How many men can afford a stay at home wife?

BumbleBitny · 2020-01-23T21:09:35+00:00

My husband does yes and I stay home. He makes good money and we live very comfortablely. It's not that I refuse to work, I actually use to be a restaurant manager in the beginning of our relationship when he made far less money. When he moved up in his career he and I had a discussion. He knew I had always said I'd like to be a housewife and he honestly was tired of having to split the chores 50/50 so we decided to try me being a housewife. I find that lots of people focus on how nice it is for the woman to stay home and how she's so lucky. And I am I will 100 percent agree that I am lucky. However my husband is as well. He gets to work his 8 hours a day and do nothing else. Evey meal is served, laundry is done, errands ran. I do the yard work, the budgeting, the home handy man projects, I do everything. So I won't say we're the most typical couple, but we're both very happy with our arrangement. If we needed it I would have no problem going back to work, I never minded working. Homemaking is just where my passion has always been. So why not do it while it's in the cards.

SherbertBacon · 2020-01-23T22:05:33+00:00

Do you even make enough money to afford to have a wife stay home and even raise kids at home?

Yes. And I would support her if she decided she'd rather be home for kids. That said, there's a separate bigger risk for the wife than the husband (by the way if you're marrying someone and already worried how they're going to bone you financially, you're not ready for marriage and not marrying the right person): the option to return to work if needed/desired.

My mom was a stay-at-home and loved it to death. But my dad did heaps of selfish things (abuse, addiction, cheating) so they split. With mom being out of the work force for nearly a decade, her marketable work skills had seriously suffered, so she took the first job (wage slave telemarketing) she could to pay the bills. Dad didn't pay his share of alimony and mom didn't want to send her kids' father to prison over it, so he got away with it. To this day, she works that job, 20 years later—we're all adults now but she's trying to scrape together retirement and help my siblings with student loans. She gave up years of her life in terms of long work hours (often 60+/wk), lack of career development, etc. My mom is my hero; she paid a dear price in the name of loving us.

I'd be totally fine with supporting my (presently hypothetical) wife to stay at home, but I'd encourage her to keep learning, networking, and doing things that could give her the option of returning to work if she wanted to or had to (if I died, for example, and life insurance only went so far).

Niki_Biryani · 2020-01-23T21:23:00+00:00

Yes, In fact, I would love my future wife to just be happy, work out, help me with our financial goals and decisions but let me take care of the running the business/job. I just need her to be the best version of herself, be happy, take care of the house stuff or babies (if she wants to have them). I think I'm gifted with the earning part and my take-home has been steadily increasing. I am expected to earn half a mil by the time I am 37 that should be good enough for her. If she wants more, she can always work but in my opinion, a double income household puts a lot of strain on the relationship and hence the very high divorce rates.

Pola_Lita · 2020-01-24T00:03:32+00:00

Personally I know couples where the man or the woman doesn’t work. Unless kids are involved it’s my opinion that it’s best for both to earn an income. I also think it would be insanely stupid to marry a man or woman who does not work and doesn’t plan to work, and frankly whoever signs up for this should be aware that alimony etc. could be a thing someday. That’s the risk you are taking. Don’t like it? Don’t marry a couch creature.

I don't understand how anyone can expect their partner to contribute in a way that also costs her a good chunk of her earning power and not EXPECT to pay alimony should they divorce. And really, there are lots and lots of stay at home wives and moms who don't deserve to be called "couch creature". I don't, and my mom definitely didn't.

wivsta · 2020-01-24T02:18:07+00:00

My husband has been unemployed for 10 years - he’s now 39. We have a 2 year old. I have never stopped work and he sits there like a lazy asshole. He smokes $600 worth of cigarettes a month and every day I pray that he gets hit by a bus.

I know I’m going to hell for saying that, but I’ve had enough.

I’m on a six figure salary - out of the home 12 hours every weekday. I barely know my daughter. Something has to change but (as I’ve discovered) you can’t “make” someone get a job.

jayval90 · 2020-01-23T23:03:16+00:00

[deleted]

abqkat · 2020-01-23T21:00:46+00:00

Daycare costs in a lot of cities can be $2000 - $3000 / month if both parents are working. For a lot of families it makes more sense for the mom to stay at home until the kids are in school since Daycare is either more than they make, or the difference is small enough to not be worth the stress of 2 parents working with infants at home.

I dont know many people who stay at home after the kids are school age, but I'd say at least a third have one partner stay at home when the kids are really small.

Not having family/grandparents close by can also be a huge factor as well.

Workaholiconew · 2020-01-23T20:35:06+00:00

Do you even make enough money to afford to have a wife stay home and even raise kids at home?

Yes, I have zero intention on doing it tho. I have no intention on marrying or having any LTR before finishing my dreams.

Or realistically would your spouse need to have a job as well?

Nope

CHAD_TDK · 2020-01-23T21:11:24+00:00

I am sure a lot of people can afford for the wife to stay at home; the real issue is the quality of living that they would have.

Think about 2 couples (A and B), same level of income (his salary + her salary); then one day couple B decides to start living off just his salary. The disparity of disposable income between couple A and B would require deep changes in lifestyle, starting with place where to live and - by extension - quality of education for their kids.

Marriage, kids, finances are very important decisions that should not be taken lightly.

silwr · 2020-01-23T20:58:56+00:00

I could afford it and would actually prefer it, but I can't get a girl.

Barely-moral · 2020-01-23T20:39:02+00:00

I will not ignore the fact that very few men are able to support a stay at home wife and kids.

Yes, marriage is a risk in those situations. That is one of the reasons I oppose marriage.

I do make enough. I do support miss moral so she can stay at home. She can work if she wants to, she just doesn't want to and I get it, I would choose the SAH lifestyle if it was available to me. It isn't, so I might as well give her what I can't get. I will not have children because I don't know if I would be able to love them and I will not play dice with an innocent's childhood. I could support a child or two, it isn't about the money.

monkey7247 · 2020-01-23T20:59:04+00:00

I have a stay-at-home wife. I’m an MD. When we first got together, she worked as well. I presented the idea of her stopping work to handle all of the kid/household stuff because it was becoming very difficult to juggle with us both working. She was reluctant at first, but our lives are much better balanced now.

