • Tell her what: At one point early in my journey I informed my wife that I planned to start going to the gym and getting back in shape. I told her that I wanted our family to be healthier and more physically fit. I also commented on dieting. She did not follow, but she at least knew my intentions.

  • Show her how: So, I started going to the gym on my own, without her. For a while, I was dieting without her too. She saw me diet, but didn't feel like partaking. At some point, she decided after seeing my improvements that she wanted to start going to the gym too. I would have to nudge her along and she'd only go when I went, but something was better than nothing. I tried to instruct her on how to lift weights and not just spin her rotators on the treadmill, but she rejected. Even so, she'd come down to the weight area and watch me lift. She was curious about it all, asked questions, and I showed her what works and how to do it, proper form, etc. But she didn't partake.

  • Let her try: About a month ago, my wife came down from the treadmills to the gym floor like usual, watched me lift for a bit, then says, "Can I try?" Of course, I get her a set of weights that will push her, but won't break her confidence, and she goes at it fantastically. Similarly, I started a cut diet last week and this time she decided she wanted in, so she's trying with me. She cheats more than I would (last night especially, as the kids bring buckets of candy home for Halloween), but something's better than nothing - she's still developing the will-power to make it through a strict regimen.

  • Send her out: This past week she's now been going to the gym on her own time while I'm at work (she's still on maternity leave). Is she doing all the lifts I would have instructed her to do? No. But she's taking the initiative to go on her own and not needing me to push her along anymore. She also asks questions when she gets back about what she should be doing for next time. She's still hesitant, but has made substantial progress. Likewise, she's taking ownership in the diet by ordering groceries that are compliant rather than me doing all the grocery shopping anymore. Progress!

  • Pass it on: She's now talking to friends and neighbors about her new workout routine and the diet we're on. We invited some friends over tomorrow night and will be cooking a delicious, yet compliant meal (I'm grilling babyback ribs, broccoli, an asparagus), and as much as I've invited men to lift with me (who are already members at my gym anyway), she's now talking about using up some of our guest passes to bring some of her neighborhood friends with her to the gym. This is a double-pro because it means she's passing on what I'm showing her in the way of lifting and dieting, while simultaneously building relationships in which we can invest for our mission of making disciples for Christ!

I can give a few dozen other examples of how this process has helped me, as it's one I've been employing since long before my RP days. But only when I developed the assertiveness necessary to stand firm have I noticed the results happening so quickly and more naturally in the relationship, rather than feeling forced. Live like Jesus lived. Give field reports as you're able.