How does this advice change for dating?

Red-Curious · 2017-10-18T20:53:16+00:00

I see that this sub is aimed at marriage. Im very, very single.

No fret at all. Here's the thing: RP is sexual strategy. The Bible says we shouldn't be having sex outside of marriage. So, there are only two circumstances where a Christian should be applying RP as a sexual strategy:

When already married
When looking to build a foundation for an eventual marriage

In your case, the latter function applies to you. So, RP will apply more toward who you should be now in order to prepare yourself and your eventual spouse for a long, satisfying, sex-filled marriage.

With that in mind, RPC delves beyond rote sexual strategy into addressing biblical masculinity as a whole, which applies even to singles who do not intend to marry.

skeletons in my closet. I have no idea how to be a good enough person or have the dedication to not succumb to sin.

You can't just will-power your way into sinlessness. Period. Only Jesus saves from sin. Only once you're actually "saved" can Jesus begin chipping away at your life problems. It doesn't matter what your skeletons are. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from ALL unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). Sure, you're still going to fail. But are you sinning intentionally or because you lack the self-control necessary to stay on the straight and narrow?

Good news: RPC is probably the only place in the Christian universe (at least as far as I know) where you're actually going to learn effective strategies for biblical self-control. More on that in the 400-series, but for now things like "STFU" and stoicism and just generally becoming a man will seriously help with this. Also, see the 202 post on conquering addiction.

i have no problem being honest about my faults

That's good. You're not going to get very far here if you're faking.

I have validation issues that obviously have to be addressed as well.

Validation usually comes from caring too much about what other people think about you. /u/macmeeler just put up a great post yesterday on the topic of helping to sift through whose opinions matter and whose you can chuck out the window. The most important verse reference on point is Galatians 1:10 - if you live to get the approval of people, you'll never be capable of walking with Christ.

How do i “date well” without being steam rolled by some good girl church girl who expects a BP beta bucks?

I'll make a post on this in the next couple days. Long story short, physical marriage between men and women parallels spiritual marriage with Christ. The same parallel applies to pre-marriage relationships. The Bible doesn't say much about this from a physical perspective, but it does have a lot to say about the pre-salvation process: Evangelism. Go learn how Jesus draws his bride to himself and do likewise. More on that to come.

Also, i am hoping some of have been in my shoes in terms of my position with religion.

I know countless people who have lived where you're at. Your presence is welcome and you are not alone!

Any wisdom at all would be great. I struggle with myself on a daily basis now and its only getting darker.

Not to parrot the obvious, but start by lifting. It sounds like you're not overweight or anything, which is good - but are you actually built or just "not out of shape"? What's your bench, squat, deadlift, etc.? Read 101 and 203 on the sidebar.

Do you have a mission in life - preferably one from God, where you can invite a woman to live alongside you as your helper? Read 108.

Do you have the proper frame of mind to understand how the feminist imperative has permeated the church and the strength to stand against it and the wisdom to cultivate desire through your strength rather than supplication? Read 102, 103, 107.

Are you a skilled leader who people follow, or are you desperately clinging onto the few people who are okay with associating with you? Read 204, 205.

Are you living like Jesus lived and learning to grow in your faith from that of a spiritual child to one who eats meat and labors for the Kingdom? Read the 300 series.

I'm writing these things for a reason ;)

OsmiumZulu · 2017-10-18T21:36:03+00:00

I've been planning some posts geared toward single Christian guys. Be on the look out for some of those here soon. That said, like /u/Red-Curious posted, you're in the right place. I can attest that few other communities on the internet will give you a proper blend of Bible and real talk.

rocknrollchuck · 2017-10-18T22:14:43+00:00

No worries, you are here for a reason! You will find much value in this sub, and will have all the tools necessary to get your marriage off on the right foot - from the very start (which many of us WISH we had done!).

How do i “date well” without being steam rolled by some good girl church girl who expects a BP beta bucks?

My experience is that being absolutely upfront about what you expect helps a lot. If it's sex you are concerned about, while there are no guarantees, you should be honest with her about your libido and carefully gauge her reaction. Proper vetting before marriage is essential.

And finally, trust God to bring you the right person at the right time. This can only happen when you have a proper relationship with God, however. I see you said

I do not consider myself a Christian because i have never been able to have the faith and love required in my heart. I have just a few pretty damn ugly skeletons in my closet. I have no idea how to be a good enough person or have the dedication to not succumb to sin.

Since you have asked, I hope you will take what I am about to share with you under consideration. It's blunt, it's direct, it's straight to the point. It's the Gospel.

Do you know for sure that you will go to heaven when you die? And when you stand before Holy God, and He asks "Why should I let you into My heaven?", what reason will you give? What are the requirements for getting into heaven anyway? Jesus said in John 3: 3, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again." So isn't going to church, being sorry for your sins and asking forgiveness enough? No, and here's why: we have all broken God's Law, the Ten Commandments. Who hasn't told a lie, stolen, used God's name in vain, or lusted after another person?