2020-01-23T20:55:28+00:00

[removed]

HondaCrv2010 · 2020-01-23T21:59:27+00:00

I raise a family of 3 on 91k. We have to budget but it works

abqkat · 2020-01-23T23:37:44+00:00

My husband supports us both and we do fine. We're not as lavish as when I was working too, but we still go out a lot, drink the good wine and go on a few trips a year.

When I was working I was making maybe 2/3 of his salary and we were doing very well, but we both decided I'd take some time off to work on other things. We don't have kids but I have a full schedule of other pursuits and do 100% of the cooking/cleaning, so it's not like I'm sitting around on the couch.

md8716 · 2020-01-24T00:46:25+00:00

I make about 250k a year, live by the coast in a HCOL, and my wife stays home with our 2 kids.

It's not that hard....just go make a lot of money haha.

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dylang92 · 2020-01-23T20:58:24+00:00

In this day and age, unless you’re clearly make above $150,000/year and live in a cheap place with absolutely no debt, not as many as people would like to think.

diffdedbed · 2020-01-23T21:18:38+00:00

My wife became a SAHM after kids and that was planned by us.

I can easily afford it but even if I couldn't I'd still try because I think its best for the kids.

The issue is the term "afford" as in "I can do all the hobbies and trips I want and buy things on a whim" afford vrs "I can take staycations and look for sale items." afford.

Most people have no idea what life was like in the 70's or even 80's in terms of average lifestyle and think that they are somehow worse off now.

MarTweFah · 2020-01-24T13:47:13+00:00

I wouldn't encourage any woman to agree to that. Unless that guy had 8 figures in the bank and literally puts you in mansions.

You never wanna leave yourself in the hands of men, especially one who makes 6 figures and believes he's set. Look at how the talk about "Yes I would take care of them" yet in other threads are quick to call women "whores and sluts" who hit the hill after 30. In their heads, they're all Leonardo DiCarprio, who will just trade in their women when they get tired of them.

jayval90 · 2020-01-24T14:09:48+00:00

The question isn't one of affording it. The question is whether the wife is ok with the opportunity cost to our lifestyle of staying at home.

I'm a software consultant. I make plenty. However if she works, we might upgrade from a midrange hotel suite on our vacations to a higher-end one. Maybe we can buy the next model better TV. Perhaps the nic-naks around the house are just a little bit more expensive. Maybe we can afford a slightly higher mortgage payment on a slightly nicer house.

This whole "I need 2 incomes where my parents only needed one to survive!" is total bullshit. It's not a question of survival, but of contentment.

I value contentment and austerity in a woman, and I am a bit that way myself. That's why we're going to be able to "afford" it. Not because of how much I make.

churnthrowaway123456 · 2020-01-23T21:23:00+00:00

Be brutally honest, men. Do you even make enough money to afford to have a wife stay home and even raise kids at home?

Yes, but not necessarily living the lifestyle that I want to live. I hoping to get there by my mid-30s.

throwawayhouseissue1 · 2020-01-23T23:20:26+00:00

I live in the midwest, earn ~100k, and have good benefits. I think I could afford it, but I do have student loan debt that kinda sucks. That is the #1 reason I haven't bought a house

CentralAdmin · 2020-01-24T02:42:59+00:00

I do. And she wants to be a stay at home mom, or at least only work part time. We discussed it before we even got married but because we started with very little we both had to work first but that will end soon. We can live comfortably off my salary alone but she's willing to work again if we need the extra money.

The wife is also an amazing cook and wants to be a homemaker. I don't mind doing the work while she's at home.

DraconianDebate · 2020-01-24T03:16:35+00:00

I'm 28 years old and my wife is a stay at home mom taking care of our 5 month old son. Before he was born she worked full time as a CNA and our plan is for her to eventually go back to work at least part time once our kids start school.

We live within our means and have paid off almost all our debt, we plan to buy a house on a 15 year in December but otherwise we are avoiding debt like the plague. With my $65k/year income we are able to live very comfortably here in Massachusetts, but part of that is because we live modestly and dont try to do flashy things. Right now we only have one car, saving up for a second beater that my wife can use instead of needing to take my commuter. We also have some of her family that are living with us, who pay rent. We could still swing it without them but it would cut into a lot of our free income.

That said I only work around 40 hours a week, maybe a few hours of overtime but that's it. I also have a long commute (1-1.5 hours) but I work from home two days a week so it balances out.

If we didn't have her family living with us I would probably work another 10-15 hours a week doing a side job, which I have done in the past. Compared to my Grandfather who worked a day job as a school counselor and a second full time night job as a machinist - I consider myself blessed. Especially considering my future earning potential over the next five to ten years.

zaneymcfucksmith · 2020-01-24T07:16:22+00:00

My fiance (soon to be wife) stays at home.

How can I afford not to?

She is the best woman I have ever met. She runs the house while I'm away, and while I'm at home.

The amount of stress saved, by having her take care of the kids, the groceries, the house, everything, is just priceless.

This woman is worth more than any "paycheque" she could ever bring in is, and she's an educated professional.

I'm so glad that she has made our lives infinitely easier, better, and more together.

She's the perfect wife. End of story.

new_painter · 2020-01-24T16:21:59+00:00

I’m a stay-at-home dad while my wife works full time. I do work a little bit; I put in about 48 hours every two weeks working overnight and my job is so slack that I spend most of the time just working on my hobbies while I’m there.

My wife wasn’t interested in doing a lot of the typical motherly stuff and loves her job; I on the other hand love taking care of our son and have a background that provides me with a lot of functional experience for it.

