Are relationships just suffering and a constant battle for power?

neubs · 2019-12-21T19:05:39+00:00

Is this just a constant men have to deal with? What are the means of dealing with this and staying happy and healthy?

Date a girl significantly less attractive is one option lol

WestsideMoonWalker · 2019-12-21T18:29:25+00:00

No. In the great words of Bill, I highly recommend that instead, you be excellent to each other. It's quite easy really.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-12-21T18:31:00+00:00

People in any sort of relationship will butt heads and have disagreements/fights

This is not unique to romantic relationships. It happens because you’re not the exact same person, and will have different opinions from time to time

toxicdudio · 2019-12-21T18:39:34+00:00

That seems like a generalization. Of course relationships have ups and downs but its not a battle for power generally.

That would be the definition of "toxic relationships" a few encounters with such people wouldn't necessarily mean all of it is like that.

HarassMyAnger · 2019-12-21T18:58:26+00:00

There are women who arent toxic assholes who try to get away with as much as you can; the only way to find them is to have next to zero tolerance for that kind of shit behavior. Be prepared to drop the atomic bomb if it ever becomes an issue, period.

somewherethen · 2019-12-21T18:29:28+00:00

If you think women are inherently terrible and bitchy, then yes, you're going to suffer pretty badly in every single relationship you enter into. I think that premise is wrong though, and a pretty decent amount of women aren't generally out to fuck you over. You'd probably be off happier and healthier staying out of relationships with people who treat you badly either way.

mc0079 · 2019-12-21T18:39:43+00:00

No, I'm married and have a great relationship.

G77R23D · 2019-12-21T19:11:40+00:00

No, they're not. But if you hold relationships in your mind as suffering then that's what will appear in your life.

theloniouschonk · 2019-12-21T19:37:06+00:00

Relationships with the right people have much less suffering and feel relatively easy. If you feel negative more often than you fee positive, that is a red flag.

geyejoe7 · 2019-12-21T21:50:02+00:00

I'm in a relationship, and have no shit tests.

If you honestly view relationships as a power power struggle, you weren't in a good relationship yet.

LotBuilder · 2019-12-21T19:52:20+00:00

Relationships are cyclical. They start out great then have ups and downs. They start with a lot of highs and few lows then they flip and have mostly lows and a few highs. I just don’t see a lot of LTR’s that I would want to trade places with.

CHAD_TDK · 2019-12-22T03:16:54+00:00

Are relationships just suffering

Some people do like drama, and there's a lot of them; so, for those and hence the majority, then yes.

and a constant battle for power?

This too. There are many people who are "losers" (for lack of a better word) and they are looking for a relationship to feel validated, and a partner to boss around, so that they can finally be happy.

Notgnisnek · 2019-12-21T20:07:38+00:00

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k995 · 2019-12-21T21:43:26+00:00

Are relationships just suffering and a constant battle for power?

No thats when it goes wrong thats not a normal healthy relationship.

women test and act bitchy to assess their man's "strength" a ee how much they'll put up with before leaving.

No thats insane to think every women would act this way.

Workaholiconew · 2019-12-21T20:49:30+00:00

No, it is not. But unfortunately, those who cannot their own impulses and have social interest will inevitably turn their lives into that. Women suffer from that a lot. The word 'drama' follows women around because they cannot let go of such desires.

But if you can find someone who at least try to control their desires enough to have a good life, then it is good.

Men for the longest time learned to control their sexual and violent impulses enough to not turn most relationships into shit. Women, unfortunately, are not fighting their impulses enough.

PM_ME_UR_1ITIS_SNAP · 2019-12-21T18:36:16+00:00

If you're coming from a position of scarcity or try to do the relationship "right," then the vast vast vast majority of relationships are not worth it.

If you just kind of like the girl, and when she leaves you're just like "well that sucks" and then move on with your day, but she's in love with you, that's a good relationship.

Basically just don't take the term relationship too seriously as it means nothing in today's day and age

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-12-21T22:04:32+00:00

Shit tests are toxic behavior.

shit tests are a natural sign youre giving too much beta, they are normal female behavior

Kos_-_Omak · 2019-12-21T19:59:51+00:00

Shit tests are toxic behavior.