We will all stand before God on Judgment Day, just like standing before a judge in a courtroom, and answer for everything we have ever done. Everyone must pay for their crimes, and God's standard is total perfection in everything we say, do and think. None of us measure up. Then the Judge will pass sentence—even if we ask for forgiveness, because the Judge is bound by the Law to see that justice is done. Those that are guilty of the crime will do the time, and will end up in God's prison, which is hell. So what can we do?

Jesus Christ paid the penalty for your sins in His life's blood. You broke God's Law, Jesus paid your fine. That means your case can legally be dismissed and you can walk free from the courtroom on the Day of Judgment. But what you must do to receive this free gift is trust in Jesus Christ alone to save you, like the kind of trust you have in the pilot of an airplane when you fly. Then God will enable you to repent—this is more than just telling God you are sorry and ask for forgiveness; He will enable you to turn from your sinful life and begin to live for Him instead. What does this look like? Suppose you’re sailing your boat out on the ocean when a big storm comes up. Your boat begins to fall apart and you find yourself in the water, hanging onto one little piece of wood with the waves crashing over you. You’re about to drown when a Coast Guard cutter comes up and the captain leans over the railing and yells, “I’m throwing you a life preserver. Grab on and we’ll pull you to safety!” One of the crew throws a life preserver into the water, right next to you. The only way you can grab the life preserver is to first let go of the waterlogged piece of rotten wood that was keeping you afloat. And so it is with repentance. Jesus throws the life preserver of eternal life, and after placing our trust in Him we must let go of our old life and grab onto the new life that He offers, living for Him instead of ourselves.

As soon as you do that, God will forgive every sin you have ever committed and you will be made righteous in His sight. Romans 8: 16 says "The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children." What this means is that the Holy Spirit will come to live inside you, and will help you change your life to be an obedient follower of Jesus Christ. You will know you have been changed like nothing else you have ever known before.

The truth is, you don't clean up your life first and then come to Jesus. We can never be good enough for God to save us based on our actions. You come to Jesus first and He takes control of your life and begins to clean it up for you. The more you are obedient, the more you will see the old life slip away and be replaced by one that honors Christ. There is nothing you can do to earn your salvation. Ephesians 2: 8-9 says, "It is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast." Good works are only proof that you really are a Christian.

There are many people today who "believe in God" or have "asked Jesus into their heart" or are "religious" but have never repented of their sins or been born again by the power of the Holy Spirit, and they continue to live just as they did before they were "saved." Jesus talks about these kinds of people in Matthew 7: 21-23, "Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of My Father who is in heaven. Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name and in Your name drive out demons and in Your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from Me, you evildoers!'"

Many people want the benefit of going to heaven without turning from their sin. They want to have their cake and eat it too. But following Christ means giving your life to Him to do with as He wants to. The truth is, when we repent, it doesn't mean that we will never sin again. It means that we try our best not to sin because we want to please God, and that we regret it when we do sin and then confess and forsake it. But God enables us to repent through the power of the Holy Spirit, and that is given to us when we trust in Christ.

Once you are a born again Christian, then 1 John 1:9 applies to you as well "If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." This is a promise for the Christian, not for just anyone. God will take your broken life and transform you day by day to be more like Jesus. But you have to completely sell out to Him and trust in Jesus alone to save you, and then repent of your sins. In Luke 15:10, Jesus says "Likewise, I say to you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Does this make sense to you? If so, you can pray to receive Christ right now and have eternal life. You could pray something like this, in your own words, "God, I am sorry for all my sins against You. I turn from my sinful life right now and ask for Your forgiveness. Please save me and help me live a life that is obedient to Your Word, the Bible. I place my trust in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Thank You, Father, for the gift of everlasting life! Amen."

Your prayer will be shown to be real by your obedience to God's Word, so get a Bible and read it every day, starting with the gospel of John. Find a good Bible-believing church to attend so you can fellowship with other believers, be encouraged and grow in faith. God will never let you down!

Rian_Stone · 2017-10-20T18:20:52+00:00

How do i “date well” without being steam rolled by some good girl church girl who expects a BP beta bucks? Also, i am hoping some of have been in my shoes in terms of my position with religion.

I've been of a family with a preacher matriarch. The one thing I will tell you, do not assume that the church girls are virtuous. You're there for forgiveness, no reason to think they aren't there for the same, and infinitely more capable of it than you.

Willow-girl · 2017-10-20T12:10:41+00:00

Not seeing anything here about your mission in life. Have you found it yet? I can say from personal experience that it's a lot easier to find your mission first, THEN a mate who is compatible with that mission.

Title	How does this advice change for dating?
Author	5beams5
Upvotes	5
Comments	47
Date	October 18, 2017 8:20 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/779cm7/how_does_this_advice_change_for_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/how-does-this-advice-change-for-dating.302137 https://theredarchive.com/post/302137