Prior to being a stay-at-home dad I had a very well paying career and have always been very frugal with major purchases (cars, houses, vacations, etc...) so I still have substantial savings from that.

Outside of raising our son I also spend a lot of time renovating our house and upgrading our property. We are both happy with the arrangement and although I make less income I work many more hours per week than her and we feel like our team dynamic works great.

pangolin001 · 2020-01-24T17:00:50+00:00

Of course I make enough to have a SAHM, if she doesn't need much. That's a big problem today. Cable and internet and cell phones and big screen TVs and leasing cars and eating out and vacations and clothes. If people don't get a dopamine kick every couple days they are miserable.

We get 'dope sick' so easy after so much exposure. Nothing thrills anyone anymore. It's all been done. There's nothing left except to look at the rich and dream about having their experiences.

mechanical_elves · 2020-01-23T21:32:29+00:00

Yes, and it doesn't take much. My friend works as a car salesman and makes barely $3k/mo, his wife doesn't work and they have a kid. But his wife is also not a money leech, she drives a shitty car, hardly ever buys herself anything, doesn't eat out often. Most of the money goes towards rent, food and raising the child and they do fine.

What's expensive is maintaining the lifestyle your stay-at-home wife feels she has a right to have.

StopTheIncels · 2020-01-24T00:05:20+00:00

Yes. I actually found out this recently at this past christmas dinner. My aunt, who is a lawyer, is the ONLY one out of her girlfriends (7-10) that has been able to maintain her high earning career while still being able to have children and a family. All of her girlfriends quit and/or SEVERELY (as in work part time/volunteer only) cut back their careers in order to be a more involved or stay-at-home mother/wife. And they live in a pretty high CoL coastal city. Like others said, I don't make enough now at my current career stage/life. I plan on having a similar situation to my Aunt's friends' examples.

leftajar · 2020-01-24T02:12:38+00:00

It's not as expensive as people think.

If you actually run the math, there are a ton of extra costs that come with having the wife work:

2nd set of work clothes ($)
2nd car ($$)
daycare for kids ($$$)
housekeeper/au pair ($$)
tutor(s) ($$)
Marriage tax penalty ($$)

You add all this up, a woman working for "$80,000" might clear only $30-40k. And at the cost of a weak marriage bond, weak parent-child bonds, and a harried, un-fun home life.

joesmithasdf · 2020-01-24T02:26:25+00:00

It depends on what the stay at home partner actually does. They can add a lot of value and savings if they work hard at home, but can also be lazy potatoes that make the LTR a drain.

lettheflamedie · 2020-01-24T04:33:47+00:00

Millennial here. I make enough for a wife and three kids.

Bachelors in Philosophy. Now in business. $90k before bonus. In a major American city. Own a townhouse. Pay both of our student loans. A car note. Etc. etc.

We don’t live extravagantly. But we are happy. I’d like a small deck, though. Only about 80 square feet. Ground level even! Can’t afford it. But. Oh well. Other things are more pressing.

Typo.

Scartxx · 2020-01-24T05:53:56+00:00

This is me. I'm 44, wife at home. Been like this for years - works great for us. No kids. Money is o.k. I don't have expensive tastes but I can buy whatever I want. She does lots of stuff, research, hobbies, domestic, etc. I work enough to pay the bills and feed us.

It's not that tough, I couldn't do it if we had any kids. It would also be impossible if the wife had expensive tastes, wanted a second car, or racked up CC debt.

I can see that it plays into my mindset that I can take care of my family, that's a big ego thing. My wife doesn't have to work. Not judging anyone. I like to know where she is. If I call home she'll answer. I go home at lunch, she'll make me some food. I can have items delivered - porch pirates beware. Someone is always with my pets, I feel safer having her there.

This situation fulfills my self image, creates jealousy in all around us, and makes both of us feel warm and fuzzy inside.

It's a win win. Who knows what might happen in the future, I try to stay flexible. If things really went south, no one would walk away happy. We both know this as fact.

SirNemesis · 2020-01-24T08:37:22+00:00

>Do you even make enough money to afford to have a wife stay home and even raise kids at home?

Yes.

CapitalMM · 2020-01-24T14:28:22+00:00

Wife is stay at home. Been through school, manor surgery and almost have enough for house. We had a child early so she stopped working and now we have 3 with youngest being 5 months. I am still in school but working full time. For school clarity, i took my BBA and now in CPA school (accounting).

She sews and brings a few hundred a month in.

irlrllynice · 2020-01-24T15:50:52+00:00

I’m a woman who would benefit greatly from a stay at home husband. I pay a got dam McMansion mortgage to a nanny, plus a cleaner and someone to wash the clothes, etc etc.

But I’d rather marry someone who would be happy if I work 2 days a week. Because having two full time jobs (one of which is like omg the hardest most literally life changing one) is really hard.

basicallycharlieday · 2020-01-24T18:47:40+00:00

My wife and I were both restaurant managers. I herniated two discs in my lower back about 4 months ago, so I decided I was going back to school. When I started applying for jobs, my loving wife told me she will just take care of everything and that I should focus on my degree. She makes good, not great money, and we bought a modest house. So far she has been able to pay all of our bills, and we have a little extra money to spend on the side. Before I was in school, I was a stay at home husband (we don't have kids) for 3 months. I will tell you, I very greatly appreciate stay at home parents now. It's not all it is cracked up to be, especially if you are living on a tight budget. Very little social interaction. All of the chores are yours. It's tougher than you think.

toddfan420 · 2020-01-24T19:47:20+00:00

I make around the national average and my wife is a SAHM+Homeschool. And it's freakin awesome.

We can't afford to buy a lot. But that's literally the only downside.

The most important thing is having her home with the kid. We love how she is turning out. And there's so much love in the house. Very different from sending them away to get a one size fits all 12 year cram session, government sanctioned morality, and peer-orientation complex.

The economy is kinda messed up for Americans. The advent of the required duel income is basically a flex on would-be parents. Somebody wants us to not have kids.