Shit tests are normal behavior. They're also not that big of an issue and easy to deal with.

Women shit test men that they can't quite figure out for sure. And they continue to shit test attractive alpha men because they enjoy the way that those men respond to shit tests.

The only men who never get shit tested are the ones that are assumed to be 100% submissive beta and never do anything to make women question that impression of them. If you never get shit tested that is absolutely not a good thing.

nb- shit tests are NOT the same thing as a woman being bitchy and naggy because she isn't really attracted to you and resents being in a relationship with you.

GrievenLeague · 2019-12-21T20:26:18+00:00

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Rock_Granite · 2019-12-22T00:21:52+00:00

If you hook up with a bitchy person, you will get all of these toxic behaviors. Hook up with a sweetie who adores you and life is much better.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-12-22T04:13:09+00:00

Correct me if I'm wrong but apart from physical attraction women test and act bitchy to assess their man's "strength" and see how much they'll put up with before leaving.

You are wrong. There are women that do that and women that don't. The women that do that are manipulative children you want out of your life. My girlfriend has never dshittested me.

This is a constant as long as you attract and keep women that do it. And you can't stay happy and healthy like that. Your options are 1)call them out early, talk about it and see if they learn from their mistake or 2) walk.

Mystery_Tragic · 2019-12-21T19:08:21+00:00

Yep. Relationships are just a waste of time for both men and women. All they do is create negative and toxic emotions.

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MikepGrey · 2019-12-21T18:55:21+00:00

Ya if a girl thinks it is a power struggle instead of a partnership, I kick them to the curb.

AntifaSuperSwoledier · 2019-12-22T02:37:19+00:00

No. I wouldn't describe a single one of my LTRs as suffering, or a pattern of having to correct bad behavior. This says more about the type of women some people attract perhaps than it tells us about the universality of relationships.

Remember that people attract those who are similar to them personality-wise. Think of someone who is low in agreeableness and high in neuroticism paired up with their match. Think about a couple that both scores high in DT traits or has a history of infidelity.

jonascf · 2019-12-22T08:24:05+00:00

> What are the means of dealing with this and staying happy and healthy?

Know what kind of behaviour you find acceptable, correct unwanted behaviour well enough that you don't have to do it repeatedly.

[deleted] · 2019-12-22T12:34:36+00:00

No. A lot of the times, yes, like 50/50. They can also be a source of comfort, support, and working as a team to get shit done

wazzoz99 · 2019-12-22T15:28:39+00:00

In my previous relationships, I was usually ok with a little shit tests...if it doesn’t go too far or she does them when I’m not in a fragile state of mind. Guys who suffer from moments of emotional fragility , know what Im talking about when I say shit tests can really make already stressful situations worse. You’re trying to make things work, hold things together and make her happy, then you’ve got your SO making you feel less of a man or anxious by constantly testing your boundaries. And even when they know they’re pushing your buttons, they somehow make it your fault for not responding the right way when the world is crushing you. It’s why I can’t stand relationship, even with a nice girl. Because I know eventually, she will start to test me and see my worth, even if I’m doing everything right. It’s only natural, women need constant validation that their partners are worth their time. But it does get annoying and makes relationships seem not worth it if you’re a type of guy who just wants peace. With Relationships, you need to take the good with the bad, which for a guy includes constant shit tests. But some guys aren’t equiped to properly deal with these tests which can result in violence towards their partners when frustrations hits fever pitch , or they’re going though mental health problems which can destroy you when your partner digs your hole deeper. If you’re one of those guys, don’t get into relationships until you’ve gotten your head straight. If you’re strong enough, relationships can be rewarding.

[deleted] · 2019-12-22T22:52:02+00:00

For the most part, yes. A dominant man can generally run shit, but everything else is either a battle for power or a woman getting mad that a man is not expressing power enough.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2019-12-26T18:44:07+00:00

forgive me as this is a Q4M but i saw other women in top comments.

Honestly, if im bitchy, its not really on purpose. I think its normal to not be pleasant constantly, especially if you're stressed or grew up in a household where expressing anger and discontent was the norm.

