TL;DR: I got oneitis, changed my whole personality from Alpha to complete Beta, let my girlfriend lie about communication with other men, knowingly ignored red flags, started reading TRP, shot hamster, shined light on her lies and bounced the psycho. Feeling really great about it. Thanks Red Pill.

Just to be clear, this is a throwaway. My ex girlfriend is so invasive of my privacy, she ‘randomly’ found my reddit account... Twice. She likes to lurk and I would rather her not know anything about TRP and what it has taught me. My name is going to be slandered, but not because I care, she just doesn’t deserve any ammunition against me.

I'm 25. The Red Pill gave me my identity back and helped me take back my sanity. It cost me a possibly lethally abusive relationship with a psychotic woman and I couldn't be more happy about it.

Before November 2014, I was a fucking Alpha and embraced TRP ideologies before investing in it. Great upbringing, fit, competitive, athletic, college educated, awesome job in my field, slayed a fair amount of quality pussy, confident in my abilities as a man to my core, the whole nine yards...

I met a lady who I thought was an absolute gem, got a pathetic case of oneitis, ignored every single red flag and trashed my own personal code of ethics regarding the opposite sex. This girl I met crushed my character and personality, then molded me into a coward. I don't blame her because I let it happen, knowing that I was compromising my sense of self-respect and self-worth. I was everything the blue pill is, a white knight, self-hating pussy that tried to live up to impossible expectations.

This girl had baggage like no other that I never should have allowed her to bring to my life: Daddy issues, a mentally abusive past caused by an unpredictable psycho ex, an ungrateful attitude toward her current life and career, major signs of Borderline Personality Disorder/Narcissistic Personality Disorder and self-hatred for herself that she projected on me every step of the way. A fucking pathological liar. I was an enabler, she shredded me for over a year and a half.

Her favorite weapon was manipulation and she was a master. She built me up, then slammed me over and over. She craved control and made me pay dearly for every mistake I made, never letting me forget what I’d done wrong all the way till the end. She would violate my privacy going through my phone, she’d be jealous of any woman I had interactions with, and made sure I felt that I was lucky to be with her because of how worthless I was. Again, I don’t blame her, I let this happen to myself with my BETA behavior with the hope to bring happiness to this unhealthy relationship. I own this shit fully.

I see the truth now: My ex is a pathological, psychopathic liar. However, I allowed myself to be blind to the truth. Starting out, she left loose ends with her abusive ex boyfriend and I tried to be the man to save her because she couldn’t heal from her pain. She opened up to me about this guy and how terrible he was, always blaming him for the reason why the relationship failed. This girl claimed that she never talked to the guy and I believed her, even when I would catch him texting her. She'd just lie so many times to keep me in the dark even when I had clear evidence, I wanted to believe she was a unicorn, that she was an ethical human. Every time I raised an eye brow, she would have a melt down and manipulate me to think I was in the wrong for thinking that she was really contributing to the communication. I failed every single solitary shit test she threw my way, never once asking for proof (accessing her phone and social media accounts)out of fear of being controlling. She took full advantage and I poured the gasoline over my head.

After 8 months of believing that I was dating an incredible woman, she started to take the mask off. The verbal assaults were constant, the manipulation was off the charts, and she made me question who I was even after 24 years of being a confident and secure man. In September, the shit hit the fan and she came clean out of the blue about her communication with her ex because she felt she should tell me. I tried to hold frame, but dammit was I in shock that I’d ignored my gut and even my friends saying she was lying to me. She hamstered and hamstered why she lied to my face and let me feel horrible for questioning her rational. I went into a depression. I forgave her, but didn't forget about it until the end. Pathetic, take note here.

I questioned everything she ever said and did prior to her confession. Whenever I brought these insecurities to her attention, she threw a tantrum so bad to the point where I didn't believe I had a case for concern and I blame myself today. The bitch demanded my trust right after telling me the truth and I foolishly believed her bullshit again. However, I still wondered what was true and what she’d done right in front of my face. She had to have fucked at least one guy I know of, I let her go hangout with this friend at the bar on night in July 2015. Said she’d be there for an hour tops. Three hours went by without much communication, and then she called to tell me she was going back to his house to smoke some pot. Reluctantly, I said it was okay on grounds that he was her close friend from grade school, was not going to drink over there and would only be there for a few minutes. She was there till 3 in the morning and called me to tell me she was on here way home. The following day, I confronted her, called her out because she put a snapchat picture on her story of her drinking a beer and she denied drinking there at all. I don't need solid evidence to know what occurred, I let this shit happen to me and I don't blame her.

From TRP, I discovered ‘trickle truth’... The definition embodies this woman and the relationship I had with her.