We shouldn't let this current turbulent time in history scare us into ending our family lines en masse. That can't be the answer.

2020-01-24T22:55:10+00:00

Let wife go to work

Use extra money to buy a nanny/housekeeper

Wife doesnt become frau frumpy mcfrumperson and legs dont snap shut after 8374 hours watching kids + cleaning + cooking

Live happily ever after

darudeboysandstorm · 2020-01-23T20:41:32+00:00

Income happiness peaks at about 70k. So for 2 people the man needs 140k.

Obviously you can do it for a lot less but then you lose new cars and vacations and etc.

Texastentialism · 2020-01-23T21:13:43+00:00

(Ok the flair says q4men but OP also says "Ladies feel free to answer too. :)" so plz don't delete mods!)

I think it depends on what you mean by "afford." My meth head brother-in-law and his wife have three kids and live off disability checks, food stamps and handouts from family, neither one has had a steady job in years. They can "afford" it but they live in squalor in a trailer behind her parents' house, neither of them have a car, their kids will go to terrible schools and in all likelihood their son will get involved in drugs/gangs/other unseemly activities and be arrested by the time he's 21.

I grew up in a fundie church where most women didn't work outside the home and most kids were homeschooled. These families did okay, they were surviving, but they didn't have many (if any) luxuries, didn't take vacations, didn't buy new clothes, lived in small houses, sometimes had to rely on help from the church to make ends meet, etc. And I seriously doubt they were putting much if any money aside for retirement or emergencies.

So really the question isn't how many men can afford it because almost anyone can afford it if they're okay with the resulting quality of life, which for a lot of families is not great. The question is how many people would be happy with the quality of life that comes with raising kids on a single income.

NisKrickles · 2020-01-23T22:26:14+00:00

I afford a stay-at-home wife. I'm a patent attorney--have been one for about 20 years. I'm Gen X and my wife is Millennial.

My wife stays at home and raises young children. She cooks and cleans and shops. I wouldn't have it any other way. I love the traditional life.

2020-01-23T23:47:52+00:00

I think there are two scenarios here: 1) can you afford a stay at home wife if there are no kids and 2) with kids

Without kids you’re basically paying for someone’s food, which can be as little as a few 100 a month. So, in theory anyone who can afford to feed and house themselves probably can afford a stay at home wife. Things like clothes, travel, jewelry etc are not requirements for “supporting” someone.

With kids, you do have a lot more expenses because you need to pay for stuff for the kids, but the trade off comes in as to whether you can find affordable help that doesn’t eat up the entire salary of the wife (since we are debating the viability of the wife staying at home in this case). I know a lot of couples where the cost of the wife working was very similar to the cost of the wife staying at home.... and when you have young kids it is usually more exhausting to work and take care of them at night, weekends, etc.

So I think the question of affordability is not really the right one to be asking

OddButton6 · 2020-01-24T11:29:28+00:00

I do not earn enough despite making close to 6 figures in my twenties. I'll earn more. Still won't be enough. This is because I want to travel. I want to own a home. I don't want that home to be in the middle of nowhere, or somewhere boring (if women are okay twiddling their thumbs somewhere in the midwest, good for them... it aint me). Eventually, I want children. There is no way in hell I'd be willing to support a stay-at-home partner. These days it's not realistic, and I'm skeptical about some of the comments here. How is it that so many people in this sub are so rich? Fact is a lot of men say they want a housewife but they cannot afford it. It's just lip service.

I would also never be a housewife myself. Doing so is not worth it in my opinion. You become financially dependent on someone else. That is like putting all your eggs in one basket. What if the relationship goes south? It's you who will be at the disadvantage, having zero career capital. All you can do is try desperately to either build a career late in the game, or find someone else who will pay your bills. Yeah, good luck.

I've made lifelong friends through work. I've built up my confidence in so many ways. I can finally afford the things I want to do, and I get to decide what to do with my money. I don't need permission. If I did, I'd feel like a child. It's not perfect, but if I had to stay at home I know I'd get cabin fever. I hate cleaning. I hate doing laundry. It's so monotonous. There is no mental stimulation involved. There is nothing fulfilling about it, and nothing you say can convince me otherwise. RP men need to stop pretending they know what's best for people they don't even know.

LotBuilder · 2020-01-23T22:33:00+00:00

I had a stay at home wife, a weekly maid service, fluff and fold laundry service, a nanny (full time in summer, PT during school year), Hello fresh/blue apron/etc. and it still wasn’t enough to keep her from complaining.

Sel_Therapy · 2020-01-23T21:07:19+00:00

I'm close to making enough for my wife to stay home and still enjoy spending/saving the way do. I don't think it would be a good idea though and neither does she. So she is looking for a part time job now and will only work full time if it's something she will enjoy. My goal has always been to make enough to cover her salary and us live comfortably and travel when we want. She wasn't always ok with that but as I've started to make more money she's ok with part time. She then wants to focus on her hobbies that will actually make her money online. She is a very smart, resourceful, highly motivated woman. The best kind of wife and partner.

wigglyshark · 2020-01-23T22:55:54+00:00

I stay at home with our two girls, both under two years old. I worked a ton during the beginning of our relationship so that my husband could focus on getting his degree instead of having to juggle his demanding course load and a job. I didn’t return to work because the both of us preferred that I stay home instead of sending them to daycare, which is insanely expensive where we live anyways.

He makes double the average income for our state, but there is a high cost of living here. No student loan debt. We live in a home that is small enough to keep our tax bill pretty low and has all of the nice touches we want. We don’t go out to eat nearly as much anymore, especially since we have young kids, but we can afford good healthy groceries. Neither of us spend as much money on our hobbies as we used to, that money has been pretty much redirected to the kids haha. We’re comfortable and are able to do nice things for us or with the girls, but we’re also committed to putting money away for their college funds and for his retirement, so we try to live within our means.

retal1ator · 2020-01-23T23:16:45+00:00

Do you even make enough money to afford to have a wife stay home and even raise kids at home?