I've learned bitchiness does drive men away. I learned the hard way. I also learned crazy can do that too. Doesn't help that I have mood disorders so tend to have strong emotional reactions to things, despite having clarity in hindsight.

At the end of the day, I disagree with your premise. A person can be acting bitchy because its an aspect of their personality, not an intentful shit test. Some of us even feel bad and would prefer to always be pleasant, but it is not the most top priority, because unmet fleeting wants and needs can be at conflict with the desire to always be happy. In my relationship it is comforting to know that my husband and I arent shittesting eachother when we're in a bad mood. We're not suddenly not in love anymore or hate each other. We are just having a harder than usual time and its ok. Its human.

bobdolesdole · 2019-12-21T19:14:58+00:00

Dealing with women, alpha build.

Where sex = good, otherwise run DUMP
Set a requirement of behavior (be genuinely pleasant), specify the punishment (disproportionate, e.g. a hall pass).
Collect prize
Goto Line 1

AellaGirl · 2019-12-21T19:01:36+00:00

I think I have long, happy, healthy relationships. I also mildly shit test new men. These aren't strong, awful shit tests, and usually I don't know I'm doing it - but can be teasing them, playfully pushing back against things they say - to see if they have the confidence to stand up to me, or if they're just trying to make me happy and comply as much as possible in order to get laid.

I don't do this once we're in a relationship anymore, because I'd be an idiot to get into a relationship with someone who I don't know defers to me or not.

I think if, in you're in a relationship and the woman is still shit-testing you, then it's probably not actually shit-testing, because she already knows the kind of person you are, so the test isn't actually revealing anything new. It's probably just being an asshole.

josski32 · 2019-12-21T20:38:21+00:00

read mark manson’s blog. relationships are only this way if you think of them this way

beautysleepsodom · 2019-12-21T21:47:50+00:00

More of an arrogance thing than a gender thing.

Determine how you want to be treated and stick to those standards. If someone tries to test your devotion in some way, either don't engage or try to start a dialogue ("when you say stuff like ___ it makes me think you're testing me").

There are a lot of shitty people, but there are a lot of people in general; you're bound to meet all sorts of types.

statusincorporated · 2019-12-21T20:12:23+00:00

[deleted]

RT-AC66U · 2019-12-21T20:11:28+00:00

Who wants to have to fight every day with your wife?

NockerJoe · 2019-12-21T21:26:09+00:00

Sometimes when I hang out with people even as friends they try to play power games. Even platonically, I don't keep these people in my life. I sure as shit don't tolerate it from people I wanna be naked around.

Sleepyjosh · 2019-12-21T22:05:22+00:00

Seems so. Relationships feel a lot easier when both parties are taking responsibility for their internal state. If no awareness is present, it usually turns into a power struggle or a constant want from the other person. Finding happiness within is my responsibility. Not yours. Speaking from my personal experience and not saying this applies to everyone.

wtknight · 2019-12-21T22:14:37+00:00

If a woman is infatuated enough with a guy then she isn’t going to shit test him. I’ve never been shit tested once by a woman whom I’ve been in a relationship with. Shit testing happens when a woman feels equal to or superior to the guy who is approaching her or who she is in a relationship with, and even then I’m not sure every woman shit tests.

MGTOWManofMystery · 2019-12-21T22:37:20+00:00

Yes.

Iron-Giant169 · 2019-12-21T22:45:56+00:00

istira_balegina · 2019-12-22T09:22:22+00:00

Yes, if they're both narcissistic

TheJim66 · 2019-12-21T21:01:37+00:00

Yes despite what the blues here say,shit tests are inevitable.But if it's a high quality chick and you don't turn into a beta,they can be few and rare.

[deleted] · 2019-12-21T20:35:59+00:00

Shit testing is a toxic as masculinity is toxic. Both things are useful and natural

Title	Are relationships just suffering and a constant battle for power?
Author	PUNCH_DOG
Upvotes	61
Comments	199
Date	December 21, 2019 6:25 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/edtcuy/are_relationships_just_suffering_and_a_constant/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-relationships-just-suffering-and-a-constant.302495 https://theredarchive.com/post/302495