A reader came to us asking for advice. His post was removed because we're not really an advice subreddit. But his question was a good one, and it's one I didn't think about the answer to until I tried to answer his question.

He asked, paraphrasing, what we mean when we ask women "what do you bring to the table" or "what does a woman have to bring to the table".

My answer was: It means whatever you want it to mean. It means she needs to bring to the table whatever you want, if she is to have any kind of a relationship with you. And "whatever you want" can be literally just that: Whatever you want. Family-wise, relationally, spiritually, religiously, economically, whatever. If you want an athletic blond atheist earning $100,000 annually, then that's what she needs to be to have a relationship with you. If you want a big titted Christian brunette, well, she needs to bring dark hair, big tits, and a love of Jesus. If you want a thin dark complected Jewish woman, well, she needs to be that to have a relationship with you.

If you expect frequent sex, she needs to give that to you. if you want a stay at home mom, she needs to be that. If you need a woman who earns equally to you, then she needs to bring an equal income to the relationship. Want a mom for your kids? She needs to want kids. Want a virgin (good luck)? She needs to bring virginity. Want a chaste woman? She needs to demonstrate chastity, modesty, and demureness. Want a poly relationship (again, good luck)? She needs to be open to that lifestyle.

It means if she doesn't bring what you want, she doesn't get to have a relationship with you. Period. Full stop.

And, men, you need to make all this known and clear as crystal from the jump. If you want or need it from your woman, you need to say so, and you need to make clear "you must bring these things, or I will not have a relationship with you."

More broadly, men, we need to ask ourselves where we are as individual men when we aren't expecting a woman to be or bring anything, when we aren't expecting a woman to give us anything, and when we are not standing up for what we want. Goddamn it, if it's something you want in a relationship, or you need it, then by fucking God, she needs to bring that or be that, or she does not get to have a relationship with you. Stand up for yourselves and insist on what you want and need. Make her stand and deliver. Evaluate her HARD. Make her prove herself to you. If she isn't bringing what you want and need, then to the curb she goes.

Do not neglect your wants and needs. You were not put on this earth for the sole purpose of providing for a woman who got her back blown out on the carousel and is now looking to you to start paying the bills. You're not here to give some washed up has been the family her parents want her to have. You're not here to help redeem anyone, provide for anyone, or make excuses for anyone else's past conduct. You are here to fulfill a mission, which consists primarily of finding a way to make your mark on the world and self actualize. Being a husband is NOT a mission. Being a father is NOT a mission. They are functions.

Rest assured, my dudes: This is how she's evaluating you. She's putting you through your paces. She's checking you with the finest toothed comb there is to make sure you are bringing what she wants. And if you don't bring what she wants, you're GONE. If you did bring what she wants but stop bringing what she wants, you're GONE. If you can no longer bring what she wants, you're GONE. She's doing this to you. So you make sure you do it to her.

"What do you bring to the table" means whatever the hell you decide it means.