It's a tricky question. Would I be able to support a family, providing shelter, food, clothing, etc...? Yes. Would I be able to support a family with a modern two-vacations-a-year-and-fancy-consumer-stuff lifestyle? No.

Or realistically would your spouse need to have a job as well?

Need? Yeah, if she wants us to have a modern consumeristic lifestyle, she needs to work.

Theoretically I could manage to support other people - it would require us to focus a lot on saving and cutting out everything unnecessary. The point is, I don't think a modern woman would accept that. Modern people in general are so wasteful with money, in theory you can life off relatively low incomes IF you don't have expensive habits. In that scenario, she would eventually grow resentful that she can't go on vacation or spend money for frivolous things each month.

I could perhaps find a wife from a third world county and give her a better lifestyle than what she is accustomed to. Do I want to do that? No.

Initially it could work because for her it would be an improvement over her previous living standards, but I don't want that because I know it would end up with her realizing there are men richer than me and resent me for it / constantly ask for more. I believe that women who expect to be supported financially are, subconsciously, quite entitled.

I don't want a SAHM because I would fear having to support her for life. I would love to have a stay at home wife, but since the obligations in case of divorce would be enormous, consequently I just consider the whole thing as a silly fantasy.

killacamron93 · 2020-01-23T23:26:59+00:00

Even though I know I don’t, being able to afford a stay at home wife it’s mostly based on where you live. The higher the cost of living the less likely it’s gonna be. I live near Chicago where any apartment under $2k a month is a high crime area. Also in places where it’s cheap to live a lot of women have the opportunity to stay at home but they don’t want to live there because there’s nothing to do. Would you rather live in Chicago or some random part of Illinois no ones heard of?

2020-01-24T00:17:12+00:00

I make an average salary and my wife makes a bit less than me. If she has to quit then yes I think it would be doable, although obviously we wouldn't have as much money to play with as now. However, where we live there are support mechanisms to act as a safety net. Moreover, some of my friends here have had SAHWives as they claim it makes more sense overall with all the child care and so on involved.

My wife has always said she wants to work though and I can see she wouldn't enjoy staying at home all the time. I'd be fine if she wanted to (I'd love a break from 50/50 housework too hahaha) when we have kids but I think it would be only until we get the kid into a day care. She wants her working life.

NaturalQueer · 2020-01-24T00:32:33+00:00

I have no desire really to be a stay at home wife, I feel like I would melt into a blob. I am in school and I am excited to work, if I got a high enough paying job maybe my husband would stay home. Even then I like things to be split more evenly between me and my partner, both work and both have house responsibilities. Though I cook and clean more and he fixes things more we still both do a little of everything like he cooks when I am to tired and our whole smart home is set up and maintained by me, I prefer it that way though with kids I can see the benefits of having a stay at home parent I don’t think I’d want it but the benefits can be amazing.

whoareyou31 · 2020-01-24T01:02:48+00:00

Im 26 and make enough to have two stay at home wives, but I dont think that’s healthy. I think my SO should have a part time job in a career of her choosing. What would a SAH wife do all day? She get bored and have no friends. Thats what i imagine life as a SAH is at least.

This-is-BS · 2020-01-24T01:07:03+00:00

I have one, but I can't really afford that.

Can we get some sauce to go with that women are more often breadwinners bit?

G77R23D · 2020-01-24T01:22:15+00:00

Yes. I make a little over 135 a year and I'm 30.

DaphneDK42 · 2020-01-24T02:48:39+00:00

I've had two Stay At Home Wives so far. The first was in high school, then a year off, and then university. So she also worked, just didn't earn any money. I earned tons of money during this period, and we never had a problem money-wise. We also had two kids.

I'm on the she second SAHM, and currently earn less than a single US lower middle class income. But I'm self-employed and free to work when and where I want, so since I don't care about money the lifestyle is much better than before. I also live in SE-Asia where a US lower middle class income is quite fine. Although, there were periods a few years ago where we didn't have money even for food. We also have a child, and more on the way. And now the company is doing much better, might be having our big break on the US market.

Soylent_X · 2020-01-24T04:31:46+00:00

There are more women than men in the workforce and in college.

Logdog1987 · 2020-01-24T05:05:40+00:00

I could easily. Won’t ever get married tho at this stage in my life and what I’ve witnessed. I’ve come to terms and am honestly quite happy with it. Modern women eventually make me want to eat a bullet. I wish all other men best of luck however and everyone find what they are looking for.

I-wanna-GO-FAST · 2020-01-24T05:14:07+00:00

Do you even make enough money to afford to have a wife stay home and even raise kids at home?

Yes, but I don't want kids, and I don't think a woman should be entitled to half my shit if she decides to leave me just because she fucks me and maybe cooks and cleans for me a little.

Would I like to have a girlfriend who takes care of housework while I take care of finances? Sure. But I don't think any guy with his head screwed on straight would think it's worth it to get married to have that.

currently women are more often the breadwinners in households

This is horseshit, unless maybe you're counting some misleading stat that includes single mothers. Only around 30% of wives earn more than their husbands in the US.

majani · 2020-01-24T05:33:14+00:00

From my parents' experience, it's good for the man to be able to support the entire household, but the woman should always hold on to a level of employment where she can at least support herself. Autonomy is a human need. Once the husband starts saying no to some of the wife's requests that he disagrees with, it's gonna be severely mentally draining to be held back by that.

decoy88 · 2020-01-24T07:11:08+00:00

Shiiiiiit, I can’t even afford a house, let alone SAHW.

I’m not the popular “UMC” everyone here claims to be though. Also dwelling in the most expensive city in the country.

2020-01-24T09:52:20+00:00

My mother has always had mental health issues and over works. She does all the house work, does all the childcare and even ran around for another man's 3 teenage sons at one point. On top of that she's always worked part time in the customer service sector.

