I've notice that there are times my wife will ask for things from me and sometimes I can see that it's a congruence test (Honey, grab my phone please? No. You have legs, go get it.) but other times she asks for help in ways that seem legitimate (uhhh, help, help, help? What's wrong? The baby just spat up on me, can you get me a wipe? *grabs wipe for her*). Is there a difference? or are these both examples of congruence tests?

I should add, that I generally have no problem with doing a simple favor for her like grabbing her phone, but I recently listened to Donovan Sharp's podcast about rescuing your marriage and he mentioned that you shouldn't get it mixed up that you still have to be a good dad (and I would imagine, by extension, a good husband) but at the same time, I know my wife congruence tests me but it's hard to discern for me as of now which is which.