Suicide note from my deceased GF - proves AWALT. What to make of it?

RedLegendx · 2020-01-10T02:02:08+00:00

AWALT indeed, she was mentally ill, but even in her illness the “tingles” persevered.

Don’t dwell on any of this, burn the letter and delete this post after you get your answers, don’t use this to get yourself stuck with a deceased ex.

sjswander94 · 2020-01-10T02:32:10+00:00

Wow that’s some crazy situation you got there. Best of luck with everything. She cheated my man actions over words the “love of her life” is just her hamster rationalizing. Regardless it’s a tough break. I wish you nothing but the best.

throwaway4643366577 · 2020-01-10T02:54:21+00:00

I think you should get some professional help with this,see a therapist

Andrew54321 · 2020-01-10T01:54:06+00:00

You need to walk away and forget her.

“The moment you know you cannot walk away, you must walk away.”

ArcangeloPT · 2020-01-10T02:05:03+00:00

Move on mate. Mourn but for your own sake move on ASAP.

Not intending to be a dick but, deceased or not, depressed or not, she still cheated on you so you know what to do.

Wildfire48 · 2020-01-10T02:17:42+00:00

Sorry man, it's okay to mourn over this. We're all human beings here. Just don't let this dwell over you for more than a few months, nothing else you can do about this anymore anyway.

moresmarterthanyou · 2020-01-10T03:45:55+00:00

There is a huge lack of symathy on the sub here. Your a man but allow yourself to grieve. Its ok to have feelings and your gonna have alot of them right now. Your GF is gone and she cheated on you. Take some time to yourself, put yourself in some hobbies, and as time goes on, what others are suggesting here will happen, you'll be okay, youll move on, there will be others. All the best bro.

DeficientDeity · 2020-01-10T03:49:01+00:00

Please see a therapist dude. This woman was a cunt. Cheating confession in a suicide note? For fuck sakes.

ThinSpiritual · 2020-01-10T02:56:44+00:00

Remember when a woman says something, it reflects their emotions AT THAT MOMENT.

"I love you." --> I love you NOW. Same thing for "I hate you."

She wrote this under depression. She said she loved you but also admitted to cheating... a lot of hamstering going on. Seriously, if you step out from the "suicide note" frame and look at this post (which is exactly what we're helping you do), you can see the cognitive dissonance.

Move on bro, none of this was your responsibility.

mysticplaces · 2020-01-10T03:43:16+00:00

”You’re the love of my life but I’m gonna borrow this dick for the foreseeable future. Also I’m going to open up my heart to him, I’ll tell him everything. But you’re the love of my life. See you in the afterlife.”

cyn1calassh0le · 2020-01-10T03:22:50+00:00

Jeez brother, I'm sorry you're going this. Honestly, as tough as it may seem right now, this is all for the best. Be thankful a woman like this didn't drag you down with her, depression was probably the least of her mental illnesses. Suicide, especially by a woman, takes an intense level of mental un-wellness to commit and follow through on.

do u think she really spoke from the heart or is this the guilt/depression talking?

Women, and people and in general, say a lot of shit; You can only judge them ultimately by their actions.

I'd thoroughly evaluate your vetting process in the future though. To miss this kind of behavior either takes master manipulation on her end or ignoring of signs or past events on your part. I've been in a similar situation before on my end I know looking back now there were plenty of red flags I just glossed over because my dick was hard.

legitniga · 2020-01-10T03:30:44+00:00

Fuck, that’s dark. Sorry man, sad situation all around.

jvn0510 · 2020-01-10T04:44:44+00:00

OP - you will learn and grow from this more than you can imagine. Stay strong and ignore the a-holes on this sub.

My last ltr told me she suffered with depression 9months in. We stayed together for another 6 months and ultimately the depression won and she broke up with me. Even though I loved her and she loved me, the daily pain was too much for her. And even though I was crushed, ultimately I understood the fate of the relationship was out of my control. There’s nothing I could have done to save it.