That same month, I found some messages from another ex lover, read them and confronted her. She manipulated me like she always did, denied ever doing anything wrong, stated she hadn't talked to the guy since before we started dating, and I let it go like all the other shit because of her verbal abuse. I never once asked to see her phone fearing that I was being too controlling and needy. Bitch move on my part.

The issue was approached multiple times over the next 4 months and I still let her wiggle out of it and thought myself an idiot for asking. Last night, I presented it again because I remembered a specific event that was discussed in the messages, a sporting event the guy invited her to attend with him. At this point, I'd been reading TRP for a month or so and started to throw them back by the bottle, I began improving my frame. After crossing the boundaries of communication with other men, I'd started to throw fits like she did and let her get the absolute best of me. Before TRP, I was acting like a toddler and never had prior to this evil broad, but after my awakening, I started changing my strategy. Frame was critical in gaining an advantage and mine was immovable.

As I held frame, presented my evidence, she crumbled and threw a nuclear temper tantrum resulted in a confession. She claimed that the past was the past and we were so good now that the recent times should eclipse the mammoth lies she’d spun, she didn't know what kind of relationship she really had.. The hamster was sprinting. My ex flipped it all on me, used every manipulation technique she had, brought up my past 'mistakes' in the relationship, told me how much time she wasted on me, blamed me for her actions, denied any reconciliation and didn't own anything. This was the second time she'd lied(that I know of) about other men and communication with them. It came down to me asking her again, point blank, did she lie about her communication with this recent boundary line breach and if so, why she thought she was justified by doing so. She floundered, tears flowing, threw my shit around my living room and refused to answer the question directly. I broke up with her, demanded my keys back and held my ground while she packed her shit up.

Four months before our relationship ended, my friends and family saw what was happening, they tried to intervene and help me see the light, but I just didn't want to believe. Before breaking up with her, we were fighting almost everyday. I kept failing shit tests and gave her all the power. She owned me through her mind games and manipulation, I felt like a prisoner and a fucking weak man. Fact of the matter is, I was a weak man. It makes me sick looking back on what a person did to change who I was, I loved myself and knew my value before her.

She saw that my frame was unshaken and she panicked. I was gone and she went from apologizing for failing me(yeah, right) to blaming me to justifying her rational and then back to the 'I love you's. In the parking lot as I helped load her car with the last of her shit, she started begging. For the final time, I told her that I was breaking up with her for her dishonesty and there was nothing she could do or say to win my trust again and turned toward my apartment, she said:

"No, ______! I'm breaking up with YOU!"

I stopped to turn toward her. A switch was flipped. All I read from TRP was confirmed at this point. I laughed hysterically, told her she could twist it however she wanted, turned around and headed back up to my apartment. It was as if my life was returned, I wasn't a crazy person like she made me out to be, any feelings I had left for her were killed, and I felt good for the first time since early 2015. I held the power and she knew it. I walked away feeling like I did before choosing to be a Blue Pill mother fucker. I looked in the mirror and my mind was blown, I was right about everything I ever thought from the start.

Everything about TRP holds truth, AWALT is the motto and women will take everything from you if you let them. Lessons learned, no tears were shed, and I feel like this decision was the best one available.

I was a bitch. I don't blame her for all the mental abuse, I had the power to walk whenever. I will take this mistake, turn it into a positive and regain my sense of self. The TRP ideals are not bullshit, they are concrete. Never allow some bitch control you or change who you are. Be a god damn man, the kind you want to be and know yourself to be.

Lessons learned:

  • AWALT

  • Listen to your gut, your bullshit sensors are real.

  • Don't put the pussy on the pedestal.

  • Control your emotions and HOLD FRAME.

  • Shoot the hamster on the spot when rationalizations for bad behavior attempt to shake your frame and mindset.

  • Dread her, don't let her dread you.

  • Put your fucking foot down, set boundaries.

  • Never settle for anything unacceptable.

  • Begin LTR with the mindset to crush bad behavior before habits arise.

  • Understand the manipulative tactics women use against men to hold the power.

  • There is no unicorns, always be willing to walk away and demonstrate that you’re number one.

I’m not looking for any sympathy or sorrow, I’m not a victim, only the product of my own doings. One of the biggest things I’ve taken away from TRP is to Own Your Shit, respect will follow. I allowed myself to be turned from a talented, career driven Alpha with life goals to a big, fat, BETA BITCH in order to please a hateful and insecure woman with more issues than Playboy magazine. Unicorns aren’t real, frame is critical and vetting a decent LTR is hard as fuck. One day, you just gotta ask yourself... “What are you going to do about it?”

Yesterday was that day for me and I know I made the right choice. Learn from my story, be your own man, and be happy. Thank you Red Pill, I feel at peace with myself and have my life back.

AWALT. Better believe it.