She had a string of low paying jobs and I could just see her mental health deteriorating. Her husband earns very good money (has a fishing boat) and always asked her to quit and let him be the breadwinner. I also convinced her to quit and take the time to find something better.

She quit two years ago and she isn't going back. All the kids have moved out and and she doe's all the chores, all their dinners and looks after the dogs (which are like kids to them)

I think nurturing is in her blood, it's what she was born for and what she thrives. Its definitely not for me, but I think everyone should strive to do what makes them happy.

cresentchild · 2020-01-24T10:14:39+00:00

More often than most, people like to think of themselves or the “connection” before the mental health of the children, I’m definitely for the traditional parenting way of both parents having to take on traditional roles for the child to grow up in a healthy environment, it doesn’t really matter who’s the breadwinner in the family, before taking on the responsibility of even thinking of having kids, I believe the couple should have sorted their finances and future plans/savings already and whoever have took on the responsibility to be the main income in the family should man/women up and perform their duties to provide for everyone, without whining about the other person’s income being not enough or them being “a couch creature”, especially when the other person is handling the duty of raising the kids alone, since the duties and responsibilities have already/should been determined from the start.

Theendisnearornot · 2020-01-24T10:52:10+00:00

My husband can. I choose to work part time to contribute, but we were one income for a very long time.

Blue_Andre · 2020-01-24T11:08:34+00:00

That’s how it’s always been. Or she helped with the business at home. Now if you’re a wage/city peasant... that may be a different story. Move somewhere cheaper and/or get a higher paying job and/or become self-sufficient (farmer). There are many possibilities. Women are looking for excuses to be independent. If a man is well paid he can even be polygamous. It’s not that hard. Taking care of children and cleaning the house is a full time job.

Thetrvler · 2020-01-24T11:26:00+00:00

I prefer the woman to work a part time job just to keep her busy with something. I can afford a stay at home wife but I don’t want all of her focus on the home until she has babies.

2020-01-24T11:48:24+00:00

I never could make make enough to take care of a family but that was on purpose because I did not want to get married.

CrossfadeAMV · 2020-01-24T12:06:31+00:00

Yup. I am working in area between law and IT. I cannot complain when it comes to my income. But as a result, I mostly meet career women which are polar opposite of what you describe here.

Edit: To be clear, there are smart and nice to talk with. I would just not take her home.

f0e_paw · 2020-01-24T12:26:58+00:00

I can, but I won't because women are "equal". 🤷🏽‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️

shellstains · 2020-01-24T13:21:45+00:00

You can be "hilariously mediocre" and still be successful. I have a job coming up moving some artifacts in a museum on Catalina island and getting paid $400/day for doing it. We got paid $2400 to spray a space man at Coachella that took us about 7 hours total. We got paid $300 to spray a box on Lady Gagas state white. You get the idea..

Jobs like this exist and artists are doing them, you just don't realize it. There are entire housing communities built just for working artists who are getting paid. 2 I frequent are the Brewery in Los Angeles and the Artists Village in Santa Ana. Trust me, there are A LOT of us out there. Not an "extreme minority"

Just because you ate a shit sandwich and hate your job, doesn't mean everyone does. That's just your perception because that is your frame of reference so you think most people around you are miserable.

parcsceaux · 2020-01-24T14:34:25+00:00

Is $5k net monthly salary enough for a family of 5? I know you will be saying “that depends, there a lot of factors etc“ my main question is: can that family survive monthly? Sorry for this stupid question. Thanks

SkiLuvinAdmin · 2020-01-24T15:04:43+00:00

I pretty much can't afford i, but its what I have. Kids just aren't old enough to be trusted to be responsible when left alone. Another year or 2 and maybe we are there and she can get something part time which would help financially. We aren't "poor" but we don't have any real savings either.

Its rough, but kids.

Nofapfitness · 2020-01-24T15:36:35+00:00

Honestly stay at home wife’s don’t really have a comfortable place in todays economy. I know if I got married I’d want my wife to have a Job of some sort. But if you can afford it and that’s what you want, you do you.

MajIssuesCaptObvious · 2020-01-24T15:48:55+00:00

My mindset is based in modern times not traditionalism, so no, I wouldn't support anyone unless it's to raise kids until they are school age.

I make great money in STEM plus real estate investments, but I strongly believe in autonomy just in case there's a break up or death. I want to feel safe that my hypothetical partner would be ok and self sustaining even if we split up.

FlipperN37 · 2020-01-24T16:57:15+00:00

During the first few months of my relationship, I was in a pretty bad place. Struggling with depression etc. During that time my girlfriend worked full time and gave me time and room to work on my own problems.

When I got better, I got myself a job and for some time, we were living that double income life.

Some time later my girlfriend had a work related accident and has been struggling to maintain a job eversince due to her (albeit mild) head trauma she got from that accident (stress gives her crazy headaches/dizziness for instance).

She feels bad that I'm paying all the bills by myself, but I love my job, I love her and honestly, I'm just returning the favor.

I make enough to pay the bills, do nice things every now and then (fancy restaurant/cinema etc) and can still save enough for vacations or when things break down.

2020-01-24T19:02:59+00:00

I am still at school and I save more than half of my actual income, guess in few years it wouldnt be a problem but fuck that.

a1blank · 2020-01-24T19:20:13+00:00

We're in our very late 20s in a medium-large coast city, actively buying a house, no kids. Our income ratio is 4:1 so if she stopped working, we'd feel it but we wouldn't really have to sacrifice much to make it work. I anticipate a raise that would make up the difference within the next year.

We've been talking about it recently. We haven't decided if we want kids but right now, we're leaning towards sometime in the next 5-10 years. She's not very happy at work but that's mostly because of crappy, inconsistent, long schedules that sometimes involve Saturday shifts and much less PTO than I get. We've been looking at work opportunities for her that would double her salary and give her better benefits. Probably involve a sacrifice of interest in work for her, though.

