After having let myself go all of quarantine and amidst a bad bout of depression, I made a list of things I needed to do to get back on the pretty wagon. Even if you have natural assets to build upon, the level of upkeep required to look really good is an investment. I live in the south so the pressure to be put together is on another level. I’d never even known how to curl my hair before today, but I went and bought a wand.

Whatever Chad’s girlfriend is wearing or however she does her hair, however she keeps her tan, or however white her teeth are—best get on that. It was a hard pill to swallow, but a good one.