Life is so fucked up and humans can be so twisted. All you can do is keep bettering yourself everyday.

I’ll pray for you tonight

unnatural_by_nature · 2020-01-10T04:49:02+00:00

Suicide (when examined amorally) is the single most selfish (again, from a purely amoral perspective, not judgmental) action one can take.

Remember this when you think about why she told you she cheated on you: she did it solely to make herself feel better before she killed herself, not because she actually cared about you. There’s no other reason to admit something that could have been literally taken to the grave.

Take some time and really think about this. Her actions don’t match her words. Love of her life but she cheated on you? One of these is not like the other.

[deleted] · 2020-01-10T03:46:41+00:00

"i dont love him, he just had something in the moment that made me feel alive" -- TEXTBOOK

The self justification never ceases to amaze me. In a fucking suicide note here. Dear God.

user20180620 · 2020-01-10T03:03:35+00:00

The only thing I think is worth analyzing is howbyour behavior might have changed over the course of the relationship.

Trp says that men often get attached and change... And that might play into this.

But fundamental... Her death is not your fault. Not just because she was in the wrong. And she was.

But because depression, suicidal depression works it's way into a person like a splinter in the mind. The feeling that life is unbearable, not because of any specific event, but just generally filled with pain that cannot be fixed, except in brief moments of joy.

That overarching pain shoves the splinter in deeper every day. And it takes effort to hold back the crushing wave of despair. Eventually, the effort is too much... And the pain has to end.

So nothing you could have done would have prevented this.

Mourn, yes and then move on.

Good luck buddy.

bradwbowman · 2020-01-10T03:44:46+00:00

She was sick man. That isn’t your fault.

Distractingyou · 2020-01-10T03:56:30+00:00

Mourn her but she was crazy i think she is speaking truth when she said you were the alpha of her life and after her stupid desicion of trying to hypergamy to a beta she discovered it wasnt as alpha as you and this letter shows she had guilt, i think this a case of showing repentance she discovered she was doubting you which was stupid but yh i think its a case of can some people be forgiven, can you forgive she doubted you. Idk if i would do it but yh i think she is speaking the truth when she said you were her alpha. Anyways at some point you need to move on in her crazy she spectee you to always be mourning her i suppose cause her crippling depression made her do some crazy shit i think like every human she made her rights and wrong but in all case at the end of her life she always saw you as an alpha and the thought is what counts. She disrespected you and thats something she didnt forgive herself. All i have to say is this wasnt your fault dude her crazyness is something she always had and well yh i would like to see if you can give us more reasons why she committed suicide.

tuan321bin · 2020-01-10T04:16:37+00:00

Bruh I can empathize with people who suffered from mental illnesses, but this is messed up yo

Elvis_Death · 2020-01-10T03:50:29+00:00

This is NOT your fault.

This is a real traumatic scenario.
The potential mindfuck could damage/derail you for years. Perhaps professional dirction would help you navigate the unfamiliar waters of trauma. Regrettably most "professional" help these days is dogshit. The entire psychology industry is feminized and even the Male therapists are subservient to the feminine imperative.

Dont do anything crazy. Stay chill. Search for male trauma therapists in your area. Meet 3 of them. Choose the best fit.

This is serious, treat it like a real physical injury.

drcube2000 · 2020-01-10T02:52:22+00:00

Take her at her word. She loved you and she was weak. From what I see, there's really not much more to make of it, and sorry, but you're not going to get any more clarity. Don't kill yourself trying to figure it out because you know you'll never really know.

youcantstopmyzed · 2020-01-10T04:11:55+00:00

Who cares? She’s gone. Keep living your life and stay away from ltrs.

xxx69harambe69xxx · 2020-01-10T04:33:04+00:00

i can't even troll, this is just sad, sorry you had to deal with this bro

Hubblenobbin · 2020-01-10T06:16:37+00:00

dont let my death be the end of ur feelings. love another one, just keep me in ur thoghts.