We sometimes talk about how work should strike a balance between three aspects: self-fulfillment/satisfaction, pay, ability to do non-work stuff. Right now her pay and ability to do non-work stuff is poor so the fact her satisfaction has been dropping is a concern and caused us to think about if there's enough value from her job to be worth the negatives. We're still working that out.

Pe_aka · 2020-01-24T19:21:02+00:00

When I met my wife, she made 90k a year and I made 30k. Eventually we had children, and in the mean time my income more than doubled hers. We both realized it was worth more in every way for her to raise our children full time. We both consider it a luxury in this day and age. The cost of child care alone is 1400$ per month per child!

HighAfBullfrog · 2020-01-24T23:03:37+00:00

The reason you've got to be well off or willing to seriously cut your standards of living in order to afford a house wife is that there's been a snowball effect on wages in the 60's and 70's.

As more and more women entered the workforce, demand stayed constant, of course, but the supply of labour increased, thus reducing wages.

Reversing feminization of the workplace is possible, but it would require the removal of title IX courts and quota hire, then people's dogmatic confidence in gender equality should be shaken up, and it would cause a temporary painful situation where it would be more difficult to make ends meet. Until wages catch up the change in supply, that is.

grand_tiremaster · 2020-01-26T10:48:44+00:00

I live in the country, redneck land, and lots of households out here have SAHM’s. Some are military— military, despite not being rich, can afford a SAHM due to the govt giving them extra goodies for marrying. Some are men working for the local mines, some do trade work, some work on planes, are engineers, etc. These people are NOT rich and they have SAHM’s with 2-3 kids. Mind you they must be more conscious of their spending, their kids get hand-me-downs, they budget, etc. They’re not going to be buying a brand new tesla anytime soon but are completely fine with their diesel truck.

I think people in the metropolitan areas are the ones that struggle to have a SAHM, and these are the people that say you have to be UMC to afford it. Yea cause your rent is through the roof and doritos cost $7 for you guys. It’s much easier here in the country.

figyg · 2020-01-29T02:13:07+00:00

My brother and I both make roughly the same salary. His wife stays home and raises the 3 kids, who I love to bits.

I use that income to pad my retirement and travel the world.

So can I? Yes. Would I? It would have to be a very special lady

Marketing_Baboon · 2020-01-23T20:44:47+00:00

I could definitely afford it, not a problem, there'd be no reason to though. It's all downside. In this economy the extra income would be really nice. I also don't plan on getting fleeced in a potential divorce because my wife never developed a career and needs an insane amount of spousal support. Don't get me wrong, I'm ultra-traditional, on paper a stay at home wife would be great, but it's not compatible with modern economy and outdated divorce laws.

Edit:

Shouldn’t women be more worried about alimony and such than men?

No, because even though the laws are gender neutral the arbiters of the law are not. Men still pay 90% of alimony despite falling behind in breadwinnership.

wub1234 · 2020-01-23T20:48:49+00:00

I could do this (except I don't see any point in getting married), and I would be happy to do it.

I'm paying for my house and paying my bills anyway. I've achieved all of my career ambitions, except to push my writing as far as it can go and write as many books, and work on as many interesting projects, as I possibly can.

It would make very little difference, except that I'd welcome someone cooking me a meal and doing a bit of housework, and I'd be able to more fully concentrate on my writing.

If she wanted to a get a part-time job and make a household contribution, and have some independence then that would be fine, but in principle there's no reason that I couldn't have a stay at home partner, except the fact that I work from home would probably mean that it would be advisable to get out and about sometimes.

I wouldn't take it for granted. My friend always says that I'm a pleasure to cook for because I'm really appreciative. And I'm always very personable and friendly towards my cleaner.

I pretty much offered this as an option to the woman I dated most recently, but she didn't want to do it.

darudeboysandstorm · 2020-01-23T21:07:34+00:00

If I lived in Montana easy, TBH I personally dont know one millenial or gen z braud making more than her dude.

the-lone-squid · 2020-01-23T21:45:56+00:00

I could easily afford to support a wife and 2.5 kids. Not 3 tho. Most men could honestly.

People watse money. I look around my area and everyone lives in big houses. Drives new cars. Goes out to eat and coffee on the daily.

The reality about the glorious 50s is that houses were small (1000 sq ft or less). People didn't eat out everyday, and most families shared one car

jingle_hore · 2020-01-23T22:27:53+00:00

Does he make enough to do it and me stay home? Yes. But we would be scraping by and cutting coupons. Instead, I work (I make about 10k less than him) and we are VERRRRY comfortable. I think we both prefer it that way.

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-01-23T22:28:54+00:00

Currently, I cannot. Also, for ease and accuracy, let’s just call her a “dependent,” since that is what the nature of that relationship is in a nutshell.

Tiberiusaurus · 2020-01-23T23:52:05+00:00

When you figure in the cost of daycare there are a lot of families that would be a LOT better off if the wife was a stay at home Mom. Better off financially and better off for the kids.

But society looks down on it, so a lot of women go to work at the detriment of their kids and sometimes to the detriment of their finances. They fool themselves into thinking they have to work. But in SO MANY cases the amount people are paying in daycare (thousands of dollars a month in most cases) is almost as much as the second income she's earning.

reluctantly_red · 2020-01-24T01:53:03+00:00

The more important question is why would a guy want a stay at home wife?

WIA20XX · 2020-01-24T02:49:06+00:00

Yes I make enough money for that.

But I see my blue pill friends experience -
- no way I would do that to a woman.
- no way that I would date a woman who wanted to be a SAHM.

throwitaway314592654 · 2020-01-23T21:04:28+00:00

I am 40 years old (Gen Z). I’m married with a child. My wife stays at home. I live in one of the most expensive if not the most expensive area in the United States.

But I’m probably a rare case. It is getting harder and harder.

I have had an affair with a married woman who was “promised” by her husband that she would be able to be a stay at home mom before marriage and her husband ended up losing motivation and now she’s the breadwinner and he’s the stay at home dad. The bitterness is real and will drive a woman to stray.