Didn't want him to move on even after traumatizing him, that's fucked.

genital-love · 2020-01-10T03:01:59+00:00

that's pretty real man..."she's not urs it's just ur turn"

bestsparkyalive · 2020-01-10T03:49:36+00:00

Suicide, murder, selfish acts. I’m sorry for what you’re going through but move on.

frognads · 2020-01-10T04:02:25+00:00

Definitely see a therapist kid. If this is true then I think it's a bit too heavy for this sub and requires professional attention.

Nergaal · 2020-01-10T04:10:08+00:00

Dude, as I've told you last time, learn to vet for LTR. Anybody who is suicidal (or even just joking about it) has many other red flags that YOU CHOSE to ignore. Don't feel shit for her, feel shit for you for not picking up on the red flags earlier.

Would you prefer to have her still alive and possibly get kids with someone who you didn't realize was suicidal and sluttying up on you?

The positive side is that likely, the guilt of cheating contributed to this. A lot of average girls are encouraged by the mainstream media to slutty up and ride the CC, and when their conscience hits them, they collapse. It's a coping mechanism out of which a slut can only walk away if she convinces herself that she is either not a slut or it's ok to be a slut (won't work when she sees the man near her have a higher moral caliber - i.e.: before my ex hit me with the cheating story she tried to encourage me to cheat on her).

You continue to see her as an unicorn, and this is somewhat expected when grieving. It's the survivor guilt syndrome acting up. Won't be easy, but deep down you know "the truth". Pick yourself up and get onto your mission.

Terminal-Psychosis · 2020-01-10T04:20:17+00:00

Geezus dude, what a completely toxic relationship that would have been. Holy crap, no matter how great the pussy, it's NOT worth dealing with that.

Be glad you didn't get into that insanity any deeper. Totally twisted:

"You mean the world to me!" and, "I've been fucking other guys.". because (insert turbo-hamster here).

You cannot actually still have feelings for this girl? o0

Wake UP! GROW UP! You need no answers, just stop trying to feel guilty over dodging a bullet.

You meant NOTHING to her. Not one little bit. Used you like a tool, and left a letter in the hopes someone would cry for her. Massively manipulative.

Watch out for warning signs in the future. Don't get involved with this type, least no more than a raunchy weekend. You gotta do some looking at yourself, and work on building healthy boundaries.

This girls had none. Minus even.

AshyBoneVR4 · 2020-01-10T04:37:42+00:00

This is gonna sound fucked up, but I'm just bein honest... Reading that note would be an amazing way for me to get over my girlfriend killing herself. Personally I'd stop caring about my "girlfriend" after reading that. If she was still alive and she told that, that's the end of our relationship. In this case, she's dead, there's literally nothing else for you to do about it. You can't talk to her, you cant get any other amounts of closure, that's it. Don't stress over shit you can't control. Just try to move on the best you can.

dont let my death be the end of ur feelings. love another one, just keep me in ur thoghts.

Bold of her to think any thoughts of her WON'T be accompanied by, "She cheated on me, then killed herself." Honestly two of the worst thing someone who "cares about you" could do to you.

theUnBannableHulk · 2020-01-10T05:37:03+00:00

Dunno why you’re over analyzing.

She betrayed you cuz she’s a chick.

Now she dead.

Karma’s a bitch.

Move on.

Musicgoon · 2020-01-10T06:38:51+00:00

I'm sorry you're dealing with this Bro. That's some really rough shit. And you're not being a little bitch at all.

Now two things AWALT. Hypergamy is a motherfucker and she was scandalous. It does sound to me like she was BPD. They usually are promiscuous and will threaten suicide or go through with it just to hurt someone.

Please go see someone for this trauma. You need to be happy, but you don't want this to consume you. It will take a while to really feel ok but just know you can and will get over this.

P.S. go lift. Workout hard. It's a great coping strategy and cathartic.

furcryingoutloud · 2020-01-10T06:47:35+00:00

OP, you've been told to seek help. I agree that you should. Not because you might not make it, or you're weak. Talking about this with someone will most definitely help you put things into perspective. Therapy really does help.