So my advice is unless you are ready to work hard and show your woman you are willing to do whatever it is you can to give her the best life you can, she shouldn’t have to reciprocate.

Aaren_Augustine · 2020-01-23T20:44:20+00:00

A lot of men. I know I set everything up for my wife to stay at home. Got a house that could be afforded on one paycheck. Yes, that includes expenses for everyone involved and putting a little away every month.

Now, my wife and I work in the government so we get a discounted child care that's only a house payment for our three kids. I hear regular commercial daycares are MUCH more expensive.

So could I afford it? Yes. It'd be tight but not that big of an issue given how expensive daycare is. But I'm glad women got out from underneath the heel of men. Now you can be a working stiff too and bring home an extra paycheck that pays for all my hobbies and campers and trucks and guns and...It does make women more expendable though, so as long as women are fine with it then cool.

MuleFool42 · 2020-01-23T21:13:42+00:00

"How many men can afford a wife?" FIFY :)

wtknight · 2020-01-23T21:41:10+00:00

It does not cost much to have a stay at home wife as long as their are no children. Children are really the big expense.

Redslif · 2020-01-23T22:08:32+00:00

Be brutally honest, men. Do you even make enough money to afford to have a wife stay home and even raise kids at home?

I do. In fact, i can afford to have multiple familes with the wives staying home.

Or realistically would your spouse need to have a job as well?

This is the tough part for me that i'm trying to decide. If i had figured this out, i'd be married to my girlfriend by now.

Ideally, i'd want my wife to stay at home and raise the kids since i believe it's by far the best thing you can do for your children's well-being. But, in the event of a divorce, having a stay at home wife exponentially increases the financial penalties on my part.

The courts see it as the wife sacrificing her career and hence i'll have to pick up the tab on it after the divorce.

TheColdestHand · 2020-01-23T22:16:53+00:00

Not a lot. Why anyone would want to do that is beyond me.

MrHerbSherman · 2020-01-23T22:28:39+00:00

Also, currently women are more often the breadwinners in households,

I don’t believe that for a second, you’re telling me it’s more common for a woman to support a man than a man to support a woman? Based on what?! Ime it’s extremely rare that a woman makes enough money to support a man, and those sorts of women generally look for men MORE ACCOMPLISHED than themselves not less so

somethingnewandweird · 2020-01-23T22:58:00+00:00

I could afford it, but whether I would choose to depends on the situation. I have no SO, which makes it all moot, and I'm not happy with the idea of supporting a leech. So, it's not a financial requirement that they would need to have a job, but a relationship requirement. FYIW, I'm gen z.

PapaPinyun · 2020-01-23T23:05:24+00:00

if she didn't ever want to go anywhere or smoke 5 bowls a day, I think I could, but, not in any way that maintains our lifestyle. lol so? "brutally honest!" Why are you wording it like it's some kinda scandal or failure to be alive in a given economic system?

darksoldierk · 2020-01-24T01:33:17+00:00

Women don't have to worry about alimony because as soon as more and more women are eligible to pay it, the law will the say the idea of "alimony" is outdated and reverse the entire thing. Don't forget, in our society, men are responsible for themselves, but "society" is responsible of taking care of women.

> Personally I know couples where the man or the woman doesn’t work. Unless kids are involved it’s my opinion that it’s best for both to earn an income. I also think it would be insanely stupid to marry a man or woman who does not work and doesn’t plan to work, and frankly whoever signs up for this should be aware that alimony etc. could be a thing someday. That’s the risk you are taking. Don’t like it? Don’t marry a couch creature.

Except you are taking that risk either way. Don't forget, if the woman one day says "you know what, I don't want to work. You are making 130k a year, we can live without my income, I think I'll just stay home", and you, as the husband, can't prevent her from doing that. If you want a divorce, you'll probably still pay alimony.

> Be brutally honest, men. Do you even make enough money to afford to have a wife stay home and even raise kids at home?

Me? Personally? Yeah. I mean, I have a paid off condo that is large enough for a wife and at least 1 child, and I've saved enough to put at least a downpayment on a decent sized house. My income level alone is the average HOUSEHOLD income in my part of the world. In the next 10 years, I'll be doubling my employment income. And triple if you include my investment income.

Realistically speaking though, I like the idea of a stay at home wife, but practically speaking, I'm not taking the risk of alimony. That's why I refuse to get married. My plan is to continue with common law relationships and skirt the laws that push common law relationships to be treated like marriages in my part of the world.

icefire54 · 2020-01-24T02:43:23+00:00

How many men can afford a stay at home wife? Not many, with the way our economy is structured. Elizabeth Warren wrote a good book about that called "The Two Income Trap".

Most households with married couples are double income.

What about it? That doesn't mean they contribute equally. In my experience, men contribute more to the relationship even when they both earn income. And don't give me the "women do more housework" bs. "Housework" is barely work at all these days. Men do the harder things around the house like scraping the gutters, mowing the lawn, and trimming the weeds. Women's "housework" is a joke.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJGdw20pNgQ

Shouldn’t women be more worried about alimony and such than men?

lolwut? Men still pay the vast majority of alimony.

toniliene · 2020-01-24T03:05:56+00:00

Staying at home and cleaning cooking etc sucks. That being said some ppl like it more than working. I couldn't imagine staying at home and doing that. I'd stay at home if I had to do nothing sure but who wouldn't man or woman

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-01-24T05:01:34+00:00

No I don't make enough to support a sahm and kids.

And even if I had the money, equality! I want my wife to bust her balls as much as I do and I want her to be financially independent when the divorce comes

Title	How many men can afford a stay at home wife?
Author	Found_Toucan
Upvotes	97
Comments	472
Date	January 23, 2020 8:31 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/esyxem/how_many_men_can_afford_a_stay_at_home_wife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-many-men-can-afford-a-stay-at-home-wife.313794 https://theredarchive.com/post/313794

dreamwife