Having said that, from what she wrote, she seems to have been really selfish. To the end. She was more worried about clearing her conscience than the damage this information could have done to you. Or maybe she was sure that this confession would have made you grieve less.

We can't know what her reasoning was for this. But there is something you can do about it. Reason this out. It is no surprise when someone cheats. But you can minimize the hurt if you cheapen her actions. Not by being mad at her for cheating, or for even telling you this in a suicide note, but by accepting that this is normal behavior and you basically should not give it any weight. Not only under your circumstances, but ever.

You really should be seeing a therapist who can help you find your own way through this.

StrangeInstructions · 2020-01-10T07:22:13+00:00

Just implementing redpill into my life as of the last couple months. one thing i know for sure is that none of this is your fault. Dont think for a second you were ever the cause. I agree with everyone here.. you need to forget about it burn the letter and delete this post. Remember Actions speak louder than words.

Magnum994 · 2020-01-10T07:38:14+00:00

Don't for a moment blame yourself. It's very probable she killed herself because of that guy not because she cheated on you. Move on.

AnneStaz · 2020-01-10T07:44:15+00:00

Glad to hear you can forgive her in this time, shows a lot of maturity bro. Keep your head up

tonivevo · 2020-01-10T08:00:48+00:00

Okay, dude.

Thank you for sharing this. I understand that you hate her and of course love her. This will take time to make the best out of it.

This is the shit that will make a man out of you. These hard times. Your heart must be shattered.

Take a month of, meditate, write and deepen your understanding of female nature.

Ask yourself why you did chose her and what personality traits you have that attract a girl like her.

Mr-Ed209 · 2020-01-10T08:07:50+00:00

I think this is beyond the scope of this sub.

Your gf was sick, mentally corrupted to the point that she took her own life; if i were you id force yourself not to base any future life decisions on anything she ever said to you. Don't get bitter or resentful with AWALT; most women don't kill themselves - she was an outlier with issues beyond your scope of control and you can't take any responsibility for what happened. She was just a sick chaotic person who paid the ultimate price.

For your own ego sake, even her cheating could not bring her happiness or contentment. She didn't have to tell you about it and it seems much of her actions were based on wanting to 'watch the world burn'.

It's sad but you don't owe her any sympathy. Get the help you need and a few years down the line you can reflect on it more sanely.

Itshighnoon777 · 2020-01-10T08:13:29+00:00

Don't come to TRP for something like this. This is beyond any of us and I recommend you seek professional help, you need a professional you can speak with IRL. This is so sad man. Good luck brother.

scorpionkg · 2020-01-10T17:02:24+00:00

Man, I feel for your lost. Nothing in this moment is more important then your healthy. Forgive her and let her go, it was her nature. (Woman nature). She is right, in you she found love and friendship, this is not for everybody! You can be proud for being the one that she had those experiences with. Move with your live and put you on your mental point of origin.

Best wishes

lolurfucked · 2020-01-10T02:18:52+00:00

[deleted]

imtheoneimmortal · 2020-01-10T05:02:35+00:00

All girls are the same

Juice wrld is you?

Lucid dreams is your song man Sorry for that

drsherbert · 2020-01-10T02:28:04+00:00

How the fuck did you not see the signs? You had no idea she was cheating?

Dboy2233 · 2020-01-10T04:02:19+00:00

Is this shit forreal?

Distractingyou · 2020-01-10T04:08:12+00:00

I think your fear is after all this time and all your development you feel like if you forgive her you may become a cock, you arent dude and the proof is her letter and her death crazy people always say the truth

Title	Suicide note from my deceased GF - proves AWALT. What to make of it?
Author	lolurfucked
Upvotes	109
Comments	85
Date	January 10, 2020 1:42 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/emjsui/suicide_note_from_my_deceased_gf_proves_awalt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/suicide-note-from-my-deceased-gf-proves-awalt-what.305695 https://theredarchive.com/post/305695